Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Kannadam Kastoori allave!!!!

Chapter II: Bengalooru

Yeno elections anthappa nam bengalooralli... 10 ne taarik anthe... A soole makklu politicians e sarthi aadru ond channagiro government baralappa vidhana saudha dalli... ad yen maadtaaro, nataka madakku time saltailla a boli makkalge... aadru namgalge ad yen vetyasa agatto gottilla bidrappa... a ond dinad raja bittu.... yaar band yen madakke agatte bidi... a traffic nodbittandre anthu nakkan yakappa beku ansbidatte... police avaru dinakka ond ond road na ista bandange one way maadtaare, no entry maadtaare, two way maadtaare, agitaare, fly over antha round keytaare.... nam bangalore police avarastu karab nan makkalu illa..... kett maath aadbaardu paapa... yellaru onde tara iralla... aadru... but most of them... bloDDy lofars....

Alla kanri... monne yen aytu gotta.... zamaana aadmele bike alli beat haakta idde ratri li.... yeno nam bengalooralli, iddiddralli ratrihottu beat hakakke channagiratte... paapa jana yellaru begne mane serbidtaare... road galu khaali hodita iratte... so, yen helta idde andre... ond 12 gante mele agittu... juuiiiiii antha barta idde... RX gottalla... sakast ujjaadta idde... sudden agi a shivananada circle hattra vobba mama nilisda.... full traffic stop maad da... ond hatt nimsha kaysda... yellaru kaadru... ond 100 gaadigalu assemble agittu kanri circle alli... kaadvi kaadvi... yake nilsidaane antha gottaaglilla... election time allva... yaaro vip banda... hoda.... a vip car hogidtakshana nam police mama sink kanri... horte bitta... avan paadge... fone alli maathaadkondu.... yalla kade inda nu gaadigalu hortvu... major traffic jam... imagine madi... ratri hechu kammi ond gante li... adu yaarinda agiddu?? police and politicians... adene democracy for the people by the people of the people antharallapa... seems that the people who really matter are the fucking basturds we elect... alla ri, government avarge rules e illva? a bmtc avaranthu ista bandhange leftu rightu, backu, frontu bartaarappa... bmtc pakkadalli gaadi vodsakke meter off agatte bengalooralli... and police avaru... vobba nu helmet hakalla kanri... naavgalyenaadru helmet tegdre saaku, 300 rupai keytaare soole makkalu... so much for democracy....

Bidrappa.... monne M G road kade nu beat haakde kanri... bike alli idde alla... traffic iddru deal agogatte and hengidru ratri hottu traffic iralla, nam Gandi tatha hengidaaro nodkondbarona antha hode... raktha kanneerin kathe ri nam M G road du.... boli makklu... ardha dalli kuydbittidaare kan ri... yaaraadru bere oorinda bandavarge nam M G road thorsbittre tupik! antha mukhadhmele definet agi ugitaare... Adyen metro baratto naanu nodle beku antha decide maadbitideeni...

Adar mele ad yest cool agi ide antheera nam bengalooru.... A ha!! 35 kelage bande illveneo.... yavttu bevetavanalla kanri naanu... heavvy cool manushya naanu... eega yenadru office bittu horge hode ankoli, nakkan yest bever baratte andre... shiva shiva... Eegenadru airport ge hogbeku andbittre imagine maadkoli.... moore moor ganthe anthe kanrappa allithanka hogakke.... aste aste... snana mado agatya ne illa... sumne koothkondbittre taxi alli mugeethu kathe... hogo asthottge snana yen bidi... hechu kammi kabab roast geast agogteevi a vimana hidiyosthottge....

Namgal naseeb e channagilla bidrappa... adyeno heltaralla... "Jab naseeb hi gaand mara ho tho kudha kya karega" antha... Bangalore Royal Challengers ad yen sundarvagi aadidrappa aa opening match IPL na.... line line agi nilsi shoot maadbeku kanri... nakkan naane channagaadtidneno pa.... gaandu gal thara aadidru.... alli ri.... yaaraadru dravid matte jaffar na opening kalsdtaaryenri... adu T20 alli... adu nakkan 200 mele chase maadbekdaadre... yen test match ketthoyte IPLu.... yaako nandu bhayanaka droha mado scene gal kaanta ide... Calcutta Knight Riders ge shift agona antha ideeni... in ond yerd moor match nodteeni... swalpa channag aadrappa... please kanrappa....

