tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-109993972024-03-14T05:10:20.278-07:00Surely JokingNothings serious... not even lifeTejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.comBlogger95125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-76981008447689934542012-09-21T20:35:00.000-07:002012-09-21T20:35:02.955-07:00father of the nation<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I switched on the TV after another hard days work. I have to work hard to earn my salary and be a good citizen and cough up for my country as tax up to 30% of my earnings – give back to my country for doing me a favor of keeping me here. I try not to waste time distracting myself by watching television, but some soaps, especially the ones that play out on Times Now, CNN IBN, NDTV 24X7 et all always seem to titillate my attention.<br />
<br />
Today, they are playing some rare footage. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh is addressing the nation. After serving the country as the prime minister, the head of all the affairs of the country for 8 long years, he is out there again, for the second time sitting motionless as always in front of the camera, wearing a fading blue turban and an even more fading monotonous voice and he is addressing us, the people of his country - the <i>aam aadmi</i>. The image is so depressing that even the tricolor on the left and Gandhiji on the right have bowed down in shame<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSa9mVLFdsKPhHLnsqPA5xsr7Bsn8K9BHiKe2S4uNb5OQA-7o2xAGceEK1VS63p66ysUFYS4rloyghfA5jrTYUWRmBShM6kk73YKllWU6zDiR3HxODZXJzv85Kganff1QgZx_v/s1600/mms.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="182" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSa9mVLFdsKPhHLnsqPA5xsr7Bsn8K9BHiKe2S4uNb5OQA-7o2xAGceEK1VS63p66ysUFYS4rloyghfA5jrTYUWRmBShM6kk73YKllWU6zDiR3HxODZXJzv85Kganff1QgZx_v/s320/mms.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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He speaks for 15 boring minutes, defending the recent hike in Diesel and LPG. He fails to understand that today, if i go out for breakfast, I have to spend 20 rupees for a plate idli. For an idli! Come on. It is steamed rice - steam and rice that are just as abundant in our country as stupidity is or criminals are. 20 fucking rupees. Its not like I get to eat it with pleasure too - have to stand rubbing shoulder with millions young city dwellers like me who have forgotten to cook food at home. Is that our mistake? Or is it the policy of the government - so that we save LPG Consumption? I am not too sure<br />
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He speaks like a father - addressing his son about a reduction on pocket money. He doesn’t understand my problems; neither does he care about them. He expects me to pay taxes on time like a good boy, follow unrealistic rules and not speak too much. For giving me the privilege of working long hours with horrible bosses, today when I have earned myself a car, he expects I pay 5 rupees more for diesel. He says - Things are bad and you are the one to suffer. Contribute to the nation. Money does not grow on trees. If you don’t pay, how will my ministers make money and drive SUVs with beacon lights?<br />
We are all one big family oh brothers and sisters he says. He expects me to think that we are all one big family and he is the head - the father of our family – the father of the nation. A depressing, incapable father of a depleting, disintegrating nation.<br />
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I wonder, if it makes MMS the father, does it make Sonia Gandhi the mother? Or step-mother? Or better still, Mother-in-law? She fits perfectly into a mother in law character I would say. She is always around, in your face, and you can’t stand the sight of her and looking for an opportunity to kill her. Not Sonia, mother-in-law.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLxTNAWpKdKEQDWkbP2PNyB0eirm9mIi2cAlHy-GgXuaWadYNXuzufCQwxCvyx7KHlpEI8UHkGEsbSRHEuqHtlED7wpUnAYEzCb8LRYPYQqCN3rYNGgV21vBLUkwGJsRn4TtU2/s1600/sonia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLxTNAWpKdKEQDWkbP2PNyB0eirm9mIi2cAlHy-GgXuaWadYNXuzufCQwxCvyx7KHlpEI8UHkGEsbSRHEuqHtlED7wpUnAYEzCb8LRYPYQqCN3rYNGgV21vBLUkwGJsRn4TtU2/s320/sonia.jpg" width="242" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjGrjool4n487Ypp_cYz7NTjdZaPw5Z52Px5A4Uc5A897Lp1nQctk8H2pid2SE3lfqcQVn9zLlJd_qBtosIGriDs2HhbQq8cYRq18z_W6GnT5MYw1TTprmFOAjFKwjevt4Si4J/s1600/rahul.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjGrjool4n487Ypp_cYz7NTjdZaPw5Z52Px5A4Uc5A897Lp1nQctk8H2pid2SE3lfqcQVn9zLlJd_qBtosIGriDs2HhbQq8cYRq18z_W6GnT5MYw1TTprmFOAjFKwjevt4Si4J/s320/rahul.jpg" width="208" /></a></div>
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In this big joke, the soap of India, in the big family of us Indians, the heir to the throne, the prince in waiting is the one to look forward to. Like they say, what you are seeing today is not the worst - the worst is yet to come - <i>Picture abhi bhaki hain mere dost</i><br />
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I have it in writing today - The day Rahul Gandhi becomes Prime Minister of India, I will move out of my country - even to Pakistan if needed<br />
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PS: Facts may not be all true - feelings are.<br />
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Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-43161312859200250762012-01-15T22:28:00.000-08:002013-04-19T21:36:27.612-07:00of downs and unders<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
BCCI rejected claims that the busy schedule of the players has anything to do the performance of the team after India lost to the Ozs in another innings defeat - the fourth one in the last seven. After selecting the one day team, Kris Srikanth with a mug of beer in his hand told press persons "The team is a perfect mix of experience and youth. There is no reason why this team should lose. It has nothing to do with the tight schedule of players. It has to do with the format of the game."<br />
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Sources inside the BCCI are suggesting that a letter is being drafted by a committee which includes 4% sub quota for people like Manmohan Singh, the mentally backward community. After research by the committee, BCCI is planning to propose the following rule changes in the Test cricket format. They believe that if the game has to survive the following changes have to be made to keep the audience interested:<br />
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When India is batting, the bowler is not allowed to bowl over 140 kmph. He will be no-balled on bowling over that speed with a warning, and three warnings and the bowler is not allowed to bowl in that innings. There can be only two slips, one slip and a gully or two gullys. No other fielder is allowed 30 meters from the bat. Catches cannot be caught in two hands. If so that will be declared as 4 runs.<br />
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Dravid cannot be out bowled, Laxman cannot be out caught behind and Dhoni and Shewag cannot be out caught anywhere. Next time Tendulkar scores a 50, it should be declared as a 100.<br />
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When India is bowling, batsman crossing 100 will be declared out. Scoring three centuries in consecutive matches will result in 2 match ban for the batsman.<br />
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There are a couple of other changes revolving around middle fingers and multiple innings for select indian batsmen still under discussion. Though there was no one to confirm of such a letter being drafted out, Team Anna has already decided to come out and fast against this in just BCCI functioning. Arvind Khejriwal has blamed Digvijay Singh for the debacle of the Indian team and Diggy in turn claims to have photographs of Dhoni in RSS colors.<br />
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When Tendulkar was asked about the ongoing series and Indies performance, he said "ay la, it is not about records. If I play like the way I am playing, I will get there someday, even if it means in another 3 years. I am not responsible for any of the recent overseas losses because I have never scored a century in any of them. It is only if I score a century that I can be blamed for India losing. I am feeling as fit as I was 20 years ago and am hungry to score more runs."<br />
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Yuvraj and Harbhajan were seen on the beaches goa at a New Years party 15 days after new year. When asked how they are coping up with being dropped from the team, bhajji performed a couple of bhangra steps screaming "maa ki, maa ki" and Yuvi swore that Deepika and him were just friends.</div>
Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-35559855537240363852011-08-12T06:00:00.000-07:002011-08-13T10:21:24.170-07:00Dependence Day<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<div>In 3 days, India completes 64 years of freedom. We will celebrate independence day of 2011 like we always did. Our prime minister will give the country a speech, a tradition that will happen for the 65th time. The flag will be hoisted and everyone gets sweets. Then everybody can go home, eat a nice lunch and catch up on an afternoon siesta. But what is this independence that we are enjoying? As a common man living on the ground, as the end customer of the country, what is that I am getting out of life in an independent country, supposedly largest functioning democracy?</div><div><br />
</div><div>India is a country of rich cultural heritage. This is a country where some of the greatest minds of the world were born. A country where great and timeless kings ruled. A country known for some of the greatest architectural and natural wonders. A country where great religions and philosophies originated. A country where we were taught to love thy neighbour and respect elders. But that is all of the past isn't it? We have all been living in the glories of the past. As I look at it, the last 64 years have seen a downward trend.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Currently I live in a country where everything is manipulated and served to its people on a plate. A country where media that makes me believe what they want me to believe. A country where I have to wait for hours in rain and traffic jams to make sure that some bloody politician has a better ride back from his First Class flight travel to his 5 star hotel. A country where I have to wait in queues and be at the receiving end of a police <span class="J-JK9eJ-PJVNOc" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">lati</span> just to watch a cricket match or celebrate a festival. A country where I have to live with a constant fear when I leave in the morning, I don't know if I will reach back home in the night. A country where I am scared to go to the police station when I am facing a social atrocity. We have become a country where I have to bribe to be born and another to die. India, reduced to a country where crooks are born, breed and control my life. A country where money means power and only power can buy money. A country where everything including god is black and maligned. A country where law is <span class="J-JK9eJ-PJVNOc" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">at least</span> a 5 year plan and parliament is also an entertainment TV channel.</div><div><br />
</div><div>The politicians who lead us are all thieves. Each and every one of them without exceptions are today making merry in the name of religion, caste, economic differences, language etc. Not one is interested in bringing an equilibrium among them. They want the differences. They breed on the differences. They breed the differences. And how! The ones with power are looting my money, a tax payers income tax and either stacking them up in banks out of my country or burning it lead a luxurious life. So basically my money is accumulating and resting in some hi-tech bank in Switzerland and I have been driving through pot holed roads paying fines and bribes so that more of my money can go to Switzerland. Everyone who can is doing it, without thinking about the country or its people so long as they don't get caught. Even if they do get caught, each major criminal is going to end up living in air conditioned cells, the electricity bill of which I foot.</div><div><br />
</div><div>And all I am going to get is to pay a huge fine if I don't pay my income tax on time.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Its not like I am doing anything about it though. I am a patriotic Indian. By patriotic, I mean I carry an Indian flag in purse or stand up in and respect the national anthem when it is sung in theaters or talk highly of my country and its culture animatedly in drunk conversations or try to follow as many rules I can. I celebrate every time India wins a cricket match and cry tears of pride every time I hear a <span class="J-JK9eJ-PJVNOc" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">Rehman</span> patriotic song. I am not proud of the fact that my patriotism ends in dark bars of a disappointing Indian city but what more can I do? I have to wake up early next morning and get on with the life of using the trashed city roads dodging through trashed city traffic going to a trashed office and earn money for my daily bread and income tax. </div><div><br />
</div><div>I don't think I am Independent</div><div><br />
</div><div>I fall into that 1% country who is educated and employed. I fall into that small fraction of the country who lives in the city. If I look at it that way, I must consider myself fairly lucky. At least I can pay that bribe and get things rolling. What happens to the rest of them? If I am not independent, what about the rest?</div><div><br />
</div><div>I don't think there is point calling it an Independence day - more a dependence day - a day when we show to the rich and the powerful that we are dependent on them.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Still - <span class="J-JK9eJ-PJVNOc" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">Mera</span> <span class="J-JK9eJ-PJVNOc" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">Bharath</span> <span class="J-JK9eJ-PJVNOc" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">Mahan</span>! <span class="J-JK9eJ-PJVNOc" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">Jai</span> Hind!</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div></div>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-5855649490737762072011-07-10T19:47:00.001-07:002011-07-10T19:47:42.830-07:00Bangaloreee Metro metro everywhere<br />
not one train to link<br />
Malls and malls everywhere<br />
not one place to sink<br />
<br />
Beautiful chicks everywhere<br />
with brains made of zinc<br />
Handsome punks everywhere<br />
holding hands and wearing pink<br />
<br />
Water water everywere<br />
not a drop to drink<br />
Bangalore weather is wonderful<br />
but its crowded and it stinksTejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-11706274311993334782011-07-08T02:25:00.001-07:002011-07-08T02:25:33.152-07:00bar to broom<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;"><br />
</span><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;">bar ge hogi drink maad de rum</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;">home ge bandaage thale anntu gimmm</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;">bed mele biddu hodedaaga gorke</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;">wife thandee bittalu porke</span></i>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-60151733739793196422011-06-30T23:56:00.001-07:002011-06-30T23:56:22.303-07:00mankkuthimma - 1<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;"><i>car andre petrol karchu<br />
bike andre accident hechhu<br />
auto andre shiva bari mosa<br />
bus andre volage masala dosa<br />
heegiddaaga bengalorinalli naanu henge vodaadali mankkuthimma?</i></span></div>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-90810720028543948942011-05-17T00:42:00.000-07:002011-05-17T00:42:33.733-07:00Cat – os – Trophy - 3<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPT_az2U9izOlRAev8DqL-hquBqvnqA7Kx9KZix6jXHiQNEtPH6uQBzLOYe09OsTPDNmEoOn0Tyrv0W3w9xx8ZvORSxD3eIsuHo2SAlA3gFNZV8436hAtFDPdjyEqpVd1FYae6/s1600/yummy_yummy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="432" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPT_az2U9izOlRAev8DqL-hquBqvnqA7Kx9KZix6jXHiQNEtPH6uQBzLOYe09OsTPDNmEoOn0Tyrv0W3w9xx8ZvORSxD3eIsuHo2SAlA3gFNZV8436hAtFDPdjyEqpVd1FYae6/s640/yummy_yummy.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />
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</div>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-18300119629626006752011-05-11T23:10:00.000-07:002011-05-13T13:53:13.550-07:00Stamping Feet<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
When we were in school, we used to play a game we used to call Stamping Feet. The object of the game fairly simple and the rules were subject to change on the fly. It was basically a single player game and one person was considered out, a decision which we would come to based on “claps”(a complex method of eliminating and finding one random person in a group). The person who is out became the "catcher" and had to, with his shoes touch one of the other's. On success, the stamper would become the catcher and the stampee would join the rest of us and thus and the game continued. It was not really restricted to mere touching, it could also be stamping ( hence the name of the game ), kicking, tripping, anything that involved in contact between two things - one of them the shoes of a well fed, constantly sugar high, 15 year olds. <br />
<br />
