7 khoon maaf types

I dislike weddings in general. I hate them so much that if I were given a choice, I would not have even attended mine. The reasons why I dislike them is probably because I dislike all forms of social gatherings unless they involve beer consumption. I have never really tried to analyze the root of this issue to see why I am the way I am. Anyhow the point at this point is that I dislike weddings. However, there are times when attend them because of the in formidable forces acting on me. Like I did mine. A few others too.

 The other week end was one of those weddings I attended. It was that of the missus's friend's and I know the bride well enough to not to skip it. More over, I was the assigned driver and escort 7 women to and from the wedding hall.

Here are my top 7 observations, a dedication of one each for each of them I was blessed the company of:

 1. Women take at least twice as much time to get dressed to a wedding as compared to a normal day. This is excluding the time spent on the previous day to select the clothes, accessories and the works. If this selection involves any form of shopping, be it even for a rubber band, it would need an extra two days per item.

 2. Parallel processing is impossible for them while dressing up. If one woman takes 10 minutes (an under exaggerated figure, just for example) to get dressed, then two women take way more than 20. More the women, more the number of helping hands available but also more the extra time required. A clear case of too many cooks spoiling the broth.

 3. They would rather be dressed properly for the wedding than be on time for it.

 4. Every woman at the wedding has more clothes as back up for each occasion than all of the groom's clothes put together.

 5. There is no such thing as a multipurpose footwear. Even the sole has to match with something or other, a complex algorithm of matching which is better not understood.

 6. They don't really care about the food at weddings (which is strange considering men would not go to one if not for the food)

 7. They have at least 5 things in their purse which doubles as a mirror.

 I am not complaining at all. I am rather glad that they get dressed and come to weddings. Atleast that makes my time spent at weddings colorful. Its just an observation. I am waiting for the day when the world would not have weddings at all.

Chai - na

Some time in 2017, the the world came to being dominated by Asia, especially India and China. Every other country in the world was either part of these two countries or supported  them.

 China had been trying hard to take over the country of India, waging a series of infiltrations in what would later be called the third world war. It was in these times came to power General Chi Thu, a small army general who had about 5000 soldiers under him. He had risen to the rank of a General with in two years of joining the army. This non formally educated boy had grown up in the mountains and, from a very young age had a sharp eye for solving problems. He joined the army and took over a small platoon on the unfortunate death of the platoon commander on one of the infiltrations on Arunachal Pradesh. He soon became a General and was given the primary duty of planning and strategic take over of India.

 He came up with this genius plan of taking over India, not in the usual way the wars are fought. He targeted Bangalore, which by then had become such a populous and rich city that it controlled all of the South India and had even over taken Delhi in population. Bangalore was so huge in terms of importance that, when Mumbai was destroyed in a stray attack by Pakistan before they, who ironically got destroyed by USA in 2014, Bollywood was moved to the then biggest IT power in the world. The people in Bangalore had become so busy that no one was cooking at their homes. Needless to say, the food industry was the most thriving business in Bangalore. This is what General Chi Thu saw as an opportunity which he thought he could exploit.

 He planned slowly flood every restaurant in Bangalore with his men. These smartly trained chinki cooks/terrorists would join as laborers doing mostly cooking but other random jobs. Soon each and every restaurant would have at least one chinki. On one planned day, they would poison every soul in Bangalore and take control of the city. That give them control of South India and then they would attack Indistan( after the US-PAK-EGYPT-SL war, India and Pak got merged of course) from both the sides.

 I believe the process of flooding our food industries with chinkies has already started. Beware Bangaloreans! Beware of that chinki server/cook at your favorite restaurant.

cutting

 Sometimes in life, one faces strange situations. When A has decided on achieving something and after having fought with oneself in the head about how difficult it is to actually achieve it, A is determined to achieve it, he comes across people B, C etc who are determined to make sure A does not do it. Its at these times when a true hero stands out from a normal person. A true hero never succumbs to pressure. I did.

 The current pollution levels in the city and my age and phase of life had prompted me to take a strange but off-beat decision. Grow long hair. It was going to be my last chance to grow long hair. Any prolonged wait would have resulted in failure because of the receding hairline issues of middle aged men and deviation from the age-appearence-social-acceptence rules. So a determined me started on a journey of growing unmanageable curly hair long a couple of months ago. The journey didn't last that long.

 Every person I met for the past few weeks had made it a point to mention my hairdo. Its nice to be noticed and all. Some even liked it but then there were others who ended up calling us(me and the hair) names. Some who met me regularly had even plotted plans to make sure that we had parted. My mom (a post graduate is Science I must admit) even induced fear in me (a BE) saying people with "bad mouths" could say something bad at my hair and that would result in bad energy coming my way eventually resulting in some harm for me.

 Thats it! Its over. I give up. When you fail, you not only let yourself down, but also a few who have supported you through it. Sucks but such is life!

Happy Woman's day

The last couple of days has been pleasantly peaceful - the weather that is. After successive long hot sunny sweaty days, it has been exceptionally cloudy and drizzling, exceptional for the month of the year it is. I am guessing its cooler now that women’s day is done and gone. I guess everything is cool if the women folk of the world are cool. :)

Happy Women's day girls. I hope you have had a blast!

Talking of women, and women having a day and all to celebrate and all that jazz, I would like to take this opportunity to narrate an incident that happened in my life recently. I happened to take a bus a couple of days ago to get to work. Having heard stories about busses in Bangalore and the crowd involved, I was fully prepared, with knee and elbow braces and all. But surprisingly, the bus I got into (which would take me from Baneerghatta road to St.Patriks church on brigade road, was very empty and for the first time in my life, I didn’t feel claustrophobic in the Bangalore traffic.

So as I sat in one of the many empty seats and bought my ticket, a lady hopped into the bus. I have very limited knowledge about the "how to travel in a BMTC bus effectively without being pick picketed or molested" but then what followed next was something I could not concur with.

To explain the scene, let me give you details about the setting. Like I said, the bus was almost empty, in the sense that there were around 10 people in it, most of them had taken all the window seats available on the left side (non sunny side). Man 1 was sitting in one of the front left window seats (marked "ladies"). Man 2 was sitting with his friend on the right side. I was sitting behind all this on one of the back aisle seats from where I could get a clear view of the scene that followed. Woman enters the bus. She looks here and there and approaches Man 1.

Woman: Could you get off the seat?

Man 1: (taking off his earphones) sorry?

Woman: Get off that seat. I want to sit there.

Man 1: There are so many vacant seats. Sit in any of them.

Woman: No this seat is marked ladies. Could you please get off the seat?

Man 1: Come on, so many seats are empty. Sit somewhere else please.

Woman: Get off!

