as 2009 trips by...

It is the 31st of December 2008 and the best I can do now, on this Wednesday morning, is take a look back on the year that was. Its been a remarkable year for the world and India alike with lots of important things happening this year. Its been a remarkable year for me too, with lots of important things happening in my life too.

2008 has been a year of trips for me. If I look back at this year, I realize that of the 365 days, at least 50 days I have not been at home, been out on trips and this excludes the days I spend at home in Mysore.

The year started off with the new year party that concluded in Coorg. A group of 9 guys(from college) in one car and two bikes headed towards Coorg from Bangalore. We camped in a very nice "home stay" kind of arrangement near Irrpu falls the New Year extravaganza happened just outside where we stayed with a bon fire and music being played off my car.

The next major trip was towards Goa with almost the same gang(well almost because this was a gang that consisted of my engineering classmates and not random guys from college). Another group of men set out towards Goa in a Qualis. As far as I can remember, we were about 9 guys, all cramped into one car as we headed towards Goa. One hell of a party the trip that was.

Another trip of importance before the rains hit India was a trip to Ooty. This trip had 4 of us head (3 of us lokal boys and another NRI) towards Ooty to meet another friend who runs a business there. It was a week end trip but one of extreme enjoyment because it involved night travel in the Ghats and a drive in a Honda Civic and royal hospitality at that friends hotel.

In the mean while, I had completed the few regular trips home, a couple of trips to Tumkur to meet Dr. Tango(Reason), trips to Mekedat and Muttatti falls with friends and colleagues alike.

In the August of 2008, when I usually celebrate my birthday, I was on another trip to Goa. This was one trip with extreme highlights. First, this was the first trip that I was involved in which had women in it. I have always been of the school of thought that women on trips are a major responsibility and the fun level and enjoyment level is dampened by the responsibility that accompanies. However, after this trip I am still under consideration of my promotions. Second, trip also had me drinking just a couple of beers on the whole 4 days(and not one bit of booze on my 26th), which for me is an achievement in itself because I again come from a school of thought which says that drinking is best enjoyed on trips when tomorrow is never a concern. This trip certainly is one of the best trips I have ever had in my life for reasons more than one.

I followed up this trip with another trip, this time to the beaches of Karnataka with a gang of 10 people. This was another lot of fun trip as we saw breathtaking beaches on the west coast of India. Gokarna, which has always been a place that I have dreaded and almost have respect out of fear for was so good on this trip that we ended up spending about half of our time here.

Next major trip I had was pretty major even by my standards. Me and "the tall mallu" took a week off from work and we headed on a road trip with destination unknown. 9 days with most social contact with just one other person is a complex situation. Trips sometimes can be more frustrating than usual times because there will be times when one will have to do something which he/she dislikes doing because the others will be interested in doing something. So the "frequency" match is very vital on trips. And this trip, like few others with this "tall mallu" was another wonderful experience with treks, train rides, bus rides, auto rides, lorry rides, truck rides, trips to the police station, sleep in the railway station and cheap and sidey lodges, a visit to all the major pubs in vizag and beaches in which there was not a human soul in the two kilometer radius. Another highlight to this trip was that we didn’t carry a camera on purpose (well actually, I dislike the concept of cameras on trips and the tall mallu would have carried one if he had one) and hence I have no proof of being on this trip. :)

I have also gone on a couple of trips to friends’ weddings. One trip to Bellary and another recently to Davengere to attend Homo’s wedding. On both the trips, “Mysore Baba” was present and hence the highlight of both the trips.

In a couple of hours, I am heading towards Chikkamangalore with another set of friends to welcome 2009.

Purse - Check
Watch - Check
Cell phone - Check
Car Keys - Check
Jacket - Check
Charger - oh fuck!

All Set, preparing launch sequence.

Get...

Set...

Go...

Fade to black

(Lights on)

Its a dark balcony. Not really a balcony because this has lots of windows to be called a balcony. There are ropes dangling between the walls where lots of mens’ under garments are hung. The yellow bulb is glowing bright but the walls are cast with the shadows of the underwear hanging on the ropes. A man is sitting on a table with a pack of cigarettes in his hand. Just as he lights up, his brother walks in.

Man: Howdy!
Brother: Wassup?
Man: Here (offering him the pack)
Brother: (Takes a cigarette, lites it up) Thanks brother, but I finally want to quit
Man: Me too. Lets do it together.
Brother: Alright, henceforth lets never meet for a smoke ever again.
Man: Sounds good.

(They take a couple of drags)

Man: Even if we meet and I see you smoking, I am going to go away.
Brother: Me too

(Couple more)

Brother: But that also doesnt mean that we dont smoke when we are not together right?
Man: Ofcourse (smiling)
Brother: It doesnt matter what you do. I am not going to smoke, and you better not smoke when I am around. Thats all this deal is about anyway right?
Man: Ofcourse. I am going to set a good example as your elder brother.
Brother: (smiling) and I will be a good brother and respect you so much that I would be scared to smoke in front of you

(Stub their cigarettes)

Man: Alright, thats the deal then (stretches out his hand)
Brother: Deal

(They shake hands)

(Silence)

(Silence)

Man: The deal is that we stop smoking right? when does this apply from?
Brother: I dont know, you decide.
Man: Tomorrow?
Brother: Alright
Man: (Lighting up one cigarette) So alright, here is my last cigarette
Brother: Mine too

(Fade to black)

Good India

I was riding back home late yesterday night from work. Bangalore has become awfully cold these days. For someone who has lived in this city for more than half my life, this is the coldest I have experienced here. Coldest winter they say. But I don’t think it’s cold only because of the weather. Either ways I have found myself a pair of biker gloves and an ordinary looking fake Ferrari jacket since I re-took my riding in an attempt to become a biker! And started wearing shoes which I so dislike wearing.