On week days the bullies made merry. Thanks to the leather shoes which we were forced to use, the cheaper the shoe, the heavier it was and getting kicked by one was not a pleasant experience. No one really messed with the bullies. On week ends it was PT day and we were supposed to wear white canvas shoes. On these days, the game was quicker and it was more about technique and swiftness. Saturday games were more glamorous and usually included extra audience, the ones who were late and couldn't get their hands on the 1 basket ball, 1 volley ball and 4 shuttle rackets that were the only possessions of the PT department. So with people(girls) watching and things like fame, name, 2 chewing-gums etc at stake the guys with the right body / brain / attitude for the game excelled and entertained. No one messed with the bullies on Saturdays too.<br />
<br />
The rest of us got fucked every day.<br />
<br />
The bullies went on to become politicians and real estate agents and the really rich people with loads of black money.<br />
<br />
The "body and brain" ones went on to become movie stars and sportsmen and entrepreneurs.<br />
<br />
The rest of us are still getting fucked every day.</div>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-69164966261042661892011-05-10T00:09:00.000-07:002011-05-10T03:01:16.086-07:00Cat – os – Trophy - 2<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I hate doctors. My history with them has been horrible. The two vets I have met so far have both ruined my life, each within 15 minutes of meeting me.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The first vet I went to was a very creepy man. He seemed to be lost in his own world, and I believe he was either mentally special or some one had hit him very hard on his head. As soon as he saw me, he pulled up my tail and declared to them that I was female. I was too young to realize what that meant for me but being a cat with an unsophisticated brain, I accepted what was told. This resulted in me being called <i>"paru"</i> for the first couple of days there after. Soon people who thought paru was a boring name came up with their own. I came to be called <i>"mitai" "shreya" "tittu" "chitti"</i> and their variations.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The next few days went away in shaping myself into an ideal woman. I was bought a pink basket which I could move around out of home. I was trained to keep my legs together and behave gently like how women are expected to. I was for sometime pedicured, nail polished and bathed twice every week. Something started developing between my legs but I ignored it. With time, the first vet was done away with for his stoney behavior because each time I was taken to him, he had to start all over again, starting from figuring out how old I was to looking what shots I was already given. I was more than glad that I didn't have to go there anymore because his clinic smelt of a stinky dog. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The second one turned out to be worse. The moment he saw me he confirmed that I am male. He also confirmed that what was growing between my legs were actually testicles and that I was going to hit "heat" soon. In about 3 minutes from then, I was given an injection that had a strange impact on me. I completely lost it. I could see and hear what was happening around but could not register a thing. I could not move. After what felt like a few cat days, my senses started falling in place. I could slowly move only to realize that there were stitches in the place where balls previously existed. He drugged me and cut off my balls. That basturd!<br />
<br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I am now stuck with the pink box, girly names and no balls. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">On the positive side, I don't get to bath as often. I can be smelly and no one cares. </div></div>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-57307065015053291472011-03-28T22:44:00.001-07:002011-03-28T22:44:34.314-07:00and in faking news....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
Mohali is getting ready to what is being claimed as the biggest event of the year, even bigger than the super moon which a lot of city dwellers missed because of traffic and pollution. The game is expected to be watched by half of the worlds population including dogs, cats, monkeys and Charlie Sheen. India and Pakistan are routed to play the semi finals of the World Cup of 2011, the most intelligent cup in the history of mankind - a cup that counts. God (who sometimes claims to be Sachin Tendulkar) too has taken a day off with a leave letter stating personal reasons. Though he was not available for questioning, sources say he was busy organizing the biggest party the real world will never know about. However India and Pakistan will definitely remain closed and the prime ministers are expected to be seen sharing a boxer. Errr box.<br />
<br />
Some activists and cricket enthusiasts have been out on the streets today protesting that tomorrow must be declared a national holiday. Yuvraj Singh has stated that he is not going to play in any case tomorrow is declared a dry day.<br />
<br />
The Indian cricket team were seen practicing with at most enthusiasm. While Ghambir was seen running between the wickets without a partner for over 4 hours with coach Garry Kirsten keeping a close watch on him, southies Srisanth and Ashwin was seen practicing screaming friendly accolades towards the opponents female family members in Hindi. When Dhoni was asked about his teams preparation he said with his usual lack of emotion "WELL OFCOURSE we will win. We are a horrible fielding outfit but we are surely better than them (Pakistanies). Our batting has not performed as expected but we are better than them. And in the bowling department if Shoaib (Aktar) plays, our bowling would be as good as theirs. The boys don't really care about the cup as we can all count but we want to win it for Sachin (Tendulkar)"<br />
<br />
The Pakistanis were seen taking a day off with every one attending to personal chores. While Afridi and Misbah were busy discussing family problems with Sania Mirza, Kamran Akmal was caught sharpening his front teeth at the dentist, just in case he had to bite nails (Not bails or balls he clarified) for what is expected to be a certain nail biter. When Imran Khan was asked on how his team was going to fare in the game he said " The boys are going to play for their lives as this is a do or die for them... that is the format of the game". However there are reports that he knows of a betle nut derivative would be extended to the names of the Pakistan team members in the case they lost the game. Previously the "supari" as the world calls it was out just in the names of the previous World Cup winner's captains . When a certain Mr D (name has been withheld to protect the individual) was asked if this was true, he said "No Idea."<br />
<br />
Bangalore will remain closed tomorrow. Traffic has seen its peak since Sunday evening with people uncertain of the days of the week owing to Wednesday being declared a self holiday by everyone. For traffic police, it would be businiess as usual and have issued a press statment saying it would be safe to drink and drive only after the match in case India win. BSY has already made a statement that the launch of the Metro will be further delayed and the sole cause is the India Pakistan semi finals irrespective of the result of the match.<br />
<br />
It has been speculated that the noted Arnab Goswami would retire after this match if India lose.<br />
</div>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-39565213693106337022011-03-10T00:13:00.001-08:002011-03-10T02:20:40.999-08:007 khoon maaf types<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
I dislike weddings in general. I hate them so much that if I were given a choice, I would not have even attended mine. The reasons why I dislike them is probably because I dislike all forms of social gatherings unless they involve beer consumption. I have never really tried to analyze the root of this issue to see why I am the way I am. Anyhow the point at this point is that I dislike weddings. However, there are times when attend them because of the in formidable forces acting on me. Like I did mine. A few others too.<br />
<br />
The other week end was one of those weddings I attended. It was that of the missus's friend's and I know the bride well enough to not to skip it. More over, I was the assigned driver and escort 7 women to and from the wedding hall.<br />
<br />
Here are my top 7 observations, a dedication of one each for each of them I was blessed the company of:<br />
<br />
1. Women take at least twice as much time to get dressed to a wedding as compared to a normal day. This is excluding the time spent on the previous day to select the clothes, accessories and the works. If this selection involves any form of shopping, be it even for a rubber band, it would need an extra two days per item.<br />
<br />
2. Parallel processing is impossible for them while dressing up. If one woman takes 10 minutes (an under exaggerated figure, just for example) to get dressed, then two women take way more than 20. More the women, more the number of helping hands available but also more the extra time required. A clear case of too many cooks spoiling the broth.<br />
<br />
3. They would rather be dressed properly for the wedding than be on time for it.<br />
<br />