Man 1 ignores her and puts his ear phones back on.

Woman: (At conductor with a "what the fuck" look) Excuse me

Conductor: Sit somewhere else madam. The whole bus is empty.

Woman: (Ignoring the conductor, gets back to her man, trying to jab him on his shoulder to attract his attention from his ear phones)

Man 2: interrupts: Excuse me madam, why are you doing this? There are so many seats. It doesn’t make sense to wake him up. Sit somewhere else

Woman: What do you mean? You guys don’t respect women at all

Man 2: Respect? Excuse me! What respect are you talking about? It requires common sense to find yourself a seat in an almost empty bus.

Woman: Common sense? I want to sit there. That is a ladies seat.

Man 2: (pointing at another empty seat, on the right side) That is a woman's seat too. Sit there.

Woman: NO! I want to sit here only. And who are you to talk to me like this? I am not even talking to you. Mind your business

Man 2: Do what you want! (sigh! s and swears to himself. I distinctly heard him say Bitch. But he wasn’t talking to her anyway ;) right?)

Man 1 (cant take it anymore and gets into action)

Man 1: Why do you want to sit in this seat only?

Woman: There is shade there. I want to sit there only. And it’s a ladies seat. So get up.

Man 1: If you want shade, you should take an auto. You can’t come to a public bus and behave like a child.

Woman: What child? Driver stop the bus! Take me to the police.

(By now, everyone in the bus including me has stopped giving attention to the bitch. The driver moved on and the conductor went behind in the pretext of selling his tickets. The woman's ears have turned red. She is about to blow up. I could not wait for the action to begin. Unfortunately that’s my stop. I get off the bus and walk off, trying to kick start my day)

Now, clearly anyone with a sound mind on that bus would believe that the woman was a bitch! Swear it. I respect women a lot to abuse them, but this one was a total bitch.

But why am I abusing a woman on a blog which is titled "Happy woman's day"? I somehow feel that this whole women's rights and women are equal to men is over played. Way too over played. And I personally believe the women of today have taken full advantage of these two levels, women's rights and the school of thought of women being equal to men. That is, when the situation is better for them to be the weaker sex, they are but when it comes to certain other things, they want to be treated equal. This makes survival of the men folk much more complex that it already was. If handling a normal woman wasn’t tough enough!

Think about it. If you are going in a car and the car has a flat, YOU have fix it cos touching the tyre would dirty her hand. Or if the attic has to be cleaned, its you who have to climb up and get all the shit on your face. But when it comes to things like say, going to a pub, or for that matter cooking in the kitchen, the modern young women take a different stance. Women are no less than men these days. These days women work and earn as much as men and hence need equal rights and equal priviledges. Its not that I am against women going to a pub. Its just that if woman goes to a pub only to prove to the men that even she can be like him, that’s where she becomes a looser.

If its equal privileges you require, why in the name of the devil do you have to pick up the phone and call the man in your life (father, husband, boyfriend, brother, best friend, rakhi brother, random guy from orkut etc) when your radiator blows up? Equal privileges is all you want right? Get it fixed. Fix it yourself. Hitch a ride. Do something instead of the call?

It’s not just about the car where double standards are maintained. Over all, this world is living on the double standards of the modern women. This is what education does I feel! Ruineth you!

I think its very simple. Women, with just the gift of giving birth to another human should make them much higher than men. Why don’t you look at it that way? Why do you want to come down to our level? We are all bastards in one way or the other right? Why do you want to be EQUAL to us?

It’s time we accept that we are different species and take it from there.

Happy womens day either ways!

Cheers

What the Beep*

The other day, 18th of Feb it was I think, I woke up later than I usually do and didn’t feel like going to work. Although this is a common feeling I face every morning, that day it was a little different. I just wanted to be at HOME. Pamper myself. Relax. Dream. Sleep. Just lie down for hours and feel 0% productive and be happy about it. That is a great thing to do on week days. Aahhh! I wish there were more weekends!

Anyway, this Feb. 18th, I could not just relax and do all that shit. I had to go to work, late was o k, but bunking till EOD was not a choice I had. So I decided I might as well go get the insurance for my bike done. That way, I could go to work late and still get some other work done in the process. Get the insurance for my bike, which was due a month and a half ago. Better late than never my teacher used to say.

I had heard of this MONSTER called the "Silk board fly over" junction. I have crossed this bad boy a few times before, all on weekends, mostly at odd times of the day(read night) and it has always almost been a cake walk. Mostly. But this Feb. 18th was the first time I saw him in complete rage. I touched Ring road at the famous Udapi garden junction. I had got the green light at that signal and I landed on ring road. After that, it took close to 50 mins for me to reach silk board flyover. All those 50 mins, my bike was revving and in first gear, moving bumper to bumper, leg to leg, very very slow, and not really steady.

Mental note: Bangalore has become awfully sunny these days! Don’t wear black T shirts

Just as I turned left onto Hosur road, a cop stopped me. “Routine check” I was told. I can’t believe it that right behind me was one of the biggest traffic jams my tender brain ever navigated and this dude here wants to routine check my bike. I am a man of simple wants, but the least I expect from society is some common sense. The whole concept of Policing is put to fire these days. I asked him as to why he was more concerned about my papers instead of minding the traffic. He dismissed my query by spitting the pan in his mouth and said "license". I promptly produced my license and the lapsed insurance, telling him in the process, that my insurance had lapsed and I was on the way to get it renewed. The beep* would not care. He wanted me to pay the fine because at that instant, my bike was running without a valid insurance.

India is like Matrix – The movie! Some rules can be bent, some can be broken. That’s why I love India. 20 bucks and a little theatrics in the lokal language is all it took for me to get out of this freak. It works cheap if the cheap constables are in charge. But I still don’t get the idea of an insurance bring mandatory. It’s my beep*in bike. I have the money to get it fixed when it gets beep*ed. So I dont beep*in need insurance. Why should I get it then? Well, some questions are never supposed to be asked. You are supposed to oblige. Life!

The insurance office was another mad house. It was 1130 on a Wednesday - the peak if we were to plot the hours of the week onto a bell curve. And when I go there, there is a herd of people wanting to get insurances done and all waiting. No queue et all.. just waiting here and there. I go and ask this really dark big lady in a bright red sari and loud gold ornaments sitting like a pig, who looked like the boss around there. She says that this guy who is supposed to click photos of our vehicles is out to get his camera fixed. I mean, what kind of a firm will work if at the peak time of the week, you have your man fixing his tools? Seriously, what the beep*!!

Relax!! Breath innnnn…. Breath outtttt…..

The good news is that I have to wait till the next Feb 18th [:)] to get my insurance renewed. I can’t wait for the next Feb. 18th, even though I am sure I will delay getting the damn thing done!

