Surely Joking

of downs and unders

2012-01-15T22:28:00.000-08:00

BCCI rejected claim that the busy schedule of the players has anything to do the performance of the team after India lost to the Ozs in another innings defeat - the fourth in the last seven. After selecting the one day team, Kris Srikanth with a beer in his had told press persons "The team is a perfect mix of experience and youth. There is no reason why this team should lose. It has nothing to do with the tight schedule of players. It has to do with the format of the game."

Sources inside the BCCI are suggesting that a letter is being drafted by a committee which includes 4% sub quota for people like Manmohan Singh, the mentally backward community. After research by the committee, BCCI is planning to propose the following rule changes in the Test cricket format. They believe that if the game has to survive the following changes have to be made to keep the audience interested:

When India is batting, the bowler is not allowed to bowl over 140 kmph. He will be no-balled on bowling over that speed with a warning, and three warnings and the bowler is not allowed to bowl in that innings. There can be only two slips, one slip and a gully or two gullys. No other fielder is allowed 30 meters from the bat. Catches cannot be caught in two hands. If so that will be declared as 4 runs.

Dravid cannot be out bowled, Laxman cannot be out caught behind and Dhoni and Shewag cannot be out caught anywhere. Next time Tendulkar scores a 50, it should be declared as a 100.

When India is bowling, batsman crossing 100 will be declared out. Scoring three centuries in consecutive matches will result in 2 match ban for the batsman.

There are a couple of other changes revolving middle figures and multiple innings for select players under discussion. Though there was no one to confirm of such a letter being drafted out, Team Anna has already decided to come out and fast against this in just BCCI functioning. Arvind Khejriwal has blamed Digvijay Singh for the debacle of the Indian team and Diggy in turn claims to have photographs of Dhoni in RSS colors.

When Tendulkar was asked about the ongoing series and Indies performance, he said "ay la, it is not about records. If I play like the way I am playing, I will get there someday, even if it means in another 3 years. I am not responsible for any of the recent overseas losses because I have never scored a century in any of them. It is only if I score a century that I can be blamed for India losing. I am feeling as fit as I was 20 years ago and am hungry to score more runs."

Yuvraj and Harbhajan were seen on the beaches goa at a New Years party 15 days after new year. When asked how they are coping up with being dropped from the team, bhajji performed a couple of bhangra steps screaming "maa ki, maa ki" and Yuvi swore that Deepika and him were just friends.

Dependence Day

2011-08-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

In 3 days, India completes 64 years of freedom. We will celebrate independence day of 2011 like we always did. Our prime minister will give the country a speech, a tradition that will happen for the 65th time. The flag will be hoisted and everyone gets sweets. Then everybody can go home, eat a nice lunch and catch up on an afternoon siesta. But what is this independence that we are enjoying? As a common man living on the ground, as the end customer of the country, what is that I am getting out of life in an independent country, supposedly largest functioning democracy?

India is a country of rich cultural heritage. This is a country where some of the greatest minds of the world were born. A country where great and timeless kings ruled. A country known for some of the greatest architectural and natural wonders. A country where great religions and philosophies originated. A country where we were taught to love thy neighbour and respect elders. But that is all of the past isn't it? We have all been living in the glories of the past. As I look at it, the last 64 years have seen a downward trend.

Currently I live in a country where everything is manipulated and served to its people on a plate. A country where media that makes me believe what they want me to believe. A country where I have to wait for hours in rain and traffic jams to make sure that some bloody politician has a better ride back from his First Class flight travel to his 5 star hotel. A country where I have to wait in queues and be at the receiving end of a police lati just to watch a cricket match or celebrate a festival. A country where I have to live with a constant fear when I leave in the morning, I don't know if I will reach back home in the night. A country where I am scared to go to the police station when I am facing a social atrocity. We have become a country where I have to bribe to be born and another to die. India, reduced to a country where crooks are born, breed and control my life. A country where money means power and only power can buy money. A country where everything including god is black and maligned. A country where law is at least a 5 year plan and parliament is also an entertainment TV channel.

The politicians who lead us are all thieves. Each and every one of them without exceptions are today making merry in the name of religion, caste, economic differences, language etc. Not one is interested in bringing an equilibrium among them. They want the differences. They breed on the differences. They breed the differences. And how! The ones with power are looting my money, a tax payers income tax and either stacking them up in banks out of my country or burning it lead a luxurious life. So basically my money is accumulating and resting in some hi-tech bank in Switzerland and I have been driving through pot holed roads paying fines and bribes so that more of my money can go to Switzerland. Everyone who can is doing it, without thinking about the country or its people so long as they don't get caught. Even if they do get caught, each major criminal is going to end up living in air conditioned cells, the electricity bill of which I foot.

And all I am going to get is to pay a huge fine if I don't pay my income tax on time.

Its not like I am doing anything about it though. I am a patriotic Indian. By patriotic, I mean I carry an Indian flag in purse or stand up in and respect the national anthem when it is sung in theaters or talk highly of my country and its culture animatedly in drunk conversations or try to follow as many rules I can. I celebrate every time India wins a cricket match and cry tears of pride every time I hear a Rehman patriotic song. I am not proud of the fact that my patriotism ends in dark bars of a disappointing Indian city but what more can I do? I have to wake up early next morning and get on with the life of using the trashed city roads dodging through trashed city traffic going to a trashed office and earn money for my daily bread and income tax.

I don't think I am Independent

I fall into that 1% country who is educated and employed. I fall into that small fraction of the country who lives in the city. If I look at it that way, I must consider myself fairly lucky. At least I can pay that bribe and get things rolling. What happens to the rest of them? If I am not independent, what about the rest?

I don't think there is point calling it an Independence day - more a dependence day - a day when we show to the rich and the powerful that we are dependent on them.

Still - Mera Bharath Mahan! Jai Hind!

Bangaloreee

2011-07-10T19:47:00.001-07:00

Metro metro everywhere
not one train to link
Malls and malls everywhere
not one place to sink

Beautiful chicks everywhere
with brains made of zinc
Handsome punks everywhere
holding hands and wearing pink

Water water everywere
not a drop to drink
Bangalore weather is wonderful
but its crowded and it stinks

bar to broom

2011-07-08T02:25:00.001-07:00

bar ge hogi drink maad de rum
home ge bandaage thale anntu gimmm

bed mele biddu hodedaaga gorke
wife thandee bittalu porke

mankkuthimma - 1

2011-06-30T23:56:00.001-07:00

car andre petrol karchu
bike andre accident hechhu
auto andre shiva bari mosa
bus andre volage masala dosa
heegiddaaga bengalorinalli naanu henge vodaadali mankkuthimma?

Cat – os – Trophy - 3

2011-05-17T00:42:00.000-07:00

Stamping Feet

2011-05-11T23:10:00.000-07:00

When we were in school, we used to play a game we used to call Stamping Feet. The object of the game fairly simple and the rules were subject to change on the fly. It was basically a single player game and one person was considered out, a decision which we would come to based on “claps”(a complex method of eliminating and finding one random person in a group). The person who is out became the "catcher" and had to, with his shoes touch one of the other's. On success, the stamper would become the catcher and the stampee would join the rest of us and thus and the game continued. It was not really restricted to mere touching, it could also be stamping ( hence the name of the game ), kicking, tripping, anything that involved in contact between two things - one of them the shoes of a well fed, constantly sugar high, 15 year olds.

On week days the bullies made merry. Thanks to the leather shoes which we were forced to use, the cheaper the shoe, the heavier it was and getting kicked by one was not a pleasant experience. No one really messed with the bullies. On week ends it was PT day and we were supposed to wear white canvas shoes. On these days, the game was quicker and it was more about technique and swiftness. Saturday games were more glamorous and usually included extra audience, the ones who were late and couldn't get their hands on the 1 basket ball, 1 volley ball and 4 shuttle rackets that were the only possessions of the PT department. So with people(girls) watching and things like fame, name, 2 chewing-gums etc at stake the guys with the right body / brain / attitude for the game excelled and entertained. No one messed with the bullies on Saturdays too.

The rest of us got fucked every day.

The bullies went on to become politicians and real estate agents and the really rich people with loads of black money.

The "body and brain" ones went on to become movie stars and sportsmen and entrepreneurs.

The rest of us are still getting fucked every day.

Cat – os – Trophy - 2

2011-05-10T00:09:00.000-07:00

I hate doctors. My history with them has been horrible. The two vets I have met so far have both ruined my life, each within 15 minutes of meeting me.

The first vet I went to was a very creepy man. He seemed to be lost in his own world, and I believe he was either mentally special or some one had hit him very hard on his head. As soon as he saw me, he pulled up my tail and declared to them that I was female. I was too young to realize what that meant for me but being a cat with an unsophisticated brain, I accepted what was told. This resulted in me being called "paru" for the first couple of days there after. Soon people who thought paru was a boring name came up with their own. I came to be called "mitai" "shreya" "tittu" "chitti" and their variations.

The next few days went away in shaping myself into an ideal woman. I was bought a pink basket which I could move around out of home. I was trained to keep my legs together and behave gently like how women are expected to. I was for sometime pedicured, nail polished and bathed twice every week. Something started developing between my legs but I ignored it. With time, the first vet was done away with for his stoney behavior because each time I was taken to him, he had to start all over again, starting from figuring out how old I was to looking what shots I was already given. I was more than glad that I didn't have to go there anymore because his clinic smelt of a stinky dog.

The second one turned out to be worse. The moment he saw me he confirmed that I am male. He also confirmed that what was growing between my legs were actually testicles and that I was going to hit "heat" soon. In about 3 minutes from then, I was given an injection that had a strange impact on me. I completely lost it. I could see and hear what was happening around but could not register a thing. I could not move. After what felt like a few cat days, my senses started falling in place. I could slowly move only to realize that there were stitches in the place where balls previously existed. He drugged me and cut off my balls. That basturd!

I am now stuck with the pink box, girly names and no balls.

On the positive side, I don't get to bath as often. I can be smelly and no one cares.

and in faking news....

2011-03-28T22:44:00.001-07:00

Mohali is getting ready to what is being claimed as the biggest event of the year, even bigger than the super moon which a lot of city dwellers missed because of traffic and pollution. The game is expected to be watched by half of the worlds population including dogs, cats, monkeys and Charlie Sheen. India and Pakistan are routed to play the semi finals of the World Cup of 2011, the most intelligent cup in the history of mankind - a cup that counts. God (who sometimes claims to be Sachin Tendulkar) too has taken a day off with a leave letter stating personal reasons. Though he was not available for questioning, sources say he was busy organizing the biggest party the real world will never know about. However India and Pakistan will definitely remain closed and the prime ministers are expected to be seen sharing a boxer. Errr box.

Some activists and cricket enthusiasts have been out on the streets today protesting that tomorrow must be declared a national holiday. Yuvraj Singh has stated that he is not going to play in any case tomorrow is declared a dry day.

The Indian cricket team were seen practicing with at most enthusiasm. While Ghambir was seen running between the wickets without a partner for over 4 hours with coach Garry Kirsten keeping a close watch on him, southies Srisanth and Ashwin was seen practicing screaming friendly accolades towards the opponents female family members in Hindi. When Dhoni was asked about his teams preparation he said with his usual lack of emotion "WELL OFCOURSE we will win. We are a horrible fielding outfit but we are surely better than them (Pakistanies). Our batting has not performed as expected but we are better than them. And in the bowling department if Shoaib (Aktar) plays, our bowling would be as good as theirs. The boys don't really care about the cup as we can all count but we want to win it for Sachin (Tendulkar)"

The Pakistanis were seen taking a day off with every one attending to personal chores. While Afridi and Misbah were busy discussing family problems with Sania Mirza, Kamran Akmal was caught sharpening his front teeth at the dentist, just in case he had to bite nails (Not bails or balls he clarified) for what is expected to be a certain nail biter. When Imran Khan was asked on how his team was going to fare in the game he said " The boys are going to play for their lives as this is a do or die for them... that is the format of the game". However there are reports that he knows of a betle nut derivative would be extended to the names of the Pakistan team members in the case they lost the game. Previously the "supari" as the world calls it was out just in the names of the previous World Cup winner's captains . When a certain Mr D (name has been withheld to protect the individual) was asked if this was true, he said "No Idea."

Bangalore will remain closed tomorrow. Traffic has seen its peak since Sunday evening with people uncertain of the days of the week owing to Wednesday being declared a self holiday by everyone. For traffic police, it would be businiess as usual and have issued a press statment saying it would be safe to drink and drive only after the match in case India win. BSY has already made a statement that the launch of the Metro will be further delayed and the sole cause is the India Pakistan semi finals irrespective of the result of the match.

It has been speculated that the noted Arnab Goswami would retire after this match if India lose.

7 khoon maaf types

2011-03-10T00:13:00.001-08:00

I dislike weddings in general. I hate them so much that if I were given a choice, I would not have even attended mine. The reasons why I dislike them is probably because I dislike all forms of social gatherings unless they involve beer consumption. I have never really tried to analyze the root of this issue to see why I am the way I am. Anyhow the point at this point is that I dislike weddings. However, there are times when attend them because of the in formidable forces acting on me. Like I did mine. A few others too.

The other week end was one of those weddings I attended. It was that of the missus's friend's and I know the bride well enough to not to skip it. More over, I was the assigned driver and escort 7 women to and from the wedding hall.

Here are my top 7 observations, a dedication of one each for each of them I was blessed the company of:

1. Women take at least twice as much time to get dressed to a wedding as compared to a normal day. This is excluding the time spent on the previous day to select the clothes, accessories and the works. If this selection involves any form of shopping, be it even for a rubber band, it would need an extra two days per item.

2. Parallel processing is impossible for them while dressing up. If one woman takes 10 minutes (an under exaggerated figure, just for example) to get dressed, then two women take way more than 20. More the women, more the number of helping hands available but also more the extra time required. A clear case of too many cooks spoiling the broth.

3. They would rather be dressed properly for the wedding than be on time for it.

4. Every woman at the wedding has more clothes as back up for each occasion than all of the groom's clothes put together.

5. There is no such thing as a multipurpose footwear. Even the sole has to match with something or other, a complex algorithm of matching which is better not understood.

6. They don't really care about the food at weddings (which is strange considering men would not go to one if not for the food)

7. They have at least 5 things in their purse which doubles as a mirror.

I am not complaining at all. I am rather glad that they get dressed and come to weddings. Atleast that makes my time spent at weddings colorful. Its just an observation. I am waiting for the day when the world would not have weddings at all.

Draw a tie

2011-02-28T07:33:00.001-08:00

This Sunday turned out to be quiet an action packed day for Indians in general and for most Bangaloreans in particular. The build up to the India vs England match was marked with interventions from something or someone divine, not sure it was god or the devil(read Mandira Bedi). For one, the match got shifted from Eden Gardens to Chinnaswami. Saurav Ganguly continued to be under the opinion that the match could have very well happened in Kolkotta, so be it that the players of both the teams would have had to adjust a tiny bit and share dressing rooms. That kind of inconvenience he believed was acceptable, especially when the crowd of chota king smoking bengalis would be out in larger numbers than in Bangalore resulting in the match being more action packed with Smoke Bombs and Water Guns instead of the traditional Lati charge that prevailed here.

Those who were lucky like the local MLA's third wife's second cousin or stupid like Venkatesh to pay for the tickets through his nose, got to watch what would be equivalent to watching the "divya jothi" at Shabarimalai. They got to see the god, also called Sachin Tendulkar sometimes, perform magic once again, only to go for the mid innings break wondering what had just passed. Did they really see what they saw or did the just imagine the ball flying all over the park like the thousands of devotees do every year at Shabarimalai.

The lesser fortunate, who didn't get their hands on tickets and were not at the end of a swinging lati got to watch the match in crowded bars. Only a few of them did get to watch the match while most had to satisfy themselves watching heads of the others. All of them however, in the hope of getting drinks had to avoid getting molested as the crowds that had gathered in such bars could have put the mumbai local to shame.

By the time the second innings came mid way, everyone had mellowed down into a drunk stupor, some of them because of the alcohol, but most of them having early bouts of Monday morning blues. Come batting power play, not only did the Indian team came into spirit, so did the spirited individuals. Among the chats of "Bolo bharat mata ki Jai" and "Dhoni, Zindabaad" there were other more interesting slogans like "Soda, lemon, ginger-pop, I want Deepika Padukone on the top" as she glared on the screen biting Siddhart Mallyas nails(she didnt want to do hers as they had been pedicured specially for the match) and some subdued slogans of "Baath koli na denga" when Grame Swan came to bat also made rounds.

The bar owners broke coconuts in the name of Shane Warne as the match turned out to be a tie. They were thankful that India didn't lose and therefore their mugs and bottles didn't get a chance to break. They were more thankful that India did not win and they could hold back stocks which could be sold after the Budget.

Bangalore seemed to sleep early with only a hand full of losers who had gotten out of the stadium early with the expectation of an Indian loss but were too late to enter any bar within the prescribed closure timings of the city who were found singing "Oops I did it again".

close encounter with the opener

2011-02-23T21:46:00.000-08:00

Waiting for something in anticipation is always much better than the real thing.

Its been a week since the world cup has started. One India match out of the way too, brilliant batting performance by the Delhi boys, though the match in itself lacked any real match feeling. However much the Indian players have to say about Bangladesh (revenge and all that), Bangladesh still seems like a school team who seem to practice with a tennis ball in the nets. It was a simple win, a match in which I slept through the second innings, primarily because of abuse of beer during the first.

Still our players are injured in all over the place. Knees of Sachin and Shewag are in question, and so has Zaheers manhood(He seems to have a niggling groin from time immemorial). Nehra and Srisanth are as usual, injured in their brains. The way Indians are getting the advantage, making sure all their games being played at home, I don't think it is surprising if ICC would allow Indian team to play in the practice match format - 15 member team for India.

There has been lots of other action apart from the highly media-fied Indian team. NZ beat the shit out of Kenya and Ricky Pointing beat the shit out of a poor unsuspecting LCD TV. With the "aatakku untu lekkakke illa(There for the game, not for the count)" teams finishing off their matches in a hurry, the World Cup 2011 promises much more action in the coming days.

Now that the India England match has moved from Kolkotta to Bangalore, my absence in the stadium will hence be blamed on the ticket prices than as previously planned, the lack of good India matches in Bangalore.

The practice is on from my end. Got the setup-box for my TV. Warming up my body for this Sunday. Have made a mental note not to consume the beer during the first innings. Would love to use KP as the make shift opener for the bottles.

May the best team win. India of course.

Chai - na

2011-02-20T23:21:00.001-08:00

Some time in 2017, the the world came to being dominated by Asia, especially India and China. Every other country in the world was either part of these two countries or supported them.

China had been trying hard to take over the country of India, waging a series of infiltrations in what would later be called the third world war. It was in these times came to power General Chi Thu, a small army general who had about 5000 soldiers under him. He had risen to the rank of a General with in two years of joining the army. This non formally educated boy had grown up in the mountains and, from a very young age had a sharp eye for solving problems. He joined the army and took over a small platoon on the unfortunate death of the platoon commander on one of the infiltrations on Arunachal Pradesh. He soon became a General and was given the primary duty of planning and strategic take over of India.

He came up with this genius plan of taking over India, not in the usual way the wars are fought. He targeted Bangalore, which by then had become such a populous and rich city that it controlled all of the South India and had even over taken Delhi in population. Bangalore was so huge in terms of importance that, when Mumbai was destroyed in a stray attack by Pakistan before they, who ironically got destroyed by USA in 2014, Bollywood was moved to the then biggest IT power in the world. The people in Bangalore had become so busy that no one was cooking at their homes. Needless to say, the food industry was the most thriving business in Bangalore. This is what General Chi Thu saw as an opportunity which he thought he could exploit.

He planned slowly flood every restaurant in Bangalore with his men. These smartly trained chinki cooks/terrorists would join as laborers doing mostly cooking but other random jobs. Soon each and every restaurant would have at least one chinki. On one planned day, they would poison every soul in Bangalore and take control of the city. That give them control of South India and then they would attack Indistan( after the US-PAK-EGYPT-SL war, India and Pak got merged of course) from both the sides.

I believe the process of flooding our food industries with chinkies has already started. Beware Bangaloreans! Beware of that chinki server/cook at your favorite restaurant.

Cat – os – Trophy - 1

2011-02-09T23:31:00.000-08:00

One slightly rainy evening, I was separated from my mother and my two siblings. I must have been about a month and a half old. That sounds like that is the beginning of a horrible story of a poor cat who got separated from family and faced to live a treacherous life. But for cats, thats alright. There is no such thing as a family and friends in our worlds. We are born. We live to eat and eat to live - which ever comes our way. We hump like dogs. Like animals. Its our cycle of life.

I was placed in a card board box and was brought to what I have started calling home now. I lead a fairly luxurious life. I get fed almost regularly, mostly dried cat food which I love profusely. I have a room for myself with large windows. I love it because I have enough space on the edge of the window where I can sit and look out of the window. There is so much happening outside but that hardly impacts me. Its a nice life us home cats get to live.

I was given a sand box for the first couple of days. Those were the days I was getting adjusted to the new environment and new food habits. Obviously, I had some bowel issues and finally on my third evening there, I took the biggest dump of my life. Stinked big time. The very next day I got a proper cat litter. I am beginning to believe that action speaks louder than words. It would help if they let the bathroom door opened.

"They" are mad people. I live with this guy and girl who brought me to this place that rainy evening. The guy is alright. He seems pretty useless. He sits in front of the computer or TV most of the time doing random stuff. He does not seem to have much of a job. He gets to do most of the kitchen jobs. I think he is a sad looser. But he is alright. He feeds me well when he feeds me. Clears up all the mess I create. If he is my assigned care taker, I should fight for a better one.

That girl is a little crazy. From the time I got here, she has used a hundred names to call me. I think she is going through an identity crisis. She talks to all the plants in the house too. Giving them names. She however loves to flaunt me around. I love attention. She usually has people over who just want to come to meet me. It pisses me off though that she calls me by a different name every time. It is what is confusing. Am not always sure is she is calling me or some plant or ant in the house.

I have a donkey to play with. He has grown to be my best friend so far. He is pretty dumb and seems to be physically handicapped or something. He expects me carry him around everywhere I go. I usually oblige only because he is my best friend. He hardly talks too. I think he cant really speak. Poor donkey.

To be continued...

cutting

2011-02-08T18:23:00.000-08:00

Sometimes in life, one faces strange situations. When A has decided on achieving something and after having fought with oneself in the head about how difficult it is to actually achieve it, A is determined to achieve it, he comes across people B, C etc who are determined to make sure A does not do it. Its at these times when a true hero stands out from a normal person. A true hero never succumbs to pressure. I did.

The current pollution levels in the city and my age and phase of life had prompted me to take a strange but off-beat decision. Grow long hair. It was going to be my last chance to grow long hair. Any prolonged wait would have resulted in failure because of the receding hairline issues of middle aged men and deviation from the age-appearence-social-acceptence rules. So a determined me started on a journey of growing unmanageable curly hair long a couple of months ago. The journey didn't last that long.

Every person I met for the past few weeks had made it a point to mention my hairdo. Its nice to be noticed and all. Some even liked it but then there were others who ended up calling us(me and the hair) names. Some who met me regularly had even plotted plans to make sure that we had parted. My mom (a post graduate is Science I must admit) even induced fear in me (a BE) saying people with "bad mouths" could say something bad at my hair and that would result in bad energy coming my way eventually resulting in some harm for me.

Thats it! Its over. I give up. When you fail, you not only let yourself down, but also a few who have supported you through it. Sucks but such is life!

9 days to go

2011-02-08T03:08:00.000-08:00

The country is going to be under productive for the next couple of months. World Cup 2011 followed by IPL4. Hurray!

I am a sucker for cheap publicity stunts. And nothing captures our imagination as much as cricket and Bollywood does. Everything about cricket and Bollywood is worth reading about. Despite of the spectrum of scams hogging our country, I get a kick out of a "Bhajji slapped Srisanth" or "Kareena kissed Shaid" stories. I know I should be ashamed but ah! what the heck... To behave in tune with the core of my personality, I would rather watch a cricket match or a film awards ceremony than watch Burkha and Rajdeep spit shit. Its Star Sports on my Sony Bravia hence forth.

The current Bollywood and cricket "heroes" seem to have vague but vital similarities. This is possibly due to the rise of both platforms of entertainment around about the same time (or at least they have been there since I, as a two year old first could make out whats what). Its interesting when one draws loose parallels.

Gavaskar could be an Amitab Bachhan - They say they have done lots of good work... but I couldn't care less.. The less I see them, the better I feel.

Yuvi is like Akshay - There is a lot of hope and the end of it there is always a let down. A few(read very very few) glimpses of classes in the process.

Srisanth = Sallu - More fart than actual shit types

Raina = Hritik | Kholi = Abhay Deol | Bhajji = Paresh Raval | Siddhu = Bobby Darling and such.

Which brings us to another interesting observation. I happened to watch Ajay Devagan on KWK the other day - Not really good looking; at least not conventionally. Came with a bang in a few action packed roles. Few awesome performances in the way. Settled into a comfortable place in business. Cool. Calm. Knows there is shit around. Knows how to deal with it. Knows how to handle media. No one is really a fan but would not mind watching him over the other jokers. Just like Dhoni on so many levels. I hope he can get us the cup. At least for Sachin's sake.

Was trying to figure out a parallel for our beloved Sachin. But he is god and all isn't he? The true son of the country. Like Lord Ganesha. Or Chota Bheem may be

take me home kantri road

2011-02-07T01:30:00.000-08:00

I am not really a morning person. Definitely not a Monday morning person. I hate the fact I cannot stay in bed and let my dreams take control of life. Monday plays spoil sport every week. Fuck Mondays.

I have gotten used to the traffic here. If one lives and works with the same company with considerable commitment to either of them, one ends up taking the same route day after day, between mostly constant points on the map and surely enough, one soon finds that perfect time of the day to commute with at least a perception that, that time of the day has streets that are least traffic infested (though that may not actually be true). Anyway, now that I don't "commute" to much per say to work(20 mins on my worst day; if I am not working from home ie - beat that suckers!) I don't really mind the traffic after all.

Its the time between entering the office gate and the time I first check my email that I find the most depressing. This involves

1. Parking

2. Elevator ride

3. Machine launch

Offices these days have way too many cars. The previous statement is the highly mellowed down version of the truth. So irrespective of the number of spots of parking available, there are always more cars. This is the case with at least me and a few hundred miserable people like me who work in my building. An average driver would take about 12 minutes from the gate to find a spot and park it satisfactorily between the given yellow lines. This would vary depending on the time of the day of entrance to the parking lot and weather or not you are stuck behind a not so average driver. Two wheelers are a little less unfortunate. I mostly fit into this category these days.

Thank god there are elevators. Taking the stairs from -2 to 6 is not something I would prefer to do any day of the year, certainly not on a Monday morning. But what irritates me about them are the bugged algorithms that run in the ones in my building and the people who use them to climb up or down 1 floor. I usually end up spending as much time waiting for a lift as I spend traveling on one owing to the aforementioned two reasons. This being an average of my combined experience with elevators in general, though a lot of the sample points are taken from my current employers building. My twitter page today reads, #ifihadagun I would shoot people who use the elevator between 1 2 floors. You who use the life between single floors, you are worse than traffic rules offenders. Shame on you.

The world of technology has advanced so much that visiting the moon is no longer a dream. It still is a dream to turn on a computer and not waiting for it to boot. Every computer I have turned on in my life (over a span of 18 years) has been a computer which takes close to 5 minutes before it can start accepting human instructions. These 5 minutes after having walked to ones seat exchanging strange "Monday morning blues" looks with co-employees present and sitting in the seat trying to look like one is making oneself comfortable always seems an eternity. Launch of mail client, chat clients and other necessary software required to progress in one's day takes as much time.

That's a good 30 mins on an average from the gate to my first instruction to my computer. What a waste of time. I will work from home tomorrow

Below Expectation

2010-03-15T00:49:00.000-07:00

Today, I realised a 5 year out standing dream of riding the volvo to work. It worked great in my favor and all the smaller dreams(of reading a book on the way to work and riding in a/c on the way to work, getting to work without a backlog of "pissed-off-ness" et all) attached to this outstanding dream also came true. This considering the fact that i was told the traffic on the road today was relatively low oveing to most people taking today off as tomorrow is a festival holiday making it an almost 5 day week end.

Also tremendous change taking place at work with the appraisal cycle just coming to an end. Lot of emotions in imbalance as I have been given a considerably low rating for the efforts I have put through. Survival in the industry is a cat fight!