But like I said, it’s not just the weather. Today, riding a bike at hours close to midnight is a risk one must be willing to take. A risk to one’s life so to say. Hazaar drunk drivers buzzing on the streets in Bangalore jumping traffic signals and hitting one ways alike. And the cops are busy checking if people have a valid insurance. The whole cops scene is such a farce I tell you. I have come across numerous scenes of utter comedy. There would be a traffic jam and an ambulance stuck in it but these traffic cops would be busy filling their pockets round the corner under a shady tree where no one can see them, almost surprising travelers as they pounce and take away the keys, much like how a hungry lioness would snap an innocent deer. Or there would be two people fist fighting it out on the street and the sheepy constable would be a mere spectator. Drunk drivers apart, these are the days of terror. With 26 11 et all and the India Pak war on the verge and all that jazz happening in the background, the air out there, especially in the evenings, when it gets kinda dark is spooky in its own way. You never know if the biker next to you has an AK47 and would start shooting at will the next moment, or the car ahead of you is going to explode in mid travel, or the truck behind you is carrying a dozen terrorists. India has gone to dogs! The world has gone to dogs!

Thats when a thought occured to me. Just extrapolating the events occurring now, in another 6 months, India goes to polls. If at around that time, if a war breaks out between the two nations (or the third world war with religion being the cause for it), then I am sure India will not have a leader. Congress ready to wash its hands of the dirty shit and with no polls and no one to take responsibility, it could be a disaster waiting to happen. This is the time when the world needs a revolution. India needs a revolution. A movement which is way bigger than any war for freeing India from its foreigners. A war for freedom, my freedom, your freedom, everyones freedom. I would want to go home at midnight on my bike with the secure thought that if I dont reach home safely tonight, it would only be because of my stupidity. I would not be under a drunken bus driver wheels, I would not be beaten up by 5 goons who do away with my bike my cellphone and my ATM cards and my gold chain. That’s the freedom I am asking for. To go out to a bar with my girl and have a drink without being scared about coming back in one piece. A freedom to go to a Road transport office and get my drivers licence done without being harassed. When I am old and retired and I want my Providant Fund money, I want to freedom to not worry about standing in a line ispite of my health condition a hundred times before I get less than half of what is due to me. The freedom to be a part of "Good India" of numerous cultures, languages and traditions, the Ram Rajya and not a part of corrupt, painful, bureaucratic, filthy "Bad India".

A revolution is all it needs.

Those were the days when news papers were just a dream and communication of the ideas of the "leaders" who emerged was the biggest issue. Today is the world of internet and cyberspace and we are in the edge of conquering the telecommunication sphere. The world has shrunk from a size 44 to a size 11. Everyone, even half way around the world is just a button press away. So sending the word out to the people is not a problem at all. So it’s a matter of a real man emerging and leading the movement towards "Good India". Would that leader emerge? Is that leader born yet?

These were the questions I found myself asking as I reached the gate of my building. I had reached home safely today. Tomorrow is a new fight altogether. The was locked from inside. I kinda feel all my neighbors in my building dislike me. Even tho I see to it that there is no loud music or late night parties at my place or smoking anywhere in and around the building, they seem to be very hostile towards me. I guess its the bachelor tag I carry with me. So I have to park my bike outside, jump the wall to get inside MY house and go to sleep. This is the freedom I am left with to enjoy!

Automagic!

One of the strangest things happened the other day. One of my “My firsts”. I was at home in the night with my car and bike both parked at work. For someone who detests using the cell phone, my car and my bike are the only outlets for me to have any contact with the outside world. There were my most preferred (read only) modes of transportation I have ever known in my life in Bangalore. Until Recently. Until recently I found the luxury of an auto.

The auto as its called here in Bangalore is, I have figured out recently is the best mode of transportation one can use for an inter city travel. Its safer than a bike, faster than a car, simpler than a bus and definitely not as "healthy" as the bicycle (but I some how find it very funny when I hear of friend's friend's friends using bycycles to commute to work, play etc .. I dont know why… its just way too funny...). And its kinda not as expensive as one assumes it to be (or atleast I assumed it to be). I kinda feel I am the king when I am sitting in the back of an auto. I tend to put on the "The chauffer driven busy person" look which the chauffer driven motherfuckers usually tend to have. And for once I dont feel pissed I am in a traffic jam. I am in a jam alright; but I am not the one shifting gears, honking horns or clutching the clutch. And most auto guys tend to put on a conversation if you are willing to talk. There again, a choice of entertainment. If required.

I am just coming off a pretty long trip to Vizag[took off from work for one week straight and went in search of my soul like everyone who go in search of their souls... not sure where to find it though]. This trip had me taking the help of public transport mostly(unless I was made to walk, swim or climb up and down treacherous terrain). The different thing about autos there is that they have this "shared" thingi going on. You can share auto rides. So usually you will in an auto with strangers. Its kinda unbelievable how many people can fit into an auto. I have, on record, been a part of an auto journey for nearly 25 kms with 10 adults and 2 kids in the auto from beach road to Bhimulipattanam. One hell of a ride. I loved it!

The other advantages of travelling in an auto:

• Smoking is a pleasure because you are not thinking about driving along with smoking and also the ventilation is best in an auto (I must make a point here in saying that smoking is injurious to health. I am just listing the advantages of an auto, not bad habits of people. And an auto almost always has a light to offer)
• In case of an accident, the crowd usually is on our side (Its amazing how the auto drivers group together when one of them is in trouble)
• You can never be caught for drunk driving( and its fuckin 2000 bucks if you get caught drunk driving fyi)
• Parking is never a concern
• Cell phone conversations are simpler.
• If one auto has mechanical trouble, there are hazaar others around.
• Most autos have pretty actress on their walls (which is good in a sidey way. The women have to cheer up… cos I have seen autos with men on the walls as well… these are the gay driven autos I think)

May be the traffic situation in Bangalore could improve if we introduced the concept of shared autos. Anyway I see school autos loaded with kids. Hundreds of them fitted like the soap counter in a departmental store. If we can all fit into once such auto everyday and commute, then metro rail can go kiss my ass!