Fade to black

(Lights on)

Its a dark balcony. Not really a balcony because this has lots of windows to be called a balcony. There are ropes dangling between the walls where lots of mens’ under garments are hung. The yellow bulb is glowing bright but the walls are cast with the shadows of the underwear hanging on the ropes. A man is sitting on a table with a pack of cigarettes in his hand. Just as he lights up, his brother walks in.

Man: Howdy!
Brother: Wassup?
Man: Here (offering him the pack)
Brother: (Takes a cigarette, lites it up) Thanks brother, but I finally want to quit
Man: Me too. Lets do it together.
Brother: Alright, henceforth lets never meet for a smoke ever again.
Man: Sounds good.

(They take a couple of drags)

Man: Even if we meet and I see you smoking, I am going to go away.
Brother: Me too

(Couple more)

Brother: But that also doesnt mean that we dont smoke when we are not together right?
Man: Ofcourse (smiling)
Brother: It doesnt matter what you do. I am not going to smoke, and you better not smoke when I am around. Thats all this deal is about anyway right?
Man: Ofcourse. I am going to set a good example as your elder brother.
Brother: (smiling) and I will be a good brother and respect you so much that I would be scared to smoke in front of you

(Stub their cigarettes)

Man: Alright, thats the deal then (stretches out his hand)
Brother: Deal

(They shake hands)

(Silence)

(Silence)

Man: The deal is that we stop smoking right? when does this apply from?
Brother: I dont know, you decide.
Man: Tomorrow?
Brother: Alright
Man: (Lighting up one cigarette) So alright, here is my last cigarette
Brother: Mine too

(Fade to black)

Good India

I was riding back home late yesterday night from work. Bangalore has become awfully cold these days. For someone who has lived in this city for more than half my life, this is the coldest I have experienced here. Coldest winter they say. But I don’t think it’s cold only because of the weather. Either ways I have found myself a pair of biker gloves and an ordinary looking fake Ferrari jacket since I re-took my riding in an attempt to become a biker! And started wearing shoes which I so dislike wearing.

But like I said, it’s not just the weather. Today, riding a bike at hours close to midnight is a risk one must be willing to take. A risk to one’s life so to say. Hazaar drunk drivers buzzing on the streets in Bangalore jumping traffic signals and hitting one ways alike. And the cops are busy checking if people have a valid insurance. The whole cops scene is such a farce I tell you. I have come across numerous scenes of utter comedy. There would be a traffic jam and an ambulance stuck in it but these traffic cops would be busy filling their pockets round the corner under a shady tree where no one can see them, almost surprising travelers as they pounce and take away the keys, much like how a hungry lioness would snap an innocent deer. Or there would be two people fist fighting it out on the street and the sheepy constable would be a mere spectator. Drunk drivers apart, these are the days of terror. With 26 11 et all and the India Pak war on the verge and all that jazz happening in the background, the air out there, especially in the evenings, when it gets kinda dark is spooky in its own way. You never know if the biker next to you has an AK47 and would start shooting at will the next moment, or the car ahead of you is going to explode in mid travel, or the truck behind you is carrying a dozen terrorists. India has gone to dogs! The world has gone to dogs!

Thats when a thought occured to me. Just extrapolating the events occurring now, in another 6 months, India goes to polls. If at around that time, if a war breaks out between the two nations (or the third world war with religion being the cause for it), then I am sure India will not have a leader. Congress ready to wash its hands of the dirty shit and with no polls and no one to take responsibility, it could be a disaster waiting to happen. This is the time when the world needs a revolution. India needs a revolution. A movement which is way bigger than any war for freeing India from its foreigners. A war for freedom, my freedom, your freedom, everyones freedom. I would want to go home at midnight on my bike with the secure thought that if I dont reach home safely tonight, it would only be because of my stupidity. I would not be under a drunken bus driver wheels, I would not be beaten up by 5 goons who do away with my bike my cellphone and my ATM cards and my gold chain. That’s the freedom I am asking for. To go out to a bar with my girl and have a drink without being scared about coming back in one piece. A freedom to go to a Road transport office and get my drivers licence done without being harassed. When I am old and retired and I want my Providant Fund money, I want to freedom to not worry about standing in a line ispite of my health condition a hundred times before I get less than half of what is due to me. The freedom to be a part of "Good India" of numerous cultures, languages and traditions, the Ram Rajya and not a part of corrupt, painful, bureaucratic, filthy "Bad India".

A revolution is all it needs.

Those were the days when news papers were just a dream and communication of the ideas of the "leaders" who emerged was the biggest issue. Today is the world of internet and cyberspace and we are in the edge of conquering the telecommunication sphere. The world has shrunk from a size 44 to a size 11. Everyone, even half way around the world is just a button press away. So sending the word out to the people is not a problem at all. So it’s a matter of a real man emerging and leading the movement towards "Good India". Would that leader emerge? Is that leader born yet?

These were the questions I found myself asking as I reached the gate of my building. I had reached home safely today. Tomorrow is a new fight altogether. The was locked from inside. I kinda feel all my neighbors in my building dislike me. Even tho I see to it that there is no loud music or late night parties at my place or smoking anywhere in and around the building, they seem to be very hostile towards me. I guess its the bachelor tag I carry with me. So I have to park my bike outside, jump the wall to get inside MY house and go to sleep. This is the freedom I am left with to enjoy!

Automagic!

One of the strangest things happened the other day. One of my “My firsts”. I was at home in the night with my car and bike both parked at work. For someone who detests using the cell phone, my car and my bike are the only outlets for me to have any contact with the outside world. There were my most preferred (read only) modes of transportation I have ever known in my life in Bangalore. Until Recently. Until recently I found the luxury of an auto.

The auto as its called here in Bangalore is, I have figured out recently is the best mode of transportation one can use for an inter city travel. Its safer than a bike, faster than a car, simpler than a bus and definitely not as "healthy" as the bicycle (but I some how find it very funny when I hear of friend's friend's friends using bycycles to commute to work, play etc .. I dont know why… its just way too funny...). And its kinda not as expensive as one assumes it to be (or atleast I assumed it to be). I kinda feel I am the king when I am sitting in the back of an auto. I tend to put on the "The chauffer driven busy person" look which the chauffer driven motherfuckers usually tend to have. And for once I dont feel pissed I am in a traffic jam. I am in a jam alright; but I am not the one shifting gears, honking horns or clutching the clutch. And most auto guys tend to put on a conversation if you are willing to talk. There again, a choice of entertainment. If required.