Friday, April 18, 2008

Shaurya - A review!!

"Son, we live in a world that has walls and those walls have to be guarded by men with gun. Who’s going to do it? You Kaffie? ...."

Shaurya is clearly an adaption of the classic Few Good Men, and a pathetic one at that. I just happened to waste a Friday afternoon, skipping work hoping to see an amazing movie. The hopes were pretty high. And why not? They said it was an adaptation of one of the best movies I had ever seen. The star cast just made me all the more curious to check out the movie. Rahul Bose and Kay Kay Memon, arguabally the most talented actors of my time. Javed Jaffery and the hot Minnisha Lamba to add to the excitment. All in all a total disappointment.
Kay Kay does a so so Cl.Jessep but Bose does a miserable Kaffie. The story line, like the original revolves around the killing of one army officer by another. "Code Red" from the original has been turned into a cheap religeous link. Captain Javeed Khan kills his superior officer Cl.Rathod because Rathod talks ill of Islam and the Muslims and tries to kill an innocent 6 year old girl. The aloof Sid(Bose), realizes that he has more to life then to enjoy an outing in Kashmir, thanks to a young journalist who happens to be Sid’s cousin. Just like the original, Sid decides to put Brigadier Pratap(Kay Kay) on the stand. The final court room scene comes out more as a comedy more than anything else. The dialogues lack any sense of maturity. The family touch introducing the victim’s mother and the accused’s wife just makes you cry more. Just what the director intended??
The worst part about the movie is how strikingly similar this one is as compared to the original but how terribly disgusting director Samar Khan has made of totally classic scenes of the original. I can go on and on about how disgusting this copy is, more so because of the kind of fan i am of Few good men. However, it’s worth mentioning that brigadier Pratap is even given a cigar to bring in the character of Cl. Nathen R Jesseup but unfortunately censor board of India does not allow smoking on screen do they? If you don’t light a cigar, why the fuck do you have it in hand? Shag?
Final verdict: A total disaster. If you have not watched Few Good Men already, might as well skip shaurya cos you won’t understand a thing. If you have already watched Few Good Men, please skip this one.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

The W700i

The Sony Ericson W700i comes in two colours. A jazzy white with a flashy orange border and keys and a more mellowed down Titanium Gold(as they call it) with chrome keys. Like all Sony phones, this too has a very comfortable and well animated UI unlike the Nokia or the Motorola ones in the same range and a very simple phone to use. The screen is pretty big for its time with amazing clarity. It is a walkman phone, and there are no complaints about the performance of the music on this phone either.

This phone comes with a standard 256 MB memory card. I had it upgraded the memory to 1GB which was the only expenditure I had incurred in the almost 2 years of using my W700i. No complaints what so ever. However there are a couple of places where a few things could be worked on.

I have always been a fan of joystick phones. Its a matter of whether you like it or not. I just happen to be one of the "I like joystick" person. Till about the last few days of my usage, the joystick also performed pretty well as opposed to the reviews I had got about it. The great thing about the joystick on Sony phones is that the joystick performs very well with very well defined movements unlike say a Nokia joystick phone where you always have to HOPE that it functions the way you want it to.

The 2 mega pixel camera on this phone is fantastic. The advantage with this phone in terms of photography is that the camera comes with a zoom facility. Also with the moving camera, the zoom facility holds good and there is no fixed length of the file. The best part of the camera on this phone is the flash which is very very bright which can be doubled as a torch as well. Comes in very handy ;)

The games on this phone are also pretty interesting. "Qudra-pop", a Tetris based game is very well designed and perfect to play when whilst whiling away time in a bus/train journey. My top score on that was 876670 :). The battery backup is pretty good too. It once survived for 4 days straight without giving up. Over all 9 on 10 for battery backup.