But for now, its sad scene(almost teary… the other day it took me over an hour and a half to get from the end of MG to touch old madras road thro indranagar… an area I have lived 3 years in and know pretty well the in-roads) on account of the metro and my "The chauffer driven busy person" look thats in fashion these days.

Shankar annange jai!!

.. and they lived happily ever after

This happened about 25 years ago, on one rainy evening, which pretty much changed my life. I was over at Amit's for a party. I have never been a party person. I dislike crowds and detest loud music. But I was still there, to greet Amit on his 25th birthday. I had had my Chevas Regal, a peg too many and I was out in the balcony to get that "fresh air" in. Parties can be claustrophobic, or that was the explanation I gave to get some space. I just wanted to be away from the crowd, especially with that extra drink.


Its funny how life changing events occur in one’s life mostly when one has had that extra drink. I was looking at the street below, the to and fro motion of cars' lights in the rain which was kinda psychedelic in itself and I was lost in transportation I think when I heard a female voice, that sweet voice that I have never been able to forget till date. I fell in love with Deepti at that instant and it has never changed ever since.

My life changed after that evening. Not just mine, ours. Deepti and me have been together ever since. We had decided to get married, but we faced the usual issues. First it was my mom, who thought living together before marriage was outrageous. Once she was convinced that there was a wedding on the cards, it was her Chennai bred tam bram dad who disapproved me because of my caste. But as time passed we stopped caring for others and slowly everyone started caring less. That’s the best thing about time. As it passes, people get busy and start caring less. And we never really got married per say, but as romantics would put it, we were married in our hearts.

Life has been wonderful ever since that rainy evening tho. Every day, I come back from work to find Deepti waiting for me with a bright smile on her face, irrespective of the time I walk in. I give her a gist of whatever happened in office and she has the patience to listen to anything I have to tell her. It doesn’t matter if I am talking about office politics and how that ridiculous Mr.Khanna became the Vice President ahead of me, or if I talk about the reason for profit in our company is directly dependent on the labor laws in the US.

Sundays are the best. I make it a point to wake up early on Sundays to cook breakfast. Once I am done, I bring out the morning news paper, and over a cup of coffee, I read it out to Deepti, carefully avoiding the crime and accident sections. She never reads the news paper herself, and I suspect that she does that because she hates hearing about accidents or crime. When my mom visits, she says I need to have a more social life, but I am mighty content with the life I have with Deepti.

Deepti died in a car crash about a year after I met her. All that is left of her is that beautiful photograph on the wall, always smiling. But then, I don’t miss her, because she is always there for me. Always there, to greet me with a smile everyday I come back home.

Keeper in the park!

My devotion seems to be falling apart these days. I've hardly seen a 50 over cricket match live in ages. Life seems to be taking away too much of my time to give me my spiritual space. Hardly seen a live match, not even on TV. And they say Cricket is a religion and all here...

Yesterday, I happened to reach home right on time for a one day international. Pakistan v/s West Indies, Second innings, last few overs to be completed. The match was evenly poised. Pak needed some 90 odd of some 70 odd balls, 7 Wickets in hand. Khurram Manzoor and Salman Butt had given them a fair start. And for a change, I could see myself supporting Pakistan. After all they are neighbors, all the communalism apart.

Just as a thought, how can anyone be named butt? That too with the second T. Fuckin funny! School and college life would have been a torture for someone named Butt! Thank god our Butt knows to play cricket. :) Lucky basturd. I pity his brothers tho. Butt... with a double T. LOL.

The West Indies score card was a strange one too. Not just because of the funny names. Just that almost everyone is new in the team. Last I remember seeing them play cricket was the T20 world cup I guess. Damn! Life has taken over too much time! And I think I also saw a white West Indian too. Brendan Nash. I can’t believe that they have started making white people in West Indies. Wow! Thats something Ii didnt know! Other than the Taylor and the Baker, there is also this Sewnarine Chattergoon in their team. Chatter - Goon! What the fuck! Why would anyone do that to their son. Chatter - GOON! Dictionary.com has a stupid, foolish, or awkward person as an entry for Goon. A goon who chatters!! Why would anyone do that to their son?

Anyway, Pakistan happen to win the match. But I must add, WI stole defeat from the hands of the Pakis. Last over, 18 runs required to win and 2 wickets in hand. Kamaran Akmal played a gem. 2 6's and a four to finish off the game. A couple of wides which goes without saying, considering a WI bowler :P.

England series coming up :). Sidebottom will be on the score cards. :) Its happy days ahead :)

D, Have I told you I love you? D

One of those "pissed at work and got home early" nights. I was watching this movie called "An indecent proposal". Nice movie (read hot chick with hot scenes). Simple bollywood masala style movie. Architect guy with a hot wife. Rich romeo finds her hot and there is this "Indecent proposal". They have sex. She feels bad and comes back. Am sure my friend Mr.Karan will find it interesting. Kabhi tho kuch karenge kushimain... Its all about loving your money.. or something like that

So, this architect guy, David something is pretty passionate about work when he gets time off from keeping off Demi Moore’s body. That’s the only other angle to his character. Architecture! So in one of his scenes where he is not having sex, he is teaching some kids about architecture. So he picks up a brick and asks "What is this?". "A brick" comes the first reply. "A weapon" says this chinese looking guy(violent basturds I say!). So this David guy says...

"A Brick Wants to be something"... (You must be wondering what he meant. Actually, everyone in the class is also wondering. That’s when he says, "Every brick wants to be something" and shows photographs of the Taj Mahal and the Great Wall of China and the Pyramids and the like.

I began to wonder when Ill start getting as passionate about my job. And if I become as passionate as David is towards architecture, I probably will have to say "Every if-else condition wants to be something"

Oh we are mighty sad people - us software engineers. For us, everything eventually fits into a if-else condition or a for-loop or a while-loop or some shit like that. Everything. Even life.

Eg,

if(day == friday || day == saturday)
{
    drink till your balls pop out of your mouth
}

else()
{
    eat like a pig and sleep like a dog
}
or something like that. Very simple

As I was saying, if I were to be as passionate about work, ill probabally have to wonder what SOMETHING has become of my if-else conditions. May be its on the Yahoo messenger, or may be in the latest Windows vista, or may be on the client you are using to read this crap!