I am just coming off a pretty long trip to Vizag[took off from work for one week straight and went in search of my soul like everyone who go in search of their souls... not sure where to find it though]. This trip had me taking the help of public transport mostly(unless I was made to walk, swim or climb up and down treacherous terrain). The different thing about autos there is that they have this "shared" thingi going on. You can share auto rides. So usually you will in an auto with strangers. Its kinda unbelievable how many people can fit into an auto. I have, on record, been a part of an auto journey for nearly 25 kms with 10 adults and 2 kids in the auto from beach road to Bhimulipattanam. One hell of a ride. I loved it!

The other advantages of travelling in an auto:

• Smoking is a pleasure because you are not thinking about driving along with smoking and also the ventilation is best in an auto (I must make a point here in saying that smoking is injurious to health. I am just listing the advantages of an auto, not bad habits of people. And an auto almost always has a light to offer)
• In case of an accident, the crowd usually is on our side (Its amazing how the auto drivers group together when one of them is in trouble)
• You can never be caught for drunk driving( and its fuckin 2000 bucks if you get caught drunk driving fyi)
• Parking is never a concern
• Cell phone conversations are simpler.
• If one auto has mechanical trouble, there are hazaar others around.
• Most autos have pretty actress on their walls (which is good in a sidey way. The women have to cheer up… cos I have seen autos with men on the walls as well… these are the gay driven autos I think)

May be the traffic situation in Bangalore could improve if we introduced the concept of shared autos. Anyway I see school autos loaded with kids. Hundreds of them fitted like the soap counter in a departmental store. If we can all fit into once such auto everyday and commute, then metro rail can go kiss my ass!

But for now, its sad scene(almost teary… the other day it took me over an hour and a half to get from the end of MG to touch old madras road thro indranagar… an area I have lived 3 years in and know pretty well the in-roads) on account of the metro and my "The chauffer driven busy person" look thats in fashion these days.

Shankar annange jai!!

D, Have I told you I love you? D

One of those "pissed at work and got home early" nights. I was watching this movie called "An indecent proposal". Nice movie (read hot chick with hot scenes). Simple bollywood masala style movie. Architect guy with a hot wife. Rich romeo finds her hot and there is this "Indecent proposal". They have sex. She feels bad and comes back. Am sure my friend Mr.Karan will find it interesting. Kabhi tho kuch karenge kushimain... Its all about loving your money.. or something like that

So, this architect guy, David something is pretty passionate about work when he gets time off from keeping off Demi Moore’s body. That’s the only other angle to his character. Architecture! So in one of his scenes where he is not having sex, he is teaching some kids about architecture. So he picks up a brick and asks "What is this?". "A brick" comes the first reply. "A weapon" says this chinese looking guy(violent basturds I say!). So this David guy says...

"A Brick Wants to be something"... (You must be wondering what he meant. Actually, everyone in the class is also wondering. That’s when he says, "Every brick wants to be something" and shows photographs of the Taj Mahal and the Great Wall of China and the Pyramids and the like.

I began to wonder when Ill start getting as passionate about my job. And if I become as passionate as David is towards architecture, I probably will have to say "Every if-else condition wants to be something"

Oh we are mighty sad people - us software engineers. For us, everything eventually fits into a if-else condition or a for-loop or a while-loop or some shit like that. Everything. Even life.

Eg,

if(day == friday || day == saturday)
{
    drink till your balls pop out of your mouth
}

else()
{
    eat like a pig and sleep like a dog
}
or something like that. Very simple

As I was saying, if I were to be as passionate about work, ill probabally have to wonder what SOMETHING has become of my if-else conditions. May be its on the Yahoo messenger, or may be in the latest Windows vista, or may be on the client you are using to read this crap!

But I know for a fact that today, one of the if-else condition I created is pretty fucked. Production problem. Null pointer in my if condition they say.

Software job, Have I told you I love you??

No??

Cos I dont!!

Monday! Green!

Tuesday Morning. I am late. Again! With the arrival of winter, my days have begun to start a little later than usual. It’s like my biological clock has undergone an "automatic day light savings" like in the US. But they haven’t changed the time here have they? So I am late again. It’s not like I SHOULD NOT be late. No one cares when I come in to work. I guess. I hope at least. But then we have this application running in office which kinda logs the in and out times of the day. And this stupid application puts in a "Late mark" smiley next to the date next to your name if you come in after 11. It’s not a big deal I suppose. But it’s something on the lines of, in school, if your shoes weren’t polished, you would be thrown out of the line. It’s not like they would do anything about it. But still, it’s a black mark... you become a dark sheep if you kinda repeat it. Its like that... So I have late marks for 5 continuous days in a row!

I am late today cos yesterday was a fuckall day! A terrible day at work! I hate Mondays. Really really hate.! Of all the mornings I have had to face in life, Monday mornings have been the worst. I've hated Mondays in school, in college and now in my so called professional life. I am yet to come to terms with this concept of 7 day weeks. What kind of a number is Seven! Seven days make one week! My ass

If it were left to me, I would have had 5 day weeks. A 5 day week with two weekends sounds so perfect. Over all I agree that the average number of productive hours in a year would reduce with this system. But now, no one works on Fridays do they? Hardly! So that would probably average out. And 5 is such a nicer number. It’s a round figure. I agree 10 is a rounder figure. But 10 day weeks would be fuckall! And another interesting thing is 365 is perfectly divisible by 5. So 5 day week actually makes so much more sense. No leap year confusions also. (For the mathematically disabled, test of divisibility by 5 is that the number has to end with either 0 or 5)


Anyhoo... he he he... that’s a funny thing to say. Anyhoo.. ANYHOOOO... I kinda picked this up from a blog I hit upon recently. I have been blog hopping these days, and in a process of continuous self improvement, I am trying to pick up interesting things from all the interesting things I get to read. I must say, there are gizillons of people out there with profound creativity and internet at their finger tips. Its crazy the kind of shit one gets to read in the blog space. One bunch of insane psychotic bloggers out there!

Anyhoo, yesterday, ie, the Monday before today... I had a bad baad day at work. I have been sitting on this bug for 3 days now. And this fuckin bug is screwing my behind all the 3 days now. I HATE my job. I HATE being a software engineer. It’s not usual for me to have a bad day at work. I don’t usually have one. Thats cos I am fuckin smart! [And people talk about modesty and all. My ass! (lol.. I picked this "my ass" also from the same blog I mentioned. The same Anyhoo shit..)]. Anyhoo, bad day at work yesterday. Bug fucking me front and back. Who better to show frustration than the boss! I need a pseudo name for the boss. (pseudo name concept again borrowed from the same blog)... Motherfucker!*

I think all bosses, irrespective of the field of work, fit very well into the definition of Motherfucker! *. Any job, if you are the boss to someone, you surely are a Motherfucker! It’s sad I agree. But that’s life. Face it… Someone out there right now, sitting in a bar would probably going “That Mother Fucker is one son of a bitch I tell you!” and he is talking about YOU.