Am half way through this book called "love over coffee" - a Romance @ Work by Amrit N Shetty, an IT professional working in a multinational company. An excerpt from this book which found sharp pointers to my current life:

To survive in this IT jungle, one has to constantly send out signals about his or her presence. One has to make sure that his name appears in the symbolic list maintained by higher management, if he wants to get promoted or even to get a decent hike. You will not last a single day if you do not paint a positive picture of your self to your colleagues or your superiors. IT is a field where you could get killed if you loose your focus even for a second. It is like driving on Indian roads where even the best drivers can fail.

On Indian roads, one has to constantly look out for mistakes made by others and take advantage of them; knowing how to drive does help, but only a little. If you are careful driver who is averse to taking risks, you could end up spending hours in the traffic congestion, while smart drivers sneak through gaps left my the inept ones. If you are smart, you can quickly learn to drive the Indian way, but if you are foolish or one of the heady nerds, you'd be plain lucky to survive.

There are only few exceptions to the general rule and that is only because they have God fathers inside the organisation or the government.

I quickly learnt that it was easy to drive through the congestion if you followed a bus or a big van. People ahead make way for big vehicles fearing the clout thrown around by them and all one had to do to succeed is to stay close on their heels. You progress as much as the bigger vehicles. This strategy compensated for my inability to learn quickly and take advantage from mistake made by others. I was constantly making amends to my driving not because I didn’t want to win but because I did not want to get killed or stuck in the congestion.

Relatively poor written book but a good read for an IT professional. Am half way through it and is a nice read if you ride the Volvo to work! :)

IPL2

2009-05-25T02:07:00.000-07:00

IPL continues its success story! IPL second edition ended up with a bang as well. Congratulations Deccan Chargers. You deserved to win. Good work Kumble and the Royal challengers of Bangalore as well.

Continuing from where I left it last time, here goes the bullet points of this year.

* First and foremost, SA was a super second destination for the event. Wonderful crowd. Stupid also but great also. Thanks for being there and supporting our teams and making this event a grand success

* Thank you Prieti and Shilpa is supporting a losing cause. If not for you guys, your teams had nothing to cheer about.

* Thank you AB for your amazing century, but sorry that all the credit goes to our own Manish Pandey for matching your shot to shot, fielding to fielding

* Thank you Manish Pande once again for your performance and taking your team to where you took them. Too bad you had 6 balls strike in the first 6 overs of the finals. Lets just say your team played against you. But everyone has to learn from you as to how to take a given opportunity with open arms

* Thank you KKR for your not so nice performance. But you did perform where RCB needed. So kudos to you.

* Thank you Robin Uttappa for fucking up every time you went out to bat. Next time make sure you get a contract from KKR. You will fit in there perfectly.

* Great performances guys - Hayden, RP, Dilshan, Kumble and the rest of you who did perform well

* Sachin, Saurav, Dravid, Lakshman and the rest of the fuckers who performed pathetically, just look at those kids who are performing man... dont you get a little inspiration from that?

* The vodafone adds were killer this time! Way to go zoo zoo!

* Mandira, Sameer, Arunlal, Akaash Chopra and the gang - you suck!

* Gavaskar, Shastri, Bhogle, Rameez and the gang - you suck too!

* Super over was an amazing intersting change. Super!

* Thank you IPL for making cricket a little more open and making players answerable - no more just mumbaikars like Agarkar and Ranesh Powar who have sucked at the game. The new finds should make it to the team soon - Super played boys - The Ojhas, Nayar, Jadeja, Pandey, Jakathi, Kholi, Raina, Rohit and all

Overall another awesome four weeks. Keep it going. In a couple of years there are going to be two more teams. The speculation is that they are giong to be the Lucknow loafers and the Ahamadabad assholes!

The Fone is the Phucked

2009-04-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

It has happened again. Every now and then something happens in my life that makes me realise that this is not for me. Every now and then. It has happened again!

The fone is the phucked!

This is not new to me. It does not even hurt anymore. The wound has become numb. It is the same story every few months. Each time, the “The end” may be different but the story is still the same.

The “The end” this time - My Nokia just died on me and it refused to wake up. Its dead!
Oh ya.. post sales service at E Zone at Sigma mall sucks. Dont go there! (I hear they over price too)

I am glad in a way that its been over 40 hours and I dont have a vibrator in my pocket silently titillating me at the oddest hours and the insanest times of the day. Its like a blessing in disguise if you look at it from one side - The Right side. I have constantly hated cellular phones and lately developed an aversion towards other cell phone using individuals. They should teach cell phone etiquette in school.
In the first place, I have constantly sucked at handling the device, fuck the etiquette. Only I know how much efforts have gone into keeping cell phones in one piece with me hitting walls as I walk.

My first 4 cell phones have been expensive(by my standards) handsets. Spent a good <two digit number> grand for each of them, each state of the art at that particular instant of time(Time is such an illusion I tell you… in just a couple of days your phone is outdated. Bitch!).

But now I have come up with a whole new approach of handling the responsibility of a cell phone and wish to call it - The ULTIMATE guide to manage cell phones for dummies. I have, over time and experience collected enough data to substantiate my claim.

On an average, the life time of a cell phone is 10 months.. at the most. The reasons that the life of a cell phone would seize would be:

1. It just dies on you(Like this time).
2. Falls into water.
3. Falls into the sea.
4. Falls into your beer.
5. Beer falls on it.
6. It falls of your pocket.
7. It gets stolen from your pocket.
8. It gets stolen from your car.
9. It gets stolen from your friend’s house. It is the maid but you have no proof.
10. A bike runs over it.
11. A bus runs over it.
12. You get mugged
13. The screen fails. You give it for repair. The guy doesn’t give it back for 6 months and running…(That basturd!)
14. You throw it against the wall (Because you are super drunk)
15. You throw it against the wall (Because you are super pissed)
So on and so forth.

Reasons, however much trivial (numbers 1,3,5,9, 13 apply to me, some of them more than once), may be numerous, but the result is the same. It is always “The end”

Another important factor to consider are the features on these babies. Most, oh so ludacris!

My most modern phone had a 2 mpix cam and blue tooth, stupid games and an mp3 player. I have sufficient data to support that the average usage of all the features in a phone(except calling and texting) is 1/3669th of the average usage of the phone for texting and calling. So, in eventuality the usage of calls and texting is considerably huge and hence it can be, ignoring the errors in calculations involved, summarized that the main use of the invention called cellular phone is to make calls and texting. (And seriously, these days there is all kinds of shit in the market – i-pods, PSPs, Crazy cameras, personal planners, dildos etc that one can rather use a cell phone for its primary purpose)

In conclusion, I am going to hence forth go for the cheapest handset available in the market and use it only for calling and texting (as little as possible). Cheap handsets come with an added advantage that they can be made to fall around without having to have a needle down the heart every time it does. Its a clear choice of a cheap handsets for shorter durations over state of the art shit.

The ULTIMATE guide to manage cell phones for dummies rule 1 and only:

Buy cheap handsets!

Twitter update: Upgraded from a Nokia 1200 to a Nokia 1202

Happy Woman's day

2009-03-12T02:58:00.000-07:00

The last couple of days has been pleasantly peaceful - the weather that is. After successive long hot sunny sweaty days, it has been exceptionally cloudy and drizzling, exceptional for the month of the year it is. I am guessing its cooler now that women’s day is done and gone. I guess everything is cool if the women folk of the world are cool. :)

Happy Women's day girls. I hope you have had a blast!

Talking of women, and women having a day and all to celebrate and all that jazz, I would like to take this opportunity to narrate an incident that happened in my life recently. I happened to take a bus a couple of days ago to get to work. Having heard stories about busses in Bangalore and the crowd involved, I was fully prepared, with knee and elbow braces and all. But surprisingly, the bus I got into (which would take me from Baneerghatta road to St.Patriks church on brigade road, was very empty and for the first time in my life, I didn’t feel claustrophobic in the Bangalore traffic.

So as I sat in one of the many empty seats and bought my ticket, a lady hopped into the bus. I have very limited knowledge about the "how to travel in a BMTC bus effectively without being pick picketed or molested" but then what followed next was something I could not concur with.

To explain the scene, let me give you details about the setting. Like I said, the bus was almost empty, in the sense that there were around 10 people in it, most of them had taken all the window seats available on the left side (non sunny side). Man 1 was sitting in one of the front left window seats (marked "ladies"). Man 2 was sitting with his friend on the right side. I was sitting behind all this on one of the back aisle seats from where I could get a clear view of the scene that followed. Woman enters the bus. She looks here and there and approaches Man 1.

Woman: Could you get off the seat?

Man 1: (taking off his earphones) sorry?

Woman: Get off that seat. I want to sit there.

Man 1: There are so many vacant seats. Sit in any of them.

Woman: No this seat is marked ladies. Could you please get off the seat?

Man 1: Come on, so many seats are empty. Sit somewhere else please.

Woman: Get off!

Man 1 ignores her and puts his ear phones back on.

Woman: (At conductor with a "what the fuck" look) Excuse me

Conductor: Sit somewhere else madam. The whole bus is empty.

Woman: (Ignoring the conductor, gets back to her man, trying to jab him on his shoulder to attract his attention from his ear phones)

Man 2: interrupts: Excuse me madam, why are you doing this? There are so many seats. It doesn’t make sense to wake him up. Sit somewhere else

Woman: What do you mean? You guys don’t respect women at all

Man 2: Respect? Excuse me! What respect are you talking about? It requires common sense to find yourself a seat in an almost empty bus.

Woman: Common sense? I want to sit there. That is a ladies seat.

Man 2: (pointing at another empty seat, on the right side) That is a woman's seat too. Sit there.

Woman: NO! I want to sit here only. And who are you to talk to me like this? I am not even talking to you. Mind your business

Man 2: Do what you want! (sigh! s and swears to himself. I distinctly heard him say Bitch. But he wasn’t talking to her anyway ;) right?)

Man 1 (cant take it anymore and gets into action)

Man 1: Why do you want to sit in this seat only?

Woman: There is shade there. I want to sit there only. And it’s a ladies seat. So get up.

Man 1: If you want shade, you should take an auto. You can’t come to a public bus and behave like a child.

Woman: What child? Driver stop the bus! Take me to the police.

(By now, everyone in the bus including me has stopped giving attention to the bitch. The driver moved on and the conductor went behind in the pretext of selling his tickets. The woman's ears have turned red. She is about to blow up. I could not wait for the action to begin. Unfortunately that’s my stop. I get off the bus and walk off, trying to kick start my day)

Now, clearly anyone with a sound mind on that bus would believe that the woman was a bitch! Swear it. I respect women a lot to abuse them, but this one was a total bitch.

But why am I abusing a woman on a blog which is titled "Happy woman's day"? I somehow feel that this whole women's rights and women are equal to men is over played. Way too over played. And I personally believe the women of today have taken full advantage of these two levels, women's rights and the school of thought of women being equal to men. That is, when the situation is better for them to be the weaker sex, they are but when it comes to certain other things, they want to be treated equal. This makes survival of the men folk much more complex that it already was. If handling a normal woman wasn’t tough enough!

Think about it. If you are going in a car and the car has a flat, YOU have fix it cos touching the tyre would dirty her hand. Or if the attic has to be cleaned, its you who have to climb up and get all the shit on your face. But when it comes to things like say, going to a pub, or for that matter cooking in the kitchen, the modern young women take a different stance. Women are no less than men these days. These days women work and earn as much as men and hence need equal rights and equal priviledges. Its not that I am against women going to a pub. Its just that if woman goes to a pub only to prove to the men that even she can be like him, that’s where she becomes a looser.

If its equal privileges you require, why in the name of the devil do you have to pick up the phone and call the man in your life (father, husband, boyfriend, brother, best friend, rakhi brother, random guy from orkut etc) when your radiator blows up? Equal privileges is all you want right? Get it fixed. Fix it yourself. Hitch a ride. Do something instead of the call?

It’s not just about the car where double standards are maintained. Over all, this world is living on the double standards of the modern women. This is what education does I feel! Ruineth you!

I think its very simple. Women, with just the gift of giving birth to another human should make them much higher than men. Why don’t you look at it that way? Why do you want to come down to our level? We are all bastards in one way or the other right? Why do you want to be EQUAL to us?

It’s time we accept that we are different species and take it from there.

Happy womens day either ways!

Cheers

Cyber love

2009-03-01T10:46:00.000-08:00

as i wander in cyberspace, not knowing what to do or where to go, lost in the many fantasies it has to offer, i look for you, here, there, and not finding you in sight here makes me feel void, this world without you is empty...

What the Beep*

2009-02-24T03:00:00.000-08:00

The other day, 18th of Feb it was I think, I woke up later than I usually do and didn’t feel like going to work. Although this is a common feeling I face every morning, that day it was a little different. I just wanted to be at HOME. Pamper myself. Relax. Dream. Sleep. Just lie down for hours and feel 0% productive and be happy about it. That is a great thing to do on week days. Aahhh! I wish there were more weekends!

Anyway, this Feb. 18th, I could not just relax and do all that shit. I had to go to work, late was o k, but bunking till EOD was not a choice I had. So I decided I might as well go get the insurance for my bike done. That way, I could go to work late and still get some other work done in the process. Get the insurance for my bike, which was due a month and a half ago. Better late than never my teacher used to say.

I had heard of this MONSTER called the "Silk board fly over" junction. I have crossed this bad boy a few times before, all on weekends, mostly at odd times of the day(read night) and it has always almost been a cake walk. Mostly. But this Feb. 18th was the first time I saw him in complete rage. I touched Ring road at the famous Udapi garden junction. I had got the green light at that signal and I landed on ring road. After that, it took close to 50 mins for me to reach silk board flyover. All those 50 mins, my bike was revving and in first gear, moving bumper to bumper, leg to leg, very very slow, and not really steady.

Mental note: Bangalore has become awfully sunny these days! Don’t wear black T shirts

Just as I turned left onto Hosur road, a cop stopped me. “Routine check” I was told. I can’t believe it that right behind me was one of the biggest traffic jams my tender brain ever navigated and this dude here wants to routine check my bike. I am a man of simple wants, but the least I expect from society is some common sense. The whole concept of Policing is put to fire these days. I asked him as to why he was more concerned about my papers instead of minding the traffic. He dismissed my query by spitting the pan in his mouth and said "license". I promptly produced my license and the lapsed insurance, telling him in the process, that my insurance had lapsed and I was on the way to get it renewed. The beep* would not care. He wanted me to pay the fine because at that instant, my bike was running without a valid insurance.

India is like Matrix – The movie! Some rules can be bent, some can be broken. That’s why I love India. 20 bucks and a little theatrics in the lokal language is all it took for me to get out of this freak. It works cheap if the cheap constables are in charge. But I still don’t get the idea of an insurance bring mandatory. It’s my beep*in bike. I have the money to get it fixed when it gets beep*ed. So I dont beep*in need insurance. Why should I get it then? Well, some questions are never supposed to be asked. You are supposed to oblige. Life!

The insurance office was another mad house. It was 1130 on a Wednesday - the peak if we were to plot the hours of the week onto a bell curve. And when I go there, there is a herd of people wanting to get insurances done and all waiting. No queue et all.. just waiting here and there. I go and ask this really dark big lady in a bright red sari and loud gold ornaments sitting like a pig, who looked like the boss around there. She says that this guy who is supposed to click photos of our vehicles is out to get his camera fixed. I mean, what kind of a firm will work if at the peak time of the week, you have your man fixing his tools? Seriously, what the beep*!!

Relax!! Breath innnnn…. Breath outtttt…..

The good news is that I have to wait till the next Feb 18th [:)] to get my insurance renewed. I can’t wait for the next Feb. 18th, even though I am sure I will delay getting the damn thing done!

Pinky is good too

2009-02-13T02:21:00.000-08:00

The main page in this cheap news paper I get had a rhyming headline which said "Sallu cries as MYSON dies". These days, they try to cipher the headlines so much, especially the cheap papers, that one is left with little choice but to go thru the main news to decipher it. This particular column was about a dog called "myson", a male 14 year old dog owned by Salman Khan. He incidentally has another female dog, who he calls "myjaan". The news paper went on to tell how much in love Sallu bhai is with his dogs and how he talks to them on the phone when he is away on shoots. But what interested me were the names of the dogs.

"Myjaan" and "Myson", myjaan in particular made me say the name in my mind over and over again and have loud laugh over the sensation . But that’s the best part about naming pets. You can name them whatever you want. Sidey or not, Funny or not, Stupid or not, Crazy or not... They will still respond to the name given.

There are some funny pet names that I have come across in my short life. The most common names for dogs are names like "Ramu", "Raju" etc which usually are names of dogs or elephants in Hindi movies. I haven’t seen a real dog called Ramu. I would never call a real dog “Ramu”. Please!! (Making a weird face with a long “nasal tinge” filled please, like how Polumi – Roadies 6.0 claim would say it) That would be so crazy. To call a dog by a name you would normally associate with a person. Another common trait that people catch up for naming their pets is using their color for a name. "Blacky", "Goldie", "Belli", “Dark Knight”, “Shadow”, “Reddy” [ ;) ] are names that I have usually come across.

Then there are these really funny pets I have seen with names which SHOULD not be given to pets, especially dogs. There is a basic disconnect between the name and the animal. I had one neighbor who had a Pomeranian called "Killer" or “Tiger”. I mean what kind of a killer would be a Pomeranian? It probably kills the mosquitoes in the radius with its high frequency noise but Killer is NOT a name for that bitch. I have also found it funny that about a few years ago, every girl I knew who had a dog named it "Sonu" after Sonu Nigam. Am sure they all love the singer, all lust him may be.. but naming their dog after him... Crap! Girls I always fail to understand!

I guess the name of the dog makes it what it really is. I had a dog too which was called Whisky. It was a golden retriever which was much darker than most golden retrievers I have seen. Whisky was an appropriate name for Whisky. He was a basturd though... was a rowdy in his own rights and had taken control of the whole house hold while he was around. "Basturd" is another name I like. "Come here basturd", "Fetch Basturd!" are such an appropriate way to talk to your dog. I also have a friend who has a pet cat called "Cup of Tea" which I find very very cute. "Ray" was another lab I knew who was pitch black and awesome looking.

When I do have dogs, two male labs are what I have in my dreams(if i can fight my paranoia about dogs that is)... I want to call them Macho and Benjo (After characters with the same name of MTV, who incidentally got their names from Madher Chod and Behen Chod). Nutz and Boltz too are names I am willing to consider but only if I have on male and one female dog. You cannot possibly which has a Nut on the male toilet door and a bolt on the female toilet door. Whatever be their names insha allah!, I’d rather not have a dog than to have one who is called "Myjaan"

Shankranthi 2009

2009-01-20T22:32:00.000-08:00

Its festival time again and yet again I found myself banging on the doors of Halli Mane.

I have always loved festivals. I am not a very religious person and all but I have always loved festivals. Too many aspects to festivals them interesting but I am most intrigued by the feast most festivals have to offer. Since I am still in the phase of my life enjoying my bachelorhood, I usually find myself enjoying my fest at Halli Mane.

Halli Mane is a concept restaurant which serves mostly Karnataka rural food. Situated on one of the cross roads on one of Mallehshwaram's busiest roads, this restaurant has to its credit providing healthy and hygienic food to the people of Bangalore. Halli Mane organizes feasts on chosen Hindu festivals at regular intervals. This Shankranthi was one such occasion. I had my festival feast(suggi) here. And what a feast it was!

Me and Me-non reached the destination, ready for the lunch at about 1. Since both of us were working on that day, we were both in office clothes and very out of place. Every time I have gone there for my festival meal I have had an awesome experience. This time was no different. Well different a little in terms of the menu, but awesome none the less. Its like at home, like you have just finished the pooja, asking god for all the useless things in the world and you sit for a meal. There are flowers everywhere, the whole place is decorated, and the smell of the food is so very inviting. Everyone is dressed for the occasion and there are people handing over the prasadam and juice and the ladies are dressed in saris and adorn flowers and they all look so pretty. The "service" part of the experience is tip-top. Clean men with clean clothes with clean vessels with very nice looking food come and serve a feast so good, one must experience to understand.

This time, I had to pull some strings and get a back door entry cos there were close to a 1000 people waiting in line and I HAD to get back to work. We got thro the back door into the kitchen, which spans two floors just like the rest of the restaurant. We walked thro the huge cookers and huge vessels with boiling oil or steam something, on to a metal stair case and thro a door into the first floor of the main restaurant. The entry in itself was rather filmy and the food that followed, followed suit. A delicious "close to 5" course meal was laid out in front of us on a big plantain leaf. I would not like to get into the details of the menu but I promise ill pass on all the information of Halli mane to anyone who drops in a personal request. Like I said, I can pull some strings there ;)

Like in every fairy tale there is a villan, an ugly old witch or mean wolf, this habbada oota too had its villans in my fairly tale lunch.

I cant seem to get a hang of how parents can take the shit the kids do. Seriously. Kids are the future of our country... they have to be brought up well. I seriously could not understand how the fat mother of the fat kid sitting next to me could enjoy her meal without being affected this moneky of a son. He bloody would not shut his mouth. I mean, talk talk talk all the time. Not just talk, stand up, spill water, cry, make the guy serve him the kheer 4 times and make a painting out of it on the leaf, touch my leaf, touch me, kick me, stamp my shoes and all the crazy shit spoilt brats do. Seriously parents, please do something about the kids parents... you don’t want them to end up like me one day. Believe me!

Oh ya! Happy Shankranthi 2009!

Happy New Year

2009-01-08T01:56:00.000-08:00

8th day of the year is not too late to post a post about new years. But it aint all that early either. Either ways no apologies :)

Happy New Year 2009 came and went by without causing too much change in my life. Except that hence forth, I have to give my writing a second glance when I am hand writing dates. One gets so used to writing [something]/[something]/08 on every place I have to make a date entry that hence forth, at least for the first couple of months I have to be observant as to what my hand writes subconsciously ( on that note, now I wonder if I have written the correct year in the date I have dropped for the Credit card :|)

Talking of sub conscience, I believe I have been blessed with a sub conscience which, in comparison with a lot of people I know, is better than their living selves. Why do I say this? I have no clue... So coming back from the tangent, the "Happy New Year" of 2009 had me driving to a coffee estate close to Chikkamangalore and party.

A gang of 5 (2 Indians, two NRIs and I) left my work place (I don’t work with any of the other 4 but we happened to leave from my work place because it’s my car ;) ... so much for modesty) at around lunch time. The drive was excellent, with a couple of stops for

1. Fuel for the car
2. Fuel for us
3. Fuel for the night!

We landed in the coffee estate (the name I am trying to recall, but dont seem to do so) by around 9 and got into our cozy rooms. We were given a house on the first floor of a house built in the middle of this estate. Very comfortable rooms with clean bathrooms, which for me is high priority - clean bath rooms; so that I can fuck it up by the time I check out. Once we had changed and stuff (oh my god, my friends are such girls I tell you... they take ages to fuckin take off their trousers and get into tracks... I can never accept a MAN taking ages to get ready... that too to go get drunk... that too in the night... and that too when there are just 5 of us who have known each other for a decade almost and who just spent 8 hours in a car together) we got to eat amazing food. The idea was to eat little so that we could drink a lot and then grab the dinner, but then the food was so good that we all ate our stomachs full. I faintly remember one of us saying "chuck the party, lets hit the sack" but I also remember, that thought was comfortably trashed and the who’s ever thought it was got completely smashed (wow that rhymes also).

We gathered around a badly burning bon fire at around 11. Everything was set. There was the left over food from our dinner (which was hardly anything, everything was in our stomachs) and there was lots and lots of chips and of course we had booze from the duty free shop of Frankfurt (I guess) and music (off the collection of DJ [someone] who happens to be a friend of one of us) being played in the background and cool (in fact cold) wind blowing and all that jazz.

I vaguely remember hugging all my friends at midnight and I also vaguely remember one of us making conversations with god. Rest is history. Happy New Year 2009!!

as 2009 trips by...

2008-12-30T21:23:00.000-08:00

It is the 31st of December 2008 and the best I can do now, on this Wednesday morning, is take a look back on the year that was. Its been a remarkable year for the world and India alike with lots of important things happening this year. Its been a remarkable year for me too, with lots of important things happening in my life too.

2008 has been a year of trips for me. If I look back at this year, I realize that of the 365 days, at least 50 days I have not been at home, been out on trips and this excludes the days I spend at home in Mysore.

The year started off with the new year party that concluded in Coorg. A group of 9 guys(from college) in one car and two bikes headed towards Coorg from Bangalore. We camped in a very nice "home stay" kind of arrangement near Irrpu falls the New Year extravaganza happened just outside where we stayed with a bon fire and music being played off my car.

The next major trip was towards Goa with almost the same gang(well almost because this was a gang that consisted of my engineering classmates and not random guys from college). Another group of men set out towards Goa in a Qualis. As far as I can remember, we were about 9 guys, all cramped into one car as we headed towards Goa. One hell of a party the trip that was.

Another trip of importance before the rains hit India was a trip to Ooty. This trip had 4 of us head (3 of us lokal boys and another NRI) towards Ooty to meet another friend who runs a business there. It was a week end trip but one of extreme enjoyment because it involved night travel in the Ghats and a drive in a Honda Civic and royal hospitality at that friends hotel.

In the mean while, I had completed the few regular trips home, a couple of trips to Tumkur to meet Dr. Tango(Reason), trips to Mekedat and Muttatti falls with friends and colleagues alike.

In the August of 2008, when I usually celebrate my birthday, I was on another trip to Goa. This was one trip with extreme highlights. First, this was the first trip that I was involved in which had women in it. I have always been of the school of thought that women on trips are a major responsibility and the fun level and enjoyment level is dampened by the responsibility that accompanies. However, after this trip I am still under consideration of my promotions. Second, trip also had me drinking just a couple of beers on the whole 4 days(and not one bit of booze on my 26th), which for me is an achievement in itself because I again come from a school of thought which says that drinking is best enjoyed on trips when tomorrow is never a concern. This trip certainly is one of the best trips I have ever had in my life for reasons more than one.

I followed up this trip with another trip, this time to the beaches of Karnataka with a gang of 10 people. This was another lot of fun trip as we saw breathtaking beaches on the west coast of India. Gokarna, which has always been a place that I have dreaded and almost have respect out of fear for was so good on this trip that we ended up spending about half of our time here.

Next major trip I had was pretty major even by my standards. Me and "the tall mallu" took a week off from work and we headed on a road trip with destination unknown. 9 days with most social contact with just one other person is a complex situation. Trips sometimes can be more frustrating than usual times because there will be times when one will have to do something which he/she dislikes doing because the others will be interested in doing something. So the "frequency" match is very vital on trips. And this trip, like few others with this "tall mallu" was another wonderful experience with treks, train rides, bus rides, auto rides, lorry rides, truck rides, trips to the police station, sleep in the railway station and cheap and sidey lodges, a visit to all the major pubs in vizag and beaches in which there was not a human soul in the two kilometer radius. Another highlight to this trip was that we didn’t carry a camera on purpose (well actually, I dislike the concept of cameras on trips and the tall mallu would have carried one if he had one) and hence I have no proof of being on this trip. :)

I have also gone on a couple of trips to friends’ weddings. One trip to Bellary and another recently to Davengere to attend Homo’s wedding. On both the trips, “Mysore Baba” was present and hence the highlight of both the trips.

In a couple of hours, I am heading towards Chikkamangalore with another set of friends to welcome 2009.

Purse - Check
Watch - Check
Cell phone - Check
Car Keys - Check
Jacket - Check
Charger - oh fuck!

All Set, preparing launch sequence.

Get...

Set...

Go...

Fade to black

2008-12-30T04:38:00.000-08:00

(Lights on)

Its a dark balcony. Not really a balcony because this has lots of windows to be called a balcony. There are ropes dangling between the walls where lots of mens’ under garments are hung. The yellow bulb is glowing bright but the walls are cast with the shadows of the underwear hanging on the ropes. A man is sitting on a table with a pack of cigarettes in his hand. Just as he lights up, his brother walks in.

Man: Howdy!
Brother: Wassup?
Man: Here (offering him the pack)
Brother: (Takes a cigarette, lites it up) Thanks brother, but I finally want to quit
Man: Me too. Lets do it together.
Brother: Alright, henceforth lets never meet for a smoke ever again.
Man: Sounds good.