4. Every woman at the wedding has more clothes as back up for each occasion than all of the groom's clothes put together.<br />
<br />
5. There is no such thing as a multipurpose footwear. Even the sole has to match with something or other, a complex algorithm of matching which is better not understood.<br />
<br />
6. They don't really care about the food at weddings (which is strange considering men would not go to one if not for the food)<br />
<br />
7. They have at least 5 things in their purse which doubles as a mirror.<br />
<br />
I am not complaining at all. I am rather glad that they get dressed and come to weddings. Atleast that makes my time spent at weddings colorful. Its just an observation. I am waiting for the day when the world would not have weddings at all.</div>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-83053683916220922802011-02-28T07:33:00.001-08:002011-02-28T07:33:40.618-08:00Draw a tie<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
This Sunday turned out to be quiet an action packed day for Indians in general and for most Bangaloreans in particular. The build up to the India vs England match was marked with interventions from something or someone divine, not sure it was god or the devil(read Mandira Bedi). For one, the match got shifted from Eden Gardens to Chinnaswami. Saurav Ganguly continued to be under the opinion that the match could have very well happened in Kolkotta, so be it that the players of both the teams would have had to adjust a tiny bit and share dressing rooms. That kind of inconvenience he believed was acceptable, especially when the crowd of chota king smoking bengalis would be out in larger numbers than in Bangalore resulting in the match being more action packed with Smoke Bombs and Water Guns instead of the traditional Lati charge that prevailed here.<br />
<br />
Those who were lucky like the local MLA's third wife's second cousin or stupid like Venkatesh to pay for the tickets through his nose, got to watch what would be equivalent to watching the "divya jothi" at Shabarimalai. They got to see the god, also called Sachin Tendulkar sometimes, perform magic once again, only to go for the mid innings break wondering what had just passed. Did they really see what they saw or did the just imagine the ball flying all over the park like the thousands of devotees do every year at Shabarimalai.<br />
<br />
The lesser fortunate, who didn't get their hands on tickets and were not at the end of a swinging lati got to watch the match in crowded bars. Only a few of them did get to watch the match while most had to satisfy themselves watching heads of the others. All of them however, in the hope of getting drinks had to avoid getting molested as the crowds that had gathered in such bars could have put the mumbai local to shame.<br />
<br />
By the time the second innings came mid way, everyone had mellowed down into a drunk stupor, some of them because of the alcohol, but most of them having early bouts of Monday morning blues. Come batting power play, not only did the Indian team came into spirit, so did the spirited individuals. Among the chats of "Bolo bharat mata ki Jai" and "Dhoni, Zindabaad" there were other more interesting slogans like "Soda, lemon, ginger-pop, I want Deepika Padukone on the top" as she glared on the screen biting Siddhart Mallyas nails(she didnt want to do hers as they had been pedicured specially for the match) and some subdued slogans of "Baath koli na denga" when Grame Swan came to bat also made rounds.<br />
<br />
The bar owners broke coconuts in the name of Shane Warne as the match turned out to be a tie. They were thankful that India didn't lose and therefore their mugs and bottles didn't get a chance to break. They were more thankful that India did not win and they could hold back stocks which could be sold after the Budget.<br />
<br />
Bangalore seemed to sleep early with only a hand full of losers who had gotten out of the stadium early with the expectation of an Indian loss but were too late to enter any bar within the prescribed closure timings of the city who were found singing "Oops I did it again".<br />
</div>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-82070453651309597312011-02-23T21:46:00.000-08:002011-02-23T21:46:10.568-08:00close encounter with the opener<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
Waiting for something in anticipation is always much better than the real thing.<br />
<br />
Its been a week since the world cup has started. One India match out of the way too, brilliant batting performance by the Delhi boys, though the match in itself lacked any real match feeling. However much the Indian players have to say about Bangladesh (revenge and all that), Bangladesh still seems like a school team who seem to practice with a tennis ball in the nets. It was a simple win, a match in which I slept through the second innings, primarily because of abuse of beer during the first.<br />
<br />
Still our players are injured in all over the place. Knees of Sachin and Shewag are in question, and so has Zaheers manhood(He seems to have a niggling groin from time immemorial). Nehra and Srisanth are as usual, injured in their brains. The way Indians are getting the advantage, making sure all their games being played at home, I don't think it is surprising if ICC would allow Indian team to play in the practice match format - 15 member team for India.<br />
<br />
<br />
There has been lots of other action apart from the highly media-fied Indian team. NZ beat the shit out of Kenya and Ricky Pointing beat the shit out of a poor unsuspecting LCD TV. With the "aatakku untu lekkakke illa(There for the game, not for the count)" teams finishing off their matches in a hurry, the World Cup 2011 promises much more action in the coming days.<br />
<br />
Now that the India England match has moved from Kolkotta to Bangalore, my absence in the stadium will hence be blamed on the ticket prices than as previously planned, the lack of good India matches in Bangalore.<br />
<br />
The practice is on from my end. Got the setup-box for my TV. Warming up my body for this Sunday. Have made a mental note not to consume the beer during the first innings. Would love to use KP as the make shift opener for the bottles.<br />
<br />
May the best team win. India of course. <br />
</div>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-47529786434289454982011-02-20T23:21:00.001-08:002011-02-20T23:21:33.887-08:00Chai - na<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
Some time in 2017, the the world came to being dominated by Asia, especially India and China. Every other country in the world was either part of these two countries or supported them.<br />
<br />
China had been trying hard to take over the country of India, waging a series of infiltrations in what would later be called the third world war. It was in these times came to power General Chi Thu, a small army general who had about 5000 soldiers under him. He had risen to the rank of a General with in two years of joining the army. This non formally educated boy had grown up in the mountains and, from a very young age had a sharp eye for solving problems. He joined the army and took over a small platoon on the unfortunate death of the platoon commander on one of the infiltrations on Arunachal Pradesh. He soon became a General and was given the primary duty of planning and strategic take over of India.<br />
<br />
He came up with this genius plan of taking over India, not in the usual way the wars are fought. He targeted Bangalore, which by then had become such a populous and rich city that it controlled all of the South India and had even over taken Delhi in population. Bangalore was so huge in terms of importance that, when Mumbai was destroyed in a stray attack by Pakistan before they, who ironically got destroyed by USA in 2014, Bollywood was moved to the then biggest IT power in the world. The people in Bangalore had become so busy that no one was cooking at their homes. Needless to say, the food industry was the most thriving business in Bangalore. This is what General Chi Thu saw as an opportunity which he thought he could exploit.<br />
<br />
He planned slowly flood every restaurant in Bangalore with his men. These smartly trained chinki cooks/terrorists would join as laborers doing mostly cooking but other random jobs. Soon each and every restaurant would have at least one chinki. On one planned day, they would poison every soul in Bangalore and take control of the city. That give them control of South India and then they would attack Indistan( after the US-PAK-EGYPT-SL war, India and Pak got merged of course) from both the sides.<br />
<br />
I believe the process of flooding our food industries with chinkies has already started. Beware Bangaloreans! Beware of that chinki server/cook at your favorite restaurant.<br />
</div>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-60583323530592892292011-02-09T23:31:00.000-08:002011-02-10T00:34:36.208-08:00Cat – os – Trophy - 1<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