Fuck! I hate my job. And I hate that Motherfucker* at work! Only thing that is keeping me from suicide right now is this mathematically challenged friend of mine. I want to give her a pseudo name too. Something nice. I like her. For now, let’s call her "Best Friend"* for now. Ill think of something NICE as later.

Anyhoo, like I was saying, the only thing that’s keeping me from suicide is this "bestfriend"* person and one more thing. It would be fuckin insane to die after all the dreams I have had about life. In my dream I am always the HERO. A total studd boy! And its a wonderful dream my dream! I definitely don’t want to die. Not suicide at least. But why I talk about suicide you must be wondering. I heard of a friends friend who committed the sin when I was having a "post dinner drink" with the former (the one who told me the story). The later, (friends’ friend.) popped some sleeping pills and hung himself to the ceiling fan at home. Fuckin looser!! Love case it seems. Love case! My ass!

I agree relationships and love and career and jobs and parents and all that jazz are funny and depressing most times! But whatever is the case... Suicide is a farce! It doesn’t matter if it’s your drunk husband beating the shit out of you, or if your girlfriend ditched you for the looser that you are, or your gay teacher feels your willy every day during recess... or its that Motherfucker at work getting on your nerves. Relax! Its not the end of the world!

But bottom-line! I HATE my job.! Especially Mondays. They should fuckin have 5 day weeks!

A Family Blog

This is not an original piece. This has been plagiarized from a piece I read some time ago, the source of which is unmentionable. But having said that, its not an exact copy of what I read the other day, the source of which is unmentionable. This is just an adaptation so to say. Actually not even an adaptation. Lets just say its my interpretation of a piece I read some time ago, the source of which is unmentionable. To be precise, its just how much of the story I read, the source of which is unmentionable, I remember.



To be more fair to me, (The world seems to be so unfair these days that one at least has to be fair with oneself... Its like, in democracy, the best part is that you certain you at least get one vote, yours. If you don’t get either, then you really have to be a sore looser.)... as I was saying, to be fair to myself, the story I read, the source of which is unmentionable is in fact already an adaptation of a 1920s Hollywood flick which actually was already a "director's interpretation of a 11th century love story". So basically the following peice is an edited version of a piece I read, the source of which is unmentionable which is an adaptation of a 1920's Hollywood flick that was the director's interpretation of a 11th century love story.



Before I get on with the piece, an intelligent reader will be pleased to know that there are in fact multiple versions of this particular 11th century love story. And allegedly lot of present day Bollywood movies based on some of these versions. One author, Ustad Karam Fuckruddin of Pakistan, who claims to be the original descendent of the original writer of this story has in fact filed a petition in the Islamabad high court claiming copyright violation by movie makes of "Troy" stating that some scenes from the movie are exact replica of the works of his fore father. There was another interesting story in the papers of a Malayalam movie, starring one of their most famous "Shakeela" to star in a movie based on this story. An unknown but reliable source, having direct contact with the script writer for this movie swears that the movie contained 3 explicit sex scenes and Shakeela, had on being forced that the soul of the movie would be lost without them scenes, had agreed on complete nudity. More details exist about the script, for a movie that was not made at all.. but I shall refrain from getting into them. The reason being, I am on a campaign of trying to make my blog a "Family Blog", suitable for readers of all ages, irrespective of the species. So my version has all the sex scenes deleted.



So here is the edited version of a piece I read, the source of which is unmentionable which is an adaptation of a 1920's Hollywood flick that was the director's interpretation of a 11th century love story. Have tried to use the native language to preserve the intensity of the piece:





Ek tha raaja, ek tha raani.

Dono margaye Katham Kahani.

INTERNET-TED!

Mission Statement:

We are an organization that is focusing on the ill effects of internet on personal lives of people and how internet stunts the growth and development of individuals into normal human beings. In the years to come, we as a group will get on to the streets spreading awareness of the ill effects of the internet and how internet is affecting a culturally strong country like India and in fact the rest of the world.

We are an organization are primarily focusing on the ill effects of money transactions and email/chat conversations over the internet. That is our primary objective and we are pitching ourselves with these two goals as priority in our overall disregard for internet.

We firmly beleive that humans are social beings and the lone difference between us and the rest of the living world is that we can, not just communicate and communicate effectively. With the advent of the internet, emails, chat clients, social networking websites and such, the whole way we communicate has changed. Gone are the days when you would go say hi to a friend across the table. One prefers to sent out send out a BUZZ!. One prefers to send out an e card wishing ones mum for mother’s day these days. Send out E flowers to their girlfriends and wives. We have become so bloody internet-ted that one wishes to express mood through ones status messages on chat clients. These forms of communication not only results in screwing up the normal development of the human brain, but also ends up making each one of a social misfit. A typical human, living in such conditions for a few years will hence not be able to respond to normal social occasions on a personal front. He/She will always look for a wrapper of the internet that they have always used to expose themselves to the outside world. A Second life some prefer to call it!!! This is wrong in the sense that the internet has deprived us humans of a quality of normal social behavior. We strongly oppose that.

Another thing that we as an organization are against is the use of internet to make financial transactions. These days, every transaction happens over the internet. Be it paying for a movie ticket which costs to a few hundred bucks, or be it transferring a few thousands to a friend in need, or be it a transaction of lakhs to pay the fees for some educational institution, every transaction happens over the internet. This no doubt increases the ease with which things happen, but the whole point of money, the efforts involved in earning it, and the pleasure involved in spending it is lost. Just think about it, has anyone of us seen a lakh of rupees in cash? Do we know the kind of feeling that so much non virtual money would generate? A feeling of happiness, richness, passion, fear and all that is much beyond the scope of imagination for most of us. All this thanks to internet. We strongly oppose this.

We are still a very small organization. As things stand we are just two of us involved. One is a not so famous celebrity with a few movies to his/her/its credit. Most of them movies are R rated though. He/She/It does not want to be mentioned as this organization grows, because he/she/it is a very modest individual and does not want his/her/its celebrity hood to come in the way of the growth of this organization. Another is me, a software engineer still trying to accept the goals and mission of our organization. We are looking for support in any form, people, ideas, cash, kind etc.

For more details please email the author
In case you intend to financially support us, please e transfer your funds to the account number: 1379017

Never judge a book by its cover

Evolution, if that is how everything works, went on well till about the time India got independence. After that, the population increased at such a rate that even evolution lost it. And suddenly, round about the time of the turn of the 20th century, a new breed called the "Software engineers" needed to be evolved. So now, here we are, sharing space with this new breed of randomly evolved species - The Software engineers from India.

