Friday, June 20, 2008


Mission Statement:

We are an organization that is focusing on the ill effects of internet on personal lives of people and how internet stunts the growth and development of individuals into normal human beings. In the years to come, we as a group will get on to the streets spreading awareness of the ill effects of the internet and how internet is affecting a culturally strong country like India and in fact the rest of the world.

We are an organization are primarily focusing on the ill effects of money transactions and email/chat conversations over the internet. That is our primary objective and we are pitching ourselves with these two goals as priority in our overall disregard for internet.

We firmly beleive that humans are social beings and the lone difference between us and the rest of the living world is that we can, not just communicate and communicate effectively. With the advent of the internet, emails, chat clients, social networking websites and such, the whole way we communicate has changed. Gone are the days when you would go say hi to a friend across the table. One prefers to sent out send out a BUZZ!. One prefers to send out an e card wishing ones mum for mother’s day these days. Send out E flowers to their girlfriends and wives. We have become so bloody internet-ted that one wishes to express mood through ones status messages on chat clients. These forms of communication not only results in screwing up the normal development of the human brain, but also ends up making each one of a social misfit. A typical human, living in such conditions for a few years will hence not be able to respond to normal social occasions on a personal front. He/She will always look for a wrapper of the internet that they have always used to expose themselves to the outside world. A Second life some prefer to call it!!! This is wrong in the sense that the internet has deprived us humans of a quality of normal social behavior. We strongly oppose that.

Another thing that we as an organization are against is the use of internet to make financial transactions. These days, every transaction happens over the internet. Be it paying for a movie ticket which costs to a few hundred bucks, or be it transferring a few thousands to a friend in need, or be it a transaction of lakhs to pay the fees for some educational institution, every transaction happens over the internet. This no doubt increases the ease with which things happen, but the whole point of money, the efforts involved in earning it, and the pleasure involved in spending it is lost. Just think about it, has anyone of us seen a lakh of rupees in cash? Do we know the kind of feeling that so much non virtual money would generate? A feeling of happiness, richness, passion, fear and all that is much beyond the scope of imagination for most of us. All this thanks to internet. We strongly oppose this.

We are still a very small organization. As things stand we are just two of us involved. One is a not so famous celebrity with a few movies to his/her/its credit. Most of them movies are R rated though. He/She/It does not want to be mentioned as this organization grows, because he/she/it is a very modest individual and does not want his/her/its celebrity hood to come in the way of the growth of this organization. Another is me, a software engineer still trying to accept the goals and mission of our organization. We are looking for support in any form, people, ideas, cash, kind etc.

For more details please email the author
In case you intend to financially support us, please e transfer your funds to the account number: 1379017

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Never judge a book by its cover

Evolution, if that is how everything works, went on well till about the time India got independence. After that, the population increased at such a rate that even evolution lost it. And suddenly, round about the time of the turn of the 20th century, a new breed called the "Software engineers" needed to be evolved. So now, here we are, sharing space with this new breed of randomly evolved species - The Software engineers from India.

Its funny if you look at the way this breed of humans dress. In that sense, they can be classified into different groups, just based on their dressing styles.

The Indian male, or shall I say an average Indian(this, in an attempt to be NON sexist) is least concerned about how he/she looks. Disgusting man boobs and a pot belly which is the common sight among them apart, we as Indians manage to fill up fat into ever corners of our bodies. Fat in the face, fat in the cheeks, fat in the neck, fat in every corner of the trunk, fat behind the shins, fat behind the biceps, fat fat everywhere. To add to the drama, the "Software engineers from India" have a dressing style that needs review and discussion.

There are these obvious old timers who seem to be in a state of shock with all the change in the socio economic structure of India. The don’t seem to get past a pair of formal trousers and amazingly well pressed but full cuffed shirts without any hint of a color scheme. Black or navy blue seems the obvious choice for this generation for trousers and white based striped full cuffed shirts or checkered shirts crying out loud saying "I don’t belong here. There seems to be a time warp I am stuck in"

Then of course there are the youngsters. They fall into either of the following two major subdivisions. One, the ones who are not born to write code and/or have suicidal tendencies and/or have totally lost it in life and/or have no interest what so ever in what they wear. They just wear what they can find(or at least claim to do so). These are worse then the old timers. These know that they are having an obvious color mismatch in their clothes but they believe that this way they are making out a point. "I don’t care. Piss off!". Then there are these walking billboards. So strange how software has ruined lives of us meager mortals. A pair of jeans costs 3 mother fuckin grand; For a torn mother fuckin pair! And they are willing to pay whopping amounts just cos it has a oh so cuuoooool "Levis" or a "Lee" tag on it. Reebok shoes, Adidas shirt, Ray ban shades, Nike cap, Tag watch, Puma wrist band you name the brand, they would have worn it. Am sure they wear those weird looking mighty expensive undergarments as well. So much for globalization!