But I know for a fact that today, one of the if-else condition I created is pretty fucked. Production problem. Null pointer in my if condition they say.

Software job, Have I told you I love you??

No??

Cos I dont!!

Monday! Green!

Tuesday Morning. I am late. Again! With the arrival of winter, my days have begun to start a little later than usual. It’s like my biological clock has undergone an "automatic day light savings" like in the US. But they haven’t changed the time here have they? So I am late again. It’s not like I SHOULD NOT be late. No one cares when I come in to work. I guess. I hope at least. But then we have this application running in office which kinda logs the in and out times of the day. And this stupid application puts in a "Late mark" smiley next to the date next to your name if you come in after 11. It’s not a big deal I suppose. But it’s something on the lines of, in school, if your shoes weren’t polished, you would be thrown out of the line. It’s not like they would do anything about it. But still, it’s a black mark... you become a dark sheep if you kinda repeat it. Its like that... So I have late marks for 5 continuous days in a row!

I am late today cos yesterday was a fuckall day! A terrible day at work! I hate Mondays. Really really hate.! Of all the mornings I have had to face in life, Monday mornings have been the worst. I've hated Mondays in school, in college and now in my so called professional life. I am yet to come to terms with this concept of 7 day weeks. What kind of a number is Seven! Seven days make one week! My ass

If it were left to me, I would have had 5 day weeks. A 5 day week with two weekends sounds so perfect. Over all I agree that the average number of productive hours in a year would reduce with this system. But now, no one works on Fridays do they? Hardly! So that would probably average out. And 5 is such a nicer number. It’s a round figure. I agree 10 is a rounder figure. But 10 day weeks would be fuckall! And another interesting thing is 365 is perfectly divisible by 5. So 5 day week actually makes so much more sense. No leap year confusions also. (For the mathematically disabled, test of divisibility by 5 is that the number has to end with either 0 or 5)


Anyhoo... he he he... that’s a funny thing to say. Anyhoo.. ANYHOOOO... I kinda picked this up from a blog I hit upon recently. I have been blog hopping these days, and in a process of continuous self improvement, I am trying to pick up interesting things from all the interesting things I get to read. I must say, there are gizillons of people out there with profound creativity and internet at their finger tips. Its crazy the kind of shit one gets to read in the blog space. One bunch of insane psychotic bloggers out there!

Anyhoo, yesterday, ie, the Monday before today... I had a bad baad day at work. I have been sitting on this bug for 3 days now. And this fuckin bug is screwing my behind all the 3 days now. I HATE my job. I HATE being a software engineer. It’s not usual for me to have a bad day at work. I don’t usually have one. Thats cos I am fuckin smart! [And people talk about modesty and all. My ass! (lol.. I picked this "my ass" also from the same blog I mentioned. The same Anyhoo shit..)]. Anyhoo, bad day at work yesterday. Bug fucking me front and back. Who better to show frustration than the boss! I need a pseudo name for the boss. (pseudo name concept again borrowed from the same blog)... Motherfucker!*

I think all bosses, irrespective of the field of work, fit very well into the definition of Motherfucker! *. Any job, if you are the boss to someone, you surely are a Motherfucker! It’s sad I agree. But that’s life. Face it… Someone out there right now, sitting in a bar would probably going “That Mother Fucker is one son of a bitch I tell you!” and he is talking about YOU.

Fuck! I hate my job. And I hate that Motherfucker* at work! Only thing that is keeping me from suicide right now is this mathematically challenged friend of mine. I want to give her a pseudo name too. Something nice. I like her. For now, let’s call her "Best Friend"* for now. Ill think of something NICE as later.

Anyhoo, like I was saying, the only thing that’s keeping me from suicide is this "bestfriend"* person and one more thing. It would be fuckin insane to die after all the dreams I have had about life. In my dream I am always the HERO. A total studd boy! And its a wonderful dream my dream! I definitely don’t want to die. Not suicide at least. But why I talk about suicide you must be wondering. I heard of a friends friend who committed the sin when I was having a "post dinner drink" with the former (the one who told me the story). The later, (friends’ friend.) popped some sleeping pills and hung himself to the ceiling fan at home. Fuckin looser!! Love case it seems. Love case! My ass!

I agree relationships and love and career and jobs and parents and all that jazz are funny and depressing most times! But whatever is the case... Suicide is a farce! It doesn’t matter if it’s your drunk husband beating the shit out of you, or if your girlfriend ditched you for the looser that you are, or your gay teacher feels your willy every day during recess... or its that Motherfucker at work getting on your nerves. Relax! Its not the end of the world!

But bottom-line! I HATE my job.! Especially Mondays. They should fuckin have 5 day weeks!

Psycho - A review

Watching a movie on Friday evenings is the best way to kick start a week end. It just about puts a perfect end to the week and a makes the week end a more convincing one to spend. It’s like, in cricket, hitting a six of the first ball faced. This week it was Devadatta’s Psycho, a movie I had been waiting to watch for a loooong time.



The songs of Psycho I heard / have been listening to for over a year now. Raghu Dixit, who, I have been following since spotting him first singing a song about a girl from Mysore in Alliance Francis and at the Fire Flies Music festival of 2007 and I have become a fan of, has rendered the background score and the music for the movie. This is his debut in films. So I was already a fan of the movie which already made it one of the most awaited movies EVER. Having said that, I also hoped and prayed that the movie is not SO bad as to letting down the songs. Prayers seems to have been answered.



Devadatta had not revealed either the cast of the movie, the shooting of which started in the May of 2007. All that was revealed till the movie finally released for the “Rajyaotsava” of 2008 were the songs and a couple of trailers of UTube. The release itself was different, in the sense that I got to know about the release on the Friday, about 8 hours before I was in the theater watching the First Show!