(They take a couple of drags)

Man: Even if we meet and I see you smoking, I am going to go away.
Brother: Me too

(Couple more)

Brother: But that also doesnt mean that we dont smoke when we are not together right?
Man: Ofcourse (smiling)
Brother: It doesnt matter what you do. I am not going to smoke, and you better not smoke when I am around. Thats all this deal is about anyway right?
Man: Ofcourse. I am going to set a good example as your elder brother.
Brother: (smiling) and I will be a good brother and respect you so much that I would be scared to smoke in front of you

(Stub their cigarettes)

Man: Alright, thats the deal then (stretches out his hand)
Brother: Deal

(They shake hands)

(Silence)

(Silence)

Man: The deal is that we stop smoking right? when does this apply from?
Brother: I dont know, you decide.
Man: Tomorrow?
Brother: Alright
Man: (Lighting up one cigarette) So alright, here is my last cigarette
Brother: Mine too

(Fade to black)

Good India

2008-12-26T01:32:00.000-08:00

I was riding back home late yesterday night from work. Bangalore has become awfully cold these days. For someone who has lived in this city for more than half my life, this is the coldest I have experienced here. Coldest winter they say. But I don’t think it’s cold only because of the weather. Either ways I have found myself a pair of biker gloves and an ordinary looking fake Ferrari jacket since I re-took my riding in an attempt to become a biker! And started wearing shoes which I so dislike wearing.

But like I said, it’s not just the weather. Today, riding a bike at hours close to midnight is a risk one must be willing to take. A risk to one’s life so to say. Hazaar drunk drivers buzzing on the streets in Bangalore jumping traffic signals and hitting one ways alike. And the cops are busy checking if people have a valid insurance. The whole cops scene is such a farce I tell you. I have come across numerous scenes of utter comedy. There would be a traffic jam and an ambulance stuck in it but these traffic cops would be busy filling their pockets round the corner under a shady tree where no one can see them, almost surprising travelers as they pounce and take away the keys, much like how a hungry lioness would snap an innocent deer. Or there would be two people fist fighting it out on the street and the sheepy constable would be a mere spectator. Drunk drivers apart, these are the days of terror. With 26 11 et all and the India Pak war on the verge and all that jazz happening in the background, the air out there, especially in the evenings, when it gets kinda dark is spooky in its own way. You never know if the biker next to you has an AK47 and would start shooting at will the next moment, or the car ahead of you is going to explode in mid travel, or the truck behind you is carrying a dozen terrorists. India has gone to dogs! The world has gone to dogs!

Thats when a thought occured to me. Just extrapolating the events occurring now, in another 6 months, India goes to polls. If at around that time, if a war breaks out between the two nations (or the third world war with religion being the cause for it), then I am sure India will not have a leader. Congress ready to wash its hands of the dirty shit and with no polls and no one to take responsibility, it could be a disaster waiting to happen. This is the time when the world needs a revolution. India needs a revolution. A movement which is way bigger than any war for freeing India from its foreigners. A war for freedom, my freedom, your freedom, everyones freedom. I would want to go home at midnight on my bike with the secure thought that if I dont reach home safely tonight, it would only be because of my stupidity. I would not be under a drunken bus driver wheels, I would not be beaten up by 5 goons who do away with my bike my cellphone and my ATM cards and my gold chain. That’s the freedom I am asking for. To go out to a bar with my girl and have a drink without being scared about coming back in one piece. A freedom to go to a Road transport office and get my drivers licence done without being harassed. When I am old and retired and I want my Providant Fund money, I want to freedom to not worry about standing in a line ispite of my health condition a hundred times before I get less than half of what is due to me. The freedom to be a part of "Good India" of numerous cultures, languages and traditions, the Ram Rajya and not a part of corrupt, painful, bureaucratic, filthy "Bad India".

A revolution is all it needs.

Those were the days when news papers were just a dream and communication of the ideas of the "leaders" who emerged was the biggest issue. Today is the world of internet and cyberspace and we are in the edge of conquering the telecommunication sphere. The world has shrunk from a size 44 to a size 11. Everyone, even half way around the world is just a button press away. So sending the word out to the people is not a problem at all. So it’s a matter of a real man emerging and leading the movement towards "Good India". Would that leader emerge? Is that leader born yet?

These were the questions I found myself asking as I reached the gate of my building. I had reached home safely today. Tomorrow is a new fight altogether. The was locked from inside. I kinda feel all my neighbors in my building dislike me. Even tho I see to it that there is no loud music or late night parties at my place or smoking anywhere in and around the building, they seem to be very hostile towards me. I guess its the bachelor tag I carry with me. So I have to park my bike outside, jump the wall to get inside MY house and go to sleep. This is the freedom I am left with to enjoy!

Automagic!

2008-12-19T05:29:00.000-08:00

One of the strangest things happened the other day. One of my “My firsts”. I was at home in the night with my car and bike both parked at work. For someone who detests using the cell phone, my car and my bike are the only outlets for me to have any contact with the outside world. There were my most preferred (read only) modes of transportation I have ever known in my life in Bangalore. Until Recently. Until recently I found the luxury of an auto.

The auto as its called here in Bangalore is, I have figured out recently is the best mode of transportation one can use for an inter city travel. Its safer than a bike, faster than a car, simpler than a bus and definitely not as "healthy" as the bicycle (but I some how find it very funny when I hear of friend's friend's friends using bycycles to commute to work, play etc .. I dont know why… its just way too funny...). And its kinda not as expensive as one assumes it to be (or atleast I assumed it to be). I kinda feel I am the king when I am sitting in the back of an auto. I tend to put on the "The chauffer driven busy person" look which the chauffer driven motherfuckers usually tend to have. And for once I dont feel pissed I am in a traffic jam. I am in a jam alright; but I am not the one shifting gears, honking horns or clutching the clutch. And most auto guys tend to put on a conversation if you are willing to talk. There again, a choice of entertainment. If required.

I am just coming off a pretty long trip to Vizag[took off from work for one week straight and went in search of my soul like everyone who go in search of their souls... not sure where to find it though]. This trip had me taking the help of public transport mostly(unless I was made to walk, swim or climb up and down treacherous terrain). The different thing about autos there is that they have this "shared" thingi going on. You can share auto rides. So usually you will in an auto with strangers. Its kinda unbelievable how many people can fit into an auto. I have, on record, been a part of an auto journey for nearly 25 kms with 10 adults and 2 kids in the auto from beach road to Bhimulipattanam. One hell of a ride. I loved it!

The other advantages of travelling in an auto:

• Smoking is a pleasure because you are not thinking about driving along with smoking and also the ventilation is best in an auto (I must make a point here in saying that smoking is injurious to health. I am just listing the advantages of an auto, not bad habits of people. And an auto almost always has a light to offer)
• In case of an accident, the crowd usually is on our side (Its amazing how the auto drivers group together when one of them is in trouble)
• You can never be caught for drunk driving( and its fuckin 2000 bucks if you get caught drunk driving fyi)
• Parking is never a concern
• Cell phone conversations are simpler.
• If one auto has mechanical trouble, there are hazaar others around.
• Most autos have pretty actress on their walls (which is good in a sidey way. The women have to cheer up… cos I have seen autos with men on the walls as well… these are the gay driven autos I think)

May be the traffic situation in Bangalore could improve if we introduced the concept of shared autos. Anyway I see school autos loaded with kids. Hundreds of them fitted like the soap counter in a departmental store. If we can all fit into once such auto everyday and commute, then metro rail can go kiss my ass!

But for now, its sad scene(almost teary… the other day it took me over an hour and a half to get from the end of MG to touch old madras road thro indranagar… an area I have lived 3 years in and know pretty well the in-roads) on account of the metro and my "The chauffer driven busy person" look thats in fashion these days.

Shankar annange jai!!

.. and they lived happily ever after

2008-11-14T05:30:00.000-08:00

This happened about 25 years ago, on one rainy evening, which pretty much changed my life. I was over at Amit's for a party. I have never been a party person. I dislike crowds and detest loud music. But I was still there, to greet Amit on his 25th birthday. I had had my Chevas Regal, a peg too many and I was out in the balcony to get that "fresh air" in. Parties can be claustrophobic, or that was the explanation I gave to get some space. I just wanted to be away from the crowd, especially with that extra drink.

Its funny how life changing events occur in one’s life mostly when one has had that extra drink. I was looking at the street below, the to and fro motion of cars' lights in the rain which was kinda psychedelic in itself and I was lost in transportation I think when I heard a female voice, that sweet voice that I have never been able to forget till date. I fell in love with Deepti at that instant and it has never changed ever since.

My life changed after that evening. Not just mine, ours. Deepti and me have been together ever since. We had decided to get married, but we faced the usual issues. First it was my mom, who thought living together before marriage was outrageous. Once she was convinced that there was a wedding on the cards, it was her Chennai bred tam bram dad who disapproved me because of my caste. But as time passed we stopped caring for others and slowly everyone started caring less. That’s the best thing about time. As it passes, people get busy and start caring less. And we never really got married per say, but as romantics would put it, we were married in our hearts.

Life has been wonderful ever since that rainy evening tho. Every day, I come back from work to find Deepti waiting for me with a bright smile on her face, irrespective of the time I walk in. I give her a gist of whatever happened in office and she has the patience to listen to anything I have to tell her. It doesn’t matter if I am talking about office politics and how that ridiculous Mr.Khanna became the Vice President ahead of me, or if I talk about the reason for profit in our company is directly dependent on the labor laws in the US.

Sundays are the best. I make it a point to wake up early on Sundays to cook breakfast. Once I am done, I bring out the morning news paper, and over a cup of coffee, I read it out to Deepti, carefully avoiding the crime and accident sections. She never reads the news paper herself, and I suspect that she does that because she hates hearing about accidents or crime. When my mom visits, she says I need to have a more social life, but I am mighty content with the life I have with Deepti.

Deepti died in a car crash about a year after I met her. All that is left of her is that beautiful photograph on the wall, always smiling. But then, I don’t miss her, because she is always there for me. Always there, to greet me with a smile everyday I come back home.

Keeper in the park!

2008-11-13T22:56:00.000-08:00

My devotion seems to be falling apart these days. I've hardly seen a 50 over cricket match live in ages. Life seems to be taking away too much of my time to give me my spiritual space. Hardly seen a live match, not even on TV. And they say Cricket is a religion and all here...

Yesterday, I happened to reach home right on time for a one day international. Pakistan v/s West Indies, Second innings, last few overs to be completed. The match was evenly poised. Pak needed some 90 odd of some 70 odd balls, 7 Wickets in hand. Khurram Manzoor and Salman Butt had given them a fair start. And for a change, I could see myself supporting Pakistan. After all they are neighbors, all the communalism apart.

Just as a thought, how can anyone be named butt? That too with the second T. Fuckin funny! School and college life would have been a torture for someone named Butt! Thank god our Butt knows to play cricket. :) Lucky basturd. I pity his brothers tho. Butt... with a double T. LOL.

The West Indies score card was a strange one too. Not just because of the funny names. Just that almost everyone is new in the team. Last I remember seeing them play cricket was the T20 world cup I guess. Damn! Life has taken over too much time! And I think I also saw a white West Indian too. Brendan Nash. I can’t believe that they have started making white people in West Indies. Wow! Thats something Ii didnt know! Other than the Taylor and the Baker, there is also this Sewnarine Chattergoon in their team. Chatter - Goon! What the fuck! Why would anyone do that to their son. Chatter - GOON! Dictionary.com has a stupid, foolish, or awkward person as an entry for Goon. A goon who chatters!! Why would anyone do that to their son?

Anyway, Pakistan happen to win the match. But I must add, WI stole defeat from the hands of the Pakis. Last over, 18 runs required to win and 2 wickets in hand. Kamaran Akmal played a gem. 2 6's and a four to finish off the game. A couple of wides which goes without saying, considering a WI bowler :P.

England series coming up :). Sidebottom will be on the score cards. :) Its happy days ahead :)

D, Have I told you I love you? D

2008-11-11T04:58:00.000-08:00

One of those "pissed at work and got home early" nights. I was watching this movie called "An indecent proposal". Nice movie (read hot chick with hot scenes). Simple bollywood masala style movie. Architect guy with a hot wife. Rich romeo finds her hot and there is this "Indecent proposal". They have sex. She feels bad and comes back. Am sure my friend Mr.Karan will find it interesting. Kabhi tho kuch karenge kushimain... Its all about loving your money.. or something like that

So, this architect guy, David something is pretty passionate about work when he gets time off from keeping off Demi Moore’s body. That’s the only other angle to his character. Architecture! So in one of his scenes where he is not having sex, he is teaching some kids about architecture. So he picks up a brick and asks "What is this?". "A brick" comes the first reply. "A weapon" says this chinese looking guy(violent basturds I say!). So this David guy says...

"A Brick Wants to be something"... (You must be wondering what he meant. Actually, everyone in the class is also wondering. That’s when he says, "Every brick wants to be something" and shows photographs of the Taj Mahal and the Great Wall of China and the Pyramids and the like.

I began to wonder when Ill start getting as passionate about my job. And if I become as passionate as David is towards architecture, I probably will have to say "Every if-else condition wants to be something"

Oh we are mighty sad people - us software engineers. For us, everything eventually fits into a if-else condition or a for-loop or a while-loop or some shit like that. Everything. Even life.

Eg,

if(day == friday || day == saturday)
{
drink till your balls pop out of your mouth
}

else()
{
eat like a pig and sleep like a dog
}
or something like that. Very simple

As I was saying, if I were to be as passionate about work, ill probabally have to wonder what SOMETHING has become of my if-else conditions. May be its on the Yahoo messenger, or may be in the latest Windows vista, or may be on the client you are using to read this crap!

But I know for a fact that today, one of the if-else condition I created is pretty fucked. Production problem. Null pointer in my if condition they say.

Software job, Have I told you I love you??

No??

Cos I dont!!

Monday! Green!

2008-11-04T02:09:00.000-08:00

Tuesday Morning. I am late. Again! With the arrival of winter, my days have begun to start a little later than usual. It’s like my biological clock has undergone an "automatic day light savings" like in the US. But they haven’t changed the time here have they? So I am late again. It’s not like I SHOULD NOT be late. No one cares when I come in to work. I guess. I hope at least. But then we have this application running in office which kinda logs the in and out times of the day. And this stupid application puts in a "Late mark" smiley next to the date next to your name if you come in after 11. It’s not a big deal I suppose. But it’s something on the lines of, in school, if your shoes weren’t polished, you would be thrown out of the line. It’s not like they would do anything about it. But still, it’s a black mark... you become a dark sheep if you kinda repeat it. Its like that... So I have late marks for 5 continuous days in a row!

I am late today cos yesterday was a fuckall day! A terrible day at work! I hate Mondays. Really really hate.! Of all the mornings I have had to face in life, Monday mornings have been the worst. I've hated Mondays in school, in college and now in my so called professional life. I am yet to come to terms with this concept of 7 day weeks. What kind of a number is Seven! Seven days make one week! My ass

If it were left to me, I would have had 5 day weeks. A 5 day week with two weekends sounds so perfect. Over all I agree that the average number of productive hours in a year would reduce with this system. But now, no one works on Fridays do they? Hardly! So that would probably average out. And 5 is such a nicer number. It’s a round figure. I agree 10 is a rounder figure. But 10 day weeks would be fuckall! And another interesting thing is 365 is perfectly divisible by 5. So 5 day week actually makes so much more sense. No leap year confusions also. (For the mathematically disabled, test of divisibility by 5 is that the number has to end with either 0 or 5)

Anyhoo... he he he... that’s a funny thing to say. Anyhoo.. ANYHOOOO... I kinda picked this up from a blog I hit upon recently. I have been blog hopping these days, and in a process of continuous self improvement, I am trying to pick up interesting things from all the interesting things I get to read. I must say, there are gizillons of people out there with profound creativity and internet at their finger tips. Its crazy the kind of shit one gets to read in the blog space. One bunch of insane psychotic bloggers out there!

Anyhoo, yesterday, ie, the Monday before today... I had a bad baad day at work. I have been sitting on this bug for 3 days now. And this fuckin bug is screwing my behind all the 3 days now. I HATE my job. I HATE being a software engineer. It’s not usual for me to have a bad day at work. I don’t usually have one. Thats cos I am fuckin smart! [And people talk about modesty and all. My ass! (lol.. I picked this "my ass" also from the same blog I mentioned. The same Anyhoo shit..)]. Anyhoo, bad day at work yesterday. Bug fucking me front and back. Who better to show frustration than the boss! I need a pseudo name for the boss. (pseudo name concept again borrowed from the same blog)... Motherfucker!*

I think all bosses, irrespective of the field of work, fit very well into the definition of Motherfucker! *. Any job, if you are the boss to someone, you surely are a Motherfucker! It’s sad I agree. But that’s life. Face it… Someone out there right now, sitting in a bar would probably going “That Mother Fucker is one son of a bitch I tell you!” and he is talking about YOU.

Fuck! I hate my job. And I hate that Motherfucker* at work! Only thing that is keeping me from suicide right now is this mathematically challenged friend of mine. I want to give her a pseudo name too. Something nice. I like her. For now, let’s call her "Best Friend"* for now. Ill think of something NICE as later.

Anyhoo, like I was saying, the only thing that’s keeping me from suicide is this "bestfriend"* person and one more thing. It would be fuckin insane to die after all the dreams I have had about life. In my dream I am always the HERO. A total studd boy! And its a wonderful dream my dream! I definitely don’t want to die. Not suicide at least. But why I talk about suicide you must be wondering. I heard of a friends friend who committed the sin when I was having a "post dinner drink" with the former (the one who told me the story). The later, (friends’ friend.) popped some sleeping pills and hung himself to the ceiling fan at home. Fuckin looser!! Love case it seems. Love case! My ass!

I agree relationships and love and career and jobs and parents and all that jazz are funny and depressing most times! But whatever is the case... Suicide is a farce! It doesn’t matter if it’s your drunk husband beating the shit out of you, or if your girlfriend ditched you for the looser that you are, or your gay teacher feels your willy every day during recess... or its that Motherfucker at work getting on your nerves. Relax! Its not the end of the world!

But bottom-line! I HATE my job.! Especially Mondays. They should fuckin have 5 day weeks!

Psycho - A review

2008-11-03T05:55:00.000-08:00

Watching a movie on Friday evenings is the best way to kick start a week end. It just about puts a perfect end to the week and a makes the week end a more convincing one to spend. It’s like, in cricket, hitting a six of the first ball faced. This week it was Devadatta’s Psycho, a movie I had been waiting to watch for a loooong time.

The songs of Psycho I heard / have been listening to for over a year now. Raghu Dixit, who, I have been following since spotting him first singing a song about a girl from Mysore in Alliance Francis and at the Fire Flies Music festival of 2007 and I have become a fan of, has rendered the background score and the music for the movie. This is his debut in films. So I was already a fan of the movie which already made it one of the most awaited movies EVER. Having said that, I also hoped and prayed that the movie is not SO bad as to letting down the songs. Prayers seems to have been answered.

Devadatta had not revealed either the cast of the movie, the shooting of which started in the May of 2007. All that was revealed till the movie finally released for the “Rajyaotsava” of 2008 were the songs and a couple of trailers of UTube. The release itself was different, in the sense that I got to know about the release on the Friday, about 8 hours before I was in the theater watching the First Show!

The story is about Pavana (played by Anitha a newcomer), who is trying to fix her career as a TV anchor. Psycho (played by another newcomer, Dhanush), as the name suggests is a psychotic lover. He is obsessed with Anitha and stalks her and such. Most of the scenes are very naturally played and the excellent camera work, both in the songs as well as the movie makes simple scenes look very intense. Dhanush has done an excellent work playing a loner in love with Pavana. I personally liked the scene in which he picks up the flowers that fall off Pavana's locks and how he shivers when he picks it up. The setting of the movie is also excellent. The house of pyscho has been meticulously planned with lots of importance given to details. The background score needs more than a mention to the success of the movie. The best part is that the songs have been shot very well, not letting down Raghu's music.

Although Devadatta claims this is an original story, I feel that the characterization of Psycho is subtly based on Norman Bates in Alfred Hitchcock’s original with the same name. Similarity, in the lines of his split personality, and the reason for this disorder in him. But the nice part is that, that’s where the similarity ends. Just one scene, almost at the end of the movie where "Psycho" wears a sari and calls his lover out maps very well to the original.

I felt that the screen play and the dialogues could have been worked on a little bit more. Some of the dialogues are very very flat, sometimes bringing about unintended humor which spoilt the seriousness of the film. I also felt sometimes that some scenes are very long, hence felt the urge to either check my cell phone or pass a comment. But, overall, the subject matter has been dealt with amazingly well, that too for a Kannada film.

All in all, easily a 4 and a half out of 5 for Devadatta's Psycho with special mentions to Raghu Dixit for the music and Sandeep Kumar, the man behind the camera. This movie is definitely hitting my DVD collection. Now that I think about it, there aint much of a collection I have. So Psycho probably marks the beginning of my DVD collection. Pirated or otherwise!. But its a definite watch in theater. More than once for the music at least. If you need company, book a ticket for me and I’ll be there

A Family Blog

2008-10-31T02:47:00.000-07:00

This is not an original piece. This has been plagiarized from a piece I read some time ago, the source of which is unmentionable. But having said that, its not an exact copy of what I read the other day, the source of which is unmentionable. This is just an adaptation so to say. Actually not even an adaptation. Lets just say its my interpretation of a piece I read some time ago, the source of which is unmentionable. To be precise, its just how much of the story I read, the source of which is unmentionable, I remember.

To be more fair to me, (The world seems to be so unfair these days that one at least has to be fair with oneself... Its like, in democracy, the best part is that you certain you at least get one vote, yours. If you don’t get either, then you really have to be a sore looser.)... as I was saying, to be fair to myself, the story I read, the source of which is unmentionable is in fact already an adaptation of a 1920s Hollywood flick which actually was already a "director's interpretation of a 11th century love story". So basically the following peice is an edited version of a piece I read, the source of which is unmentionable which is an adaptation of a 1920's Hollywood flick that was the director's interpretation of a 11th century love story.

Before I get on with the piece, an intelligent reader will be pleased to know that there are in fact multiple versions of this particular 11th century love story. And allegedly lot of present day Bollywood movies based on some of these versions. One author, Ustad Karam Fuckruddin of Pakistan, who claims to be the original descendent of the original writer of this story has in fact filed a petition in the Islamabad high court claiming copyright violation by movie makes of "Troy" stating that some scenes from the movie are exact replica of the works of his fore father. There was another interesting story in the papers of a Malayalam movie, starring one of their most famous "Shakeela" to star in a movie based on this story. An unknown but reliable source, having direct contact with the script writer for this movie swears that the movie contained 3 explicit sex scenes and Shakeela, had on being forced that the soul of the movie would be lost without them scenes, had agreed on complete nudity. More details exist about the script, for a movie that was not made at all.. but I shall refrain from getting into them. The reason being, I am on a campaign of trying to make my blog a "Family Blog", suitable for readers of all ages, irrespective of the species. So my version has all the sex scenes deleted.

So here is the edited version of a piece I read, the source of which is unmentionable which is an adaptation of a 1920's Hollywood flick that was the director's interpretation of a 11th century love story. Have tried to use the native language to preserve the intensity of the piece:

Ek tha raaja, ek tha raani.

Dono margaye Katham Kahani.

Lights!! Sound!!

2008-10-28T21:49:00.000-07:00

Its difficult not to blog about Mysore every time I visit home. Especially if its a long week end i spend at home, i cant NOT write about mysore. Its such a cool place I say! The roads, the traffic, the greenery, the people, the time one has there is all so overwhelming. Mysore is heaven. Even if its Diwali.

Diwali is here! The festival I hate the most! It should be banned! If smoking can be, so can Diwali! I want justice mii laaaawwd!!

Its been over 10 years since I decided not to be lighting fireworks for the festival. Some “child labor” play thingi I did when I was in school inspired the "young" me not to. It was a fight for the first two years I admit. You know, as a kid its kinda difficult to keep away from fire works. But with time, I figured out a way to resist temptation of every kind. And child labor my foot!!

Its just the smell and smoke and the sound and light and the sense of surprise that is attached with the festival that I hate. You are riding by yourself. As a practice, to avoid the signals, you take the side roads, through residential localities. You are happy. Its festival time!! You have had an awesome lunch and sure are going to have an awesome dinner as well. So you slowly cruise to fourth. BANG!! an atom bomb goes off. "Mother Fucker!!" my mind shouts. This is the element of surprise I was talking about I hate so much!! Those bloody kids who planned this damn thing are having a hearty laugh as well. Thats why I hate kids. More importantly, thats why I hate Diwali!

Happy festival anyway. I hope to have a safe Diwali at home, mostly in my bed!

Keep away from trouble! Be safe! Eat, sleep, Enjoy!!!

Coming back from Mysore, the few minutes before I get into my car are the most painful. It feels like I am being killed and being taken to the scary place below the bowells of the earth where the evil men live! After a relatively quick drive from Mysore, the traffic JAM at 8 AM is quiet a turn off. But like they say, Fate does not a multiple choice question. Its a statment!

Sunaina

2008-10-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

Good morning sweetheart" Sunaina said "Wake up, its 8".

"ummm... 5 more mins please... am very sleepy" grumbled Aditya. It had been 5 years since they had been married. But for the first time, he was lying about it. Lying about being sleepy that is; because he had hardly slept all night. He just could not close his eyes. Every time he had tried closing his eyes, events of the previous evening flashed before him. It was breath taking. She was.

The bright sun light came in and pierced his eyes as Sunaina undid the curtains.

"Aarghh!! My head hurts. Let the curtains be su" he cried.

"Its time you woke up Adi. Its 8 and you have to get to work. And why wont the head hurt if you drink so much" she said without heeding to his request, opened the windows and headed into the shower.

Aditya opened his eyes, rubbed them red and walked towards the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee. It was a bad hangover. As he looked back on yesterday, he felt guilty. It was a very usual thing for him to feel guilty after a bad drunk night. He had everytime, for over 8 years now, said the same thing the day after he got drunk. Promise the world he would never drink again. But today was different. He felt guilt alright. Of what had happened yesterday. Well, not quite what happened, because nothing had. Nothing quiet yet.

"Adi, could you please hand me my towel" cried Sunaina from the shower.

Ideally he would have retorted or may be even gone into the shower to embarrass her, but today he didn’t. He left his coffee cup on the TV, went to the bed room, handed her her towel, saw the pack of cigarettes next to his laptop. He picked it up, picked up the news paper and his coffee and headed to the balcony. As he sat down on the old cane chair in the balcony and lit his smoke, he thought back about what had happened yesterday. The memory was vague... but he felt guilty, even with the vague memory. “I should not have had that last drink” he heard himself saying. He should not have gone outside to attend Sunaina's call. Had he not, it would all have been the same. He knew he still loved Sunaina. How could he not? She was his blood and soul for the past 14 years, stood by him in his worst times. But it had all changed with that one extra drink and that one fateful phone call.

"Adi, there is hot water for you. If you are done with your newspaper, could you go to the shower honey? It’s late."

As he turned on the shower and the hot water hit his body, he felt grueling pain leaving his body. He knew how much Sunaina loved him. He loved her a lot too. And till yesterday, his love was not just a lot... it was pure and divine. That extra drink seemed to have ruined this love, or something like that, he was not too sure. It was not like he was cheating on her, at least not yet. But deep down inside he knew something had changed. He had to tell her. Breakfast was the perfect time he thought.

It was common practice between them that she helped him tie his tie every day. Today wasn’t any different, at least not for her. She came to the room, looked at his shirt and dug into the drawer to look for the matching tie. She picked up the grey blue one today. This was the one he had worn for their wedding reception at the Grand Ashok nearly 5 years ago. And Sunaina made it a point to pick that one up, at least once a week for the past 5 years as if to silently remind him of the bond they were in. He always never understood what her point was. Now he seemed to get it. He needed that reminder that he was married. Yesterday was a black mark in his love life. He had to tell her. He had to confess. He loved her.

"There you go" Su said. Then taking a few steps away from and looking at him from head to toe, she went on "Smart as usual" she said, moved closer to him, pecked him on his lips, said "I love you", and walked towards the kitchen to set the table for breakfast. This was painful. His guilt just increased a hundred fold. Of course she loved him. He loved her too. He thought of how Sunaina would react when he confessed. She would not like it. It would break her. But he had to tell her. He could not live knowing that Sunaina was kept in darkness.

He silently sat on the table reading his newspaper. He was more covering his face than reading it. He didn’t know or where to start but she deserved to know the truth. He brought down the news paper and looked at her. She was flicking the remote control and trying to eat her sandwich at the same time. Just as he looked at her, she looked at him and smiled, and put the strand of hair behind her ear. She always looked prettier when her curled hair fell over her forehead. The bright red bindi, subtle eye liner and lip stick made her look gorgeous, especially today in her white salvar suit he had bought for her for their anniversary last month. She had cried when he had gifted her the suit and the diamond ring she always wanted. She had said "I cant believe you love me so much" and had wept like a baby, hugging him tight.