One slightly rainy evening, I was separated from my mother and my two siblings. I must have been about a month and a half old. That sounds like that is the beginning of a horrible story of a poor cat who got separated from family and faced to live a treacherous life. But for cats, thats alright. There is no such thing as a family and friends in our worlds. We are born. We live to eat and eat to live - which ever comes our way. We hump like dogs. Like animals. Its our cycle of life.<br />
<br />
I was placed in a card board box and was brought to what I have started calling home now. I lead a fairly luxurious life. I get fed almost regularly, mostly dried cat food which I love profusely. I have a room for myself with large windows. I love it because I have enough space on the edge of the window where I can sit and look out of the window. There is so much happening outside but that hardly impacts me. Its a nice life us home cats get to live.<br />
<br />
I was given a sand box for the first couple of days. Those were the days I was getting adjusted to the new environment and new food habits. Obviously, I had some bowel issues and finally on my third evening there, I took the biggest dump of my life. Stinked big time. The very next day I got a proper cat litter. I am beginning to believe that action speaks louder than words. It would help if they let the bathroom door opened.<br />
<br />
"They" are mad people. I live with this guy and girl who brought me to this place that rainy evening. The guy is alright. He seems pretty useless. He sits in front of the computer or TV most of the time doing random stuff. He does not seem to have much of a job. He gets to do most of the kitchen jobs. I think he is a sad looser. But he is alright. He feeds me well when he feeds me. Clears up all the mess I create. If he is my assigned care taker, I should fight for a better one.<br />
<br />
That girl is a little crazy. From the time I got here, she has used a hundred names to call me. I think she is going through an identity crisis. She talks to all the plants in the house too. Giving them names. She however loves to flaunt me around. I love attention. She usually has people over who just want to come to meet me. It pisses me off though that she calls me by a different name every time. It is what is confusing. Am not always sure is she is calling me or some plant or ant in the house.<br />
<br />
I have a donkey to play with. He has grown to be my best friend so far. He is pretty dumb and seems to be physically handicapped or something. He expects me carry him around everywhere I go. I usually oblige only because he is my best friend. He hardly talks too. I think he cant really speak. Poor donkey.<br />
<br />
<br />
To be continued...</div>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-71594213586734789072011-02-08T18:23:00.000-08:002011-02-08T18:23:07.249-08:00cutting<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
Sometimes in life, one faces strange situations. When A has decided on achieving something and after having fought with oneself in the head about how difficult it is to actually achieve it, A is determined to achieve it, he comes across people B, C etc who are determined to make sure A does not do it. Its at these times when a true hero stands out from a normal person. A true hero never succumbs to pressure. I did.<br />
<br />
The current pollution levels in the city and my age and phase of life had prompted me to take a strange but off-beat decision. Grow long hair. It was going to be my last chance to grow long hair. Any prolonged wait would have resulted in failure because of the receding hairline issues of middle aged men and deviation from the age-appearence-social-acceptence rules. So a determined me started on a journey of growing unmanageable curly hair long a couple of months ago. The journey didn't last that long.<br />
<br />
Every person I met for the past few weeks had made it a point to mention my hairdo. Its nice to be noticed and all. Some even liked it but then there were others who ended up calling us(me and the hair) names. Some who met me regularly had even plotted plans to make sure that we had parted. My mom (a post graduate is Science I must admit) even induced fear in me (a BE) saying people with "bad mouths" could say something bad at my hair and that would result in bad energy coming my way eventually resulting in some harm for me.<br />
<br />
Thats it! Its over. I give up. When you fail, you not only let yourself down, but also a few who have supported you through it. Sucks but such is life!<br />
</div>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-36492798186130941512011-02-08T03:08:00.000-08:002011-02-08T03:08:30.472-08:009 days to go<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
The country is going to be under productive for the next couple of months. World Cup 2011 followed by IPL4. Hurray!<br />
<br />
I am a sucker for cheap publicity stunts. And nothing captures our imagination as much as cricket and Bollywood does. Everything about cricket and Bollywood is worth reading about. Despite of the spectrum of scams hogging our country, I get a kick out of a "Bhajji slapped Srisanth" or "Kareena kissed Shaid" stories. I know I should be ashamed but ah! what the heck... To behave in tune with the core of my personality, I would rather watch a cricket match or a film awards ceremony than watch Burkha and Rajdeep spit shit. Its Star Sports on my Sony Bravia hence forth.<br />
<br />
<br />
The current Bollywood and cricket "heroes" seem to have vague but vital similarities. This is possibly due to the rise of both platforms of entertainment around about the same time (or at least they have been there since I, as a two year old first could make out whats what). Its interesting when one draws loose parallels.<br />
<br />
Gavaskar could be an Amitab Bachhan - They say they have done lots of good work... but I couldn't care less.. The less I see them, the better I feel.<br />
<br />
Yuvi is like Akshay - There is a lot of hope and the end of it there is always a let down. A few(read very very few) glimpses of classes in the process.<br />
<br />
Srisanth = Sallu - More fart than actual shit types<br />
<br />
Raina = Hritik | Kholi = Abhay Deol | Bhajji = Paresh Raval | Siddhu = Bobby Darling and such.<br />
<br />
Which brings us to another interesting observation. I happened to watch Ajay Devagan on KWK the other day - Not really good looking; at least not conventionally. Came with a bang in a few action packed roles. Few awesome performances in the way. Settled into a comfortable place in business. Cool. Calm. Knows there is shit around. Knows how to deal with it. Knows how to handle media. No one is really a fan but would not mind watching him over the other jokers. Just like Dhoni on so many levels. I hope he can get us the cup. At least for Sachin's sake.<br />
<br />
Was trying to figure out a parallel for our beloved Sachin. But he is god and all isn't he? The true son of the country. Like Lord Ganesha. Or Chota Bheem may be<br />
</div>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-50065050338123229392011-02-07T01:30:00.000-08:002011-02-07T01:30:04.898-08:00take me home kantri road<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I am not really a morning person. Definitely not a Monday morning person. I hate the fact I cannot stay in bed and let my dreams take control of life. Monday plays spoil sport every week. Fuck Mondays.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> I have gotten used to the traffic here. If one lives and works with the same company with considerable commitment to either of them, one ends up taking the same route day after day, between mostly constant points on the map and surely enough, one soon finds that perfect time of the day to commute with at least a perception that, that time of the day has streets that are least traffic infested (though that may not actually be true). Anyway, now that I don't "commute" to much per say to work(20 mins on my worst day; if I am not working from home ie - beat that suckers!) I don't really mind the traffic after all. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> Its the time between entering the office gate and the time I first check my email that I find the most depressing. This involves</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> 1. Parking</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> 2. Elevator ride</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> 3. Machine launch</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> Offices these days have way too many cars. The previous statement is the highly mellowed down version of the truth. So irrespective of the number of spots of parking available, there are always more cars. This is the case with at least me and a few hundred miserable people like me who work in my building. An average driver would take about 12 minutes from the gate to find a spot and park it satisfactorily between the given yellow lines. This would vary depending on the time of the day of entrance to the parking lot and weather or not you are stuck behind a not so average driver. Two wheelers are a little less unfortunate. I mostly fit into this category these days. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> Thank god there are elevators. Taking the stairs from -2 to 6 is not something I would prefer to do any day of the year, certainly not on a Monday morning. But what irritates me about them are the bugged algorithms that run in the ones in my building and the people who use them to climb up or down 1 floor. I usually end up spending as much time waiting for a lift as I spend traveling on one owing to the aforementioned two reasons. This being an average of my combined experience with elevators in general, though a lot of the sample points are taken from my current employers building. My twitter page today reads, #ifihadagun I would shoot people who use the elevator between 1 2 floors. You who use the life between single floors, you are worse than traffic rules offenders. Shame on you.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> The world of technology has advanced so much that visiting the moon is no longer a dream. It still is a dream to turn on a computer and not waiting for it to boot. Every computer I have turned on in my life (over a span of 18 years) has been a computer which takes close to 5 minutes before it can start accepting human instructions. These 5 minutes after having walked to ones seat exchanging strange "Monday morning blues" looks with co-employees present and sitting in the seat trying to look like one is making oneself comfortable always seems an eternity. Launch of mail client, chat clients and other necessary software required to progress in one's day takes as much time.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> That's a good 30 mins on an average from the gate to my first instruction to my computer. What a waste of time. I will work from home tomorrow</div></div>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-23412068947306212142010-03-15T00:49:00.000-07:002010-03-15T00:50:38.106-07:00Below ExpectationToday, I realised a 5 year out standing dream of riding the volvo to work. It worked great in my favor and all the smaller dreams(of reading a book on the way to work and riding in a/c on the way to work, getting to work without a backlog of "pissed-off-ness" et all) attached to this outstanding dream also came true. This considering the fact that i was told the traffic on the road today was relatively low oveing to most people taking today off as tomorrow is a festival holiday making it an almost 5 day week end.<br /><br /> Also tremendous change taking place at work with the appraisal cycle just coming to an end. Lot of emotions in imbalance as I have been given a considerably low rating for the efforts I have put through. Survival in the industry is a cat fight!<br /><br /> Am half way through this book called "love over coffee" - a Romance @ Work by Amrit N Shetty, an IT professional working in a multinational company. An excerpt from this book which found sharp pointers to my current life:<br /><br /> <i>To survive in this IT jungle, one has to constantly send out signals about his or her presence. One has to make sure that his name appears in the symbolic list maintained by higher management, if he wants to get promoted or even to get a decent hike. You will not last a single day if you do not paint a positive picture of your self to your colleagues or your superiors. IT is a field where you could get killed if you loose your focus even for a second. It is like driving on Indian roads where even the best drivers can fail.<br /><br /> On Indian roads, one has to constantly look out for mistakes made by others and take advantage of them; knowing how to drive does help, but only a little. If you are careful driver who is averse to taking risks, you could end up spending hours in the traffic congestion, while smart drivers sneak through gaps left my the inept ones. If you are smart, you can quickly learn to drive the Indian way, but if you are foolish or one of the heady nerds, you'd be plain lucky to survive.<br /> <br /> There are only few exceptions to the general rule and that is only because they have God fathers inside the organisation or the government.<br /> <br /> I quickly learnt that it was easy to drive through the congestion if you followed a bus or a big van. People ahead make way for big vehicles fearing the clout thrown around by them and all one had to do to succeed is to stay close on their heels. You progress as much as the bigger vehicles. This strategy compensated for my inability to learn quickly and take advantage from mistake made by others. I was constantly making amends to my driving not because I didn’t want to win but because I did not want to get killed or stuck in the congestion. </i><br /> <br />Relatively poor written book but a good read for an IT professional. Am half way through it and is a nice read if you ride the Volvo to work! :)Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-43309300511440383642009-05-25T02:07:00.000-07:002009-05-25T02:08:52.357-07:00IPL2IPL continues its success story! IPL second edition ended up with a bang as well. Congratulations Deccan Chargers. You deserved to win. Good work Kumble and the Royal challengers of Bangalore as well.<br /><br />Continuing from where <a href="http://surelyjoking.blogspot.com/2008/06/indian-premier-league-vote-of-thanks.html">I left it last time</a>, here goes the bullet points of this year.<br /><br />* First and foremost, SA was a super second destination for the event. Wonderful crowd. Stupid also but great also. Thanks for being there and supporting our teams and making this event a grand success<br /><br />* Thank you Prieti and Shilpa is supporting a losing cause. If not for you guys, your teams had nothing to cheer about.<br /><br />* Thank you AB for your amazing century, but sorry that all the credit goes to our own Manish Pandey for matching your shot to shot, fielding to fielding<br /><br />* Thank you Manish Pande once again for your performance and taking your team to where you took them. Too bad you had 6 balls strike in the first 6 overs of the finals. Lets just say your team played against you. But everyone has to learn from you as to how to take a given opportunity with open arms<br /><br />* Thank you KKR for your not so nice performance. But you did perform where RCB needed. So kudos to you.<br /><br />* Thank you Robin Uttappa for fucking up every time you went out to bat. Next time make sure you get a contract from KKR. You will fit in there perfectly.<br /><br />* Great performances guys - Hayden, RP, Dilshan, Kumble and the rest of you who did perform well<br /><br />* Sachin, Saurav, Dravid, Lakshman and the rest of the fuckers who performed pathetically, just look at those kids who are performing man... dont you get a little inspiration from that?<br /><br />* The vodafone adds were killer this time! Way to go zoo zoo!<br /><br />* Mandira, Sameer, Arunlal, Akaash Chopra and the gang - you suck!<br /><br />* Gavaskar, Shastri, Bhogle, Rameez and the gang - you suck too!<br /><br />* Super over was an amazing intersting change. Super!<br /><br />* Thank you IPL for making cricket a little more open and making players answerable - no more just mumbaikars like Agarkar and Ranesh Powar who have sucked at the game. The new finds should make it to the team soon - Super played boys - The Ojhas, Nayar, Jadeja, Pandey, Jakathi, Kholi, Raina, Rohit and all<br /><br />Overall another awesome four weeks. Keep it going. In a couple of years there are going to be two more teams. The speculation is that they are giong to be the Lucknow loafers and the Ahamadabad assholes!Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-11975719529926209312009-04-06T08:00:00.000-07:002009-04-06T08:07:48.466-07:00The Fone is the PhuckedIt has happened again. Every now and then something happens in my life that makes me realise that this is not for me. Every now and then. It has happened again!<br /> <br />The fone is the phucked! <br /> <br />This is not new to me. It does not even hurt anymore. The wound has become numb. It is the same story every few months. Each time, the “The end” may be different but the story is still the same. <br /><br />The “The end” this time - My Nokia just died on me and it refused to wake up. Its dead! <br />Oh ya.. post sales service at E Zone at Sigma mall sucks. Dont go there! (I hear they over price too)<br /> <br />I am glad in a way that its been over 40 hours and I dont have a vibrator in my pocket silently titillating me at the oddest hours and the insanest times of the day. Its like a blessing in disguise if you look at it from one side - The Right side. I have constantly hated cellular phones and lately developed an aversion towards other cell phone using individuals. They should teach cell phone etiquette in school. <br />In the first place, I have constantly sucked at handling the device, fuck the etiquette. Only I know how much efforts have gone into keeping cell phones in one piece with me hitting walls as I walk.