The story is about Pavana (played by Anitha a newcomer), who is trying to fix her career as a TV anchor. Psycho (played by another newcomer, Dhanush), as the name suggests is a psychotic lover. He is obsessed with Anitha and stalks her and such. Most of the scenes are very naturally played and the excellent camera work, both in the songs as well as the movie makes simple scenes look very intense. Dhanush has done an excellent work playing a loner in love with Pavana. I personally liked the scene in which he picks up the flowers that fall off Pavana's locks and how he shivers when he picks it up. The setting of the movie is also excellent. The house of pyscho has been meticulously planned with lots of importance given to details. The background score needs more than a mention to the success of the movie. The best part is that the songs have been shot very well, not letting down Raghu's music.



Although Devadatta claims this is an original story, I feel that the characterization of Psycho is subtly based on Norman Bates in Alfred Hitchcock’s original with the same name. Similarity, in the lines of his split personality, and the reason for this disorder in him. But the nice part is that, that’s where the similarity ends. Just one scene, almost at the end of the movie where "Psycho" wears a sari and calls his lover out maps very well to the original.



I felt that the screen play and the dialogues could have been worked on a little bit more. Some of the dialogues are very very flat, sometimes bringing about unintended humor which spoilt the seriousness of the film. I also felt sometimes that some scenes are very long, hence felt the urge to either check my cell phone or pass a comment. But, overall, the subject matter has been dealt with amazingly well, that too for a Kannada film.



All in all, easily a 4 and a half out of 5 for Devadatta's Psycho with special mentions to Raghu Dixit for the music and Sandeep Kumar, the man behind the camera. This movie is definitely hitting my DVD collection. Now that I think about it, there aint much of a collection I have. So Psycho probably marks the beginning of my DVD collection. Pirated or otherwise!. But its a definite watch in theater. More than once for the music at least. If you need company, book a ticket for me and I’ll be there

A Family Blog

This is not an original piece. This has been plagiarized from a piece I read some time ago, the source of which is unmentionable. But having said that, its not an exact copy of what I read the other day, the source of which is unmentionable. This is just an adaptation so to say. Actually not even an adaptation. Lets just say its my interpretation of a piece I read some time ago, the source of which is unmentionable. To be precise, its just how much of the story I read, the source of which is unmentionable, I remember.



To be more fair to me, (The world seems to be so unfair these days that one at least has to be fair with oneself... Its like, in democracy, the best part is that you certain you at least get one vote, yours. If you don’t get either, then you really have to be a sore looser.)... as I was saying, to be fair to myself, the story I read, the source of which is unmentionable is in fact already an adaptation of a 1920s Hollywood flick which actually was already a "director's interpretation of a 11th century love story". So basically the following peice is an edited version of a piece I read, the source of which is unmentionable which is an adaptation of a 1920's Hollywood flick that was the director's interpretation of a 11th century love story.



Before I get on with the piece, an intelligent reader will be pleased to know that there are in fact multiple versions of this particular 11th century love story. And allegedly lot of present day Bollywood movies based on some of these versions. One author, Ustad Karam Fuckruddin of Pakistan, who claims to be the original descendent of the original writer of this story has in fact filed a petition in the Islamabad high court claiming copyright violation by movie makes of "Troy" stating that some scenes from the movie are exact replica of the works of his fore father. There was another interesting story in the papers of a Malayalam movie, starring one of their most famous "Shakeela" to star in a movie based on this story. An unknown but reliable source, having direct contact with the script writer for this movie swears that the movie contained 3 explicit sex scenes and Shakeela, had on being forced that the soul of the movie would be lost without them scenes, had agreed on complete nudity. More details exist about the script, for a movie that was not made at all.. but I shall refrain from getting into them. The reason being, I am on a campaign of trying to make my blog a "Family Blog", suitable for readers of all ages, irrespective of the species. So my version has all the sex scenes deleted.



So here is the edited version of a piece I read, the source of which is unmentionable which is an adaptation of a 1920's Hollywood flick that was the director's interpretation of a 11th century love story. Have tried to use the native language to preserve the intensity of the piece:





Ek tha raaja, ek tha raani.

Dono margaye Katham Kahani.

Lights!! Sound!!

Its difficult not to blog about Mysore every time I visit home. Especially if its a long week end i spend at home, i cant NOT write about mysore. Its such a cool place I say! The roads, the traffic, the greenery, the people, the time one has there is all so overwhelming. Mysore is heaven. Even if its Diwali.



Diwali is here! The festival I hate the most! It should be banned! If smoking can be, so can Diwali! I want justice mii laaaawwd!!



Its been over 10 years since I decided not to be lighting fireworks for the festival. Some “child labor” play thingi I did when I was in school inspired the "young" me not to. It was a fight for the first two years I admit. You know, as a kid its kinda difficult to keep away from fire works. But with time, I figured out a way to resist temptation of every kind. And child labor my foot!!



Its just the smell and smoke and the sound and light and the sense of surprise that is attached with the festival that I hate. You are riding by yourself. As a practice, to avoid the signals, you take the side roads, through residential localities. You are happy. Its festival time!! You have had an awesome lunch and sure are going to have an awesome dinner as well. So you slowly cruise to fourth. BANG!! an atom bomb goes off. "Mother Fucker!!" my mind shouts. This is the element of surprise I was talking about I hate so much!! Those bloody kids who planned this damn thing are having a hearty laugh as well. Thats why I hate kids. More importantly, thats why I hate Diwali!



Happy festival anyway. I hope to have a safe Diwali at home, mostly in my bed!





Keep away from trouble! Be safe! Eat, sleep, Enjoy!!!



Coming back from Mysore, the few minutes before I get into my car are the most painful. It feels like I am being killed and being taken to the scary place below the bowells of the earth where the evil men live! After a relatively quick drive from Mysore, the traffic JAM at 8 AM is quiet a turn off. But like they say, Fate does not a multiple choice question. Its a statment!

Sunaina

Good morning sweetheart" Sunaina said "Wake up, its 8".



"ummm... 5 more mins please... am very sleepy" grumbled Aditya. It had been 5 years since they had been married. But for the first time, he was lying about it. Lying about being sleepy that is; because he had hardly slept all night. He just could not close his eyes. Every time he had tried closing his eyes, events of the previous evening flashed before him. It was breath taking. She was.