Here are My Ratings for the phone:

Looks: 6 on 10 (Sony has made better looking phones. The white one is better looking)
Usability: 8.5 on 10 (For non joystick preferring people, go for the W810i which is almost similar)
User Interface: 9 on 10
Java apps: 7 on 10
Walkman: 9 on 10
Camera: 8 on 10

Overall: 8 on 10

There are a few places where the phone could have done better. Since its a walkman phone, there could have been better controls for music in the hands free. Also the plug and play button is kinda delicate which makes the music play even when unintended. A very good buy for people who are trying to get used to a joystick phone. I had brilliant 2 years and a whole lot of memories with mine.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008


"Why are you angry pooja?" I asked in a very low, squeaky voice. The voice was low and squeaky more because it had been about 15 mins since she had gotten into the car and we had hardly spoken. Suddenly, saying one complete sentence resulted in that low squeaky tone.

"I am not angry" she retorted, not taking her eyes off the road which was flooded with cars and bikes and people.

"Why aren't you even looking at me?"

"Just leave me alone for a while. I don’t feel like talking now"

As I drove on in the thick traffic and the treacherous rain, I glanced at her. Pooja. She looked divine. I could see the spark in her eyes as the blinding headlights from ahead flashed into my car. I could see that her hair was kinda wet as she was trying to wipe away the trickling drops of rain off her cheeks and her neck. The piercing on her nose made her look amazingly hot as opposed to seductively cheap which usually a nose ring does to a woman. The cutest part was her foot wear. It was one of those semi high healed slip-ons with a cute flower on each.

"Kuch khaogi?" I said in my broken Hindi.

"Your hindi sounds pathetic" she said

"I am sorry. Do you want to get something to eat?" I said, sheeply

"Its close to midnight. What do you mean get something to eat?" she replied angrily

"What are you pissed for?" I shouted. I was getting irritated with this kind of behavior. Never before had anyone spoken to me like this.

"Ill be alright. Give me some time... I feel like drinking coffee" she said after a pause

"At this hour? Don’t you want to go home?"

"We will go home if you want to go home. Can we have coffee there?"



There was another long space of silence inside the car. Just the stereo playing Clapton.

... she puts on her makeup,
and brushes her long long hair
and then she asks me,
do I look alright?
And I say darling,
you look Wonderful tonight...

The silence was too penetrating. The rain had died down and so had the traffic. It was just the cool wind that was gushing into the half rolled windows. I HAD to break the silence. I HAD to say something.

"I know a place where we get coffee at this hour" I said, again in that squeaky voice of mine

"I thought you wanted to go home" she said

".. and I thought you wanted a coffee"

"I would love it" she said with a hint of a smile, her first of that evening

"Its about a couple of hours drive but I am sure you will get coffee there"

"Are you sure? Don’t you want to get home?" she asked

"Its coffee you want, coffee you will get"

I turned around and directed the the car to head towards the coffee shop that was a few miles outside city limits wondering if there would be another innings of silence. It was quiet cold now and we could see the moon on the left corner of the wind shield. As I put the car on overdrive the silence was broken. This time it was the sweet voice of pooja

"Can I borrow a smoke?"

"Sure" I said trying to fish the pack from my jeans pocket

"You drive very fast" she said as she she took a drag , “I like it"

That did it. I don’t seem to remember how the next 2 something hours passed as we headed to the coffee place. It was one of the best conversations I have ever had. She asked me about me, my parents, my work, my friends everything. She wanted to know everything. It really didn’t matter to her that I was either saying half truth or lying entirely. She seemed genuinely interested in knowing about me. After our coffee, we took a small walk on the high way. She held on to my arm as the cool wind blew at us. We smoked a couple of cigarettes. She spoke about her. The caffeine seemed to have woken up a monster in her. She spoke of the moon. She told me a hundred stories of her childhood and how she and her sisters and her brothers used to irritate their mother and how her father would come home drunk and beat the boys and how she ran away from her home with just a bag containing a pair of clothes and a few rotis her mother had made for the trip and how she missed her family. I am not sure but I guess I caught her with a tear in her eye. When I enquired, she just warded it off by saying that it was getting too cold and we better head to the car.