Its funny if you look at the way this breed of humans dress. In that sense, they can be classified into different groups, just based on their dressing styles.

The Indian male, or shall I say an average Indian(this, in an attempt to be NON sexist) is least concerned about how he/she looks. Disgusting man boobs and a pot belly which is the common sight among them apart, we as Indians manage to fill up fat into ever corners of our bodies. Fat in the face, fat in the cheeks, fat in the neck, fat in every corner of the trunk, fat behind the shins, fat behind the biceps, fat fat everywhere. To add to the drama, the "Software engineers from India" have a dressing style that needs review and discussion.

There are these obvious old timers who seem to be in a state of shock with all the change in the socio economic structure of India. The don’t seem to get past a pair of formal trousers and amazingly well pressed but full cuffed shirts without any hint of a color scheme. Black or navy blue seems the obvious choice for this generation for trousers and white based striped full cuffed shirts or checkered shirts crying out loud saying "I don’t belong here. There seems to be a time warp I am stuck in"

Then of course there are the youngsters. They fall into either of the following two major subdivisions. One, the ones who are not born to write code and/or have suicidal tendencies and/or have totally lost it in life and/or have no interest what so ever in what they wear. They just wear what they can find(or at least claim to do so). These are worse then the old timers. These know that they are having an obvious color mismatch in their clothes but they believe that this way they are making out a point. "I don’t care. Piss off!". Then there are these walking billboards. So strange how software has ruined lives of us meager mortals. A pair of jeans costs 3 mother fuckin grand; For a torn mother fuckin pair! And they are willing to pay whopping amounts just cos it has a oh so cuuoooool "Levis" or a "Lee" tag on it. Reebok shoes, Adidas shirt, Ray ban shades, Nike cap, Tag watch, Puma wrist band you name the brand, they would have worn it. Am sure they wear those weird looking mighty expensive undergarments as well. So much for globalization!

Some of these young software engineers fall into the "self proclaimed intellects" catagory. I feel they think the rule the world. They have these "what they think is wacky" t-shirts with slogans. Pathetic ones. Things like "I work for money, if you want loyalty, buy a dog" or even more nerdy ones such as "Dont blame me, its a hardware problem". They are either the nerds who had a oh so forgetful college life, or they are the real Losers(with the capital L), who don’t know what the hell they are doing on this earth, spending money drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, hanging out at the malls and such.

The best of the lot are the in-between software engineers as I like to call them. Not in-between sexually of course... they are the unfortunate set who are neither the old timers nor the youngsters. They have a style which I term as "The project manager" style. Oh god! Fridays are the worst for the "Project manager" type people. A branded jeans, a full cuffed formal shirt and a well polished formal leather shoes. A disgusting sight! Its either that or a Raymond formal black trouser, a red crocodile collared T and a white, almost brand new sparkling white Nike sneakers... add to it a wel kempt hair(of whatever remaining as most of them have a receding/receded hairline) and a couple of pens in the breast pocket - a circus waiting to kick off.

Women software engineers are fewer in number and hence fewer in type as well. Broadly, they can be classified into

1. The slutty ones (who are about 6 7 percent of the women software engineer population)
2. The truly beautiful/cute ones who you can’t do anything but fall in love with (who are very few.. and far between)
3. The ones who are neither sluts, nor goddesses.
[Rest of the discussion on women has been edited one because the women's bill has been passed and second, the author fears his life as he has been getting threat calls from random women threatening to kill him with utensils. Inconvenience is regretted]

Indian Premier League! A vote of thanks!

IPL has been a wonderful success. "Pat on the back" to Lalit Modi and his team. Kudos too Rajasthan Royals!! Or shall I say "O Hallla boooolllll!!! "

On this memorable occasion, I am obliged to thank a few of them who have made this occasion a grand success. Here we go... Bullet points... Applause!!! Applause!!! Applause!!!

* I firstly would like to thank the IPL governing body for making this event a grand success. Its sad that its over cos every day when I get back home, I have nothing to watch on TV; when I get to work, we have nothing to discuss in coffee/lunch breaks. Just makes life that much more difficult.

* Thanks Tanvir, Marsh, Ghambir, Chawla, Warne, Zaheer, Yousuf, Irfan, Goni, Jayasurya, Watson et all.. amazing performance... Encore!!

* Thank you Vijay Mallya for all the Red Sox chicks... Without them, the whole IPL story would have been a lil less hot. Even you honey, the black one who thought we racially abused you!

* Thank you Shane Warne, for proving that you are never too old to lead and win!!!

* Thanks Rahul Dravid for at least saving grace and playing some good innings. But dude, you are done. Retire before ruining what you have achieved in the past few years.

* The Bangalore Royal Challengers were placed second in the "Fair play award" category. So RC can go with a campaign statement which says "Even if we don’t win, it does not matter. We don’t cheat"

* Thank you Harbajan for involving Symonds' mom in the IPL. I guess that was a well thought strategy. Thank you once again for slapping Srishanth. I guess he deserved it

* Thank you IPL officials for realizing that the world has had enough of Harbhajan

* Thank you Shah Rukh Khan for trying to steal the stardom. Thank god you realized that its cricket and not bollywood. Your time will come too. Like they say, every dog has its day. What say Aamir?

* Thank you Preity for being present every time your team played. Thank you for supporting them, though they were not worth all your efforts.

* Thank you IPL for letting India know that Yuvi can never be a good captain. Thank god for that!

* Thanks once again to Mallya for all the pretty chicks. Katrina was hot irrespective of our loss. So was Ramya... (so funny to see her pant her jeans off after a run around chinnaswami :P)

* Billy: You were at your entertaining best. Way to go!

* Thank god its all over, and no(no would be an understatement... lets say at least not cos of cricket) traffic jams to hassle people

* Thanks Set Max for live coverage of the matches. The hosts were irritating, so were the ads. Please see that at least next time, there are better/different/lesser number of ads/ad breaks (barring the Vodafone ads of course :) )

* Thanks Soheb for playing that one good match. I guess everyone (am sure even you) has had enough of you.

* Yo! Shivamani!! You are good but you suck on the field man. Stick to your drums in your studio. Please

* Last but not the least, the commentary team: Interesting! Different and interesting!! Not good. Just interesting.

Kannadam Kastoori allave!!!!