"Sunaina" he called out, meekly. He never called her by her name since they had met in a NCC camp about 14 years ago.

"What happened adi?" she asked, turning off the telivision. He knew she knew something was wrong.

"I have to tell you something" he said, avoiding making eye contact.

"Whats it adi? Whats bothering you?" she said moving closer to him, kneeling down and resting her elbows on his thighs. She gripped his left hand tight. He could sense the sweat, but he was not sure if it was hers or his.

"Remember when you called yesterday night when I came out of the pub to talk to you?"

"Yes. What about it adi" she said. She sounded worried.

"Do you also remember I hung up suddenly and said I would call you back but I didn’t?"

"Clearly!" She stood up. The smile on her face had suddenly disappeared.

"Thats when I fell in love su... Again" he paused, waiting for her to react. She didn’t say a word.

He contintued. "That’s when I fell in love again su. You know I love you dearly. But this time I feel my love is stronger. I want you to know about this first. I have fallen in love with a Yamaha FZ16. Would you buy it for me?"

If it happens like this, then how?

2008-10-17T03:21:00.000-07:00

Bangalore is a wonderful place. No doubts about it. I would never want to live in any other place other than Bangalore. Mysore may be. But Bangalore is perfect. Having said this, it’s also difficult not to mention the traffic of Bangalore. It sucks. Big time! No doubts about the fact that the traffic in Bangalore, especially when it rains, especially in the peak hours(now what hours are peak hours are again debatable but we shall leave that aside for now) sucks. On one such rainy afternoon, just as the traffic was growing in volume, I set out from Millers road (where, on the records I have a job, but off the records I get to use free high speed internet and get paid for it, by the hour) towards RangaShankara in J P Nagar. And strangely, inspite of the traffic, I reached my destination and secured a ticket, a good half an hour before I would be allowed inside. It is not often that I go watch plays by myself. I have a pretty decent social life. I just happen to be alone for this one. Thought I will, god having given me the chance, discover my creative self in the process. Anyway, half an hour early and nothing to do on a rainy evening (by now) and alone is sad. The waiting part of it. Especially when one is trying to quit smoking. That’s the problem with smoking. As a habit, it kinda fits in perfectly in ones life with respect to time. You had a long meeting and have tones of work to complete after - Smoke a cigarette. You are driving in traffic - smoke a cigarette. You are early to an appointment - smoke a cigarette. You are late - Some a cigarette anyway. It hardly takes 5 minutes. It so does not come in the way of anything else. More so, it fills up the gaps in one’s life. And when you are trying to quit and there is a gap of say half an hour in one’s life, such are the phases in life which are the real tests of character.

The half an hour gap not being disclosed to the reader, I entered a “house full” auditorium of RangaShankara. With the very very limited theater experience i have gained in my life time, I feel that the stage there is one of the best if not THE for performing an act. It is nice to see people flocked in to watch Theater. This is where the real talent exists. Full house for a play, especially a kannada one in the ”hip and happening” Bangalore is so cool. But the irony of the scene is that from where I was sitting, most of the heads i could see were shiny bald ones. From a decent glance at the whole crowd, I could , by the look of the eye, confidently say that I was close to being the 10th youngest in the crowd. Wonder where theater is heading in future if this is the kind of interest us youngsters(am pretty old I know, but 10th youngest in an audi that fits 500 is young enough) show in it. If it happens like this, then how? Heegadare hege???

But Heegadare hege was pretty good for now.

Heegadare hege is an adaptation of one of the short stories of well known writer T Sunandamma. Late T. Sunandamma, was a pioneer in her own right. She was the first woman writer in Kannada to establish herself in the genre of humour writing. She began with the landmark humour journal Koravanji in 1942 and went on to become a prolific writer across a range of magazines and periodicals. The odds against which she started her writing career — studying in a school in which she was the lone girl student (despite opposition from boys' parents who wanted her out when she stood first in class!), getting married into a conservative household at the age of 11 and so on — are inspirational tales.

Heegadare hege is a simple story about normal husband and wife. The story is about Mylarappa, a government servant by profession and Sarasamma (or sarasu as Mylarappa calls her with love or Saraswathi when he has transformed for a while into a very pro Kannada speaking government servant) who is a house wife. The story starts off with Sarasu, perfect house wife material, highly "movie" influenced waiting for her husband to return from work and take her out to a movie like he had promised in the morning, hoping that he does not take her to one of those mythological ones but to a modern one instead, like the one they saw last, which had 2 cabaret numbers and 4 songs in which the hero and heroine ran around 18 pine trees 18 times in each. As the play progresses, so do the characters. First, Mylarappa begins to learn Kannada as the government insists that all government documents and discussions be held in Kannada from November 1st and Kannada being made a compulsory language in convents and an official government language. Then a very nicely depicted retired husband phenomenon is shown as he drives away their cook and their domestic help and their gardener in the process of giving his wife rest and taking over house hold chores.

Then Sarasamma takes over the story as she first becomes a semi-popular woman writer who happens to go around places giving speeches to small audiences just to increase popularity. She also gets conned of the 20 rupees she earns from a writing to a news paper to a person who claims to be a popular movie writer. This makes her start exploring her spiritual side. The women in the area decide to meet once a week with the intent of having prayers sang to god. In weeks, it just turns into a mad house of house wives discussing husbands and recipes.

Most of the dialogues are inherently funny. The on stage performance was also amazing. Just two actors performing on stage. The male lead, Sundar, also a TV actor, took turns to perform other smaller roles like their cook and as the president of a "Gandhi something sangha" which invites Sarasamma to deliver a speech on the occasion of the death of a popular lady in the locality. The funniest one i thought was when Mylarappa is looking at the pictures of his daughter Kamala, who is in Pune to realize her dream of becoming a better actress like Simi and Rimi and hence has changed her name to Kimi. As he looks at the pictures he says, "Alla kane sarasu, dodda actress aagbeku antha nam kammu kimmi agid sari, but batte yaake kammi agide?".

I am just a critic and hence believe that the change of scenes and entry exits could have been handled better. Lighting was excellent, reducing the negative impact the change of scenes had on the audeince. A special mention for the lighting of the TV effect as the couple sit and watch a family game show and dream of winning a crore. I also felt that the play heavily relied on music and background score which i am personally not a fan of. All in all a 3.78 out of 5 for Heegadare hege with awards such as Best actor in multiple roles and best lighting.

A Love letter

2008-07-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

Hi Tejas,

It must be very surprising for you to get an email from a stranger. I just thought I would go ahead, fight my inhibitions and write out an email to you. I don’t want to sound desperate in this email. Just read it, and if you don’t like the idea, just ignore it. Even a reply is not required.

You must be wondering by now as to why a celebrity like me who is usually busy with tons of other things to deal with write an email out to a stranger like you. You might also wonder how and why I got hold of your email address in the first place. Let’s just say you are not a stranger to me. You will be surprised if you got to know how much information I have about you. Its another story as to why and how I have tracked you as much. The point I am trying to make is, I even know the direction you face in the morning when you take a leak or which brand of tooth paste you use to brush your teeth or even know that you used to throw filth into your neighbor’s house every day, not because you didn’t could not throw it anywhere else but just because his kid used to cry in the nights. You are not a stranger Tejas. I have stalked you; for five years now. People call it love. So let’s just say, I love you.

I am going to suggest something that might not just take you by surprise, but fill you with hate and disgust. I am not asking you to go ahead with my proposal. No where down the line am I suggesting that you are gay either. I know for a fact, from the information I have collected, I know that you don’t show any signs of homosexuality either. I know you are "As straight as an arrow". I am just putting forward an idea which I think you should evaluate and then decide on how to go about it. I am always going to be around to help you out with it.

Don’t get carried away by the words used. "Gay", "Homosexual" just sound very strange and disgusting. I am sure they are words of the future, or let’s say the Western culture.

Let us, for a start, look at the drive for a relationship. The whole point of a relationship or perhaps even marriage is companionship. The idea is to live with someone for the rest of your life, or say live together as long as it lasts. When I say live with, it does not mean your life ends there. Just that this "companion" fits into your life. I am merely suggesting that you be MY companion. At least give it a thought. Ill try to highlight the advantages you would have by living with me as opposed to going on, falling in love with a girl and spending the rest of your life together, in pain and happiness, till death does you guys apart.

> I would not be jealous one tiny bit if you spoke to other men. Men will be men ;) and I would not be extra cautious and try to see that you are true only to me.

> If the bed is not made, so what!

> It really doesn’t matter how you look when we go grab a cup of coffee. Your shorts and bathroom chappals are good enough.

> You would not have to leave the toilet seat down every time you get out of the loo

> You would not have to lock yourself up in the loo every time you have to take a leak

> I will totally understand if you are stuck at work. You would not have to reason out more.

> You definitely don’t have to lie to me about your whereabouts. Anywhere you go is absolutely cool

> On any given day and given time, you can call me with a flat tyre and at least expect help on the way instead of extra worries and tensions which would, under normal cicumstances happen

> There would not be an occasion when I would become pregnant, show mood swings or walk around the house eating everything in sight

> You can get totally drunk and not worry about what you are going to say.

> I would not be nagging about your driving every time you hit a hump or jump a signal

> Your smoke cant make my hair stink

> Its ok to stare.

> The sex may not seem as much fun, but trust me, its great

> You would not have to worry about safe sex or condoms

I can go on and on with the list but I choose to end thus. Please don’t take this in humor. I am really crazy about you. I know that sounds very weird if you heard another man say that to you. But things will change, trust me and then it will just be normal. Give the whole thing a thought and let me know how you feel about it. I am very sorry if this has humiliated you in anyway but the feelings are real. If you want to talk about it, that also is cool. I could call you anytime of your choice ( I know your number of course :-* ) or if you want to meet in person, I could fly down any day to meet you. Irrespective of what happens, I will still continue to love you but also promise you that I would never ever interfere with your life if things were to go sour. Please respond.

Awaiting eagerly (read desperately)

In anticipation

LOve

Karan Johar

INTERNET-TED!

2008-06-20T02:35:00.000-07:00

Mission Statement:

We are an organization that is focusing on the ill effects of internet on personal lives of people and how internet stunts the growth and development of individuals into normal human beings. In the years to come, we as a group will get on to the streets spreading awareness of the ill effects of the internet and how internet is affecting a culturally strong country like India and in fact the rest of the world.

We are an organization are primarily focusing on the ill effects of money transactions and email/chat conversations over the internet. That is our primary objective and we are pitching ourselves with these two goals as priority in our overall disregard for internet.

We firmly beleive that humans are social beings and the lone difference between us and the rest of the living world is that we can, not just communicate and communicate effectively. With the advent of the internet, emails, chat clients, social networking websites and such, the whole way we communicate has changed. Gone are the days when you would go say hi to a friend across the table. One prefers to sent out send out a BUZZ!. One prefers to send out an e card wishing ones mum for mother’s day these days. Send out E flowers to their girlfriends and wives. We have become so bloody internet-ted that one wishes to express mood through ones status messages on chat clients. These forms of communication not only results in screwing up the normal development of the human brain, but also ends up making each one of a social misfit. A typical human, living in such conditions for a few years will hence not be able to respond to normal social occasions on a personal front. He/She will always look for a wrapper of the internet that they have always used to expose themselves to the outside world. A Second life some prefer to call it!!! This is wrong in the sense that the internet has deprived us humans of a quality of normal social behavior. We strongly oppose that.

Another thing that we as an organization are against is the use of internet to make financial transactions. These days, every transaction happens over the internet. Be it paying for a movie ticket which costs to a few hundred bucks, or be it transferring a few thousands to a friend in need, or be it a transaction of lakhs to pay the fees for some educational institution, every transaction happens over the internet. This no doubt increases the ease with which things happen, but the whole point of money, the efforts involved in earning it, and the pleasure involved in spending it is lost. Just think about it, has anyone of us seen a lakh of rupees in cash? Do we know the kind of feeling that so much non virtual money would generate? A feeling of happiness, richness, passion, fear and all that is much beyond the scope of imagination for most of us. All this thanks to internet. We strongly oppose this.

We are still a very small organization. As things stand we are just two of us involved. One is a not so famous celebrity with a few movies to his/her/its credit. Most of them movies are R rated though. He/She/It does not want to be mentioned as this organization grows, because he/she/it is a very modest individual and does not want his/her/its celebrity hood to come in the way of the growth of this organization. Another is me, a software engineer still trying to accept the goals and mission of our organization. We are looking for support in any form, people, ideas, cash, kind etc.

For more details please email the author
In case you intend to financially support us, please e transfer your funds to the account number: 1379017

Never judge a book by its cover

2008-06-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

Evolution, if that is how everything works, went on well till about the time India got independence. After that, the population increased at such a rate that even evolution lost it. And suddenly, round about the time of the turn of the 20th century, a new breed called the "Software engineers" needed to be evolved. So now, here we are, sharing space with this new breed of randomly evolved species - The Software engineers from India.

Its funny if you look at the way this breed of humans dress. In that sense, they can be classified into different groups, just based on their dressing styles.

The Indian male, or shall I say an average Indian(this, in an attempt to be NON sexist) is least concerned about how he/she looks. Disgusting man boobs and a pot belly which is the common sight among them apart, we as Indians manage to fill up fat into ever corners of our bodies. Fat in the face, fat in the cheeks, fat in the neck, fat in every corner of the trunk, fat behind the shins, fat behind the biceps, fat fat everywhere. To add to the drama, the "Software engineers from India" have a dressing style that needs review and discussion.

There are these obvious old timers who seem to be in a state of shock with all the change in the socio economic structure of India. The don’t seem to get past a pair of formal trousers and amazingly well pressed but full cuffed shirts without any hint of a color scheme. Black or navy blue seems the obvious choice for this generation for trousers and white based striped full cuffed shirts or checkered shirts crying out loud saying "I don’t belong here. There seems to be a time warp I am stuck in"

Then of course there are the youngsters. They fall into either of the following two major subdivisions. One, the ones who are not born to write code and/or have suicidal tendencies and/or have totally lost it in life and/or have no interest what so ever in what they wear. They just wear what they can find(or at least claim to do so). These are worse then the old timers. These know that they are having an obvious color mismatch in their clothes but they believe that this way they are making out a point. "I don’t care. Piss off!". Then there are these walking billboards. So strange how software has ruined lives of us meager mortals. A pair of jeans costs 3 mother fuckin grand; For a torn mother fuckin pair! And they are willing to pay whopping amounts just cos it has a oh so cuuoooool "Levis" or a "Lee" tag on it. Reebok shoes, Adidas shirt, Ray ban shades, Nike cap, Tag watch, Puma wrist band you name the brand, they would have worn it. Am sure they wear those weird looking mighty expensive undergarments as well. So much for globalization!

Some of these young software engineers fall into the "self proclaimed intellects" catagory. I feel they think the rule the world. They have these "what they think is wacky" t-shirts with slogans. Pathetic ones. Things like "I work for money, if you want loyalty, buy a dog" or even more nerdy ones such as "Dont blame me, its a hardware problem". They are either the nerds who had a oh so forgetful college life, or they are the real Losers(with the capital L), who don’t know what the hell they are doing on this earth, spending money drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, hanging out at the malls and such.

The best of the lot are the in-between software engineers as I like to call them. Not in-between sexually of course... they are the unfortunate set who are neither the old timers nor the youngsters. They have a style which I term as "The project manager" style. Oh god! Fridays are the worst for the "Project manager" type people. A branded jeans, a full cuffed formal shirt and a well polished formal leather shoes. A disgusting sight! Its either that or a Raymond formal black trouser, a red crocodile collared T and a white, almost brand new sparkling white Nike sneakers... add to it a wel kempt hair(of whatever remaining as most of them have a receding/receded hairline) and a couple of pens in the breast pocket - a circus waiting to kick off.

Women software engineers are fewer in number and hence fewer in type as well. Broadly, they can be classified into

1. The slutty ones (who are about 6 7 percent of the women software engineer population)
2. The truly beautiful/cute ones who you can’t do anything but fall in love with (who are very few.. and far between)
3. The ones who are neither sluts, nor goddesses.
[Rest of the discussion on women has been edited one because the women's bill has been passed and second, the author fears his life as he has been getting threat calls from random women threatening to kill him with utensils. Inconvenience is regretted]

Indian Premier League! A vote of thanks!

2008-06-02T22:53:00.000-07:00

IPL has been a wonderful success. "Pat on the back" to Lalit Modi and his team. Kudos too Rajasthan Royals!! Or shall I say "O Hallla boooolllll!!! "

On this memorable occasion, I am obliged to thank a few of them who have made this occasion a grand success. Here we go... Bullet points... Applause!!! Applause!!! Applause!!!

* I firstly would like to thank the IPL governing body for making this event a grand success. Its sad that its over cos every day when I get back home, I have nothing to watch on TV; when I get to work, we have nothing to discuss in coffee/lunch breaks. Just makes life that much more difficult.

* Thanks Tanvir, Marsh, Ghambir, Chawla, Warne, Zaheer, Yousuf, Irfan, Goni, Jayasurya, Watson et all.. amazing performance... Encore!!

* Thank you Vijay Mallya for all the Red Sox chicks... Without them, the whole IPL story would have been a lil less hot. Even you honey, the black one who thought we racially abused you!

* Thank you Shane Warne, for proving that you are never too old to lead and win!!!

* Thanks Rahul Dravid for at least saving grace and playing some good innings. But dude, you are done. Retire before ruining what you have achieved in the past few years.

* The Bangalore Royal Challengers were placed second in the "Fair play award" category. So RC can go with a campaign statement which says "Even if we don’t win, it does not matter. We don’t cheat"

* Thank you Harbajan for involving Symonds' mom in the IPL. I guess that was a well thought strategy. Thank you once again for slapping Srishanth. I guess he deserved it

* Thank you IPL officials for realizing that the world has had enough of Harbhajan

* Thank you Shah Rukh Khan for trying to steal the stardom. Thank god you realized that its cricket and not bollywood. Your time will come too. Like they say, every dog has its day. What say Aamir?

* Thank you Preity for being present every time your team played. Thank you for supporting them, though they were not worth all your efforts.

* Thank you IPL for letting India know that Yuvi can never be a good captain. Thank god for that!

* Thanks once again to Mallya for all the pretty chicks. Katrina was hot irrespective of our loss. So was Ramya... (so funny to see her pant her jeans off after a run around chinnaswami :P)

* Billy: You were at your entertaining best. Way to go!

* Thank god its all over, and no(no would be an understatement... lets say at least not cos of cricket) traffic jams to hassle people

* Thanks Set Max for live coverage of the matches. The hosts were irritating, so were the ads. Please see that at least next time, there are better/different/lesser number of ads/ad breaks (barring the Vodafone ads of course :) )

* Thanks Soheb for playing that one good match. I guess everyone (am sure even you) has had enough of you.

* Yo! Shivamani!! You are good but you suck on the field man. Stick to your drums in your studio. Please

* Last but not the least, the commentary team: Interesting! Different and interesting!! Not good. Just interesting.

Kannadam Kastoori allave!!!!

2008-04-22T00:03:00.000-07:00

Chapter II: Bengalooru

Yeno elections anthappa nam bengalooralli... 10 ne taarik anthe... A soole makklu politicians e sarthi aadru ond channagiro government baralappa vidhana saudha dalli... ad yen maadtaaro, nataka madakku time saltailla a boli makkalge... aadru namgalge ad yen vetyasa agatto gottilla bidrappa... a ond dinad raja bittu.... yaar band yen madakke agatte bidi... a traffic nodbittandre anthu nakkan yakappa beku ansbidatte... police avaru dinakka ond ond road na ista bandange one way maadtaare, no entry maadtaare, two way maadtaare, agitaare, fly over antha round keytaare.... nam bangalore police avarastu karab nan makkalu illa..... kett maath aadbaardu paapa... yellaru onde tara iralla... aadru... but most of them... bloDDy lofars....

Alla kanri... monne yen aytu gotta.... zamaana aadmele bike alli beat haakta idde ratri li.... yeno nam bengalooralli, iddiddralli ratrihottu beat hakakke channagiratte... paapa jana yellaru begne mane serbidtaare... road galu khaali hodita iratte... so, yen helta idde andre... ond 12 gante mele agittu... juuiiiiii antha barta idde... RX gottalla... sakast ujjaadta idde... sudden agi a shivananada circle hattra vobba mama nilisda.... full traffic stop maad da... ond hatt nimsha kaysda... yellaru kaadru... ond 100 gaadigalu assemble agittu kanri circle alli... kaadvi kaadvi... yake nilsidaane antha gottaaglilla... election time allva... yaaro vip banda... hoda.... a vip car hogidtakshana nam police mama sink kanri... horte bitta... avan paadge... fone alli maathaadkondu.... yalla kade inda nu gaadigalu hortvu... major traffic jam... imagine madi... ratri hechu kammi ond gante li... adu yaarinda agiddu?? police and politicians... adene democracy for the people by the people of the people antharallapa... seems that the people who really matter are the fucking basturds we elect... alla ri, government avarge rules e illva? a bmtc avaranthu ista bandhange leftu rightu, backu, frontu bartaarappa... bmtc pakkadalli gaadi vodsakke meter off agatte bengalooralli... and police avaru... vobba nu helmet hakalla kanri... naavgalyenaadru helmet tegdre saaku, 300 rupai keytaare soole makkalu... so much for democracy....

Bidrappa.... monne M G road kade nu beat haakde kanri... bike alli idde alla... traffic iddru deal agogatte and hengidru ratri hottu traffic iralla, nam Gandi tatha hengidaaro nodkondbarona antha hode... raktha kanneerin kathe ri nam M G road du.... boli makklu... ardha dalli kuydbittidaare kan ri... yaaraadru bere oorinda bandavarge nam M G road thorsbittre tupik! antha mukhadhmele definet agi ugitaare... Adyen metro baratto naanu nodle beku antha decide maadbitideeni...

Adar mele ad yest cool agi ide antheera nam bengalooru.... A ha!! 35 kelage bande illveneo.... yavttu bevetavanalla kanri naanu... heavvy cool manushya naanu... eega yenadru office bittu horge hode ankoli, nakkan yest bever baratte andre... shiva shiva... Eegenadru airport ge hogbeku andbittre imagine maadkoli.... moore moor ganthe anthe kanrappa allithanka hogakke.... aste aste... snana mado agatya ne illa... sumne koothkondbittre taxi alli mugeethu kathe... hogo asthottge snana yen bidi... hechu kammi kabab roast geast agogteevi a vimana hidiyosthottge....

Namgal naseeb e channagilla bidrappa... adyeno heltaralla... "Jab naseeb hi gaand mara ho tho kudha kya karega" antha... Bangalore Royal Challengers ad yen sundarvagi aadidrappa aa opening match IPL na.... line line agi nilsi shoot maadbeku kanri... nakkan naane channagaadtidneno pa.... gaandu gal thara aadidru.... alli ri.... yaaraadru dravid matte jaffar na opening kalsdtaaryenri... adu T20 alli... adu nakkan 200 mele chase maadbekdaadre... yen test match ketthoyte IPLu.... yaako nandu bhayanaka droha mado scene gal kaanta ide... Calcutta Knight Riders ge shift agona antha ideeni... in ond yerd moor match nodteeni... swalpa channag aadrappa... please kanrappa....

Shaurya - A review!!

2008-04-18T05:34:00.000-07:00

"Son, we live in a world that has walls and those walls have to be guarded by men with gun. Who’s going to do it? You Kaffie? ...."

Shaurya is clearly an adaption of the classic Few Good Men, and a pathetic one at that. I just happened to waste a Friday afternoon, skipping work hoping to see an amazing movie. The hopes were pretty high. And why not? They said it was an adaptation of one of the best movies I had ever seen. The star cast just made me all the more curious to check out the movie. Rahul Bose and Kay Kay Memon, arguabally the most talented actors of my time. Javed Jaffery and the hot Minnisha Lamba to add to the excitment. All in all a total disappointment.
Kay Kay does a so so Cl.Jessep but Bose does a miserable Kaffie. The story line, like the original revolves around the killing of one army officer by another. "Code Red" from the original has been turned into a cheap religeous link. Captain Javeed Khan kills his superior officer Cl.Rathod because Rathod talks ill of Islam and the Muslims and tries to kill an innocent 6 year old girl. The aloof Sid(Bose), realizes that he has more to life then to enjoy an outing in Kashmir, thanks to a young journalist who happens to be Sid’s cousin. Just like the original, Sid decides to put Brigadier Pratap(Kay Kay) on the stand. The final court room scene comes out more as a comedy more than anything else. The dialogues lack any sense of maturity. The family touch introducing the victim’s mother and the accused’s wife just makes you cry more. Just what the director intended??
The worst part about the movie is how strikingly similar this one is as compared to the original but how terribly disgusting director Samar Khan has made of totally classic scenes of the original. I can go on and on about how disgusting this copy is, more so because of the kind of fan i am of Few good men. However, it’s worth mentioning that brigadier Pratap is even given a cigar to bring in the character of Cl. Nathen R Jesseup but unfortunately censor board of India does not allow smoking on screen do they? If you don’t light a cigar, why the fuck do you have it in hand? Shag?
Final verdict: A total disaster. If you have not watched Few Good Men already, might as well skip shaurya cos you won’t understand a thing. If you have already watched Few Good Men, please skip this one.

The W700i

2008-04-08T05:45:00.000-07:00

The Sony Ericson W700i comes in two colours. A jazzy white with a flashy orange border and keys and a more mellowed down Titanium Gold(as they call it) with chrome keys. Like all Sony phones, this too has a very comfortable and well animated UI unlike the Nokia or the Motorola ones in the same range and a very simple phone to use. The screen is pretty big for its time with amazing clarity. It is a walkman phone, and there are no complaints about the performance of the music on this phone either.

This phone comes with a standard 256 MB memory card. I had it upgraded the memory to 1GB which was the only expenditure I had incurred in the almost 2 years of using my W700i. No complaints what so ever. However there are a couple of places where a few things could be worked on.

I have always been a fan of joystick phones. Its a matter of whether you like it or not. I just happen to be one of the "I like joystick" person. Till about the last few days of my usage, the joystick also performed pretty well as opposed to the reviews I had got about it. The great thing about the joystick on Sony phones is that the joystick performs very well with very well defined movements unlike say a Nokia joystick phone where you always have to HOPE that it functions the way you want it to.

The 2 mega pixel camera on this phone is fantastic. The advantage with this phone in terms of photography is that the camera comes with a zoom facility. Also with the moving camera, the zoom facility holds good and there is no fixed length of the file. The best part of the camera on this phone is the flash which is very very bright which can be doubled as a torch as well. Comes in very handy ;)

The games on this phone are also pretty interesting. "Qudra-pop", a Tetris based game is very well designed and perfect to play when whilst whiling away time in a bus/train journey. My top score on that was 876670 :). The battery backup is pretty good too. It once survived for 4 days straight without giving up. Over all 9 on 10 for battery backup.

Here are My Ratings for the phone:

Looks: 6 on 10 (Sony has made better looking phones. The white one is better looking)
Usability: 8.5 on 10 (For non joystick preferring people, go for the W810i which is almost similar)
User Interface: 9 on 10
Java apps: 7 on 10
Walkman: 9 on 10
Camera: 8 on 10

Overall: 8 on 10

There are a few places where the phone could have done better. Since its a walkman phone, there could have been better controls for music in the hands free. Also the plug and play button is kinda delicate which makes the music play even when unintended. A very good buy for people who are trying to get used to a joystick phone. I had brilliant 2 years and a whole lot of memories with mine.

Pooja

2008-04-02T04:47:00.000-07:00

"Why are you angry pooja?" I asked in a very low, squeaky voice. The voice was low and squeaky more because it had been about 15 mins since she had gotten into the car and we had hardly spoken. Suddenly, saying one complete sentence resulted in that low squeaky tone.

"I am not angry" she retorted, not taking her eyes off the road which was flooded with cars and bikes and people.

"Why aren't you even looking at me?"

"Just leave me alone for a while. I don’t feel like talking now"

As I drove on in the thick traffic and the treacherous rain, I glanced at her. Pooja. She looked divine. I could see the spark in her eyes as the blinding headlights from ahead flashed into my car. I could see that her hair was kinda wet as she was trying to wipe away the trickling drops of rain off her cheeks and her neck. The piercing on her nose made her look amazingly hot as opposed to seductively cheap which usually a nose ring does to a woman. The cutest part was her foot wear. It was one of those semi high healed slip-ons with a cute flower on each.

"Kuch khaogi?" I said in my broken Hindi.

"Your hindi sounds pathetic" she said

"I am sorry. Do you want to get something to eat?" I said, sheeply

"Its close to midnight. What do you mean get something to eat?" she replied angrily

"What are you pissed for?" I shouted. I was getting irritated with this kind of behavior. Never before had anyone spoken to me like this.