The bright sun light came in and pierced his eyes as Sunaina undid the curtains.



"Aarghh!! My head hurts. Let the curtains be su" he cried.



"Its time you woke up Adi. Its 8 and you have to get to work. And why wont the head hurt if you drink so much" she said without heeding to his request, opened the windows and headed into the shower.



Aditya opened his eyes, rubbed them red and walked towards the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee. It was a bad hangover. As he looked back on yesterday, he felt guilty. It was a very usual thing for him to feel guilty after a bad drunk night. He had everytime, for over 8 years now, said the same thing the day after he got drunk. Promise the world he would never drink again. But today was different. He felt guilt alright. Of what had happened yesterday. Well, not quite what happened, because nothing had. Nothing quiet yet.



"Adi, could you please hand me my towel" cried Sunaina from the shower.



Ideally he would have retorted or may be even gone into the shower to embarrass her, but today he didn’t. He left his coffee cup on the TV, went to the bed room, handed her her towel, saw the pack of cigarettes next to his laptop. He picked it up, picked up the news paper and his coffee and headed to the balcony. As he sat down on the old cane chair in the balcony and lit his smoke, he thought back about what had happened yesterday. The memory was vague... but he felt guilty, even with the vague memory. “I should not have had that last drink” he heard himself saying. He should not have gone outside to attend Sunaina's call. Had he not, it would all have been the same. He knew he still loved Sunaina. How could he not? She was his blood and soul for the past 14 years, stood by him in his worst times. But it had all changed with that one extra drink and that one fateful phone call.



"Adi, there is hot water for you. If you are done with your newspaper, could you go to the shower honey? It’s late."



As he turned on the shower and the hot water hit his body, he felt grueling pain leaving his body. He knew how much Sunaina loved him. He loved her a lot too. And till yesterday, his love was not just a lot... it was pure and divine. That extra drink seemed to have ruined this love, or something like that, he was not too sure. It was not like he was cheating on her, at least not yet. But deep down inside he knew something had changed. He had to tell her. Breakfast was the perfect time he thought.



It was common practice between them that she helped him tie his tie every day. Today wasn’t any different, at least not for her. She came to the room, looked at his shirt and dug into the drawer to look for the matching tie. She picked up the grey blue one today. This was the one he had worn for their wedding reception at the Grand Ashok nearly 5 years ago. And Sunaina made it a point to pick that one up, at least once a week for the past 5 years as if to silently remind him of the bond they were in. He always never understood what her point was. Now he seemed to get it. He needed that reminder that he was married. Yesterday was a black mark in his love life. He had to tell her. He had to confess. He loved her.



"There you go" Su said. Then taking a few steps away from and looking at him from head to toe, she went on "Smart as usual" she said, moved closer to him, pecked him on his lips, said "I love you", and walked towards the kitchen to set the table for breakfast. This was painful. His guilt just increased a hundred fold. Of course she loved him. He loved her too. He thought of how Sunaina would react when he confessed. She would not like it. It would break her. But he had to tell her. He could not live knowing that Sunaina was kept in darkness.



He silently sat on the table reading his newspaper. He was more covering his face than reading it. He didn’t know or where to start but she deserved to know the truth. He brought down the news paper and looked at her. She was flicking the remote control and trying to eat her sandwich at the same time. Just as he looked at her, she looked at him and smiled, and put the strand of hair behind her ear. She always looked prettier when her curled hair fell over her forehead. The bright red bindi, subtle eye liner and lip stick made her look gorgeous, especially today in her white salvar suit he had bought for her for their anniversary last month. She had cried when he had gifted her the suit and the diamond ring she always wanted. She had said "I cant believe you love me so much" and had wept like a baby, hugging him tight.



"Sunaina" he called out, meekly. He never called her by her name since they had met in a NCC camp about 14 years ago.



"What happened adi?" she asked, turning off the telivision. He knew she knew something was wrong.



"I have to tell you something" he said, avoiding making eye contact.



"Whats it adi? Whats bothering you?" she said moving closer to him, kneeling down and resting her elbows on his thighs. She gripped his left hand tight. He could sense the sweat, but he was not sure if it was hers or his.



"Remember when you called yesterday night when I came out of the pub to talk to you?"



"Yes. What about it adi" she said. She sounded worried.



"Do you also remember I hung up suddenly and said I would call you back but I didn’t?"



"Clearly!" She stood up. The smile on her face had suddenly disappeared.



"Thats when I fell in love su... Again" he paused, waiting for her to react. She didn’t say a word.



He contintued. "That’s when I fell in love again su. You know I love you dearly. But this time I feel my love is stronger. I want you to know about this first. I have fallen in love with a Yamaha FZ16. Would you buy it for me?"

If it happens like this, then how?

Bangalore is a wonderful place. No doubts about it. I would never want to live in any other place other than Bangalore. Mysore may be. But Bangalore is perfect. Having said this, it’s also difficult not to mention the traffic of Bangalore. It sucks. Big time! No doubts about the fact that the traffic in Bangalore, especially when it rains, especially in the peak hours(now what hours are peak hours are again debatable but we shall leave that aside for now) sucks. On one such rainy afternoon, just as the traffic was growing in volume, I set out from Millers road (where, on the records I have a job, but off the records I get to use free high speed internet and get paid for it, by the hour) towards RangaShankara in J P Nagar. And strangely, inspite of the traffic, I reached my destination and secured a ticket, a good half an hour before I would be allowed inside. It is not often that I go watch plays by myself. I have a pretty decent social life. I just happen to be alone for this one. Thought I will, god having given me the chance, discover my creative self in the process. Anyway, half an hour early and nothing to do on a rainy evening (by now) and alone is sad. The waiting part of it. Especially when one is trying to quit smoking. That’s the problem with smoking. As a habit, it kinda fits in perfectly in ones life with respect to time. You had a long meeting and have tones of work to complete after - Smoke a cigarette. You are driving in traffic - smoke a cigarette. You are early to an appointment - smoke a cigarette. You are late - Some a cigarette anyway. It hardly takes 5 minutes. It so does not come in the way of anything else. More so, it fills up the gaps in one’s life. And when you are trying to quit and there is a gap of say half an hour in one’s life, such are the phases in life which are the real tests of character.