<br /> <br />My first 4 cell phones have been expensive(by my standards) handsets. Spent a good <two digit number> grand for each of them, each state of the art at that particular instant of time(Time is such an illusion I tell you… in just a couple of days your phone is outdated. Bitch!). <br /><br />But now I have come up with a whole new approach of handling the responsibility of a cell phone and wish to call it - <i>The ULTIMATE guide to manage cell phones for dummies</i>. I have, over time and experience collected enough data to substantiate my claim.<br /> <br />On an average, the life time of a cell phone is 10 months.. at the most. The reasons that the life of a cell phone would seize would be:<br /> <br />1. It just dies on you(Like this time).<br />2. Falls into water.<br />3. Falls into the sea.<br />4. Falls into your beer.<br />5. Beer falls on it.<br />6. It falls of your pocket.<br />7. It gets stolen from your pocket.<br />8. It gets stolen from your car.<br />9. It gets stolen from your friend’s house. It is the maid but you have no proof.<br />10. A bike runs over it.<br />11. A bus runs over it.<br />12. You get mugged<br />13. The screen fails. You give it for repair. The guy doesn’t give it back for 6 months and running…(That basturd!)<br />14. You throw it against the wall (Because you are super drunk)<br />15. You throw it against the wall (Because you are super pissed)<br />So on and so forth.<br /> <br />Reasons, however much trivial (numbers 1,3,5,9, 13 apply to me, some of them more than once), may be numerous, but the result is the same. It is always “The end”<br /> <br />Another important factor to consider are the features on these babies. Most, oh so ludacris!<br /><br /> My most modern phone had a 2 mpix cam and blue tooth, stupid games and an mp3 player. I have sufficient data to support that the average usage of all the features in a phone(except calling and texting) is 1/3669th of the average usage of the phone for texting and calling. So, in eventuality the usage of calls and texting is considerably huge and hence it can be, ignoring the errors in calculations involved, summarized that the main use of the invention called cellular phone is to make calls and texting. (And seriously, these days there is all kinds of shit in the market – i-pods, PSPs, Crazy cameras, personal planners, dildos etc that one can rather use a cell phone for its primary purpose)<br /><br />In conclusion, I am going to hence forth go for the cheapest handset available in the market and use it only for calling and texting (as little as possible). Cheap handsets come with an added advantage that they can be made to fall around without having to have a needle down the heart every time it does. Its a clear choice of a cheap handsets for shorter durations over state of the art shit.<br /><br />The ULTIMATE guide to manage cell phones for dummies rule 1 and only:<br /><br />Buy cheap handsets!<br /><br />Twitter update: Upgraded from a Nokia 1200 to a Nokia 1202Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-12982210074752842032009-03-12T02:58:00.000-07:002009-03-12T03:01:25.382-07:00Happy Woman's dayThe last couple of days has been pleasantly peaceful - the weather that is. After successive long hot sunny sweaty days, it has been exceptionally cloudy and drizzling, exceptional for the month of the year it is. I am guessing its cooler now that women’s day is done and gone. I guess everything is cool if the women folk of the world are cool. :)<br /><br />Happy Women's day girls. I hope you have had a blast!<br /><br />Talking of women, and women having a day and all to celebrate and all that jazz, I would like to take this opportunity to narrate an incident that happened in my life recently. I happened to take a bus a couple of days ago to get to work. Having heard stories about busses in Bangalore and the crowd involved, I was fully prepared, with knee and elbow braces and all. But surprisingly, the bus I got into (which would take me from Baneerghatta road to St.Patriks church on brigade road, was very empty and for the first time in my life, I didn’t feel claustrophobic in the Bangalore traffic.<br /><br />So as I sat in one of the many empty seats and bought my ticket, a lady hopped into the bus. I have very limited knowledge about the "how to travel in a BMTC bus effectively without being pick picketed or molested" but then what followed next was something I could not concur with.<br /><br />To explain the scene, let me give you details about the setting. Like I said, the bus was almost empty, in the sense that there were around 10 people in it, most of them had taken all the window seats available on the left side (non sunny side). Man 1 was sitting in one of the front left window seats (marked "ladies"). Man 2 was sitting with his friend on the right side. I was sitting behind all this on one of the back aisle seats from where I could get a clear view of the scene that followed. Woman enters the bus. She looks here and there and approaches Man 1.<br /><br /><b>Woman:</b> Could you get off the seat?<br /><br /><b>Man 1:</b> (taking off his earphones) sorry?<br /><br /><b>Woman:</b> Get off that seat. I want to sit there.<br /><br /><b>Man 1:</b> There are so many vacant seats. Sit in any of them.<br /><br /><b>Woman:</b> No this seat is marked ladies. Could you please get off the seat?<br /><br /><b>Man 1:</b> Come on, so many seats are empty. Sit somewhere else please.<br /><br /><b>Woman:</b> Get off!<br /><br />Man 1 ignores her and puts his ear phones back on.<br /><br /><b>Woman:</b> (At conductor with a "what the fuck" look) Excuse me<br /><br /><b>Conductor:</b> Sit somewhere else madam. The whole bus is empty.<br /><br /><b>Woman:</b> (Ignoring the conductor, gets back to her man, trying to jab him on his shoulder to attract his attention from his ear phones)<br /><br /><b>Man 2:</b> interrupts: Excuse me madam, why are you doing this? There are so many seats. It doesn’t make sense to wake him up. Sit somewhere else<br /><br /><b>Woman:</b> What do you mean? You guys don’t respect women at all<br /><br /><b>Man 2:</b> Respect? Excuse me! What respect are you talking about? It requires common sense to find yourself a seat in an almost empty bus. <br /><br /><b>Woman:</b> Common sense? I want to sit there. That is a ladies seat. <br /><br /><b>Man 2:</b> (pointing at another empty seat, on the right side) That is a woman's seat too. Sit there.<br /><br /><b>Woman:</b> NO! I want to sit here only. And who are you to talk to me like this? I am not even talking to you. Mind your business<br /><br /><b>Man 2:</b> Do what you want! (sigh! s and swears to himself. I distinctly heard him say Bitch. But he wasn’t talking to her anyway ;) right?)<br /><br />Man 1 (cant take it anymore and gets into action)<br /><br /><b>Man 1:</b> Why do you want to sit in this seat only?<br /><br /><b>Woman:</b> There is shade there. I want to sit there only. And it’s a ladies seat. So get up.<br /><br /><b>Man 1:</b> If you want shade, you should take an auto. You can’t come to a public bus and behave like a child.<br /><br /><b>Woman:</b> What child? Driver stop the bus! Take me to the police.<br /><br />(By now, everyone in the bus including me has stopped giving attention to the bitch. The driver moved on and the conductor went behind in the pretext of selling his tickets. The woman's ears have turned red. She is about to blow up. I could not wait for the action to begin. Unfortunately that’s my stop. I get off the bus and walk off, trying to kick start my day)<br /><br />Now, clearly anyone with a sound mind on that bus would believe that the woman was a bitch! Swear it. I respect women a lot to abuse them, but this one was a total bitch. <br /><br />But why am I abusing a woman on a blog which is titled "Happy woman's day"? I somehow feel that this whole women's rights and women are equal to men is over played. Way too over played. And I personally believe the women of today have taken full advantage of these two levels, women's rights and the school of thought of women being equal to men. That is, when the situation is better for them to be the weaker sex, they are but when it comes to certain other things, they want to be treated equal. This makes survival of the men folk much more complex that it already was. If handling a normal woman wasn’t tough enough! <br /><br />Think about it. If you are going in a car and the car has a flat, YOU have fix it cos touching the tyre would dirty her hand. Or if the attic has to be cleaned, its you who have to climb up and get all the shit on your face. But when it comes to things like say, going to a pub, or for that matter cooking in the kitchen, the modern young women take a different stance. <i>Women are no less than men these days. These days women work and earn as much as men and hence need equal rights and equal priviledges.