"Ill be alright. Give me some time... I feel like drinking coffee" she said after a pause

"At this hour? Don’t you want to go home?"

"We will go home if you want to go home. Can we have coffee there?"

"No"

"Ok"

There was another long space of silence inside the car. Just the stereo playing Clapton.

... she puts on her makeup,
and brushes her long long hair
and then she asks me,
do I look alright?
And I say darling,
you look Wonderful tonight...

The silence was too penetrating. The rain had died down and so had the traffic. It was just the cool wind that was gushing into the half rolled windows. I HAD to break the silence. I HAD to say something.

"I know a place where we get coffee at this hour" I said, again in that squeaky voice of mine

"I thought you wanted to go home" she said

".. and I thought you wanted a coffee"

"I would love it" she said with a hint of a smile, her first of that evening

"Its about a couple of hours drive but I am sure you will get coffee there"

"Are you sure? Don’t you want to get home?" she asked

"Its coffee you want, coffee you will get"

I turned around and directed the the car to head towards the coffee shop that was a few miles outside city limits wondering if there would be another innings of silence. It was quiet cold now and we could see the moon on the left corner of the wind shield. As I put the car on overdrive the silence was broken. This time it was the sweet voice of pooja

"Can I borrow a smoke?"

"Sure" I said trying to fish the pack from my jeans pocket

"You drive very fast" she said as she she took a drag , “I like it"

That did it. I don’t seem to remember how the next 2 something hours passed as we headed to the coffee place. It was one of the best conversations I have ever had. She asked me about me, my parents, my work, my friends everything. She wanted to know everything. It really didn’t matter to her that I was either saying half truth or lying entirely. She seemed genuinely interested in knowing about me. After our coffee, we took a small walk on the high way. She held on to my arm as the cool wind blew at us. We smoked a couple of cigarettes. She spoke about her. The caffeine seemed to have woken up a monster in her. She spoke of the moon. She told me a hundred stories of her childhood and how she and her sisters and her brothers used to irritate their mother and how her father would come home drunk and beat the boys and how she ran away from her home with just a bag containing a pair of clothes and a few rotis her mother had made for the trip and how she missed her family. I am not sure but I guess I caught her with a tear in her eye. When I enquired, she just warded it off by saying that it was getting too cold and we better head to the car.

The drive back was even better. There was silence this time too. But this time it was different. She held on to my hand as I drove back. In a while I could see that she was fast asleep, like a baby, her hands tightly clasping mine. She looked adorable. We had almost reached the outskirts of the city and the day seemed to be breaking as well. The moon was long gone. In a few minutes, the sun would be shining bright on this part of earth.

She woke up suddenly as the breaks screeched. I had just avoided banging into a paper boy. "That was close" I thought as my eyes were blood shot with lack of sleep. I put my head out of the window and showered a few abuses. She was in a state of shock. She didn’t find it strange that she was holding on to my hand. I didn’t find it odd too. She found it odd that she was still in the car with me

"Where are we?" she asked sleepily

"We are almost back pooja"

"Oh! My God! Its late. I better be heading back" she said looking at her mobile phone

"Ill drop you back. Where shall I drop you off?" I offered

"Are you sure?" she said slowly but consciously taking her hands away from mine

"Yup sure. Where do you want me to.."

"Near any auto would be fine thank you"

"Are you sure?" I said

"Yes. The first one you can find"

"Fine" I said partly with shock and partly with anger. I thought the evening had gone perfectly fine. Things were just perfect. We had had a great time together. We had talked. And talked. And talked. And talked more. And now, suddenly she wanted to get out of the car and away from me. To this day I don’t know why she did that. I have never met her since. I hardly remember her face now.

"There is an auto" I had said

"Thank you" she said without even looking at me

"Here!" I said pulling out 6 fresh 500 rupee notes out of my wallet, "This is for you. I have already paid your boss."

"I cant take this" she said, this time looking into my eyes. "I didn’t do anything"

"That’s alright. I had a wonderful time" I said smiling.

There was another few seconds of silence. This time it seemed the longest. Then she kissed me gently, got off and closed the door behind her

"I thought this was not in the deal" I shouted as she crossed the almost empty road towards an auto. "No kissing on the lips is the only rule I was supposed to follow. Thats what your boss said"

"Good bye" she said, smiling and waving at me

Kids

2008-04-01T04:21:00.000-07:00

There is this popular line which is used by a lot of men in a lot of movies "I like kids. Other people's kids". I am of the opinion that I like kids as long as there is a clear 30 meters distance between me and the kid, or at least there is a solid, sound proof, bullet proof wall between us.

A movie theater is one place where I don’t just hate kids. I DREAD them. I think all my hatred towards kids has its roots in one of the hazaar multiplexes of Bangalore.
There are two kinds of kids and two kinds of people in multiplexes.
One set of kids are the ones who don’t have a fuckin idea what is happening on screen. Either they are too young to know or they are too spoilt to give their brain a chance. They just make noise. Loud noise. Cry. Shout. Pee. Crap. Stink. Spill pop corn. Spill coke. Get lost. Loose their cap. Loose their clothes. Loose their sanity. These kids are the ones who come with useless parents which brings us to the first kind of parents. The useless ones. They have no idea what to do with their kids. They are just blessed with highly irritating kids and very low children management skills. They just let the kids be. They like the millions others around are hoping that the kid bloody shuts up and wishing they had used protection. 1The other set are the intelligent ones. The ones whose parents think are going to make it to NASA when they grow old. Its like a fuckin quiz happening in the theater.

Confused Kid: Daddy what is dyslexia?
Father of the Unfortunate Confused Kid: Its a disease sonny. It a mental disorder
CK: Whats a mental disorder?
FUCK: Some people are born with some problem in their brain ...... (On and on about it)

FUCK: Who’s that? (Pointing to the screen)
CK: KAREENA KAPOOR
FUCK: Very good. And whose that?
CK: Thats Saif... Kareena's boyfriend. He has a divorced wife and a son like me
FUCK: Excellent!! (turning to MUCK) Sonny is a very fast learner. He knows everything

Its time people realize that a movie hall is not a place where kids can have their evening out. They need a play ground with fresh air. More importantly, its high time people realize that movies are not a place where kids can gain knowledge. There is not one useful piece of shit that out movies have to offer kids. So keep them away from movies. Make them useful. Make them loveable.

COCK Roaches

2008-03-03T06:51:00.000-08:00

Disclosure: Dear Abhishek, Divya, Sunil, Nitin, and Jayashree, Merin the chick with the wierd name, Kishore and the rest of the gang whose name I have not mentioned: You guys are really great and have been great friends in my life and this is nothing to do with you guys. I hope we can remain friends after you guys read this.

It is said that the most important reason why the world might come to an end is a nuclear holocaust. It is also said that cockroaches are the only species on planet earth who will survive such a disaster. Cockroaches are also known for their survival in regions under any/all climatic conditions and/or any/all vegetation causing almost no harm to the surroundings. Just survive and lead on.

That is what I find similar about you people. Please note that this has nothing to do with your life style. Its just what you are. You seem to come over to any part of the country, any part of the world and survive just as comfortably as the locals. Manage, not just to survive on but to form a very nice and comfortable surroundings for your selves.

The best part about you is that you guys kinda join in with the crowd and make fun of yourselves. I feel your community is not just made fun of, but you guys are loved well and truly by one and all. Your "chai" is as sweet as each and every one of you. And each and every one of you are as funny as any one of you. You seem to pick up every language up pretty well, but with lots of pain. You sound pathetic if you speak any other tongue my friends. Some of you kinda shock me sometimes by giving out a perfectly perfect English. But sorry ladies and gentlemen, you kinda give yourselves away with your pronunciation of a few words. "Uncle", "Welcome" etc are enough dudes, to reveal yoru identity. Its so funny how you say it. So fuckin funny!!

Your language guys! I can go on and on about it. I am sure everyone feels odd and wierd listening to some one else's local tongue. But yours guys, is the ultimate. Of all the two years I managed to survive in your land, most of the time I heard your language and most of the time, my brain would be exploding with laughter. Every word you utter seems to be a swear word in atleast one of the other languages I know. And the amazing script you have that goes with your tongue just makes it all the more funny.

Woah!! The food!! I believe that each and every one of you lives a perfect life, if life is about enjoying 3 proper meals per day. I can imagine eating a hearty meal consisting of meat and non meat once a day. But I really cant fathom how you guys manage to eat so much and so much meat especially for breakfast. I submit to your stomachs. God bless your drainage system.

Another amazing thing about you guys is the profound sexuality you guys portray. Most of you are good looking in some sense of the other. But the kind of dresses you wear, both the men and women are so vulgar. Colorful and vulgar. Especially the men with the hairy thighs showing and all that. Tremendous libido you people portray. The funniest thing i ever heard about you guys was a comment from a friend of mine. Remember, he is semi your types, meaning his mother's parents are from your land. He says and i quote "These people are so confused with their sexuality that every one of them is by-sexual till they reach the age of 26"

There are way too many things that I can make fun of you guys -

Your movies, (I cant beleive that you guys cant beleive that the rest of the world refer to all your movies as Porn)

your hair styles, (HA HA HA HA)

your food habits, (comments blocked due to racial content)

your drinking habits, (Vijay Mallya is not complaining is he?)

your homes, (comments blocked due to racial content)

your clothes, (comments blocked due to adult content)

your women, (comments blocked due to adult content)

your men, (comments blocked due to racial content)

your education system, (comments blocked due to racial content)

your roads,

everything else. I am also sure that you guys will look at this with a decent sense of humor and laugh it out. Its just that its against my conscience to discuss you guys more. If you still think you need to break the shit out of me, please go ahead, find me and kill me.

Absolutely no hard feelings. Nothing is personal :)

Cheers

My take on MTV Roadies:

2008-01-23T06:41:00.000-08:00

MTV Roadies is this reality show which has survived the "reality tv" craze which has kinda gone out of hand these days. The reality shows I mean. There are shows for every damn thing man. Its totally crazy. Singing, dancing, stand up comedy, reality love, reality breakups, reality this, reality that and a whole lot of reality crap. Thank god, for the past 3 years, I didn’t have access to a television. But the past week has since my new TV has come in has been loaded with "reality tv" for me. Not because I am kicked about reality shows. Its just that prime time television seems to have nothing else to show us.
I caught myself watching the auditions of the latest edition of MTV Roadies sometime. Nice entertainment after a hard days work would be my first take on the show. Loads of hot chicks, rocking hip cool guys with most of them having a pea for a brain. But the point is, what is the point of the show? What is the point of the auditions they conduct? What the FUCK are the looking for? Character? Attitude? Looks? The kind of things they make the participants do, just the conversations are both demeaning and absolutely non sense. What can you judge a person on any scale per say if you are asking the person to use all the bad words known? Or how the fuck does it matter if one is by-sexual or by-curious? What’s that got to do with a competition which involves dramatic "cheating" and vague physical events? And the people who are involved with the judgment process, what the fuck are they good at in anyway?
Nikhil is pretty acceptable. Thanks dude, for playing second fiddle to that freak friend of yours. And thank you for keeping your comments low. Nam bangaloor hudga maga neenu... hesru ulsiddya... But the other freak is insane. He totally has lost it in life. He seems like a guy who is going thro a domestic problem. His wife seems to be beating him up every morning before he leaves to work. He seems to be so depressed in life that he comes and tries to take every participants case. And dude, your looks... the bald shining head and your goatee, if you think that’s cool, you are sadly mistaken... Infact you are totally SAD!!!! Get a life man. YOU need a psychologist, not the ones on your show you keep advising.
Oh! by the way, I happened to come across a blog written by one of the former "Roadies" as she calls herself. Look at the content. Look at the presentation. If THIS is what it takes to become a freakin Roadie, each one of you can come and kiss my ARSE!!!!

The End of an Era

2008-01-08T04:40:00.000-08:00

Era is defined as a period of time marked by distinctive character, events, etc. So I am not too sure if "The end of an Era" is a suitable title for the blog. However, considering my life on a plate, it pretty much is the end of a period marked by distinctive character and events and etc ofcourse.

Sudhir Kumar Srinivasan is heading to the United States. Finally, I must add.

Sudhir Kumar Srinivasan known to people by more popular names. Most people call him Ski. My first memory of a conversation with this psycho was sometime in my first year. I had used some kannada slang to abuse him. He had freaked out. He had promised to get me killed that evening. That didnt happen I must admit. Its been 4 years of enigneering life and 3 years of staying together. I could go on writing paragraph after paragraph about this depressing soul; making it sound like an obituary. As a difference, I am going to put down a few words/phrases in his memory.
1. Gedde/Pappu/Ganda/Uncle/Gaandu/Yadav
2. Drunk menace
3. Spiritually Lost
4. Cheers Macha
5. Basically....
6. YD 125 - The Next Generation bike
7. Looooo
8. Mentalesh
9. Sri Sri Sri Sri....
10. Pal pal dil ke paaas
11. Bet adona??
12. Meow!!!
13. dv/dx
14. Yenne bitte!!!
15. Lo ond puff kodo...
16. CUTTTT agatte maga
17. Natural born sex maniac - Anything that moves; or not
18. underscore underscore
19. NASA (North American Sankathi Association)

All the best dude. Cheers. Take care madi... Love ya

Kannadam Kastoori allave!!!!

2007-11-30T05:06:00.000-08:00

Chapter I : Kannada

Bengaloor alli nam kannadadavarge one thara jeevna ne illa swami. Dukha heldru yenu antha dukha hel li heli.... Nam golgalna yellinda shuru maadli heli...

Moor varsha aytu naanu bengaloor ge bandu... Haalaad e software industry alli nanna kaal ittu... Hetchu kammi yav thara aagbitide nan jeevana andre, kel le bedi... Kannada maathaadod bidi... nam kannada artha madkoloavaru sigalla kanri bengaloor alli... teera anyaya aytu kanri idu... One cigratte kelakka tamil barbeku... Bakery alli one chota tea kudiyakke malayalam kalibeku... Auto alli hogakke hindi barbeku... One panto shirto thognakke hodre posh agi english alli maathaadbeku... Yelli hoytri nam kannada... Yelli hogta ide nanthara kannadigana baduku??

Bengaloor doddagi ide... Banni yellaru... tension illa... illi bandu kelda maadi... yochne illa... thale ne kedskondodilla... ee kannadigandu sakkat dodda manasu... hangandbittu namma baashe ne haal maadbidoda?

Oota madakke ond hotel ge hogteeni kan ri... appata nam kannada hotel... volle thinde volle oota sigatte... adikke vobba cashier idaane... pakka tamil avanu.... 9 varshadinda ide hotel alli idaananthe... 9 varsha dinda nam karanatakadalli idaananthe... bekadastu vayasu kuda agide.... aadre ond pada nu kannada maathadalla kan ri... vayas agide antha bayakku agalla... hotte ge idli bekandre tamil alli keli padibeku... thu, nandu ond jeevana na ansbidatte bidi...

Ad hodre hoytu bidri.. office function appa... yeno party thara nadita ide... adeno aata aadsta iddrappa... bandbittu english alli hindi haad du lyrics heltaare... naavu a hindi haad na guess maaadbeku... ad nadita iddaga ond group ge hindi haad guess madakke aaglilla... yaake antha keldaga avarge hindi barallvanthe... avarge tamil haad du anuvada bekanthe.... boli makkalu... anthadralli nam host idaanalla... avangintha sule maga illa... tamil haad na english alli heltaane... yaake nam kannada haadgalgen kammi ri agide... thu yeno bidrappa...

Baashe one mooleg aadre saaku... Nam bengaloor alli yes jana bandbitidaare andre nam MG road haalmaadbitrallapppa... yella orallu ond MG road antha iratte... one thara hemme yella oorgalge.... nam MG road na ardha dalli kuidbittu aleeno metro train haaktaranthappa... yeno pa... nav padkond bandirode istu yeno....

Adeno radio dalli RJ gal bartaralla... vobbrugu kannada baralla kanri.. yeno kasta patkondu padagalna jodskondu kannada maathaadtare... anthavar maatgal kelbittre sakappa jeevana ansbidatte.. nonsense... thu thu... assayya

Hodre hogli bidri... yeno nan thara nim thara kannadadavaradru aadastu kannada ulsona... kanada haadgal keli... kanada picture gal na theater ge hogi nodi... nakkan black alladdru ticket thogonlona... kannadalli maathadona... kannadalli preethi madona... kannadalli jagala adona.... kannadalli nagona, alona... Srigannadam gelge....

A Suicide Note

2007-11-04T23:12:00.000-08:00

I am bored. It’s just too boring. Monotonous is the word. Its not like I have concerns with the life I am leading now. But there is not too much happening anyway. I am just bored. I just want to move on. Pass on :)

Kadambri, I am really sorry about leaving you alone in this treacherous world honey. I really love you and I know you love me as much too. Its not that I am unhappy with you. You make me very happy. But I am just bored. Not with you sweetie. If that was the case, you know I would told you. I am just bored with life. I want to move on. Pass on. Ill miss you.

Mum, Dad, I am sorry that I have got a bad name to YOUR family. I am sure you are more relieved than sad that you don’t have to support such a grown up son financially anymore. I really did try but you were never happy with anything I did. To even things out, I was never happy with anything you did anyway. I feel I was already dead in your eyes, the day I flunked in college. Anu, you rock sis. Be good and take care of your parents.

Love you all. Miss me... Sometime...

Jay Jay

The goa trip

2007-10-03T23:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Kadambri,

As you know I headed to Goa over the week end. It was such bliss. Not just Goa, but the trip in the entirety.

I left my place at around 7 in the evening on the Friday night. It took a little while to fight traffic and hit the Mysore road. But once there, it was brilliant. Darkness all around, both inside and outside the car with just the bright lights of the car on the road. A scene to be watched. A scene to be felt. I missed you.

There was a plan to visit the jog falls on the way. As we passed through Shimoga, I realised Sagar, the place where I was born was somewhere close by. I made a visit, and after 25 long years, it still feels like home. There seems to be an amazing aura associated with that place. And Jog was at its romantic best. Its too difficult to explain in words Kadambri, but ill try my best. The awesome water fall with 4 different streams hitting earth with great force is a scene to be witnessed, especially in the post monsoon of September. And the mist had accumulated on at the base of the falls, and as I spent about 10 minutes there, the mist covered up the whole place. Nothing could be seen. Not even rocks. It just felt perfect. I wish you were around to hold my hands as I watched the "Nothing". I missed you

I reached Goa and took up a room on Baga beach. Was so tired with the days drive that I went straight to bed. The next day I went to the Fort Agouda. This is a fort that over looks the sea. Another sight to watch. After that I went to the Calungot beach and had an amazing swim. Was on the Jet Ski as well. What fun I tell you. The force of the water hitting the face is a highly refreshing feeling. You would have loved it if you were there. I would have loved it if you were there.

After all the swim I headed to the room to clean myself up. I headed to one of the shacks on the Baga beach to have a drink and have dinner. As the beer sunk in, I took a walk on the beach. I have always felt that a beach is the most romantic place ever. Some day I promise ill bring you to a beach, because I want to be with you on a beach once. As the cold water touches the bare feet, the chill just runs all the body. The body ached and I found it difficult to walk on the sand but then the pleasure of the whole scene was too much to worry about the aching body. I just hoped you were around to walk hand in hand with me and we would walk and speak on into the night.

The next day I woke up and headed to a few more beaches and a visit to the church. Good fun it was. In the night I went back to Baga one more time. I wanted to miss you a little more I guess. This time the beer got to my head a little too much. Or shall I say, a lot more beer got into my head :-) and the walk turned out to be a scary one. Alone, lost in darkness. I am sorry. I am sure if you were around, you would have prevented this. Anyway, no regrets. But I sure did miss you desperately this time though.

The next day I headed back home. On the way I stopped at Gokarna. This was the place that had taken me closest to death. I always had the fear of coming back to this place. I went to the beach. It looked calmer than I had seen it before. Infact it looked perfect. The rocks and the sea hitting to rocks. Very cool. Very nice. You would have loved this too. I missed you.

Thats it from this end about the Goa trip. Will catch up soon

I love you

Jay Jay

Random Disorder

2007-10-03T22:51:00.000-07:00

He had had a pathetic day. He hadn’t slept well for the past 3 days. Yesterday night was the worst. He had got about 2 hours of sleep. Today seemed to be going to dogs. He was irritated because of the lack of sleep which seemed to be worsening the effect. He didn’t have the patience to speak to anyone. Just to comfort himself, he tried calling anyone who could remotely comfort him. Nothing seemed to work. He got back home. The whole place was a mess. A shoe on the bed, a dumbbell on the laptop, clothes and news papers lying everywhere. Absolute chaos. Random disorder. Not just the place. His whole life was. A random disorder. He took off his shoes. He needed some time for himself. Something nice and pure and complete. He contemplated suicide. He decided to smoke a cigarette instead. The power failed. Lit a match. The sweet smell of tobacco seemed to comfort him. It relieved him of the puzzle of life. He stubbed the filter and went off to sleep.

Insha Allah!! They got fucked

2007-09-24T23:45:00.000-07:00

Its a day i would remember. India beat Pakistan in the first ever Twenty20 world cup. Not just beat, kicked arse. They deserved to win, having beaten every major team in the cup and loosing only one match in the series. What was more interesting to see was that it was a total team effort. Under Dhoni, the team seems to be fearless and seems to be enjoying their cricket. And i think in the end, the best team actually won.

The final was one nail biter. It just made it better that it went down to the last over. Both teams played amazing cricket and it was worthy of a finals. Pakistan should not feel too bad about loosing the match. They fought till their last drop for the cup. They should absolutely have no regrets. Or should they? The fuckin lost to India in the finals. They must be kicking themselves in the butt like no bodies business. Screw them :P. An sms floating just highlighted the situation:

"A Pakistani iron rod dealer gets a call from an Indian company.
Indian: Do you have rods?
Pakistani: Ya of course
Indian: Shove it up your arse" - LOL

We went on a traditional victory lap after the match. Whole of Bangalore was a party. The streets were loaded with INDIANS and the tricolor flying high and wide everywhere. Every one was on the streets. Humongous fireworks. People dancing on the streets. Everyone seemed to be having a blast. Law and order seemed screwed but who cared. The police were having a blast themselves. On the whole an amazing experience. What a brilliant way to end a Monday!! Got indoors at 4 am. For a change its Tuesday morning blues :P

My sympathies to all the Indians who were not in the country to experience the fever. Sorry guys, but where you are just ain't India

RuBBeR

2007-09-20T08:02:00.000-07:00

The other day I had to hand over a form that I had filled up for an entrance exam. Just as I was heading to the place I had to drop off the form I realized that my form had some mistakes. I had to make changes to the form. Since it was filled with a pencil, it should have been fairly simple to rectify. But then I fished my bag, my car and what not to find an eraser. No!!! Could not find it. I could not find a bloody eraser. I had to look for a stationary store and ask for an eraser, edit the form and do the needful.
The point I want you to notice is that I didn't have an eraser handy. Surprising how my lifestyle had changed over the years. Some time ago, I considered carrying good stationary a matter of prestige. I had the best of the pens, the sharpest pencils, the wackiest of sharpeners and the bestest of the erasers with me. And talking of erasers, its just a long long story.
When I was a kid, kid meaning, I am talking of the days when we used to call an eraser a rubber, the world of rubbers was just too crazy. There used to be these scented rubbers, rubbers which were protruding out of a plastic case with a brush on the other side and a picture on the case which would move if the case moved, rubbers shaped in the shape of Spiderman, He-Man and a whole lot of super heroes, ink rubbers where were either one wierd 3 dimensional parallelograms or round flat ones with a plastic center case, rubbers which used to come in sets of 3 or 4 which were colourful and used in the shape of different fruits or flowers and all.
There also used to be there rubbers which were these cuboids which were white and green. The white part would have colourful letters of the alphabet on them. I remember once when I was in 2nd grade, I had one such rubber with T written on it. Funny story I tell you. Those days, I used to share my bench with this chick. We were class leaders or something I remember and we used to sit in the last bench. On one such day, I realized that I didn't have a scale and this chick had 2. Now I badly wanted one. So I stuck a deal with her. I bit half my T Rubber and exchanged it with the older of the two scales she had. I went home and told about my business brains to my parents. I remember very well that on that day was the first and the only time I have ever been slapped my by dad.

The world will go to Dogs

2007-09-09T22:56:00.000-07:00

Considering Darwin's theory of the survival of the fittest holds good and the fact that earth has been taken over by the human race, it can be concluded that man turned out fittest. Atleast till now. Man being the only race blessed with intelligence. Apart from dolphins ofcourse. Or thats what man thinks. But if all this is really true, then with time and as the evolution continues, dogs are going to take over.

Away from mans imagination, dogs too have an intelligence of their own. Developed over ages as time passed by. They have an added advantage that they can understand man's language. Man has actually tried and gone out of his way to teach dogs how to understand him. Another adantage they have is that man has let them stay in homes, shared beds, and has never felt that a dog would get to know what all he talks. Taken dogs to space, let them into the law and order system and everything. Slowly but surely the dog race has got a strong hold and a great knowledge on how the "till now the fittest" race of humans work.

Now they have a plan. Apart from the spy dogs who stay at our homes to understand the intrecasies of the himan beings, they have started placing strategic small teams lurk on the streets. They work as a team, a small but fit and intelliget team probabally planning the war against the human race. I am sure when the D day arrives, the pets with cute cute names will start attacking from the inside as well as the street army of dogs will do it from the outside. The earth will go to DOGS if we the humans dont realise that something is up. Gear up humans... It IS the survival of the fittest afterall

EveryDay

2007-07-24T03:55:00.000-07:00

Its 6 and the alarm rings. Fed up of its noise I force myself to get up and turn it off. About 20 minutes later, my dad literally pulls me out with a cup of coffee in his hand. That's when I realize that its time for me to get up and stat completing my record, lest I would not be allowed to enter the lab. Its already 730 and I haven't even started on my record. Its nature call time and by the time I have completed having my bath its 815 and I should have left home 5 minutes earlier. Gulping down whatever mom has cooked for breakfast; I take my bike and rip towards college. Damn, not enough fuel and I have to make that inevitable pit stop. By the time I reach college its 840 and I am 10 minutes late for my class. Entering class (if the teacher is kind enough to let me inside) and not finding my favorite last bench, is devastating. Next two hours is Greek and Latin to me. The teacher seems like an extra terrestrial organism taking 70 odd of us prisoners and torturing us to death with words most of which I bet even he would not understand. Then comes half an hour of the much awaited break, my first chance in the day to get in touch with my earthling friends and discuss the common problems, and if time permits grab a cup of coffee, a very important thing if I want to survive the next 3 hours. Next its 2 hours of classes again, and this time I use the opportunity to complete the record I had left pending. Then comes the lunch break when I end up eating the crap they serve at the canteen. 45 minutes later I am in the laboratory.
Wires and resistors and IC's and diodes and the CRO and the multimeter and all that and I have no clue what’s happening. Turn on the switches, connect some wires and switch on the CRO and you better get a sinusoidal wave (whatever that is ) and if it does, we are done with today's experiment. And if the record is all correct, rush out of the lab and its time to leave towards home. It’s about 630 by the time I reach home and by the time I freshen up its 7 and the power fails. So the escape the mosquito attach, get out of home and meet up some friends, discuss important issues like India and Pakistan or Ganguly's affair with Nagma or even things like presence of God or Osama bin Laden. Its about 930 but the time I get back home, have dinner and its time for F.R.I.E.N.D.S After this I go to the room to realize that I have an internal tomorrow, and I have no idea what the portions are. So I call up the class topper and get the portions, and hunt for and find out the pages that contain them. (Which is a difficult task as most of the books I have to study from has 1000 something pages). Its 1230 and its time to go online. Checking mail takes about 5 minutes but I end up online for an hour, thanks to things like messengers and IRC. By 130 I start with my books and I am damn sleepy and exhausted by now. Time to hit the bed, leaving the internals in the hands of the topper guy. With all this I have to keep myself updated with all the new songs released and channel [V]'s pop stars and Leander and Mahesh at the Davis cup and all that.
This is how my normal day is. Some days its worse. It comes loaded with exams, all this for 4 years… not what I expected out of engineering

Polygamy – The path to hell

2007-07-24T03:43:00.000-07:00

The entrance of the third member into the family was inevitable. My wife had come to know that something was up. I had given her clues and I think by the time my second wife came in, she had accepted it. She didn't have a choice either. May be she didn't like the fact that I would be having a new young, beautiful wife but like I said she had accepted it. She didn't say this in as many words, but her silence said it all. She knew that she was old and it made it difficult for her to satisfy my wants. For this very reason, she was given a face lift a year ago but both of us knew that this was temporary and she would get back to her original self, which she eventually did. There was nothing much we could do about it now. She also knew that my second wife was young and a completely different class all together. She didn't mind me spending more time with the new member of our family or taking her out everywhere I went. I knew it was difficult for someone out or the blue comes and takes ones place but my wife being the great person that she is accepted it as if it was just another phase of her life.
Its not that I liked my second wife more than the first one but it meant a lot for me in front of my friends too to have a young and good looking wife, I started having new friends because of my new wife and I know that my first wife could not do anything like that. Though she had a great heart, she was not very good looking and being an old timer could not enjoy the company of my friends. She tried very hard I must confess. Having a second wife I began feeling confidant about myself and I didn't have to hide my wife anymore. And I could see the difference in the people around me. They were all excited about my new wife and all of them wanted to meet her or go out with her.
But a second wife meant a lot more expenditure. My new wife made me spend a lot of cash on her, and I had to, to please her. Also the money I spent on my old partner didn't reduce either. I was not the one who would leave her to the mercy of god. I had never thought about all this before. With the limited resource I had, life was getting difficult.
With the new gained popularity I was even spending more on other people. The thing that mattered most was that my new wife had to go to the parlor frequently. It seemed impossible for her to do without the visit. The reason I felt bad was because my old wife didn't complain if she was not take there. She knew it was not necessary.
Life was really getting on to me. Though my second wife was already good looking, she thought that it was necessary for her to get herself beautified further. And I had to comply, cos even I thought my wife had to be the best. Ego as they say ruineth a man. One solution everyone found for me was to get rid of my first wife. But I couldn't do such a thing. Nothing could replace my 10 years with her, not only being loyal to me but also serving the whole family. I cannot forget all the things we have done together. Well at present I am struggling to make ends meet. I have not made a decision yet but soon if I don't come up with something ill be a goner.
Bu the way I would like you all to know the names of my wives. My first wife is called Kinetic Honda and my second one is called The Yamaha RX 135.