The half an hour gap not being disclosed to the reader, I entered a “house full” auditorium of RangaShankara. With the very very limited theater experience i have gained in my life time, I feel that the stage there is one of the best if not THE for performing an act. It is nice to see people flocked in to watch Theater. This is where the real talent exists. Full house for a play, especially a kannada one in the ”hip and happening” Bangalore is so cool. But the irony of the scene is that from where I was sitting, most of the heads i could see were shiny bald ones. From a decent glance at the whole crowd, I could , by the look of the eye, confidently say that I was close to being the 10th youngest in the crowd. Wonder where theater is heading in future if this is the kind of interest us youngsters(am pretty old I know, but 10th youngest in an audi that fits 500 is young enough) show in it. If it happens like this, then how? Heegadare hege???

But Heegadare hege was pretty good for now.




Heegadare hege is an adaptation of one of the short stories of well known writer T Sunandamma. Late T. Sunandamma, was a pioneer in her own right. She was the first woman writer in Kannada to establish herself in the genre of humour writing. She began with the landmark humour journal Koravanji in 1942 and went on to become a prolific writer across a range of magazines and periodicals. The odds against which she started her writing career — studying in a school in which she was the lone girl student (despite opposition from boys' parents who wanted her out when she stood first in class!), getting married into a conservative household at the age of 11 and so on — are inspirational tales.



Heegadare hege is a simple story about normal husband and wife. The story is about Mylarappa, a government servant by profession and Sarasamma (or sarasu as Mylarappa calls her with love or Saraswathi when he has transformed for a while into a very pro Kannada speaking government servant) who is a house wife. The story starts off with Sarasu, perfect house wife material, highly "movie" influenced waiting for her husband to return from work and take her out to a movie like he had promised in the morning, hoping that he does not take her to one of those mythological ones but to a modern one instead, like the one they saw last, which had 2 cabaret numbers and 4 songs in which the hero and heroine ran around 18 pine trees 18 times in each. As the play progresses, so do the characters. First, Mylarappa begins to learn Kannada as the government insists that all government documents and discussions be held in Kannada from November 1st and Kannada being made a compulsory language in convents and an official government language. Then a very nicely depicted retired husband phenomenon is shown as he drives away their cook and their domestic help and their gardener in the process of giving his wife rest and taking over house hold chores.



Then Sarasamma takes over the story as she first becomes a semi-popular woman writer who happens to go around places giving speeches to small audiences just to increase popularity. She also gets conned of the 20 rupees she earns from a writing to a news paper to a person who claims to be a popular movie writer. This makes her start exploring her spiritual side. The women in the area decide to meet once a week with the intent of having prayers sang to god. In weeks, it just turns into a mad house of house wives discussing husbands and recipes.



Most of the dialogues are inherently funny. The on stage performance was also amazing. Just two actors performing on stage. The male lead, Sundar, also a TV actor, took turns to perform other smaller roles like their cook and as the president of a "Gandhi something sangha" which invites Sarasamma to deliver a speech on the occasion of the death of a popular lady in the locality. The funniest one i thought was when Mylarappa is looking at the pictures of his daughter Kamala, who is in Pune to realize her dream of becoming a better actress like Simi and Rimi and hence has changed her name to Kimi. As he looks at the pictures he says, "Alla kane sarasu, dodda actress aagbeku antha nam kammu kimmi agid sari, but batte yaake kammi agide?".



I am just a critic and hence believe that the change of scenes and entry exits could have been handled better. Lighting was excellent, reducing the negative impact the change of scenes had on the audeince. A special mention for the lighting of the TV effect as the couple sit and watch a family game show and dream of winning a crore. I also felt that the play heavily relied on music and background score which i am personally not a fan of. All in all a 3.78 out of 5 for Heegadare hege with awards such as Best actor in multiple roles and best lighting.

A Love letter

Hi Tejas,

It must be very surprising for you to get an email from a stranger. I just thought I would go ahead, fight my inhibitions and write out an email to you. I don’t want to sound desperate in this email. Just read it, and if you don’t like the idea, just ignore it. Even a reply is not required.

You must be wondering by now as to why a celebrity like me who is usually busy with tons of other things to deal with write an email out to a stranger like you. You might also wonder how and why I got hold of your email address in the first place. Let’s just say you are not a stranger to me. You will be surprised if you got to know how much information I have about you. Its another story as to why and how I have tracked you as much. The point I am trying to make is, I even know the direction you face in the morning when you take a leak or which brand of tooth paste you use to brush your teeth or even know that you used to throw filth into your neighbor’s house every day, not because you didn’t could not throw it anywhere else but just because his kid used to cry in the nights. You are not a stranger Tejas. I have stalked you; for five years now. People call it love. So let’s just say, I love you.

I am going to suggest something that might not just take you by surprise, but fill you with hate and disgust. I am not asking you to go ahead with my proposal. No where down the line am I suggesting that you are gay either. I know for a fact, from the information I have collected, I know that you don’t show any signs of homosexuality either. I know you are "As straight as an arrow". I am just putting forward an idea which I think you should evaluate and then decide on how to go about it. I am always going to be around to help you out with it.

Don’t get carried away by the words used. "Gay", "Homosexual" just sound very strange and disgusting. I am sure they are words of the future, or let’s say the Western culture.

Let us, for a start, look at the drive for a relationship. The whole point of a relationship or perhaps even marriage is companionship. The idea is to live with someone for the rest of your life, or say live together as long as it lasts. When I say live with, it does not mean your life ends there. Just that this "companion" fits into your life. I am merely suggesting that you be MY companion. At least give it a thought. Ill try to highlight the advantages you would have by living with me as opposed to going on, falling in love with a girl and spending the rest of your life together, in pain and happiness, till death does you guys apart.

