Tuesday, February 24, 2009

What the Beep*

The other day, 18th of Feb it was I think, I woke up later than I usually do and didn’t feel like going to work. Although this is a common feeling I face every morning, that day it was a little different. I just wanted to be at HOME. Pamper myself. Relax. Dream. Sleep. Just lie down for hours and feel 0% productive and be happy about it. That is a great thing to do on week days. Aahhh! I wish there were more weekends!

Anyway, this Feb. 18th, I could not just relax and do all that shit. I had to go to work, late was o k, but bunking till EOD was not a choice I had. So I decided I might as well go get the insurance for my bike done. That way, I could go to work late and still get some other work done in the process. Get the insurance for my bike, which was due a month and a half ago. Better late than never my teacher used to say.

I had heard of this MONSTER called the "Silk board fly over" junction. I have crossed this bad boy a few times before, all on weekends, mostly at odd times of the day(read night) and it has always almost been a cake walk. Mostly. But this Feb. 18th was the first time I saw him in complete rage. I touched Ring road at the famous Udapi garden junction. I had got the green light at that signal and I landed on ring road. After that, it took close to 50 mins for me to reach silk board flyover. All those 50 mins, my bike was revving and in first gear, moving bumper to bumper, leg to leg, very very slow, and not really steady.

Mental note: Bangalore has become awfully sunny these days! Don’t wear black T shirts

Just as I turned left onto Hosur road, a cop stopped me. “Routine check” I was told. I can’t believe it that right behind me was one of the biggest traffic jams my tender brain ever navigated and this dude here wants to routine check my bike. I am a man of simple wants, but the least I expect from society is some common sense. The whole concept of Policing is put to fire these days. I asked him as to why he was more concerned about my papers instead of minding the traffic. He dismissed my query by spitting the pan in his mouth and said "license". I promptly produced my license and the lapsed insurance, telling him in the process, that my insurance had lapsed and I was on the way to get it renewed. The beep* would not care. He wanted me to pay the fine because at that instant, my bike was running without a valid insurance.

India is like Matrix – The movie! Some rules can be bent, some can be broken. That’s why I love India. 20 bucks and a little theatrics in the lokal language is all it took for me to get out of this freak. It works cheap if the cheap constables are in charge. But I still don’t get the idea of an insurance bring mandatory. It’s my beep*in bike. I have the money to get it fixed when it gets beep*ed. So I dont beep*in need insurance. Why should I get it then? Well, some questions are never supposed to be asked. You are supposed to oblige. Life!

The insurance office was another mad house. It was 1130 on a Wednesday - the peak if we were to plot the hours of the week onto a bell curve. And when I go there, there is a herd of people wanting to get insurances done and all waiting. No queue et all.. just waiting here and there. I go and ask this really dark big lady in a bright red sari and loud gold ornaments sitting like a pig, who looked like the boss around there. She says that this guy who is supposed to click photos of our vehicles is out to get his camera fixed. I mean, what kind of a firm will work if at the peak time of the week, you have your man fixing his tools? Seriously, what the beep*!!

Relax!! Breath innnnn…. Breath outtttt…..

The good news is that I have to wait till the next Feb 18th [:)] to get my insurance renewed. I can’t wait for the next Feb. 18th, even though I am sure I will delay getting the damn thing done!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Pinky is good too

The main page in this cheap news paper I get had a rhyming headline which said "Sallu cries as MYSON dies". These days, they try to cipher the headlines so much, especially the cheap papers, that one is left with little choice but to go thru the main news to decipher it. This particular column was about a dog called "myson", a male 14 year old dog owned by Salman Khan. He incidentally has another female dog, who he calls "myjaan". The news paper went on to tell how much in love Sallu bhai is with his dogs and how he talks to them on the phone when he is away on shoots. But what interested me were the names of the dogs.

"Myjaan" and "Myson", myjaan in particular made me say the name in my mind over and over again and have loud laugh over the sensation . But that’s the best part about naming pets. You can name them whatever you want. Sidey or not, Funny or not, Stupid or not, Crazy or not... They will still respond to the name given.

There are some funny pet names that I have come across in my short life. The most common names for dogs are names like "Ramu", "Raju" etc which usually are names of dogs or elephants in Hindi movies. I haven’t seen a real dog called Ramu. I would never call a real dog “Ramu”. Please!! (Making a weird face with a long “nasal tinge” filled please, like how Polumi – Roadies 6.0 claim would say it) That would be so crazy. To call a dog by a name you would normally associate with a person. Another common trait that people catch up for naming their pets is using their color for a name. "Blacky", "Goldie", "Belli", “Dark Knight”, “Shadow”, “Reddy” [ ;) ] are names that I have usually come across.

Then there are these really funny pets I have seen with names which SHOULD not be given to pets, especially dogs. There is a basic disconnect between the name and the animal. I had one neighbor who had a Pomeranian called "Killer" or “Tiger”. I mean what kind of a killer would be a Pomeranian? It probably kills the mosquitoes in the radius with its high frequency noise but Killer is NOT a name for that bitch. I have also found it funny that about a few years ago, every girl I knew who had a dog named it "Sonu" after Sonu Nigam. Am sure they all love the singer, all lust him may be.. but naming their dog after him... Crap! Girls I always fail to understand!

I guess the name of the dog makes it what it really is. I had a dog too which was called Whisky. It was a golden retriever which was much darker than most golden retrievers I have seen. Whisky was an appropriate name for Whisky. He was a basturd though... was a rowdy in his own rights and had taken control of the whole house hold while he was around. "Basturd" is another name I like. "Come here basturd", "Fetch Basturd!" are such an appropriate way to talk to your dog. I also have a friend who has a pet cat called "Cup of Tea" which I find very very cute. "Ray" was another lab I knew who was pitch black and awesome looking.

When I do have dogs, two male labs are what I have in my dreams(if i can fight my paranoia about dogs that is)... I want to call them Macho and Benjo (After characters with the same name of MTV, who incidentally got their names from Madher Chod and Behen Chod). Nutz and Boltz too are names I am willing to consider but only if I have on male and one female dog. You cannot possibly which has a Nut on the male toilet door and a bolt on the female toilet door. Whatever be their names insha allah!, I’d rather not have a dog than to have one who is called "Myjaan"