Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Never judge a book by its cover

Evolution, if that is how everything works, went on well till about the time India got independence. After that, the population increased at such a rate that even evolution lost it. And suddenly, round about the time of the turn of the 20th century, a new breed called the "Software engineers" needed to be evolved. So now, here we are, sharing space with this new breed of randomly evolved species - The Software engineers from India.

Its funny if you look at the way this breed of humans dress. In that sense, they can be classified into different groups, just based on their dressing styles.

The Indian male, or shall I say an average Indian(this, in an attempt to be NON sexist) is least concerned about how he/she looks. Disgusting man boobs and a pot belly which is the common sight among them apart, we as Indians manage to fill up fat into ever corners of our bodies. Fat in the face, fat in the cheeks, fat in the neck, fat in every corner of the trunk, fat behind the shins, fat behind the biceps, fat fat everywhere. To add to the drama, the "Software engineers from India" have a dressing style that needs review and discussion.

There are these obvious old timers who seem to be in a state of shock with all the change in the socio economic structure of India. The don’t seem to get past a pair of formal trousers and amazingly well pressed but full cuffed shirts without any hint of a color scheme. Black or navy blue seems the obvious choice for this generation for trousers and white based striped full cuffed shirts or checkered shirts crying out loud saying "I don’t belong here. There seems to be a time warp I am stuck in"

Then of course there are the youngsters. They fall into either of the following two major subdivisions. One, the ones who are not born to write code and/or have suicidal tendencies and/or have totally lost it in life and/or have no interest what so ever in what they wear. They just wear what they can find(or at least claim to do so). These are worse then the old timers. These know that they are having an obvious color mismatch in their clothes but they believe that this way they are making out a point. "I don’t care. Piss off!". Then there are these walking billboards. So strange how software has ruined lives of us meager mortals. A pair of jeans costs 3 mother fuckin grand; For a torn mother fuckin pair! And they are willing to pay whopping amounts just cos it has a oh so cuuoooool "Levis" or a "Lee" tag on it. Reebok shoes, Adidas shirt, Ray ban shades, Nike cap, Tag watch, Puma wrist band you name the brand, they would have worn it. Am sure they wear those weird looking mighty expensive undergarments as well. So much for globalization!

Some of these young software engineers fall into the "self proclaimed intellects" catagory. I feel they think the rule the world. They have these "what they think is wacky" t-shirts with slogans. Pathetic ones. Things like "I work for money, if you want loyalty, buy a dog" or even more nerdy ones such as "Dont blame me, its a hardware problem". They are either the nerds who had a oh so forgetful college life, or they are the real Losers(with the capital L), who don’t know what the hell they are doing on this earth, spending money drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, hanging out at the malls and such.

The best of the lot are the in-between software engineers as I like to call them. Not in-between sexually of course... they are the unfortunate set who are neither the old timers nor the youngsters. They have a style which I term as "The project manager" style. Oh god! Fridays are the worst for the "Project manager" type people. A branded jeans, a full cuffed formal shirt and a well polished formal leather shoes. A disgusting sight! Its either that or a Raymond formal black trouser, a red crocodile collared T and a white, almost brand new sparkling white Nike sneakers... add to it a wel kempt hair(of whatever remaining as most of them have a receding/receded hairline) and a couple of pens in the breast pocket - a circus waiting to kick off.

Women software engineers are fewer in number and hence fewer in type as well. Broadly, they can be classified into

1. The slutty ones (who are about 6 7 percent of the women software engineer population)
2. The truly beautiful/cute ones who you can’t do anything but fall in love with (who are very few.. and far between)
3. The ones who are neither sluts, nor goddesses.
[Rest of the discussion on women has been edited one because the women's bill has been passed and second, the author fears his life as he has been getting threat calls from random women threatening to kill him with utensils. Inconvenience is regretted]


Merryn said...

A (well may be not self-proclaimed but one none the less) Software Engineer writing about his species! satirically/rhetorically/ironically entertaining (yes.. THIS is where i hear the oft familiar rendition of "You Mallus!")...Mey be u should consider (brandishing my designerly skills) RE-BRANDING software proffesionals...give them a completely new look...and may be we can convert that to one of the many inane reality shows that seem to flood the TV whether people like it or not..what say? And may be give it a "cool" (read pathetic take on intelligent pun) name...cant think of anything funny enough to write... damn the heat! :D
good read...post some more..peace

sudhirski said...

another category ..those who havent come out of college and sport the 'i got to beat tht guy in this' attitude who go around licking the proj manager's #@$$%.

A.R.Brunda said...

hmmm nice one... you know it reminded me of the one you wrote for our college magazine...esperanza i think...the one about your/college lad's routine... this one seems in the same flair...if i have to pick i will pick the college one... but this ones amazing too ...