Chapter II: Bengalooru

Yeno elections anthappa nam bengalooralli... 10 ne taarik anthe... A soole makklu politicians e sarthi aadru ond channagiro government baralappa vidhana saudha dalli... ad yen maadtaaro, nataka madakku time saltailla a boli makkalge... aadru namgalge ad yen vetyasa agatto gottilla bidrappa... a ond dinad raja bittu.... yaar band yen madakke agatte bidi... a traffic nodbittandre anthu nakkan yakappa beku ansbidatte... police avaru dinakka ond ond road na ista bandange one way maadtaare, no entry maadtaare, two way maadtaare, agitaare, fly over antha round keytaare.... nam bangalore police avarastu karab nan makkalu illa..... kett maath aadbaardu paapa... yellaru onde tara iralla... aadru... but most of them... bloDDy lofars....

Alla kanri... monne yen aytu gotta.... zamaana aadmele bike alli beat haakta idde ratri li.... yeno nam bengalooralli, iddiddralli ratrihottu beat hakakke channagiratte... paapa jana yellaru begne mane serbidtaare... road galu khaali hodita iratte... so, yen helta idde andre... ond 12 gante mele agittu... juuiiiiii antha barta idde... RX gottalla... sakast ujjaadta idde... sudden agi a shivananada circle hattra vobba mama nilisda.... full traffic stop maad da... ond hatt nimsha kaysda... yellaru kaadru... ond 100 gaadigalu assemble agittu kanri circle alli... kaadvi kaadvi... yake nilsidaane antha gottaaglilla... election time allva... yaaro vip banda... hoda.... a vip car hogidtakshana nam police mama sink kanri... horte bitta... avan paadge... fone alli maathaadkondu.... yalla kade inda nu gaadigalu hortvu... major traffic jam... imagine madi... ratri hechu kammi ond gante li... adu yaarinda agiddu?? police and politicians... adene democracy for the people by the people of the people antharallapa... seems that the people who really matter are the fucking basturds we elect... alla ri, government avarge rules e illva? a bmtc avaranthu ista bandhange leftu rightu, backu, frontu bartaarappa... bmtc pakkadalli gaadi vodsakke meter off agatte bengalooralli... and police avaru... vobba nu helmet hakalla kanri... naavgalyenaadru helmet tegdre saaku, 300 rupai keytaare soole makkalu... so much for democracy....

Bidrappa.... monne M G road kade nu beat haakde kanri... bike alli idde alla... traffic iddru deal agogatte and hengidru ratri hottu traffic iralla, nam Gandi tatha hengidaaro nodkondbarona antha hode... raktha kanneerin kathe ri nam M G road du.... boli makklu... ardha dalli kuydbittidaare kan ri... yaaraadru bere oorinda bandavarge nam M G road thorsbittre tupik! antha mukhadhmele definet agi ugitaare... Adyen metro baratto naanu nodle beku antha decide maadbitideeni...

Adar mele ad yest cool agi ide antheera nam bengalooru.... A ha!! 35 kelage bande illveneo.... yavttu bevetavanalla kanri naanu... heavvy cool manushya naanu... eega yenadru office bittu horge hode ankoli, nakkan yest bever baratte andre... shiva shiva... Eegenadru airport ge hogbeku andbittre imagine maadkoli.... moore moor ganthe anthe kanrappa allithanka hogakke.... aste aste... snana mado agatya ne illa... sumne koothkondbittre taxi alli mugeethu kathe... hogo asthottge snana yen bidi... hechu kammi kabab roast geast agogteevi a vimana hidiyosthottge....

Namgal naseeb e channagilla bidrappa... adyeno heltaralla... "Jab naseeb hi gaand mara ho tho kudha kya karega" antha... Bangalore Royal Challengers ad yen sundarvagi aadidrappa aa opening match IPL na.... line line agi nilsi shoot maadbeku kanri... nakkan naane channagaadtidneno pa.... gaandu gal thara aadidru.... alli ri.... yaaraadru dravid matte jaffar na opening kalsdtaaryenri... adu T20 alli... adu nakkan 200 mele chase maadbekdaadre... yen test match ketthoyte IPLu.... yaako nandu bhayanaka droha mado scene gal kaanta ide... Calcutta Knight Riders ge shift agona antha ideeni... in ond yerd moor match nodteeni... swalpa channag aadrappa... please kanrappa....

Kids

There is this popular line which is used by a lot of men in a lot of movies "I like kids. Other people's kids". I am of the opinion that I like kids as long as there is a clear 30 meters distance between me and the kid, or at least there is a solid, sound proof, bullet proof wall between us.

A movie theater is one place where I don’t just hate kids. I DREAD them. I think all my hatred towards kids has its roots in one of the hazaar multiplexes of Bangalore.
There are two kinds of kids and two kinds of people in multiplexes.
One set of kids are the ones who don’t have a fuckin idea what is happening on screen. Either they are too young to know or they are too spoilt to give their brain a chance. They just make noise. Loud noise. Cry. Shout. Pee. Crap. Stink. Spill pop corn. Spill coke. Get lost. Loose their cap. Loose their clothes. Loose their sanity. These kids are the ones who come with useless parents which brings us to the first kind of parents. The useless ones. They have no idea what to do with their kids. They are just blessed with highly irritating kids and very low children management skills. They just let the kids be. They like the millions others around are hoping that the kid bloody shuts up and wishing they had used protection. 1The other set are the intelligent ones. The ones whose parents think are going to make it to NASA when they grow old. Its like a fuckin quiz happening in the theater.

Confused Kid: Daddy what is dyslexia?
Father of the Unfortunate Confused Kid: Its a disease sonny. It a mental disorder
CK: Whats a mental disorder?
FUCK: Some people are born with some problem in their brain ...... (On and on about it)


FUCK: Who’s that? (Pointing to the screen)
CK: KAREENA KAPOOR
FUCK: Very good. And whose that?
CK: Thats Saif... Kareena's boyfriend. He has a divorced wife and a son like me
FUCK: Excellent!! (turning to MUCK) Sonny is a very fast learner. He knows everything


Its time people realize that a movie hall is not a place where kids can have their evening out. They need a play ground with fresh air. More importantly, its high time people realize that movies are not a place where kids can gain knowledge. There is not one useful piece of shit that out movies have to offer kids. So keep them away from movies. Make them useful. Make them loveable.

COCK Roaches

Disclosure: Dear Abhishek, Divya, Sunil, Nitin, and Jayashree, Merin the chick with the wierd name, Kishore and the rest of the gang whose name I have not mentioned: You guys are really great and have been great friends in my life and this is nothing to do with you guys. I hope we can remain friends after you guys read this.

It is said that the most important reason why the world might come to an end is a nuclear holocaust. It is also said that cockroaches are the only species on planet earth who will survive such a disaster. Cockroaches are also known for their survival in regions under any/all climatic conditions and/or any/all vegetation causing almost no harm to the surroundings. Just survive and lead on.