</i> Its not that I am against women going to a pub. Its just that if woman goes to a pub only to prove to the men that even she can be like him, that’s where she becomes a looser. <br /><br />If its equal privileges you require, why in the name of the devil do you have to pick up the phone and call the man in your life (father, husband, boyfriend, brother, best friend, rakhi brother, random guy from orkut etc) when your radiator blows up? Equal privileges is all you want right? Get it fixed. Fix it yourself. Hitch a ride. Do something instead of the call? <br /><br />It’s not just about the car where double standards are maintained. Over all, this world is living on the double standards of the modern women. This is what education does I feel! Ruineth you! <br /><br />I think its very simple. Women, with just the gift of giving birth to another human should make them much higher than men. Why don’t you look at it that way? Why do you want to come down to our level? We are all bastards in one way or the other right? Why do you want to be EQUAL to us? <br /><br />It’s time we accept that we are different species and take it from there.<br /><br />Happy womens day either ways! <br /><br />CheersTejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-33920217895225578862009-03-01T10:46:00.000-08:002009-03-06T01:33:10.670-08:00Cyber loveas i wander in cyberspace, not knowing what to do or where to go, lost in the many fantasies it has to offer, i look for you, here, there, and not finding you in sight here makes me feel void, this world without you is empty...Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-71444032129329850522009-02-24T03:00:00.000-08:002009-02-24T03:04:06.803-08:00What the Beep*The other day, 18th of Feb it was I think, I woke up later than I usually do and didn’t feel like going to work. Although this is a common feeling I face every morning, that day it was a little different. I just wanted to be at HOME. Pamper myself. Relax. Dream. Sleep. Just lie down for hours and feel 0% productive and be happy about it. That is a great thing to do on week days. Aahhh! I wish there were more weekends!<br /><br />Anyway, this Feb. 18th, I could not just relax and do all that shit. I had to go to work, late was o k, but bunking till EOD was not a choice I had. So I decided I might as well go get the insurance for my bike done. That way, I could go to work late and still get some other work done in the process. Get the insurance for my bike, which was due a month and a half ago. Better late than never my teacher used to say. <br /><br />I had heard of this MONSTER called the "Silk board fly over" junction. I have crossed this bad boy a few times before, all on weekends, mostly at odd times of the day(read night) and it has always almost been a cake walk. Mostly. But this Feb. 18th was the first time I saw him in complete rage. I touched Ring road at the famous Udapi garden junction. I had got the green light at that signal and I landed on ring road. After that, it took close to 50 mins for me to reach silk board flyover. All those 50 mins, my bike was revving and in first gear, moving bumper to bumper, leg to leg, very very slow, and not really steady. <br /><br /><i>Mental note: Bangalore has become awfully sunny these days! Don’t wear black T shirts</i><br /><br />Just as I turned left onto Hosur road, a cop stopped me. “Routine check” I was told. I can’t believe it that right behind me was one of the biggest traffic jams my tender brain ever navigated and this dude here wants to routine check my bike. I am a man of simple wants, but the least I expect from society is some common sense. The whole concept of Policing is put to fire these days. I asked him as to why he was more concerned about my papers instead of minding the traffic. He dismissed my query by spitting the pan in his mouth and said "license". I promptly produced my license and the lapsed insurance, telling him in the process, that my insurance had lapsed and I was on the way to get it renewed. The <i>beep*</i> would not care. He wanted me to pay the fine because at that instant, my bike was running without a valid insurance. <br /><br />India is like Matrix – The movie! <i> Some rules can be bent, some can be broken.</i> That’s why I love India. 20 bucks and a little theatrics in the lokal language is all it took for me to get out of this freak. It works cheap if the cheap constables are in charge. But I still don’t get the idea of an insurance bring mandatory. It’s my <i>beep*</i>in bike. I have the money to get it fixed when it gets <i>beep*</i>ed. So I dont <i>beep*</i>in need insurance. Why should I get it then? Well, some questions are never supposed to be asked. You are supposed to oblige. Life! <br /><br />The insurance office was another mad house. It was 1130 on a Wednesday - the peak if we were to plot the hours of the week onto a bell curve. And when I go there, there is a herd of people wanting to get insurances done and all waiting. No queue et all.. just waiting here and there. I go and ask this really dark big lady in a bright red sari and loud gold ornaments sitting like a pig, who looked like the boss around there. She says that this guy who is supposed to click photos of our vehicles is out to get his camera fixed. I mean, what kind of a firm will work if at the peak time of the week, you have your man fixing his tools? Seriously, what the <i>beep*</i>!!<br /><br /><i>Relax!! Breath innnnn…. Breath outtttt….. </i><br /><br />The good news is that I have to wait till the next Feb 18th [:)] to get my insurance renewed. I can’t wait for the next Feb. 18th, even though I am sure I will delay getting the damn thing done!<span style="font-style:italic;"></span>Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10999397.post-91428553896086142852009-02-13T02:21:00.000-08:002009-02-13T02:25:47.250-08:00Pinky is good tooThe main page in this cheap news paper I get had a rhyming headline which said "Sallu cries as MYSON dies". These days, they try to cipher the headlines so much, especially the cheap papers, that one is left with little choice but to go thru the main news to decipher it. This particular column was about a dog called "myson", a male 14 year old dog owned by Salman Khan. He incidentally has another female dog, who he calls "myjaan". The news paper went on to tell how much in love Sallu bhai is with his dogs and how he talks to them on the phone when he is away on shoots. But what interested me were the names of the dogs.<br /><br />"Myjaan" and "Myson", myjaan in particular made me say the name in my mind over and over again and have loud laugh over the sensation . But that’s the best part about naming pets. You can name them whatever you want. Sidey or not, Funny or not, Stupid or not, Crazy or not... They will still respond to the name given. <br /><br />There are some funny pet names that I have come across in my short life. The most common names for dogs are names like "Ramu", "Raju" etc which usually are names of dogs or elephants in Hindi movies. I haven’t seen a real dog called Ramu. I would never call a real dog “Ramu”. Please!! (Making a weird face with a long “nasal tinge” filled please, like how Polumi – Roadies 6.0 claim would say it) That would be so crazy. To call a dog by a name you would normally associate with a person. Another common trait that people catch up for naming their pets is using their color for a name. "Blacky", "Goldie", "Belli", “Dark Knight”, “Shadow”, “Reddy” [ ;) ] are names that I have usually come across.<br /><br />Then there are these really funny pets I have seen with names which SHOULD not be given to pets, especially dogs. There is a basic disconnect between the name and the animal. I had one neighbor who had a Pomeranian called "Killer" or “Tiger”. I mean what kind of a killer would be a Pomeranian? It probably kills the mosquitoes in the radius with its high frequency noise but Killer is NOT a name for that bitch. I have also found it funny that about a few years ago, every girl I knew who had a dog named it "Sonu" after Sonu Nigam. Am sure they all love the singer, all lust him may be.. but naming their dog after him... Crap! Girls I always fail to understand!<br /><br />I guess the name of the dog makes it what it really is. I had a dog too which was called Whisky. It was a golden retriever which was much darker than most golden retrievers I have seen. Whisky was an appropriate name for Whisky. He was a basturd though... was a rowdy in his own rights and had taken control of the whole house hold while he was around. "Basturd" is another name I like. "Come here basturd", "Fetch Basturd!" are such an appropriate way to talk to your dog. I also have a friend who has a pet cat called "Cup of Tea" which I find very very cute. "Ray" was another lab I knew who was pitch black and awesome looking.<br /><br />When I do have dogs, two male labs are what I have in my dreams(if i can fight my paranoia about <a href="http://surelyjoking.blogspot.com/2007/09/world-will-go-to-dogs.html">dogs </a>that is)... I want to call them Macho and Benjo (After characters with the same name of MTV, who incidentally got their names from Madher Chod and Behen Chod). Nutz and Boltz too are names I am willing to consider but only if I have on male and one female dog. You cannot possibly which has a Nut on the male toilet door and a bolt on the female toilet door. Whatever be their names <i>insha allah!</i>, I’d rather not have a dog than to have one who is called "Myjaan"Tejashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09243061079763927483noreply@blogger.com2