"Am not a quitter.... OR AM I?"

2007-06-13T22:19:00.000-07:00

I have been smoking cigarettes for over 6 years. Not that I am proud of the fact that I am but, still, just for records, its been 6 years. My first cigarette was a Gold Flake King Size. Having lived in India for most of my life, I have been dominated by cigarettes from ITC, but my lungs have also been tarred by some not ITC cigarettes, mostly foreign, and also some of our more local beedis.

I have never been a chain smoker. In my defense, for a chain smoker, there are certain patterns, which are not found in me. Basically a chain smoker sticks to one brand of cigarettes and sticks to one pattern of smoking, neither of which are found in me. My brand of cigarette usually depends on the money I have, the time of the day, the company around, my health condition and the mood of the moment.

Anyway, having smoked so many different brands of cigarettes, I feel that the impact the pack of cigarette makes on a person looking at it is high. I have always personally liked smart looking cigarette packets. And I have no doubt that till a few days ago, ITC Classics came out with the smartest of cigarette packets. It was a pleasure to place a Classic packet in your hand, be it "The Classic Regular", "The Classic Milds" or even the (U/A) rated "Classic Ultra Milds" or "The Classic Menthol". The color combination of the packets were just super Smart. The Maroon - Golden Regulars, The White Purple Milds, The White Green Menthol and the all silver ultra milds. It used to feel nice to smoke a ITC Classic, and it was not just the nicotine.

I wonder why change is often necessary. Classics are out with new packaging for their cigarettes. A pathetic change I feel. I happen to catch a glimpse of the Milds in a girly blue and the Ultra Milds in a silver/gold packet with a saxophone on it. Just Disgusting. I probably will quit smoking in protest to this change. My protests probably wont affect anyone. So probably ill just buy loose cigarettes... no boxes. ;)

Cold Romance!!!!!

2007-06-11T02:14:00.000-07:00

This is an excerpt from "Oceans Eleven", a scene in which Tess will be waiting for Terry her boyfriend when Danny, her ex-husband touches he shoulder from behind

DANNY: Hello, Tess.

TESS: You are 30 seconds late. (She looks around. Its not Terry. Its Danny)

TESS: What are you doing here?

DANNY: I'm out.

TESS: Out?

DANNY: Of prison. Remember? I went for cigarettes and didn't come back.

TESS: I don't smoke. Don't sit.

DANNY: SupposedIy I paid my debt to society.

TESS: Funny, I never got a cheque.

DANNY: You're not wearing your ring.

TESS: I sold it. I don't have a husband or didn't you get the papers?

DANNY: My last day inside, I told you I'd write.

TESS: Danny, go now before--

DANNY: Before what? Benedict?

DANNY: (To the waiter) How you doing? Whiskey and whiskey.

DANNY: You're doing a great job at the museum. The Yermeer is quite good. Vibrant! But his work fell off later.

TESS: Remind you of anyone?

DANNY: I always confuse Monet and Manet. Which one married his mistress?

TESS: Monet.

DANNY: And Manet had syphllis.

TESS: They also painted occasionally.

DANNY: All right, I'll make this quick. I came here for you. I want to get on with my life. I want you with me.

TESS: You're a thief and a llar.

DANNY: I only lied about being a thief. I don't do that now.

TESS: -Steal?

DANNY: Lie.

TESS: I'm with someone who doesn't have to make that kind of distinction.

DANNY: He's clear on both.

TESS: You have a problem.

DANNY: Only one?

TESS: You've met too many peopIe like you. I'm with Terry now.

DANNY: Does he make you laugh?

TESS: He doesn't make me cry. People you steal from have insurance. They get made whole again. I left New York to escape what happened. Can I get five years back?

DANNY: What you can do is not throw the rest of the

TESS: You don't know anything.

DANNY: You don't love me, you're with someone else, fine. I have to live with that. But not him.

TESS: Just like an ex-husband.

DANNY: I'm not joking Tess

TESS: I'm not Iaughing Danny

TESS: There's a confllct of interest when you giye me advice about my love life.

DANNY: But that doesn't mean I'm wrong.

TESS: Do you remember what I said when we first met?

DANNY: That I better know what I'm doing.

TESS: Do you? Now? You should go if you don't.

DANNY: I know what I'm doing.

Terry Enters from behind Tess

TERRY: What are you doing?

DANNY: Just catching up.

TESS: Meet my ex-husband. Danny Ocean.

TERRY: Mr. Ocean.

DANNY: I'm in your seat.

TERRY: Forgiye my lateness. A guest required my attention.

TESS: That's fine. Danny was walking through and spotted me.

TERRY: Is that so?

DANNY: Imagine the odds. Of all the gin joints in all the world.

TERRY: You recentIy were released from prison?

DANNY: That's right.

TERRY: How does it feel to be out?

DANNY: About the same.

TESS: Danny was just about to...

DANNY: I just stopped by to say hi to Tess.

TERRY: Stay, have a drink.

DANNY: I can't.

TESS: He can't.

DANNY: Well, then....

TERRY: I imagine we won't see Mr.Ocean anytime soon.

DANNY: You never know.

TERRY: I know everything happening in my hotels.

DANNY: So I should put those towels back.

TERRY: No, the towels you can keep.

DANNY: Good to see you, Tess.

TESS: Take care, Danny.

DANNY: Terry.

TERRY: Danny.

fun with "Two malls and the full"

2007-06-04T04:13:00.000-07:00

Friday
6 AM
"The journey begins"

As Sunil, Deepak and me left our home on a trip, we didnt know what was coming. We didnt want to know what was coming.
We just left... Just us and the car. Next pitstop - Mysore.

Friday
12 Noon
"The drive into the clouds"

The scroching afternoon sun, sunil at the wheel, all of us charged, having completed the first leg of our journey succesfully and starting off on the first important leg, towards the gods own country so to say. Clear blue skies, where the road ended. Bright white clouds somewhere at the end of the road it seemed. And we drove on into the clouds. But as we headed to the clouds, we realised we had lost our way. We actually didnt have a destination to reach, but the road seemed to go no where. No one knew where it would end. We had to do another 50 km back approximately. We had lunch and retraced back our 50 kms, only to realize that the map, the only source of information we had on our whereabouts was left in the restraunt we just got back from. It was decided to head on, and unlike men, this time we would ASK for directions.

Friday
11 PM
"A romantic walk with 2 Malls and a Full"

The day had almost ended. We had decided that we would stay in a place called "Lakkadi" for the night. But as we reached there at around sun set, we got to know that there is nothing to see there and there is no place to stay. So it was decided we would go to a beach, the main reason for this trip.... I wanted to see a beach.... It had been long. So we reached kozikod and checked into this hotel called "The Beach Hotel". Nice place with an ancient setting. AC rooms which overlooked a lawn which overlooked the beach.

As we had a drink, the first bit of alcohol on the trip and headed out to the beach, the scene was set. It was a full moon day, or atleast the moon looked full. The tides were relatively high I suppose, and the beach was lonely. As I walked in the beach, a little dizzy on the drink, a little tired of the drive, it just felt so nice. The waves coming and hitting the shore and the cool breeze blowing constantly, making music to the ears, the shadow of the moon somewhere far away in the sea, the sound of the drizzle that was hitting the ground, it was perfect. The most romantic setting that I had ever been in. The thing was that I was stuck with the two mallus on the beach and a full bottle of Royal Stag in the room. I passed on both.

Saturday
12 AM
"Welcome to the jungle"

After an early morning walk on the beach at around 10 and a quick shower, we headed towards the silent valley. We had to choose between "Mahe" and this place but it was decided that we had seen the sea, now lets go check out the forests. The journey was amazing. We stoppoed at this small sidey place for lunch. 3 mallu unlimited meals, 2 fish fries, one beef fry, 2 cups of tea cost us a whopping 82 bucks. It was a very small price to pay for the quality of the meal. "Annadata sukhee bhava" Small roads into the jungles. It had become dark as we entered the denser part of the jungle. It was just brilliant. We got to this forest check post. We enquired about the safari thingie. We would have to come back tomorrow morning. It was too late for today. We got more information saying that there was no place to stay well. We had no place to go. Decided to first get our ass out of there.

Saturday
11 PM
"Bang Bang and there she was gone"

We retired into our rooms in coimbator. Yup thats where we landed next. Why and how I have no clue. We just landed there. Thats all I know. Once we had a terrible meal, we decided to do something about our bottle of whisky. It had been with us 2 days, and hardly consumed. We got our glasses ready, ourselves in comfortable positions, cigarettes in place and suddenly out of the blue my had swiped the bottle to the ground. And the baby was gone!!!

Sunday
12 Noon
"...But it rained"

Heading back, we had 2 choices. One was the super fast national highway to reach us home in like 6 hours. Other was thro ooty, a more treachous route and a round about one too. But ofcourse we chose tha later :). So we headed to ooty. Another amazing drive. Partly forests, partly mountain... and partly rain :). It was such a pleasure to see the rain. The forest suddenly looked fresh. It just completed the perfect picture. Awww what a wonderful world!!!

Sunday
7 PM
"Go green till the finish!!!"

We left my house in mysore at around 630. Destination was bangalore. But we ended up in greens. One of the most romatic places I have ever been to. Greens is this hotel in mysore. Its called "The Green Hotel". Open to the air, lots and lots of space, amazing lighting and the best part is no music. We had our coffees and left for bangalore. First time I was driving bangalore mysore at that hour. Just about dark and everyone in a hurry to get back home. And I was in a hurry too. Was just too tired. I needed to hit the bed. And so I ripped... Schumi style. Amazing fun driving a car as fast as it can take you, lighting up the streets on the way.

Summary:
Total Distance covered : 1489 kms
Total Time of the trip : 3 days, 2 nights
Places saw/visited : None

Is it life or the journey??

2007-05-30T04:17:00.000-07:00

As I looked at him, his tired bloodshot eyes, sweaty forehead, a cigarette between his fingures trying to steer his 10 lac odd car inch my inch to what people call "home" I could hear what he was thinking as he hung up on a call.

"Fuck the manager. Fuck the project. Fuck everybody. I fuckin have to work till 10 in the night, without time to call my pregnent wife, and the fucker calls me to inform that there is a meeting at 9 tomorrow. Dont I have a life? Whats the point of owning that stupid car one of those movie stars advertises for when I have to drive bumper to bumper hoping those cab basturds dont scratch it.... Fuckin traffic jam on top of that.... At fuckin 1045... Awwwww what a life!!!"

Ya exactly!! What has life gotten now? Every person on the road that late in the night looked so sad and deperssed. Not ONE smile. Not one... Beleive me... I counted. This one guy on a faded blue Bajaj Chetak featuring one of those Red Ferrari helmet was probabally thinking...

"The bloody bitch is going to be waiting for me to get home so that she can start her nagging. What do I care if her brother-in-law has decided to run away from his wife? And why not, if he was trading a life for her sister. I wish I could do that too. And the bloody helmet on top of that. Awwwww what a life!!!"

There was this couple in a brand new Tata Indigo, one of those girly blue colours, relatively new, relatively dented. A relatively new husband and wife I could guess. She had all those bangles and all which those panjabi chicks wear. A layer of makeup and a bright salwar I noticed. Goodlooking is how I would define her. Anyway, new "couple" they were, night it was. I thought atleast there, there would be some romance flowing, some smiles flying around. No, there was none of that. The guy was, basically a rookie at driving was struggling to get the car move the inch it was supposed to move and the girl was looking out of the window thinking...

"Where the hell am I stuck. I am stuck all day at home with the bloody TV or cooking for this bloody joker who cant even drive a car for nuts. I ask him to take me out for dinner one day, and this is what I get? Bloody stuck in a car. What is my life coming to? Awwwww what a life!!!"

Its a sad scene in bangalore. There is so much money. So many software engineers. So many families. And some how there seems to be no happiness. All the happiness is gone. Gone far far away.

A smile just passed my lips, thinking of the everydays I am on my way back from work with all the problems of life in my head, probabally thinking to myself "Awwwww what a life!!!"

music - ligament and all that jazz

2007-04-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

A French goddess of Greek origin. Thats exactly what she was... A goddess!!! Those pretty large black eyes, her long silky hair, her out of the world smile was more than enough to get whatever she wanted. Over that she played the harp like it was a part of her body. The music just reverbrated in my ears as her fingures moved gently over the 47 stringed instrument... I was in love...

This was just the part of one of the most eventful week ends that went by. Met up a couple of friends and headed to this "FireFly Aashram" on kanakapura road. This was my first weekend with my car as well. So wanted to make it big. We left at around 7, after boring ourself to death at a friends place, where around 15 of us were supposed to meet up and leave from.

The drive was around an hour from the city, and once we took a detour from the main road, the road was dark and dusty and lonely and i really didnt know what i was supposed to be expecting at the festival.

The setting:

The stage was set up under a low grown banayan tree. It was an open air theater of sorts. The open air into the dark night gave the setting an added sense of freedom.

The music:

There were about 20 performances, which consisted of different forms of music, from jazz to greek, quawali to naama dholu kunitha. And ofcourse, my love... she was the best if you ask me.

The crowd:

The more i attend these music concerts in bangalore, the more i get impressed by the quality of the crowd. Just like the maiden concert, here were mostly people who really were interested in the music. There was lots of booze and grass and what not happening... but there was abslutely no misbehavior of any sort. There were foreign chicks all around but not one guy letching at them.

The end:

At around 4 in the morning, when the quawali was going on, i headed back out of the crowd to have a smoke. I had to get down from this high rise wall to get to a place that was away from all the people. I took a jump. I screwed my leg. AGAIN. What followed was a day of lack of sleep, a trip to the doctor, an x-ray, hinged knee braces and a visit to a family function where i got all the sympathy.... he he he....

Cheers!!!!

AAAAAH!!! What a life!!!!!!

2007-04-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

I came accross a very nice article... One of those very few fowards that was readable...
So I am putting this here... Read on... You could be one of us

BEING IN TWENTIES - SOMETHING

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

FATE DETERMINES WHO COMES INTO OUR LIVES.....HEART DETERMINES WHO STAYS

I cant think of a title for this post ;)

2007-04-09T07:25:00.000-07:00

Every now and then, one comes accross some form of literature which hits you in some part of your brain or your heart.... here is one such which had made its mark... Go on... Read it.... You WILL like it...

yaava mohana murali kareyithu doora theerake ninnanu
yaava brindavanavu seleyithu ninna mannina kannanu

hoovu hasige chandra chandana baahu bandhana
chumbana
bayake thotada beliyolage karanaganadi ringana

saptha saagaradaacheyello suptha saagara kaadide
moreyadalegala moola marmara indu illigu haayithe

vivashavayithu prana haa....paravashavu ninnee
chethana
"iruvudellava bittu iradudaredege thudivude jeevana"

-gopalakrishna adiga

Nodi swami navirodu heege - A movie review

2007-04-09T07:18:00.000-07:00

I happened to watch lots of movies in the week end that passed. One that stood out was "Nodi Swami Nav Irodu Heege", a Shankar Nag, Arundati Nag, Ramesh Bhat, Master Manjunath starrer. These names may not mean to most people, but these are one of the few people in the kannada film industry who survived on sheer talent.

Every now and then, the kannada film industry comes up with amazing movies. Tho these are few and far between, some such movies are a master peice. This one is just that.

The movie lacks a strong story line or strong characters. Its just an amazingly well made movie. The movie revolves around "mysoor", shankar nags character, who also happens to be the cupid for the love story between "nagesh nuggehalli" (Ramesh Bhat) and "Jaya"(Arundathi Nag)... .Plain and simple love story between these guys, with apt humor at the right times, with a message at the end that for a relationship to work out, there needs a lot of adjustment and patience. Arundathi i thought was a much better actor tho... Have seen her in just one other movie but i guess she is not that good an actor anyway. (Arundathi wiki: Arundathi and Shankar Nag fell in love and got married on the sets of this movie supposedly)

This movie too has a sentimental touch attached with me. History goes that when I was a kid, i used to have long hair and used to look like how Master Manjunath looks in the movie. Also that I had become so popular that people used to call me "chotte munde de", the character of Master Manjunath.

CAR CAR CAR CAR yell nodi CAR

2007-04-05T13:16:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those "big" days of my life so to say.... I bought my first CAR....(Second actually but at this point in time we will consider this car my first car for more reasons than one... one of them being I actually didnt blog on the day I bought that car....)... Anyway it feels super nice to be a proud owner of a brand new vehicle.... It feels as if in life, you just took a step up I think. So basically I am super happy today.
Lots of very touchy incidents happened today. Just one of those days which was emotionally dominated I would say. Firstly, some time during the day it actually hit me that I HAD BOUGHT A CAR..... It is not just a car, it is a commitment, a part of my life for a while atleast, its like a wife..... I guess this is the first most committed relationship I am ready to embark on.... its scary sometimes.... but I guess its another step up
One more touchey scene was so....
We were at this temple for we wanted to get the car blessed.... This was my third visit to this temple... and each time I have been there has been with a new vehicle. Anyway, me mom and dad were waiting for the priest to come and bless my car. Dad was looking at the car but I noticed that he was looking way beyond. One of those looks when you are looking at something physically but you actually have another picture in your mind... Then he looks at me and with those experienced eyes he says "Just 13 years ago, when I came to mysore, I never even thought ill have one car in my life... and now, both my sons too have a car"
That was such a nice thing to hear. I think every man is succesful in the eyes of his father. And every success of a man can be best seen only in the eyes of a father. Cheers dad. I am what I am because of you

OH AH INDIA AYI LA INDIA

2007-03-27T13:29:00.000-07:00

World cup fever comes to an end. Atleast for Indians. Atleast for me. I had a lot of things planned for this world cup. This world cup in a way was, a very important one in my life for more than one reason. One is of course, that probabally the last world cup for Sachin, Dravid, Kumble, Ganguly et all. And these are the cricketers I grew up with, know what I mean... When I started watching or following cricket, these guys were also planting their first strong steps on the game. In a way, they grew old with us. One more reason this world cup was to be special was that this was probabally the last world cup I would get to watch as a bachelor, you know, like a real one, no issues of family and home and shit like that. Just me and the guys, all watching cricket. We had decided to make this world cup special. We had all worked out stratergies to get to handle work timings and made arrangements to watch each match at pubs and friends places and such. Infact, ski got a tv home, a small i guess 5 inch tv with an antenna. So funny it is, black and white and catches only dd. Infact the Ind vs SL match i watched on that only. :-)

But the bloody fuckers(in a mallu accent) spoilt it all. Not even reach bloody super 8s. Out loosing to Bangladesh. The only highlight I would take back, you know, when i am old and i look back at my past and think of world cup 2007, will probabally remember the world record score in world cups against bermuda and conversly bob woulmers death.

Sad for the team though. I am sure they must be by themselves already feeling pretty sad. Its sad to loose any game. Especially against a week team. More so when there are a lot of people supporting you. And "Team India" had freaking millions of people holding their balls, hoping for a kick ass performance. On top of that the way we treated them is sad. Emails circulating about these people with alternative career paths is acceptable. Bloody taking to the streets with posters, having a fake burial of the players, giving them the "chappli" treatment, damaging the players houses and stuff was a little too much. Not after how they were treated just a couple of weeks ago, comparing the team to the 83 world cup team and events for cheering up the team and the kind of advertisements that came out and stuff. An Indian cricketer would definetely know how green the grass it is on either side of stardom.

Potty!!!

2007-03-23T01:47:00.000-07:00

Reached home after a tough day at work. Not a particularly tough day that I should be cribbing about. Just end of another tiring day. Kinda physically and mentally exhausted. Since it was summer, I decide that I would have the second bath of the day. Once the bucket of hot water was ready, I headed to the bathroom with a towel around me. Just as I entered the bathroom, I felt like taking a shit. So got myself a cigarette and the days news paper and sat down. WOAH!!! How relaxing was that. Am not just talking about the shit, the whole process of sitting on the shit pot with a news paper with a cigarette in my hand.

I think every man existing, spends those precious 10 mins of every day of his life in the loo with his news paper. This is one place he knows he wont be distrubed by anyone and the enclosed space gives him a sense of security which I think makes those few minutes completely tension free and being naked enhances that sense of freedom. And so he reads on, letting his body do its part. It actually makes more sense to the news when it is read in the loo. Not just news, just anything read on the mighty pot makes the content worthwhile and things hit where they have to. A refrigirator and a TV if provided would make a man agree to spend the rest of his life in the loo. Atleast I would. What else do we want, a TV, an occasional beer, an occasional cigarette and effortless movement less excretion space. The complete man I guess.... :-)

woOow what a week end!!!

2007-03-20T01:07:00.000-07:00

Another amazing week end passed by. And WOOOW!!!! What a week end!!!!

Friday night was one big drunk mistake. As a ritual, we met up at some friends place for a couple of drinks to kick start the week end ahead. Normal scene, 4 5 of us sitting and drinking with TV on in the background, and basically discussion work and world cup circket.

I had to leave to hand over some STUFF to a Gotli. So left and Adi joined me to drop me off to my bike. There we decided that we would go out for a cup of tea. What followed next was something i least expected. In an hour from the time we decided that we should have tea, we were in a car heading towards mandya. We IT people just cant seem to live without Coffee Days. The highlight of the journey was this random drunk guy we met on the streets and became friends with. Sandeep was his name. He bloody had the balls to stop our car and talk to us. Proud of you mate.

Reached bangalore and hit the bed at 8AM Sat morning. After 2 hours of sleep and nearly 2 hours on my bike, me and viksa were heading towards palace grounds, where i was about to witness the greatest concert I have till date been to.

Iron Maiden performing live is a pretty big deal for a decent rock fan. And there was a big crowd, mostly in black IM tees waiting eagerly for the show. The turn offs for the who was this opening band called "Fuck the Name" who apperantly had won some "Campus rock" competation and ofcourse Lorren Harris, Steve's daughter. I wonder who the judges were that dick of a competation cos they sucked, and this chick i am sure is not steve's biological daughter. God she sucked. There was this guy in the audience who was like showing his arse to her which was pretty much what everyone was watching.

After all this shit, when IM came on, it was crazy. The stage was just awsome and who can comment on the band's performance. I am sure each one present there was in a high cos of music. The best part of the show was that there was so many people and so much alcohol and so much drugs and yet not one sign of trouble. A rough estimate by me says that there were atleast 20 thousand people in that place and atleast 80 percent were high on alcohol and atleast 50 % were high on grass and other drugs. But it was all so cool. Three cheers to the "Bangalore Rock music followers".

Sunday was a lazy day as usual. The highlight of sunday was the 2 movies I watched. One was this totally hilarious "Honey Moon Travels Pvt Ltd" and the other was Ram Gopal Verma's "Nishabd". Honeymoon Travels lacked a basic story line. It definetely lacked content. But the performance of every start was awsome. Special mentions to Kay Kay and Bomman Irani and for once Amisha Patel has played her part well. The subtle theme comes out of the movie. All in all, 2 and a half hours of entertainment. Time-Pass material.

Nishabd is a master peice. As usual, Ramu does not fail to captivate the audience. The plot becomes complex as the movie progresses and at one point of time, you are so lost in the movie that you are in fact tense on how the bloody plot will be solved. Jiah Khan looks super hot and super sexy but the star of the movie is Big B. After ages, there was love in the experienced eyes of the superstar. Almost subbmissive to love Bacchan's performance is one that is going to be remembered for a long time.

All in all, a splended week end, the worst part being starting off the monday, on UGADI at work. We were like the only company working in the whole of bangalore. WOOOW what a company ;-)

Statuary warning: "Smoking is relaxing"

2007-03-05T01:22:00.000-08:00

In the 24 odd years of existance on this planet, as a social being, I have been asked tonnes of questions by tonnes of people. It some how fits into the scheme of things - Asking and answering questions.

Of the questions I have answered, over the last 5 years the most common question I have been quizzed with is, "Why do you smoke?"(and mostly this there is a tone which is associated with this, the same tone which is probabally used in a police introgation) One of the wierdest questions, and I have I guess tackled it with ease, answering it in a way it satisfies the person who asked the question in question. Anyway, most of them have been lies. How else do you think I can say whatever I am going to say in the following lines to every Tom, Dick or whoever.....

A cigarette has been my single most reliable companion for 5 years now. Every once in a while I feel that everyone feels a need to just unplug from life and spend a quiet moment alone. And it gets lonely out there on those unplugged outings. This is the time in life when the cigarette comes in. Its just there, with you, just sharing your misery, just not asking anything in return, not asking anything atall infact.

Once the cigarette is out of the pack and shoved between the lips is when the fun starts. Its a very strange comforting feeling when this peice of paper sits between the lips. Its just freedom re-incarnated. Before the actual process of lighting the cigarette, the instant a match is struck, the feeling of "AMEN! And there shall be light in your life" occurs. Once the fire hits the tip of your cigarette, the sound of burning fresh tobaccoo is very soothning to the ear. The first drag I think the best drag in a smoke. The smell of burning tobacco, the touch of the white smoke inside the lungs, the flavour of the tobacco on the tongue, the heat which touches you from within, all these gel up and gave a "out of the world" effect on the mind. Its just too relaxing.

So thats what I do. I smoke to relax. So stop asking me that....

A perfect week end

2007-02-26T01:04:00.000-08:00

Its not every trip to mysore I sit and try writing out a blog. Come on, mysore is my home town or atleast thats where my parents live. So I get to go when I feel like going there. But its always been that I dont go too often for more than one reasons which is a completely different blog material. Anyway, what I am writing about is a trip I just got back from yesterday, from Mysore.

This is one trip which made me question my actions in life. I some how felt that in the persuit of life in terms of career and money, there is so much I have lost.

Anyway, lets cut the philosophy crap and this is how the trip went....

Friday evening:
Time: approx 5 PM
Mood: Irritated

Still stuck at work. Release of some major CR's are under way. The testing has been succesful offshore. But the release notes are to be prepared and stuff. And I want to leave. The train is at 6 and I need to get into it. This trip to mysore is pretty important. There has been some kind of family tension at home and there has been a lot of tension in my life too. So I am hoping that this outing back home will put things in its place.
Me and sunil finally leave office at 545. Get home pick up his stuff, pick up my stuff and head to the bus stand.

Friday evening:
Time: approx 10 PM
Mood: Content

After a heavy meal, an amazing meal of amazingly cooked food, we settle down in front of the Telivision, something i dont have the luxuary of watching in bangalore. Have a casual chat with parents for an hour or so. Once they slept we headed up to our rooms. One smoke in the balcony of your Fathers house and you feel so beg. You feel so big.

Satarday morning
Time: approx 10 AM
Mood: Yawn!!!!

