Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A Love letter

Hi Tejas,

It must be very surprising for you to get an email from a stranger. I just thought I would go ahead, fight my inhibitions and write out an email to you. I don’t want to sound desperate in this email. Just read it, and if you don’t like the idea, just ignore it. Even a reply is not required.

You must be wondering by now as to why a celebrity like me who is usually busy with tons of other things to deal with write an email out to a stranger like you. You might also wonder how and why I got hold of your email address in the first place. Let’s just say you are not a stranger to me. You will be surprised if you got to know how much information I have about you. Its another story as to why and how I have tracked you as much. The point I am trying to make is, I even know the direction you face in the morning when you take a leak or which brand of tooth paste you use to brush your teeth or even know that you used to throw filth into your neighbor’s house every day, not because you didn’t could not throw it anywhere else but just because his kid used to cry in the nights. You are not a stranger Tejas. I have stalked you; for five years now. People call it love. So let’s just say, I love you.

I am going to suggest something that might not just take you by surprise, but fill you with hate and disgust. I am not asking you to go ahead with my proposal. No where down the line am I suggesting that you are gay either. I know for a fact, from the information I have collected, I know that you don’t show any signs of homosexuality either. I know you are "As straight as an arrow". I am just putting forward an idea which I think you should evaluate and then decide on how to go about it. I am always going to be around to help you out with it.

Don’t get carried away by the words used. "Gay", "Homosexual" just sound very strange and disgusting. I am sure they are words of the future, or let’s say the Western culture.

Let us, for a start, look at the drive for a relationship. The whole point of a relationship or perhaps even marriage is companionship. The idea is to live with someone for the rest of your life, or say live together as long as it lasts. When I say live with, it does not mean your life ends there. Just that this "companion" fits into your life. I am merely suggesting that you be MY companion. At least give it a thought. Ill try to highlight the advantages you would have by living with me as opposed to going on, falling in love with a girl and spending the rest of your life together, in pain and happiness, till death does you guys apart.

> I would not be jealous one tiny bit if you spoke to other men. Men will be men ;) and I would not be extra cautious and try to see that you are true only to me.

> If the bed is not made, so what!

> It really doesn’t matter how you look when we go grab a cup of coffee. Your shorts and bathroom chappals are good enough.

> You would not have to leave the toilet seat down every time you get out of the loo

> You would not have to lock yourself up in the loo every time you have to take a leak

> I will totally understand if you are stuck at work. You would not have to reason out more.

> You definitely don’t have to lie to me about your whereabouts. Anywhere you go is absolutely cool

> On any given day and given time, you can call me with a flat tyre and at least expect help on the way instead of extra worries and tensions which would, under normal cicumstances happen

> There would not be an occasion when I would become pregnant, show mood swings or walk around the house eating everything in sight

> You can get totally drunk and not worry about what you are going to say.

> I would not be nagging about your driving every time you hit a hump or jump a signal

> Your smoke cant make my hair stink

> Its ok to stare.

> The sex may not seem as much fun, but trust me, its great

> You would not have to worry about safe sex or condoms

I can go on and on with the list but I choose to end thus. Please don’t take this in humor. I am really crazy about you. I know that sounds very weird if you heard another man say that to you. But things will change, trust me and then it will just be normal. Give the whole thing a thought and let me know how you feel about it. I am very sorry if this has humiliated you in anyway but the feelings are real. If you want to talk about it, that also is cool. I could call you anytime of your choice ( I know your number of course :-* ) or if you want to meet in person, I could fly down any day to meet you. Irrespective of what happens, I will still continue to love you but also promise you that I would never ever interfere with your life if things were to go sour. Please respond.

Awaiting eagerly (read desperately)

In anticipation


Karan Johar


Joe said...

10 of us? really? wudn that make finding the perfect partner that much easier if there are 10 of us in a non incestuously connected way? and do the 10 include equal dispersion of genders so that we can pick which we like the most? please do send, id love to give it a read!happened to notice that ur last post is the direct opposite of my previous one! lol! i hope karan and you have a wonderful life together :)

p.s - thanks for droppin by!

Priya said...

oh wow...thats too much detail for me, your sister, to be knowing.

gosh, dont know how to react. karan and you??..oh wow..

Anonymous said...

Good one. How much crazier can one get?