The drive back was even better. There was silence this time too. But this time it was different. She held on to my hand as I drove back. In a while I could see that she was fast asleep, like a baby, her hands tightly clasping mine. She looked adorable. We had almost reached the outskirts of the city and the day seemed to be breaking as well. The moon was long gone. In a few minutes, the sun would be shining bright on this part of earth.

She woke up suddenly as the breaks screeched. I had just avoided banging into a paper boy. "That was close" I thought as my eyes were blood shot with lack of sleep. I put my head out of the window and showered a few abuses. She was in a state of shock. She didn’t find it strange that she was holding on to my hand. I didn’t find it odd too. She found it odd that she was still in the car with me

"Where are we?" she asked sleepily

"We are almost back pooja"

"Oh! My God! Its late. I better be heading back" she said looking at her mobile phone

"Ill drop you back. Where shall I drop you off?" I offered

"Are you sure?" she said slowly but consciously taking her hands away from mine

"Yup sure. Where do you want me to.."

"Near any auto would be fine thank you"

"Are you sure?" I said

"Yes. The first one you can find"

"Fine" I said partly with shock and partly with anger. I thought the evening had gone perfectly fine. Things were just perfect. We had had a great time together. We had talked. And talked. And talked. And talked more. And now, suddenly she wanted to get out of the car and away from me. To this day I don’t know why she did that. I have never met her since. I hardly remember her face now.

"There is an auto" I had said

"Thank you" she said without even looking at me

"Here!" I said pulling out 6 fresh 500 rupee notes out of my wallet, "This is for you. I have already paid your boss."

"I cant take this" she said, this time looking into my eyes. "I didn’t do anything"

"That’s alright. I had a wonderful time" I said smiling.

There was another few seconds of silence. This time it seemed the longest. Then she kissed me gently, got off and closed the door behind her

"I thought this was not in the deal" I shouted as she crossed the almost empty road towards an auto. "No kissing on the lips is the only rule I was supposed to follow. Thats what your boss said"

"Good bye" she said, smiling and waving at me

Tuesday, April 01, 2008


There is this popular line which is used by a lot of men in a lot of movies "I like kids. Other people's kids". I am of the opinion that I like kids as long as there is a clear 30 meters distance between me and the kid, or at least there is a solid, sound proof, bullet proof wall between us.

A movie theater is one place where I don’t just hate kids. I DREAD them. I think all my hatred towards kids has its roots in one of the hazaar multiplexes of Bangalore.
There are two kinds of kids and two kinds of people in multiplexes.
One set of kids are the ones who don’t have a fuckin idea what is happening on screen. Either they are too young to know or they are too spoilt to give their brain a chance. They just make noise. Loud noise. Cry. Shout. Pee. Crap. Stink. Spill pop corn. Spill coke. Get lost. Loose their cap. Loose their clothes. Loose their sanity. These kids are the ones who come with useless parents which brings us to the first kind of parents. The useless ones. They have no idea what to do with their kids. They are just blessed with highly irritating kids and very low children management skills. They just let the kids be. They like the millions others around are hoping that the kid bloody shuts up and wishing they had used protection. 1The other set are the intelligent ones. The ones whose parents think are going to make it to NASA when they grow old. Its like a fuckin quiz happening in the theater.

Confused Kid: Daddy what is dyslexia?
Father of the Unfortunate Confused Kid: Its a disease sonny. It a mental disorder
CK: Whats a mental disorder?
FUCK: Some people are born with some problem in their brain ...... (On and on about it)

FUCK: Who’s that? (Pointing to the screen)
FUCK: Very good. And whose that?
CK: Thats Saif... Kareena's boyfriend. He has a divorced wife and a son like me
FUCK: Excellent!! (turning to MUCK) Sonny is a very fast learner. He knows everything

Its time people realize that a movie hall is not a place where kids can have their evening out. They need a play ground with fresh air. More importantly, its high time people realize that movies are not a place where kids can gain knowledge. There is not one useful piece of shit that out movies have to offer kids. So keep them away from movies. Make them useful. Make them loveable.