Some of these young software engineers fall into the "self proclaimed intellects" catagory. I feel they think the rule the world. They have these "what they think is wacky" t-shirts with slogans. Pathetic ones. Things like "I work for money, if you want loyalty, buy a dog" or even more nerdy ones such as "Dont blame me, its a hardware problem". They are either the nerds who had a oh so forgetful college life, or they are the real Losers(with the capital L), who don’t know what the hell they are doing on this earth, spending money drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, hanging out at the malls and such.

The best of the lot are the in-between software engineers as I like to call them. Not in-between sexually of course... they are the unfortunate set who are neither the old timers nor the youngsters. They have a style which I term as "The project manager" style. Oh god! Fridays are the worst for the "Project manager" type people. A branded jeans, a full cuffed formal shirt and a well polished formal leather shoes. A disgusting sight! Its either that or a Raymond formal black trouser, a red crocodile collared T and a white, almost brand new sparkling white Nike sneakers... add to it a wel kempt hair(of whatever remaining as most of them have a receding/receded hairline) and a couple of pens in the breast pocket - a circus waiting to kick off.

Women software engineers are fewer in number and hence fewer in type as well. Broadly, they can be classified into

1. The slutty ones (who are about 6 7 percent of the women software engineer population)
2. The truly beautiful/cute ones who you can’t do anything but fall in love with (who are very few.. and far between)
3. The ones who are neither sluts, nor goddesses.
[Rest of the discussion on women has been edited one because the women's bill has been passed and second, the author fears his life as he has been getting threat calls from random women threatening to kill him with utensils. Inconvenience is regretted]

Monday, June 02, 2008

Indian Premier League! A vote of thanks!

IPL has been a wonderful success. "Pat on the back" to Lalit Modi and his team. Kudos too Rajasthan Royals!! Or shall I say "O Hallla boooolllll!!! "

On this memorable occasion, I am obliged to thank a few of them who have made this occasion a grand success. Here we go... Bullet points... Applause!!! Applause!!! Applause!!!

* I firstly would like to thank the IPL governing body for making this event a grand success. Its sad that its over cos every day when I get back home, I have nothing to watch on TV; when I get to work, we have nothing to discuss in coffee/lunch breaks. Just makes life that much more difficult.

* Thanks Tanvir, Marsh, Ghambir, Chawla, Warne, Zaheer, Yousuf, Irfan, Goni, Jayasurya, Watson et all.. amazing performance... Encore!!

* Thank you Vijay Mallya for all the Red Sox chicks... Without them, the whole IPL story would have been a lil less hot. Even you honey, the black one who thought we racially abused you!

* Thank you Shane Warne, for proving that you are never too old to lead and win!!!

* Thanks Rahul Dravid for at least saving grace and playing some good innings. But dude, you are done. Retire before ruining what you have achieved in the past few years.

* The Bangalore Royal Challengers were placed second in the "Fair play award" category. So RC can go with a campaign statement which says "Even if we don’t win, it does not matter. We don’t cheat"

* Thank you Harbajan for involving Symonds' mom in the IPL. I guess that was a well thought strategy. Thank you once again for slapping Srishanth. I guess he deserved it

* Thank you IPL officials for realizing that the world has had enough of Harbhajan

* Thank you Shah Rukh Khan for trying to steal the stardom. Thank god you realized that its cricket and not bollywood. Your time will come too. Like they say, every dog has its day. What say Aamir?

* Thank you Preity for being present every time your team played. Thank you for supporting them, though they were not worth all your efforts.

* Thank you IPL for letting India know that Yuvi can never be a good captain. Thank god for that!

* Thanks once again to Mallya for all the pretty chicks. Katrina was hot irrespective of our loss. So was Ramya... (so funny to see her pant her jeans off after a run around chinnaswami :P)

* Billy: You were at your entertaining best. Way to go!

* Thank god its all over, and no(no would be an understatement... lets say at least not cos of cricket) traffic jams to hassle people

* Thanks Set Max for live coverage of the matches. The hosts were irritating, so were the ads. Please see that at least next time, there are better/different/lesser number of ads/ad breaks (barring the Vodafone ads of course :) )

* Thanks Soheb for playing that one good match. I guess everyone (am sure even you) has had enough of you.

* Yo! Shivamani!! You are good but you suck on the field man. Stick to your drums in your studio. Please

* Last but not the least, the commentary team: Interesting! Different and interesting!! Not good. Just interesting.