Lazily I wake up from bed. Its pretty common when I wake up and see a man sleeping next to me. Its not too uncommon in this busy world of IT. There are men eveywhere, work, play, food, drink, smoke. For Bangalore its raining men. So wake up the man for the night go down for a cup of coffee. Want to go for a drive but the car is not there. Mom out of the blue has got into a "social service" mode. She was born in some government hospital itseems, and now after 50 odd years she feels she has to give it back to the hospital. So she has gone to take care of the patients there, and my dad, like most men is out chauffering his wife. Wonder why they call it a male dominated society.
I take my Kienetic Honda and head to "mailari" so that sunil gets a dose of our Mysore dosas. After a sumptious set masala dose we head to the most visited place in Mysore, Manjus. They should make this place a tourist attraction I feel. Cos every JCite who visits Mysore after college has to set foot in this holy place. The coffees the teas and Manju, a great combination.

Satarday afternoon
Time: 2 PM approx
Mood: Yaaaaawn!!!!

Another heavy meal. Another amazingly cooked home meal. I want to sleep. But I have to take sunil around. So one a sunny satarday afternoon we head towards nowhere. And as usual, first stop Manjus. Next we head towards balmuri. Once small drive and we are there, on the banks of river kaveri. A beer here a smoke there and next moment we are all in the water (All meaning my sunil and a few of my other friends). After a relaxing bath we are back to pitstop manjus. Its almost 6 now, the sun is fading. Perfect time to go to greens. A coffee in Greens is the most relaxing thing to do any evening. Just sit there, legs close to your body, a hot sip of coffee, a dry drag of a cigarette and it feels like heaven. I wish I could do this more often.

Satarday evening
Time: 7 PM
Mood: Relaxed but nostalgic

The coffee in Greens had done something. Was not physically and mentally in the same time-space constant.
The drive to chamundi is one another amazing things that makes me reach the pinacle of happiness. The drive in the dark with just the lights of the car showing the way is just too good. And once we reach a certain height, looking at the lights of mysore is just an awsome view. Far away in the sky, the setting sun, dark clowds with a redish border, and lights of the city make the view breathtaking.
On the way down the hill, we stopped at nandi. Not some thing i have done often. So we went near nandi and there is a cave temple which is not too visited my common man. We went there. That was a nice experience too. That guy there, the baba gave us sugar crystals, with a twinkle in his eye. Wonder what he thougt we were high on ;-)

Satarday night
Time: approx 1030 PM
Mood: Pretty high

The hill was just too good. Not only nice at that instant of time, but the trip down memory lane was also amazing. We headed down to planet x to have a drink and dinner. And since we had time, we needed to kill it. The choice we had was go karting, play pool, bowling, video games or mini golf. We choose mini golf. One hell of a time we had. And just for the record, the score was sunil 3.5 and tejas 4. Succesful victory. To celebrate this, we headed to the restaurant. One taquila shot and a beer and we were "good to go". The drive back home was another thrilling experience. Once a man is a intoxicated state, especially intoxicated on alcohol and has a wheel to handle, it brings out a real man in him. Its like experiencing freedom at its peak

Sunday morning
Time: approx 11 AM
Mood: Happy

A game of snooker to finish off the almost perfect week end. And thats where we headed next. Sunil was a beginer in the game, and I was giving him my professional tips ;-) . As I sat down looking at him playing his shots, improving every second, i just felt that something was missing. Something was incomplete and .... and my phone rang. With a smile i take the call, the call seemed to complete the puzzle of life. The voice of someone who you long to talk to all the time calls you at the time of bliss is like "a stariway to heaven"

Sunday evening
Time: approx 7 PM
Mood: Lonely and tripping

A train journey is always trippy. More so if you are stuffed at the door and are looking out into the fading light. Its just as if life passes you by and you are looking at it as if looking at a movie. The movie of your life. The movie I watched on this day had a happy ending. It was a happy happy week end alltogether.

Monday morning
Time 930 AM
Mood: Yaaaaawn!!!!
The week end is gone. Over. Just a perfect week end. Its monday morning. I have to get back to work. I cant beleive i have given up so much of a life in mysore to get up and head in the traffic towards work. UFFFFFF

City full of OLD Shit

2007-01-22T02:53:00.000-08:00

Wierd day.... 21st January 2007...

I headed back to Bangalore from Mysore in a cousins car. Honda City V-Tech. First time in that car. Super it is. Chandru (Moms cousin) was driving... Eaisly cruised to about 100, and i am sure it would have gone higher, but for some reason, Chandru was not flooring it. I guess it was the presense of his son and mom, or may be after a certain age, speed does not facinate one.

Arrived in bangalore and took an Auto-Rickshaw towards home. Jayanagar to Indranagar. Fare some 80 odd indian rupees. Happened to get into an auto which was owned by a muslim. That i found out by looking at some urdu stickers in his wagon and also checking out his "driver details" which is mandatory on all autos now(After the call center incidents that have been terrorising the city). Rehmatulla Khan. Had a general conversation, and he spoke perfect kannada.

Were near ulsoor, where most of the problem had occured(... and that we found out later) and we saw lots of police and fire men and remains of distruction. Hindu muslim riots started due to Saddam hussains death and also some rally organised by VHP. It seemed pretty strange that a couple of hindus in a muslim auto driven my a muslim driver were able to travel in perfect harmony in a place surrounded my distruction cos of the same this religious disharmony.

Came home, and my owner had arrived from Singapore.
Owner: Very very old man, prolly in his 85s, Pakka tamil brahmin, very very methodical, and very very orthodox thinking.Can manage english, but speaks mostly tamil.
Owner's wife: Pretty old, much more orthodox, much more Pakka tamil brahmin. Cannot speak anything but tamil and cannot understand anything i speak, neither can i.

So after 6 months he is back and i have to give him details of all the bills and back reciepts. After a tiring day, am in no mood to do anything and not especiallly this shit. 1 hour of solid "old man's talk" i got, on how to be a good person, how to pay bills on time, how to take care of onself when you are alone and some history on how he broke his leg, how his son finished his mba, how his singapore trip was and stuff.

Another end to another wierd day!!!

Another page of Tejas' Diary

2006-12-22T01:12:00.000-08:00

Events of 21st december 2006

0900 hours: The alarm in my phone has been ringing for an hour now and i have been snoozing it over and over again. Its as if the alarm is saying "Son of a bitch, get your fuckin ass off the bed and get to work and stop pushing my balls over and over again". I eventually make my mind up and start looking at what i have to do to get to work. Bare minimum is get bath and find clean clothes and leave.

1030 hours: I am already super late to work and am having breakfast with beloved SKI at our own Srinidhi Sagar. Once tomato rice bath, half a coffee. Ski is wearing a white T-Shirt and he spills coffee all over it. And i go HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

1115 house: My first cup of coffee is over. Done with dealing with my emails of yesterday. Pick up my TT racked and am heading towards the TT table. Phone rings. Ski it is.

"Hello" I say
"Teja" he says in a tone which he ususally uses when he is super drunk
"Are you bloody drunk at 11 in the morning? Are you not going to work??"
"I met with an accident"
"What?"
"hummm my leg hurts man... help me"
"Where are you dude, whats wrong??"
"I am at !#%^&&*(&^. Fell of the bike. I am badly hurt"
"Are you bleeding??"
"Ya"
"Lots?"
"I dont know... please come"
"I am leaving now. Just stay where you are. Ill call you"

1145 hours: I get to the spot, to ski sitting on the pavement alone. He is just sitting and his bike is next to him. I go up to him and check him out. He is scratched himself all over, hands, legs everything. His pretty face is unaffected. Thank you govt. of Karnataka for making helmets compulsary. I try to make him stand and he cant move. His leg is pretty fucked. People start gathering around. An auto guy comes and helps ski inside. We head to CMH.

1330 hours: After talking to about 5 doctors, and atleast 25 trips to differnt counters in the hospital, we have finally landed outside the orthopedcian. The x ray is on its way and ski says

"Man, it hurts but the nurses here are ok"
"Shut the fuck up ski, your bloody leg is screwed. They are going to amputate it HA HA HA HA"
"LO aadru... he he he he"

1345 hours: The doctor has examined both the xray and the patient. He calls me inside his chamber, while ski is being treated with some crape bandaid and crape. The doctor shows me the xray and says, "there is a fracture in his knee, and the bone that is affected is called %&^$%& which have ligaments attached to it. A surgery has to be conduted sometime tomorrow." and i am like "aa uh aa ok. Surgery? hummm... can i just go out for a minute." I really needed a smoke. Needed to figure out stuff. Should ski be operated there? I should inform his parents. There should surely be a second opinion on this. Whaat will i tell ski What will i tell his parents. Who will i tell anything. God!!!

1415 hours: I am trying real hard to contact skis parents. They are not reachable anywhere. I have gone out and made a dozen phonecalls to lots of people trying to organise things. I have decided that i have to get ski to mysore. Still have not contacted his parents. Totu is on his way down. Finally some one to share the decision making. I go down to inform the doctor this decision. There i come accross ski and a nurse having a small argument of sorts. I find out what it was and this is what i heard. The nurse has to crape his knee and she thinks she has to cut his trouser for that. Ski says its a new trouser, which he bought(or was bought) just yesterday and hence he wont allow that to happen. Guys, grow up and do something about it. Damn the trouser ski, let it go is what i thought.

1600 hours: We are in a qualis. Man the car is amazing. Ski is sitting behind, his leg fully bandaged. Me and totu are sitting in front. Ski is enjoying his "Fruit and Nut" which was bought for him at the Shell Fuel station. Me and totu enjoying our lays and pepsi. We are on our way to mysore. A ha!!! Mysore, here we come

1930 hours: Appolo hospital mysore. One more round of xrays and stuff. Doc says no surgery as yet. Cast for 4 weeks. Delux room for ski with all the pretty nurses he always fantasises about.

2400 hours: Me and totu on our way back to bangalore. Arya playing in the in car LCD screen. I am pretty stoned because of the hard days work. UFFFFF !!!!!

0900 hours the next day: The alarm in my phone has been ringing for an hour now and i have been snoozing it over and over again. Its as if the alarm is saying "Son of a bitch, get your fuckin ass off the bed and get to work and stop pushing my balls over and over again". I eventually make my mind up and start looking at what i have to do to get to work. Bare minimum is get bath and find clean clothes and leave.

I pick up my wallet to go for a cup of early morning Tea, and... and....

MY ATM CARD IS MISSING!!!!! I left it in the ATM yesterday!!!!

ahem ahem AMEN!!!!

2006-12-20T01:49:00.000-08:00

Another good morning in my life. Week day. Have to get up, go for a walk in the cold decembber winter to grap a cup of coffee, come back, take turns with ski to take control of the bathroom to do the daily duties, find clothes to wear and hit the road to dodge traffic and get to work. This is how most of my week day mornings are... and thats how today was... well almost....

I had won the battle and had got an unopposed control over the bathroom. So i am done with my bath and i am walking around in the house after a nice hot bath with just a towel in my house when i hear a knock on the door. Thats the most uncommon thing that could happen at the place i stay. I go and open the door to see 2 people, in their early 50s, dressed in proper formals with tie and all that jazz. Thts the second most uncommon thing that has happened today. The average age of a person who enters my house is 24.

I am kind taken aback, excuse myself, go inside, get into the first track and T i find and went out there to face them. All this while, whats running in my head is, Oh god what have i done... which neighbour is it who has come to complain.... or did some one mess around with some one and i have become a victim of mistaken identity... or.... and things like that. I go out and he shakes my hand and then what followed was one of the wierdest conversations i have had with such an old man at that time of the day with an unintoxicated body...

He: Hi my name is ******.

Me: Hello Sir, I am Tejas

He: We are from a group called ********. We are here to spread the word of justice. Do you think the justice we are as people are getting is right?

Me: Sorry... What do you mean (What the hell is this guy talkin suddenly on something strange)

He: Say for example, does it make sense that the recent Jasica Lal case. Do you think that is fair? Do you think that is justice? Should that guy have not been behind bars much much earlier. The justice system is not right. So our group are out there trying to spread awareness about this justice system. What do you think sir, do you think the justice we are having is right?

Me: I dont know. I think its alright. Actually it does not make any sense that someone is going behind bars years after committing a crime. And i am thinking, dude let me go... i still have to get dressed and get to work... i am already freaking late...

He: Now think about Hitlor and such people who have done so much to destroy mankind. These kind of ...

Me: Hitler? So what, he was a dictator. He has done so much good for the society. How can someone just say that he as done bad and make him a anagonist. What about what all he has done for humanity

He: Well what i am saying is that such people have no right to destroy the creation of god.

Me: WOH!!! WOH!!! Where did God come into all this? Boss, i know where this is going... not the right way to start a morning... All this is nice to talk when i am high on a couple of drinks... Not a way to start of a long day ahead. GOD!!!! This was some freak who was spreading christanity. Today will be one hell of a day!!!

At this point he fishes out a book from his bag. Just as i had guessed, it was the holy bible. He flips to some page and reads out something for me. I could hear the word justice in what he read. Thats all that there was to it.

He: God says that justice should be this and justice should be that and like this and like that(I really dont remember what exactly he said but it was something on those lines).

Me: Where did god come into this? What do you mean when you say god?

He: Ok let me make one thing clear. Do you beleive in god?

Me: No

He: NO???

Me: no.

He: Dont you beleive that there is some one controlling something everything that is happening?

Me: Why should i beleive that? Is'nt that wrong? That you are letting something unknown control you. Giving the credit of creation to some unknown thing.

He: Actually science ends at some point of time. Most scientists beleive that one point their explaination ends and from then something else takes over. The all beleive that there is God, in what ever form it is. There are rules for everything, like say the atoms or electrons or nuclear physics or everything. Infact the human brain, which is like the most complicated creation existing. The complex rules that take place in its funcioning are all creations of god. Dont you think so?

Me: Just because the explaination has not come, does not mean you blame it on God.

He: Blame it on god?? (laughs) I have never heard anyone say that. (At this point he takes out a book out of his bag. The title reads "Who is the Creator?") I have a little something for you. Its a book that i think you should read. It will probabally put some right sense into your head.

Me: Book? This is going to make me beleive in god is it? There are hundreds of books which talk about god in all its forms. Infact i have on right here(and i find "The tao of physics") which has a different view of life et all. May be you should read this.

He: Humm this is interesting. May be ill buy myself a copy of this book. But i think you should come to one of our meetings. Or may be you and i can meet in person and i will convince you into the existance of god.

Me: He he he given the time, ill probabally convince you into thinking that you are wrong and that actually god does not exist. For me to probabally to beleive in what you are saying, it needs a miracle or something

He: Humm that would be interesting. I have never gotten to talk to someone who has made me feel this way. But still, if you ever change your mind, and if a miracle does happen, you can always come to me and ill show you the way to reach god

Me: I doubt that will happen. And just in case you would want a different way to look at life, you know where i stay. Drop in anytime.

He: Thanks so much for your time Tejas. It was really nice talking to you.

Me: I hope i didnt ruin your day.

I closed the door, rushed inside to find myself a clean pair of trousers and shirt and ripped my way to office. What a strange begining to the day

Hello!!! Anybody there???

2006-12-06T22:04:00.000-08:00

The mobile phone has become the single most insaparable thing in my life and i am sure it is the same with most if not all others existing in the world today (and when i say world, i mean the people interact with every day, so who would socially fit into my circle of friends or acquaintances). "SMS" or "text" have become the preferred and the ideal mode of communication these days.

Apart from communication ofcourse, there is also messages exchanged on the phone which usually dont mean anything but are just passed around for entertainment purposes. We call them the FWDs.... just like the attachments and forwards that are jamming up the mail servers all around the world(again the referance is the same world i was talking about previously)

These are some of the messsages that i have come accross in my life with my mobile phone. Some are forwards and some are just messages which either I sent or people sent it to me.... I just thought i would make an archive of the most interesting ones. Ill keep updating this as and when i can and something interesting comes up.

* $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ * $ *

$-$ Your mind thinks so fast that the physical action to be performed will become very slow. It is a kind of amnesia. You wont remember what you were supposed to do. It feels like you are lost. since the mind thinks fast, you feel that the hands of the clock have lost its energies.Even they are lazy. God made grass. Respect the creation, praise the creator. I feel like god.

$-$ Reality is an illusion caused by the lack of alcohol

$-$ Life's dissappointments are harder to take when you dont know the swear words - Calvin and Hobbes

$-$ Help a girl in trouble and she will always help you when she is in trouble again

$-$ I know you are asleep and even if you are awake, you wont reply. Anyway, you should choose me because I know how life is with you and how life is after loosing you and I can never think of loosing you again. Too bad that anyone else would never get to know what it is without you. I love you

$-$ I smoke away my glory days... luking at old things in newer ways... speakin to my friend who isnt really there..i dont sniff inregret... but it helps to forget... the secrets ive kept inside, never shared... i trip i slide n even glide thro the drownin lectures and chaotic nights...with my friend always beside... whenever i fall down in dispair... he lifets me up... and points towards my grave...the devil whispers, as i stare... we re almost there buddy... we are almost there

$-$ Why is that feeling what the questions talk of is considered wrong? Isn't it a matter of choice... choice of if you want to feel dominant and right or you dont care if you are right or if the world thinks you are submissive... Whats so wrong with feeling lost for a while? If you want to have a real feel of happiness, dont you think its important to have a real feel of sorrow? Can you live life with total contentment? Aren't we here to simply live life?

$-$ Betta... Beer.. 2 Pint... Lo sweetheart senti good NIGHT msg kalsidlu. Ond thara touch aaayithu... Nanu Ond reverse senti kalusbitte. He he... u and mama there?

$-$ There are two great days in a person's life - The day we are born and the day we discover why

$-$ If I love myself despite my infinite faults, how can i hate anyone at the glimpse of a few faults?

$-$ Never take life seriously... Nobody gets out alive anyway

$-$
Mahesh prasad HOTELna masale dose,
SJCE canteen na khali dose,
Guru Sweets na mysore paku,
ksrtc stop na egg riceu,
dental college na pani puri,
aishwarya restaurantna kulcha kaju masala,
RMC du khara mandakki mirchi,
vani gotrada masala tea,
Bopys na chilled draugth beer,
GP's na old monk cokeu,
Idu "Mysore" na taste - bere yellu sigalla...

Proud to be a mysorian

$-$ Cheers man!!!

$-$ If life throws lemons at you, dont make lemonade.... Think out of the box - Ask for taquila and salt

$-$ And thus the sun has set on Teja's empire

$-$ Hoskote se consignment aa raha hain ;)

$-$ I pray to the god that any person who tries 2 screw your happiness, may his ass begin to itch and his hand grom shorter that he cannot reach his ass to scratch it ;)

$-$ thu baddetava, hudgiru andre maiyella *****, avalu 1 msg kalsangilla, nigrskondu 10 kalsteira, navilli thika harkond msg madidru ond msg illa, nim janmakke

$-$ Maga i am very sad... As i am out from the college... So please buy me a full old monk for the last time... So that i can forget this side moment... Ill be waiting for your call or your message... And i am ready to come and pick up the bottle anywhere.... :) and ill be waiting

Smoke on the Water... Fire in the skies

2006-10-19T21:49:00.000-07:00

I wake up in the morning... after a long night.... Sleeply i walk out of my room to find the book "Company of women" with a pizza hut paper napkin used as a book mark. On the napkin, this is what i see...

DONT WAKE ME UP Teja. I'll get up before 1pm. Lock da door n let Kashi have da key & let him only open it for me bt 1. U might get a call from 98862*****. jus ignore. N now i me myself n machi going for last joint venture . . . .

C.U ......

- 4:53 am 9 oct 2006

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AFTERMATH:

Naanu yake bande illigeg?? Yake dope hodedae. .

Why Chit ! ?

- 5:15 am 9 oct 2006

i'm on star trip. Hope i'll see Jessica, Yasmeen, Sonu .,

MAY YOUR SOUL REST IN PEACE BUDDY!!!

Bengalooruuuuu Ready NAAAAA

2006-06-14T01:54:00.000-07:00

METER - guts.
usage: aa chatri shyamange yen metero maga.... principal roomalle pataki hachchidda!

CHOD / OLU / RAILU - big lie or a compulsive lier
usage: nan hatra ne chod beda / olu bid beda / raila

GUNNA - punch.
usage: avangond gunna kottu alle flat maadbido maga

KIRICK PALTY - dangerous/stupid person. It depends on the scenario you use it. It can be a compliment or sarcastic.
usage: A lecturer bejan kirik palty maga

F(PH)IGURE / PIECE / HAKKI / BOMB / CHINDI FIGAR - a beautiful girl
usage: Maga, bus nalli sakkat phigure ittu maga...

SCRAP - Opposite of phigure

YAKKA MAKKA - deadly(adjective)
usage: A ragi ge police inda yakka makka vodhe bittu

HAP / GULDU / GOOBE - Idiot
usage: nin thara guldu nan magan na node illa

CHAMCHA / SISSIYA - Subordinate
usage: duddu iskonnakke a maheshan chamcha bandidda

GURU / BHAI - opposite of chamcha

KALAKAAR - Talented (especially with girls)
usage: a totu bhayanaka kalakar na maga guru

SINKU / PORT / EPHASE - to escape from the scene of crime (what ever the crime may be)
usage: sadhya! time ge sikn ade maga naanu

GUNDU / THEERTHA / YENNE - alcohol
usage: friday night yenne party na??

PORKI - lofar
usage: adi bari porki nan maga kano.

AASTI - Female assets
usage: yeno aasthi it idale a phigureu

SAKKAT / BOMBAAT - Amazing
usage: modve mane alli bitti oota sakkat agi ittu maga

KIRIK - problematic situation
usage: maga, police mama heavy kirik maadta idane

NAMM AREA - to denote a geographic location of control: usually used with kirik
usage: guru a koli manja namm area ge bandu kirik maadta idane

ADDA - hang out
usage: maga, adda dalli sigteeni

SKETCH HAAKU - plan: used in the situation of KIRIK
usage: guru, a koli manja nin mele sketch haakta idane

CHITRANNA - lemon rice bath, but used along with CHINDI to mean disaster
usage: a accident alli nan car chindi chitranna aytu

KALACHKO - Go away
usage: sumne nin kelsa nodkondu kalachko

SET-UP / STEPNI / SETTING / PETROMAX - a person you are having an extra marritial affair with
usage: a minister ge 12 stepni galu maga

KANTRI - A person with a cruel mind
usage: Aathara kantri baddi maganna nodilla

BADDI - interest ( as in on a loan) but used for a person.
usage: See kantri

BISCUIT - cheat / use for personal interest
usage: ee hudgeer kathe ne istu.. bari biscuit hakodu

HEAT / CHOOL - Sexual urge
usage: yeno heat alli idane avanu.. hhayanaka choolu avange

PATAAISU - To make some one fall for you
usage: maga, avalanna pataaisyodu sakkat kasta

OC - Free
usage: Modve ge hogona maga, oc oota sigatte

GURRAISU - Stare(has two usages, one to stare at a girl/boy cheaply, other to stare at a person with anger/enemity)
usage: nodu maga, aval nanna gurraista idale

DIJANG - Yella Mix up aagirodhu antha Artha ..
usage: : Yen DIJANG Shirt Sisya adu ..

BAGAL BLAST - Kitthogirodhu or Beating black n blue(body repair kelsa) ..
usage: Sisya mobile BAGAL BLAST aagbittide, Sisya BAGAL BLAST Figure kano adu ..

AAYKO - Something bad happenin, or accident..
usage: Yen maga gaadi ang odisthya .. yavatthara AAYKOnteeya noodu

Here are some bad words used at the heat of the moment:
Usage is not required... they can fit into any sentence... and they need not be used to mean what they mean

GAANDU - an impotent person

AMMAN: (short for "Nim amman na keya") - i will fuck your mother

AKKAN: (short for "Nim akkan na keya") - i will fuck your sister

NIM HENDRU (Short for "nim hendru na keya") - i will fuck your wife

SHATA : Pubic hair

CHINGREE - Hair in the arm pits

AYYAN - beleive it or not, i ill fuck your dad

SULE MAGANE - son of a prostitute

BAVERSI - Basturd

Whole Lot of CRAP!!!

2006-05-02T09:56:00.000-07:00

Shopping malls have always fascinated me. Its a new inclusion in my life, a very recent one. But a shopping mall is a fascinating place. I like it most because of the whole load of people i get to watch there but that are a different story all together. I am sitting like an owl at 3 AM in the night not to talk about people. I find it more amusing that i talk about shit. Thats right, shit... crap... excreta

One of the interesting things about the malls i like are the loos or to put it in better terms, the rest rooms. But since i am talking about shits anyway, i might as well use all the unethical words. So i prefer to use the work loo. Believe you me, i have visited a lot of malls, at least my share of them, and have always made it a point to visit the loo in every mall i have ever set foot in. I don't know, probably its god or who ever always without fail creates pressure in my bowells every time i get into a hip, posh place. And i dont even need to smoke the regular cigarette to create the required Temperature / Volume (For the ones who have forgotten, remember the universal gas equation?(if you still cant get it, it is PV = nRT(where P is pressure, V is volume, n is some constant which is 1 for vacuum i guess, R is some other constant and T is temperature))) (note that i have used parenthesis to perfection... Helps if you are a coder... Bloody compilers, always complaining about the missing braces)

Anyway back to the loos... I really like it in one of them in the posh malls i was talking about. They are clean for starters. And catching on the western trend, they are all western style lavatories which makes my time out to myself more pleasurable. The Indian ones suck i tell you, i mean not literally, but in general they really suck. At the end of those important 5 mins, i usually have numb legs and start walking funny. So, the pressure created in one of the malls is always nice cos i can actually sit in the loo for like 10 - 15 mins knowing confidently that at the end of it, i wont have numb legs.

The western trend is really catching on i tell you. The loos are so amazing. Things like automatic hand driers automatic flushes which flush the pee collectors ( I dont know what they call them but for the ladies who have not seen them, its really cool. They are like buckets which come in differnt shapes ok. Just think of them as porcelain bucket like things in which a man stands and takes a leak. Thats not what is cool. What is cool is that as soon as a man does his thing, the bloody thing flushes by itself. Amazing aint it. I wonder how that works. Actually there is something right above the bucket thing which looks like a hidden camera or something. I think that is responsible for the automation. The wash basins are cool too. You don't even have to do anything. Just put your hand there and water flows by itself. I have observed something else these days. There is this thing, a small box like thing that sprays perfume ever few mins. I guess it senses the smell of the room, and probably when it reaches a threshold, it does its job.

The loos are amazing too. There are hand held faucets and all that. Its an amazing shitting experience i tell you. The western influence comes into picture again. There are paper towels and all that. As an Indian i dont see much use of them, but anyway they are there. It enhances the looks. And thank god for them also, cos they saved my face (arse actually) one day.

I was in this mall one night, just after a heavy dinner to watch a bollywood blockbuster. I get into this mall and am taking the escalator and viola; there is turbulance in my bowells. I start looking out for one of those signs which guide us to the loo. And i find one. Get into one of the empty cabins and get to work. 15 mins later, i am done with what ever i had to do. I look for one of those faucets thing, and to my horror, its not there. Then i begin to think, may be this one is state of the art and all that, and look for other sources of water. Nothing!!! Then i think, may be there is that hidden cam thing somewhere and may be it would spray water once it realizes that i am done. None of that happened too. I am doomed i begin to think. I must have got a hundred calls from my friends waiting outside, waiting for me to at least give them the movie tickets that i had safely tucked in my wallet. So what happens next??? Paper towels to the rescue. I did it. Finally. I took paper towels and wiped my arse. Ya i know it sounds disgusting but believe you me, its not as bad as it sounds. Come on, in the opposite side of the globe, each and every one of them is doing that every day of their shitting careers. So it cant be that bad. But it is a funny experience. Nothing like water though. If you dont believe me, try it out yourself. Its cool.... and dry :-)

Pyar hame kis mode pe le aya

2006-02-23T00:26:00.000-08:00

What makes a movie so interesting? Any movie for that matter? What makes hundreds of thousands of people spend their hard earned money to sit and watch a movie be it in a theater or on pirated CD's. (By the way i am completely pro piracy. Nothing wrong in it i think. Have my reasons but that is a whole different blog material)

I happened to watch a movie yesterday night; and it made me think. Can you beleive it.. THINK!!! It was not the first time i watched a movie or its not the first time a movie has made me think. But this particular one made me think differently and hence this over flow of shit. ( I would say ideas or thoughts, but having started writing now, i feel that at the end of it, the whole writeup will not make any sense and hence prefer to call it shit)

Anyway firstly about the movie, the one i watched is called "My Autograph". Staring Sudeep (who is incidently the director of the movie as well ) whome i am a diehard fan (well, i am a diehard fan of lot of wierd people...) of and Meena and a few others who are not that important. I hear that this is a remake of a tamil movie and some claim that, that version is much much better but since i had not seen that version, it really didnt matter.