That is what I find similar about you people. Please note that this has nothing to do with your life style. Its just what you are. You seem to come over to any part of the country, any part of the world and survive just as comfortably as the locals. Manage, not just to survive on but to form a very nice and comfortable surroundings for your selves.

The best part about you is that you guys kinda join in with the crowd and make fun of yourselves. I feel your community is not just made fun of, but you guys are loved well and truly by one and all. Your "chai" is as sweet as each and every one of you. And each and every one of you are as funny as any one of you. You seem to pick up every language up pretty well, but with lots of pain. You sound pathetic if you speak any other tongue my friends. Some of you kinda shock me sometimes by giving out a perfectly perfect English. But sorry ladies and gentlemen, you kinda give yourselves away with your pronunciation of a few words. "Uncle", "Welcome" etc are enough dudes, to reveal yoru identity. Its so funny how you say it. So fuckin funny!!

Your language guys! I can go on and on about it. I am sure everyone feels odd and wierd listening to some one else's local tongue. But yours guys, is the ultimate. Of all the two years I managed to survive in your land, most of the time I heard your language and most of the time, my brain would be exploding with laughter. Every word you utter seems to be a swear word in atleast one of the other languages I know. And the amazing script you have that goes with your tongue just makes it all the more funny.

Woah!! The food!! I believe that each and every one of you lives a perfect life, if life is about enjoying 3 proper meals per day. I can imagine eating a hearty meal consisting of meat and non meat once a day. But I really cant fathom how you guys manage to eat so much and so much meat especially for breakfast. I submit to your stomachs. God bless your drainage system.

Another amazing thing about you guys is the profound sexuality you guys portray. Most of you are good looking in some sense of the other. But the kind of dresses you wear, both the men and women are so vulgar. Colorful and vulgar. Especially the men with the hairy thighs showing and all that. Tremendous libido you people portray. The funniest thing i ever heard about you guys was a comment from a friend of mine. Remember, he is semi your types, meaning his mother's parents are from your land. He says and i quote "These people are so confused with their sexuality that every one of them is by-sexual till they reach the age of 26"

There are way too many things that I can make fun of you guys -

Your movies, (I cant beleive that you guys cant beleive that the rest of the world refer to all your movies as Porn)

your hair styles, (HA HA HA HA)

your food habits, (comments blocked due to racial content)

your drinking habits, (Vijay Mallya is not complaining is he?)

your homes, (comments blocked due to racial content)

your clothes, (comments blocked due to adult content)

your women, (comments blocked due to adult content)

your men, (comments blocked due to racial content)

your education system, (comments blocked due to racial content)

your roads,

everything else. I am also sure that you guys will look at this with a decent sense of humor and laugh it out. Its just that its against my conscience to discuss you guys more. If you still think you need to break the shit out of me, please go ahead, find me and kill me.

Absolutely no hard feelings. Nothing is personal :)

Cheers

My take on MTV Roadies:

MTV Roadies is this reality show which has survived the "reality tv" craze which has kinda gone out of hand these days. The reality shows I mean. There are shows for every damn thing man. Its totally crazy. Singing, dancing, stand up comedy, reality love, reality breakups, reality this, reality that and a whole lot of reality crap. Thank god, for the past 3 years, I didn’t have access to a television. But the past week has since my new TV has come in has been loaded with "reality tv" for me. Not because I am kicked about reality shows. Its just that prime time television seems to have nothing else to show us.
I caught myself watching the auditions of the latest edition of MTV Roadies sometime. Nice entertainment after a hard days work would be my first take on the show. Loads of hot chicks, rocking hip cool guys with most of them having a pea for a brain. But the point is, what is the point of the show? What is the point of the auditions they conduct? What the FUCK are the looking for? Character? Attitude? Looks? The kind of things they make the participants do, just the conversations are both demeaning and absolutely non sense. What can you judge a person on any scale per say if you are asking the person to use all the bad words known? Or how the fuck does it matter if one is by-sexual or by-curious? What’s that got to do with a competition which involves dramatic "cheating" and vague physical events? And the people who are involved with the judgment process, what the fuck are they good at in anyway?
Nikhil is pretty acceptable. Thanks dude, for playing second fiddle to that freak friend of yours. And thank you for keeping your comments low. Nam bangaloor hudga maga neenu... hesru ulsiddya... But the other freak is insane. He totally has lost it in life. He seems like a guy who is going thro a domestic problem. His wife seems to be beating him up every morning before he leaves to work. He seems to be so depressed in life that he comes and tries to take every participants case. And dude, your looks... the bald shining head and your goatee, if you think that’s cool, you are sadly mistaken... Infact you are totally SAD!!!! Get a life man. YOU need a psychologist, not the ones on your show you keep advising.
Oh! by the way, I happened to come across a blog written by one of the former "Roadies" as she calls herself. Look at the content. Look at the presentation. If THIS is what it takes to become a freakin Roadie, each one of you can come and kiss my ARSE!!!!

A Suicide Note

I am bored. It’s just too boring. Monotonous is the word. Its not like I have concerns with the life I am leading now. But there is not too much happening anyway. I am just bored. I just want to move on. Pass on :)

Kadambri, I am really sorry about leaving you alone in this treacherous world honey. I really love you and I know you love me as much too. Its not that I am unhappy with you. You make me very happy. But I am just bored. Not with you sweetie. If that was the case, you know I would told you. I am just bored with life. I want to move on. Pass on. Ill miss you.

Mum, Dad, I am sorry that I have got a bad name to YOUR family. I am sure you are more relieved than sad that you don’t have to support such a grown up son financially anymore. I really did try but you were never happy with anything I did. To even things out, I was never happy with anything you did anyway. I feel I was already dead in your eyes, the day I flunked in college. Anu, you rock sis. Be good and take care of your parents.

Love you all. Miss me... Sometime...

Jay Jay

Random Disorder

He had had a pathetic day. He hadn’t slept well for the past 3 days. Yesterday night was the worst. He had got about 2 hours of sleep. Today seemed to be going to dogs. He was irritated because of the lack of sleep which seemed to be worsening the effect. He didn’t have the patience to speak to anyone. Just to comfort himself, he tried calling anyone who could remotely comfort him. Nothing seemed to work. He got back home. The whole place was a mess. A shoe on the bed, a dumbbell on the laptop, clothes and news papers lying everywhere. Absolute chaos. Random disorder. Not just the place. His whole life was. A random disorder. He took off his shoes. He needed some time for himself. Something nice and pure and complete. He contemplated suicide. He decided to smoke a cigarette instead. The power failed. Lit a match. The sweet smell of tobacco seemed to comfort him. It relieved him of the puzzle of life. He stubbed the filter and went off to sleep.