In the movie, the hero is shown to grow from a teenager to the time he gets married. During this phase, he is shown to be in love with 3 girls and the love stories end up sour. He is finally getting married to one other chick and he goes to invite all his pervious "loves" (or to sound more local, "lovers" or "doves" and since i like being local, i will use "lovers" henceforth) for the wedding. Its not that he does not love them anymore but the situation demands that he moves on with his life and get married to some other chick. (Man this character is funny... her first and only dialogue in the movie is "Nimdu love failure a? matte yake gadda shave madilla" meaning "Are you a failure in your love life? Then why haven't you shaved on your wedding day)

Well, i liked the movie cos i could relate to it very well. The hero goes to kerala, which i did. It was almost like being right there in the hero's shoes. Well thats what attracts us right. The whole point of a movie is that. The only way for them (as in the movie makers) to attract attention is to make a hero out of each and every one watching the movie. Make them feel the same emotions the hero is feeling, make the audience take the same decissions the hero takes. And i liked this so much cos i could relate to it very well.

One more thing that made me think is, the concept of love. Russel Peters in one of his comedy shows says, he does not want to married because he loves women too much; and if he gets married, then he will have to love woman, not women. Big difference right. Anyway in the end of the movie under consideration, all his former "lovers" are present at the scene. They come over and wish him for his step into new life. There is a wierd eye contact with each one of them as they are leaving, and we dont have a choice but to assume that he still loves them and they still love him but then thats life and they walk away.

So what is wrong in being in love with more than one person. Why not? This one thing that is a taboo, being in love with more than one person. And by this i dont mean the fatherly or motherly or sisterly love people talk about. (Talking about sisterly love, my god!! girls say this very nicely, "I looked at you like my brother" - That is sisterly love for you) Why cant a person love more than one person of the opposite sex, and still be accepted in the society? What is wrong with it? Why not?

Venkataramanaswami Govindaaaa GOVINDA

2006-02-06T23:23:00.000-08:00

A visit to a temple is something i have detested all my life.
More than one reasons for that.
From the time i remember having the mind to decide on things, i have always some how doubted the presence of god
I think that everything that exists can be answered by science, and if it cant be yet, in a matter of time will be
I also beleive firmly that we become hindu, chirstian, muslim etc, not by choice but by force, because from the begining of our lives, as kids we are thought at home what god to follow, what rules to follow and what customs to follow
And we are so bound by the rules the elders lay on us that we dont have a choice but to follow them

That gives me a good enough reason not to visit the temple....
I also hate the concept of offering money to a temple.... I feel that this money is always misused.

Recently i happen to visit this saibaba temple close to where i stay
Not that i was forced into it, just that my cousins were going there and since i had nothing better to do, i thought i might as well go and pay a visit
It was a thursday evening which is supposed to be auspisious for the followers of saibaba

The place was jampacked.... full to the brim and overflowing....
The whole road in front of this place is in a mess... cars honking, trying to get past, people going haywire, roadside vendors making the best of the crowd to sell a few flowers of photographs of the lord
I dont understand why people go to a temple...
I have heard some of them say they get peace of mind and shit like that...
Well i dont see what their definition of peace of mind or religion or god is...
The whole point for the public is to get there and see god or whatever and get the "Prasadam"
And they are ready to do this at any cost.... They dont even mind abusing the people around just to get there
I wonder what they get out of all this

In the end, it does not even matter

2005-12-27T02:42:00.000-08:00

In the end, it does not even matter

It is so difficult for me to read a book
So with great difficulty i find a book and start reading it with interest
"One night at the call center" by chethan bhagath
The reason i picked this book is firstly his first book "5 point someone" which was pretty good
Secondly for the reviews it got, the hype it got.
Also, being some 200 odd pages with large fonts (i think its Times New Roman - 12), i thought i could finish it pretty soon
Pretty soon i finished too.

The plot is fuckall but the characters are pretty personal as in easy to step into their shoes
Shaym a born looser, Vroom a typical call center freek, crazy about cars, Radhika - she seemed like that person from HP who got raped and killed :)
Esha, another call center freek with tight skirts or low waist trousers, Priyanka, a dream girl for our looser
And ofcourse there is military uncle, a total useless character who is eventually give the status of GOD

The story was readable upto about 22 chapters
Then it totally goes out of control, bollywood movie estyle
The introduction of GOD is so bad, you wished you spent time solving su-do-ku
The end is the worst... god, revenge and redumption..... god save the reader

If that was not enough, i saw Bluffmaster too on the same day
Cheap as i am, i happen to see it on a piarated CD.... camera print
I always wanted to see it, for more than one reasons
For abhishek bachan, cool as ever
Priyanka- looked super hot in the songs
Songs were kick ass

The movie is pretty funny all through
Nana is good and so is bomman irani
But the end sucked big time
Seemed like they wanted to copy trueman show in a way, but failed miserabally

But as Linkin Park say "in the end, it does not even matter"

Best song lyrics ever!!!

2005-12-14T21:52:00.000-08:00

naanu jeethendra neenu shridevi
drill danceu adona baaare

madikeriyale, madike mele
nandu nindu ondu dance

muriyo ganta sonta sonta
dikki dikki hodyo chance

pichkyarialli holi holi
color color full romance

thailand alli thandi mayli
thundu jeansalli iro scenes

nari nari color sari
set alli naveri sari sari
helona pyare pyariiiiiiii

ada mudha jayapradha hey

neenu jeethendra naanu shridevi
drill danceu madona baaaroo

naanu jeethendra neenu shridevi
drill danceu adona baaare

lorry nodu.. sebu nodu
meleri hakona steppu

hoovinngida, huttu adda
kiss madodrallenu toppu

costly settu, kettal kattu
yella innu munde stop

inta roopu , mucchodu toppu
devre kodtaiddre shapu

hokkla torsi, drakshi sursi
sakaytu haakteeni nane tarsii

kalangri tarbuzza hoooooo

ho ho no no

neenu jeethendra naanu shridevi
drill danceu madona baaaroo

naanu jeethendra neenu shridevi
drill danceu adona baaare

Matrix

2005-12-13T01:17:00.000-08:00

MORPHEUS
How did I beat you?

NEO
You -- You're too fast.

MORPHEUS
Do you think my being faster, stronger has anything to do with my muscles in this place?
Do you believe that's air you are breathing now?
If you can free your mind, the body will follow.

Again.

CABLE
Jeezus Keerist! That boy is fast!

MOUSE
You ever seen anyone that fast that soon, Tank?

TANK
Never.

APOC
MORPHEUS is right. He's got to be the one.

MOUSE
I don't believe it!

MORPHEUS
You are angry with me.

NEO
I, uh... maybe.

MORPHEUS
It's all right. It's natural.

NEO
I feel better.

MORPHEUS
Good, good. Anger is a gift...

NEO,
but it's a heavy one.

MORPHEUS
Tank, load the jump program.

It rained???

2005-12-13T01:14:00.001-08:00

Wrapped in a polythene tucked away safe in my mind
A little goodbye maybe or just a passing smile

The birds fly away to the southern sky searching a home
A bunch of paper flowers or a little boy left all alone
Can somebody hear me I'm screaming from so far away
Morning who will calm you now, the evening is eclipsed again

Well does life get any better
More yesterday than today
How I thought the sun would shine tomorrow
But it rained . . .

They justified the cause for which Daddy might give up his life
It's been so long, so long a time, still I miss Daddy at night
The ache is long gone but the never keeps staring along
The waters in the seas are high
and all the sand castles have drowned

Well does life get any better
More yesterday than today
How I thought the sun would shine tomorrow
But it rained . . .

Kelade Nimageega

2005-09-19T23:55:00.000-07:00

kelade nimageega dooradalli yarooo
haadu helidante ondu hennina ooo nonda viraha geethe

kelade nimageega dooradalli yarooo
haadu helidante ondu hennina ooo nonda viraha geethe

sampige ond ooru, mallige ondooru
naduvalli nadi vondu
haggada vuyyale, tooguva hagondu
setuveyuuu, allondu
ee oora chaluve, aa oora chaluva
nadiyachali vodaduta yaduradru vomme

kelade nimageega dooradalli yarooo

chaluve ya kandaga, chaluvana manadalli
noorase bandaga
chaluve ya kanallli, chaluvanu mane madi
shileyante nintaga
hoovagi manasu, nooraru kanasu
beragadru valuvindalli vondadru aaga

kelade nimageega dooradalli yarooo

ee vorina janakku aa vorina janakku hindininda dwesha
vobbarnobbaru kollostu aakrosha
hegidru premigalu hedralilla
dina ratri vorella maligidda mele, ibbaru sartidru

chaluviya mavayya, volavina kathe keli
hulianthe yegaradi
sethuve bali bandaga, premigala kandaga
roshidalli koogadi
hallannu maseda, sethuve ya kadida

aa jodiya kathe andige koneyaitu heege
kelade nimageega dooradalli yarooo

OBITUARY

2005-08-16T00:49:00.000-07:00

OBITUARY:
3.5 inches tall, 1.3 inches wide, .2 inches thick.extremely cute, very helpful and very intelligent.Ir port, poliphonic and monophonic ring tones, joystick etc
you may not be with us but you will always remain in our hearts
The sony ericson T- 310 (OCT 7th 2003 - DEC 26th 2004)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This world is not a nice place to live in. That is because bad things happen to good people.
It was just another satarday, infact it was a special satarday. That was because it was the Christmas day of the year 2004. My friends and I were having just the usual evening out, having a few beverages and chilling out. The usual thoughts exchanged, and talking into the night, knowing fully well that the next day being a sunday would pass off peacefully, a day consisting of mostly spending on the bed.
Who ever knew that what was about to happen would change our lives.[by "ours", i mean mine and paddus] We woke up jut as usual and, by the time we could gather our thoughts from the hangover of over sleep, our mobile phones, our only source of communication was gone, gone for ever. Life would never be the same again. Disaster had struck. An unchangeable damage had been done.
Its been more than 24 hours now, with no clue or our electronic pocket partner, our entertainment unit, the fully functional calendar and more improtantly a friend. I guess we will deal with it, but i request all of you, take care or your mobile device, cos life may not be the same again
Till now, i have not been able to get myself a new mobile partner, cos the memories of my old mate still haunts me.
You can say i am immobile now.
NOT wishing you the same

FGM

2005-07-08T01:21:00.000-07:00

Son, we live in a world that has walls.
And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns.
Who's gonna do it? You?
You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom.
You weep for Santiago and you curse the marines.
You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know:
That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives.
And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.
You don't want the truth because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties. You want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.
We use words like honor, code, loyalty...
we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something.
You use 'em as a punchline.
I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of thevery freedom I provide, then questions themanner in which I provide it.
I'd rather hear you just said thank you and went on yourway.
Otherwise, I suggest you pick up aweapon and stand a post.
Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to.

Ek phool do maali

2005-02-25T09:50:00.000-08:00

The following lines are purely fictitious and are not written with anyone dead or remotely alive in mind. Any resemblance to any person is absolutely a coincidence. Though these lines are not intended to cause any inconvenience to anyone, though if eventually something happens, it is regretted.

It was a strange kind of friendship we shared. Both of us in “love” as some would say with the same girl. Not only to make this complex story simple but also to emphasize on the first paragraph , I would not like to use names. I will henceforth for convenience be using pronouns. So the three most important people in the story will be “him” and “her” and “me”

As I told you, both of us were in love with “her”. For me it happened very much in a filmy istyle……. I was walking down the corridor in college and happened to bump into her. It’ll be nice if you could imagine this happening in super slow motion and since most of you are engineers I am sure its not difficult to imagine [imaginary numbers and all the crap related to them………c/o M1 M2 M3 M4 remember]. Her books fell off her hands and I bent down to pick them up for her and that’s when our eyes met and that one sight was enough to make me fall in love with her. It was not that we started staring at each other, it was more like a quick glance but that was enough to make me go crazy……. bonkers is the right word. Then what followed was the usual, sleepless nights, the sight of “her” in every female you come across and all, which I am sure all of you have experienced and if you haven’t, get a life bozo.

It was through a friend I came to know that I had competition in pursuit of what had now become my ultimate goal in life. The first thing that came out of my mouth when I heard this was …. “ I’ll kill that *** of a ***** ” though I regret having said that now. We happened to meet one day. Our first meeting was quiet an unpleasant one. He was with a group of friends, I was with mine and we exchanged angry stares at each other…… much like a bollywood film, only thing that prevented world war III was that we lacked was a few hockey sticks and a few cycle chains. But as time moved on…… as it was inevitable for us to meet each other since we were in the same college, we often met near the canteen. We started getting speaking to each other and in course of time had become real close friends. We started shareing our experiences with her. Now we started discussing “her” every time we met. The hatred never seemed to arise when we both talked. We seemed to be liking helping each other. Infact, between us we had so much information about her that we were in a position to write her biography [ which by the way we wanted to name as “Life of an Angel” cos both of us believed that she looked like Meg Ryan, the lead actress in a movie called “City of Angels”].

Both of us had even decided that we wouldn’t mind if she went for either of us but that’s where her choice ended………we didn’t want her to go for any one else. Not that either of us did a great deal of talking to her to let her know all this. And by now lot of people in college came to know about this and found it funny that both of us were friends. According to most of them, she wasn’t very good looking and they used a term which both of us refused to subscribe to. I thought that she was the cutest person in the world, and he said that anyone who was 10% as good looking as her was good enough for anyone.

Both of us had our own strong points and weak ones. He being a classmate of hers was a clear cut advantage for him. He had more chances of getting in touch with her. But I was a senior, and I have heard that girls like “men”. And on top of that I hadn’t had any other encounter with her except those glances at me [and now if I remember, I don’t think she even looked at me…….. I guess she abused me and went away]. But I knew a lot of her friends, which I thought was a way towards her [ and now if I look back…….i feel I shouldn’t have taken their help at all………. they in fact screwed up what ever that could have happened]

All of a sudden this story became very one sided. The two of them eventually ended up together but I would like to say that that happened only because of my absence. But from up here I feel happy for him cos I find her happy too. Up where you must be wondering………heaven I would like to say but hell it actually is. Damn the bike which led me to my death.

a. “love is not only blind, it is also deaf, dumb and stupid” great saying

b. “once you are dead, its difficult to see, of hear of speak” great saying

putting a and b together,

“fall in love and die” tejas krishnamoorthy

The bike, the fem, the looser and me

2005-02-25T09:49:00.000-08:00

65 cubic centimeters of engine capacity, full automatic transmission, 7 horses of brutal power, aerodynamic designed and tested for least air resistance, amazing looks, jet-black………..just the things, which could make a bike fanatic, go crazy. Though I was a person who could do anything for speed, it wasn’t the bike that impressed me. Or was it…..?

There is something fascinating about females and automobiles. I have always been impressed with girls driving or riding, cos these are among others considered a male’s tart according to me. I don’t know what makes me believe that males are born with the uncanny knack of driving, comes in the blood the time a man is born, and females are gods at subtle arts like cooking and cleaning……they are meant for gentle things and they are great at another art, the art of getting anything done by what are called “tears”. [ And guys who don’t know how to ride a bike or drive a car or look at a profession that keeps them in the kitchen, must look for a crash course in “The most painful ways of killing oneself”, a compilation of 5001 ways of killing self in the cruelest and painful ways]

So here was a bike every real guy would kill for, and I was some how not looking at the bike, it was the rider that impressed me. It was very unlike me to do such a thing….. I agree that girls, I used to look at, but given a choice between a gorgeous girl and a awesome automobile, it was the automobile for me. I couldn’t help it, I was a MAN. But there was something about this rider, something I had never seen in a girl, something I had never seen in a bike. I had fallen in love, and this time it wasn’t a Ferrari or a Hyabusa.[For the guys who haven’t heard these names, please work on the killing yourselves part, the world could do without guys like you]

She wasn’t the “ drop dead looks ” kind of a girl. She was no Jennifer Anniston nor was a Meg Ryan. Actually not many people agreed that she was good looking. Infact as far as I can remember, there was only one other guy who agreed with me. I could reveal his name but currently he is busy with a book called “The most painful ways of killing oneself”, apparently he didn’t satisfy one of the rules of being a Real Man. Anyway, both of us could go on about her and her looks and her attitude and her likes and her dislikes all day long. There was something that both of us had seen that the others hadn’t.

When she sat on her bike, Man, could she make it fly? She would release the throttle and her bike would zip past. And I, being a male chauvinist couldn’t imagine my bike being any less then hers. I had to buy a better bike…….something that could at least save my face in front of her. Actually I got a new bike, 134.7cc, 12 horses, 4 speed manual transmission, jet black…….but it was no match for hers. The only thing in my bike, which could get as close to hers was the colour. Now everyone knew that I had got the bike for her. Though it was true, I always disagreed with them. I didn’t want anyone to think of me as one of those guys who do everything for girls. It was not good, for, I had built an image of being anti love, anti female and anti god. Now it was god alone who could save me from all of this. Irony L

All the attitude I had about life, was out of the window. She made me realize a lot of things. It was not that I had a number of baseless conversations in the millions of coffee bars and restaurants spending my money for me to attain the nirvana. Infact I hadn’t even spoken to her. [The “me not speaking to her” holds good as on the day this matter was written. For updates, contact can be made with the author]. It was just the sight of her that made me more literate, not a b c literate, but life literate. Her one glance was enough for me to write a “bhagavd gita”. Not that I didn’t want to speak to her. I would say that an opportunity had not come up but it actually is that I hadn’t been able to muster the courage to go and have my first words with her, the words which would make my life worth while.

Well, all stories have to end….generally all stories have a fairy tail ending. Well that’s not true in my life, it never has been. I was good, but never the best, in anything….sports, intelligence, riding, studies [ please note that I have mentioned studies because though not very logical, the world demands you to do extremely well academically. Its okay if you mug up the stuff and throw up all the crap in the three hour testing space the people have designed]. It was the same case with her. I don’t know how he made it work but the guy whose name I refused to mention earlier, the guy working on the book, ended up with her. Well that also brought an end to our acquaintance. I could not be nice to a man who stole my life….. my love. And I am hoping that the don’t live happily “ever after”. If I cant be happy, no one should be….it’s a dog eat dog world. Well I deserve it though, remember I am not the best.

NOT A TRUE STORY

2005-02-25T09:47:00.000-08:00

I was an engineering student at last. Having worked so hard for my board exams, it was such a great feeling when the hard work had paid off. And entering an under graduate college is such a great feeling. There is that feeling of “nothing can beat you”. But in my case, this feeling was short lived. I cannot believe that I had changed so drastically and that too for a girl.

I was like any other teenager, with the same old problems like pimples and shortage of allowance and two absolutely unreasonable people in life called “parents”. I used to consider the feminine gender as the worthless half of earth, the root cause of all problems and as a metal fanatic, considered pop equivalent to “nursery rhymes” and Ferrari the only car worth my amazing driving skills. I was leading a normal life when out of the blue, this happened.

Like always, I was “chilling out” with the usual “gang” of friends in the canteen when I saw her. She was the most beautiful girl I had seen. Absolutely my type, tall and absolutely gorgeous. She had such beautiful eyes, that she must have stolen millions of hearts like mine [I could go on and on about her other features, but its not nice mentioning about her nose and all that…..it sounds really weird]. She came in with some of her friends, had a coke or something [ I don’t know exactly cos I could not take my eyes of her eyes] and left, it all took some 5 minutes and this was enough for me to fall for her and those 5 minutes seemed like eternity to me. As she left, she took along with her, my heart….. I had fallen in love with her.[from hear on I will refer to her as “my babe” to make things easier]

Then what followed was absolutely normal, sleepless nights and loss of appetite and direct impact on the internal marks. I had to tell somebody about it and so confessed it to a friend of mine. He happened to give me this amazing advice -to go talk to her and tell her how I felt [ like I hadn’t thought about it] but it seemed an Herculean task to make that journey to my babe and to talk to her. By now it was certain that I couldn’t live without her and I had to do something about it. This is when it stuck to me that if I wanted things to progress, I had got to get in touch to one of her friends. I had heard form one of my friends that to impress a girl, you had to impress her friend first. And this helped me to get to know lots about her. Now I started listening to the corrs and westlife and bryan adams and now even metallica was noise to me. I was totally lost and all I did was to think about my babe all the time, in class, at home, while studying and in everything I did. I had dreamt of us getting married and living together in a small cozy house close to a beach and had gone to an extent of thinking of names for our kids. All this about a girl whom I hadn’t even spoken to. My desperation resulted in her friend setting us up and seeing that we met. She asked me to meet my babe near ******** at 5 in the evening. I was there about 2.45 and had planned a lot for her. I had picked up the greatest bunch of white roses [ white cos I had come to know that she adored white roses] I had seen and I had rehearsed the words I was going to speak to her tonnes of times. But those words weren’t fated to be heard by her. I was never able to speak to her ever. Fate it seems always comes with a sense of irony.

It struck me as if a million spears were trying to stuff their way into my heart. It seemed to be the end of the world for me. Everything has been still for me since then. The last I heard of her was that she had met with an accident on her way to meet me and was killed………… I wish this was not a true story……

another monday morning in my life

2005-02-24T02:58:00.000-08:00

Another normal Monday morning at college. I was as usual, sitting in the cycle stand as we called it [wonder why, as no one was using bicycles to college anymore, guess it is considered “uncool”] as that was the place all of us ended up when we bunked classes. Actually recovering from the hangover from some strangers treat, the head was aching a little too much to attend any class. Sitting and doing the normal things, either hunting for a junior to rag the shit out of him or hoping, from out of no where, a beautiful chick blesses our college. Please note that I have no liking to poultry or anything, but again, the usage of “chick” as an alias for a pretty girl is considered “cool” and who wouldn’t want to be “cool” in college?
Actually there was something planned for the week end in my life. It usually is not, and so was kinda excited about it. There was going to be a reunion of some old friends from school. It was actually a 10th standard reunion and I had attend that particular school only till 2nd. I was like a special invitee for the occasion. Was very eager to attend it, cos my first love was from that particular school. This chick and I were class monitors of sorts and I had even at one point of time given her half my eraser cos she didn’t have one. And how I broke that eraser?? I bit it into two halves.
That on the back of my head, and the bloody hang over taking its toll, me and a couple of guys decided that we had to have liquids to get over it, the hang over I mean. So we decided to skip lunch and go to this place which was famous for cold coffees. So famous that it was called cold coffee, though it had a weird muslim name. This place was about 12 kilometers from college and with one bike, the 3 of us made our long journey to this place evading the cops in the afternoon sun. terrible ride I tell you.
Finally we got there and ordered the cold coffees we had come for. And as usual, lit up our cigarettes and started our usual college talk. While I was in the middle of my second fag [ used fag to sound “cool”] I noticed another group that had come to the same place. They were sitting in the adjacent table[ I cant say table as it usually is a circle of chairs there without tables] and one of them was staring at me. Now this was pretty unusual, cos I am not usually used to pretty babes looking at me. I think these girls have some set of rules on whom to talk to and who to go out with and all. Cant believe they discriminate guys on the basis of their looks and the looks of his bike. I have never done injustice, looked at every girl with the same amount of intensity, same about of love.
But now I was getting tensed that some female, that too a pretty one was looking at me. Was very scary infact. Was there something on my face? Was my shirt torn? Was my fly open? These are the things that popped in my head. Being nervous, I slowly but surely checked my fly and asked my friends if anything was wrong with me. Confirming that I was normal [as in how ever abnormal I usually am] I complained to them about this chick. Now it was big news that a chick was looking at ME, so even they looked and I guess that made her conscious. She just turned away and never looked back at me. Was sad in a way but was relieved. Thank god no one was looking at me again.
It was 7’o clock on the Saturday morning. I don’t think I had ever seen a watch at that hour, unless a clock appeared in my dreams. But that day I was up, all set for the party. And before I left home I had one thing I had to do. There happened to be an old cell phone handset at home. It was not being used by anyone at that time. Now, at a point of time when cell phones were not very popular, it would help my luck if I had a cell phone. I just had to fool my parents into giving that phone to me. And it was not very difficult to do that. Actually, after 19 years of staying with them, you eventually know them too well, and its easy to get it your way, especially if it has some thing to do with modern day gadgets. I just had to tell them that the battery in the phone would die if it was not charged regularly and since I had saved enough money, I would buy a sim card and use it. They readily agreed. Wonder why they didn’t think of the fact that all these days, the cell used to stink in the cupboard without getting charged and all of a sudden I got to know its presence and had asked for it. Anyway, I knew no questions would come in this front, and even if it did, it was easy to dodge them.
Now I was all set for the party. It was in the evening, and I got into the only pair of denims I had. Not that my father was financially uncompetitive to buy me more but I have always hated shopping and so I have never gone out and bought myself another pair. And for a guy, one pair of jeans was more than sufficient. The older and dirtier it got, the better it looked, even better if it tore at a few places. Then wore that cool sweat shirt I had got form one of the relatives from the US. Dark blue shirt which bore in large red letters “pro penn classic”.
Now, as I had told you, I was like a special guest at this party. That was cos, everyone else there knew each other for more than 10 years. I had been a part of their lives only for the first 2 years of their social life. So, it was kinda suffocating at first. Only person I knew there, who had actually found out that I was form that school had nominated himself as the master of the ceremony. So he was generally on the stage. Slowly but steadily I started talking to people, or actually it was the other way round. I am basically a shy person and talking to strangers I am not good at, and if this stranger happens to be a female, chick, no chick, irrespective, I go blank. Anyway, I had made a little progress, was talking to couple of people, and was getting more and more comfortable. I was a little more confidant than usual cos now I had an electronic gadget in my had as well, I was cool.
Anyway, one chick caught my attention. She was damn good looking I must admit. There was something about her, either it was her looks or it was that I had seen her somewhere. Having seen her somewhere was out of the way for me, so it definitely had to be the looks. God was she pretty!!! Now of the people I had made friends in the party, I got pretty close to one female and now had to get introduced to the goddess. We started moving towards her, when we found she was sitting alone in a corner when suddenly the MC of the day announced some crazy party game. I was so f$#%^@ frustrated and irritated that given a choice, I would have liked all of them to freeze and only me and my goddess to be there in the room.
Well game it was for the time being. Such a looser I am that I lost to a girl in the first round and went and sat in the corner. Was actually enjoying this game that was happening. Looked around a couple of times for my goddess but she was no where in sight. Last I had seen her was when she took her cell phone and exited the room.
Slowly but surely I was too engrossed in the game that was being played. It is nice to see people smiling and not worrying about the rest of the world once in a while. Too lost in the game I was when I heard a faint voice.
“Excuse me…”
The train of thoughts was interrupted suddenly. I turned around. There she was standing, the goddess.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?”
I had no words for what she said. I just shook my head, mouth wide open and eyes not blinking. I guess she took that as a yes. She sat beside me. She then started introducing herself. She said that we were classmates when we were young. I didn’t remember having seen her, cos if I did, I would have never forgotten her ever. I didn’t hear much of what she said. All I could gather was her name. I was too lost looking at her.
“You were at cold coffee on Monday weren’t you?”
Now how did she know this, I wondered. “Yes I was, but how do you know?”
“Were you not smoking there?”
“Yes, but …”
“You know smoking is bad for health don’t you?”
Well everyone knows that smoking is bad. It ever says so on the carton. I didn’t have an answer to such redundant questions.
“Aaaaa yes, I am trying to quit, but how do you….”
Quit I knew I never would. But I didn’t have anything else to say. But before I could finish, she added to her psychic statements….
“And were you and your friends if I can call them that staring at a couple of girls sitting at the next table there?”
I most definitely was staring at that chick, but my friends, I don’t remember. I don’t think so actually. Now how can you answer this question.
“Well, actually….a a ….”“Well actually that girl you were staring at is me. You guys with those cigarettes looked so cheap you know” she declared.
That hit me real bad. Here right in front of me was an angel, talking to me which in itself was pretty big. And now she called me cheap cos I stare at girls and I smoke. I didn’t know what to do. I wished at that instant that I would have a spontaneous human combustion right away. Or I would vanish into thin air. But all that would not happen. I had to get out of this awkward situation by myself, sans miracles.
“But I told you no, I am trying to quit” I said “what is your cell number?”
Wonder where that come from but it did come. And I thought my cheeks were in for a treat, from the soft well painted hands of the goddess. How stupid could I get, here was a chick who was insulting me and I ignore all this and ask her number. I felt like slapping myself.
“988………” she said, “give me a missed call”
Now what was surprising.