> I would not be jealous one tiny bit if you spoke to other men. Men will be men ;) and I would not be extra cautious and try to see that you are true only to me.

> If the bed is not made, so what!

> It really doesn’t matter how you look when we go grab a cup of coffee. Your shorts and bathroom chappals are good enough.

> You would not have to leave the toilet seat down every time you get out of the loo

> You would not have to lock yourself up in the loo every time you have to take a leak

> I will totally understand if you are stuck at work. You would not have to reason out more.

> You definitely don’t have to lie to me about your whereabouts. Anywhere you go is absolutely cool

> On any given day and given time, you can call me with a flat tyre and at least expect help on the way instead of extra worries and tensions which would, under normal cicumstances happen

> There would not be an occasion when I would become pregnant, show mood swings or walk around the house eating everything in sight

> You can get totally drunk and not worry about what you are going to say.

> I would not be nagging about your driving every time you hit a hump or jump a signal

> Your smoke cant make my hair stink

> Its ok to stare.

> The sex may not seem as much fun, but trust me, its great

> You would not have to worry about safe sex or condoms


I can go on and on with the list but I choose to end thus. Please don’t take this in humor. I am really crazy about you. I know that sounds very weird if you heard another man say that to you. But things will change, trust me and then it will just be normal. Give the whole thing a thought and let me know how you feel about it. I am very sorry if this has humiliated you in anyway but the feelings are real. If you want to talk about it, that also is cool. I could call you anytime of your choice ( I know your number of course :-* ) or if you want to meet in person, I could fly down any day to meet you. Irrespective of what happens, I will still continue to love you but also promise you that I would never ever interfere with your life if things were to go sour. Please respond.

Awaiting eagerly (read desperately)

In anticipation

LOve


Karan Johar

INTERNET-TED!

Mission Statement:

We are an organization that is focusing on the ill effects of internet on personal lives of people and how internet stunts the growth and development of individuals into normal human beings. In the years to come, we as a group will get on to the streets spreading awareness of the ill effects of the internet and how internet is affecting a culturally strong country like India and in fact the rest of the world.

We are an organization are primarily focusing on the ill effects of money transactions and email/chat conversations over the internet. That is our primary objective and we are pitching ourselves with these two goals as priority in our overall disregard for internet.

We firmly beleive that humans are social beings and the lone difference between us and the rest of the living world is that we can, not just communicate and communicate effectively. With the advent of the internet, emails, chat clients, social networking websites and such, the whole way we communicate has changed. Gone are the days when you would go say hi to a friend across the table. One prefers to sent out send out a BUZZ!. One prefers to send out an e card wishing ones mum for mother’s day these days. Send out E flowers to their girlfriends and wives. We have become so bloody internet-ted that one wishes to express mood through ones status messages on chat clients. These forms of communication not only results in screwing up the normal development of the human brain, but also ends up making each one of a social misfit. A typical human, living in such conditions for a few years will hence not be able to respond to normal social occasions on a personal front. He/She will always look for a wrapper of the internet that they have always used to expose themselves to the outside world. A Second life some prefer to call it!!! This is wrong in the sense that the internet has deprived us humans of a quality of normal social behavior. We strongly oppose that.

Another thing that we as an organization are against is the use of internet to make financial transactions. These days, every transaction happens over the internet. Be it paying for a movie ticket which costs to a few hundred bucks, or be it transferring a few thousands to a friend in need, or be it a transaction of lakhs to pay the fees for some educational institution, every transaction happens over the internet. This no doubt increases the ease with which things happen, but the whole point of money, the efforts involved in earning it, and the pleasure involved in spending it is lost. Just think about it, has anyone of us seen a lakh of rupees in cash? Do we know the kind of feeling that so much non virtual money would generate? A feeling of happiness, richness, passion, fear and all that is much beyond the scope of imagination for most of us. All this thanks to internet. We strongly oppose this.

We are still a very small organization. As things stand we are just two of us involved. One is a not so famous celebrity with a few movies to his/her/its credit. Most of them movies are R rated though. He/She/It does not want to be mentioned as this organization grows, because he/she/it is a very modest individual and does not want his/her/its celebrity hood to come in the way of the growth of this organization. Another is me, a software engineer still trying to accept the goals and mission of our organization. We are looking for support in any form, people, ideas, cash, kind etc.

For more details please email the author
In case you intend to financially support us, please e transfer your funds to the account number: 1379017

Never judge a book by its cover

Evolution, if that is how everything works, went on well till about the time India got independence. After that, the population increased at such a rate that even evolution lost it. And suddenly, round about the time of the turn of the 20th century, a new breed called the "Software engineers" needed to be evolved. So now, here we are, sharing space with this new breed of randomly evolved species - The Software engineers from India.

Its funny if you look at the way this breed of humans dress. In that sense, they can be classified into different groups, just based on their dressing styles.

The Indian male, or shall I say an average Indian(this, in an attempt to be NON sexist) is least concerned about how he/she looks. Disgusting man boobs and a pot belly which is the common sight among them apart, we as Indians manage to fill up fat into ever corners of our bodies. Fat in the face, fat in the cheeks, fat in the neck, fat in every corner of the trunk, fat behind the shins, fat behind the biceps, fat fat everywhere. To add to the drama, the "Software engineers from India" have a dressing style that needs review and discussion.

There are these obvious old timers who seem to be in a state of shock with all the change in the socio economic structure of India. The don’t seem to get past a pair of formal trousers and amazingly well pressed but full cuffed shirts without any hint of a color scheme. Black or navy blue seems the obvious choice for this generation for trousers and white based striped full cuffed shirts or checkered shirts crying out loud saying "I don’t belong here. There seems to be a time warp I am stuck in"

Then of course there are the youngsters. They fall into either of the following two major subdivisions. One, the ones who are not born to write code and/or have suicidal tendencies and/or have totally lost it in life and/or have no interest what so ever in what they wear. They just wear what they can find(or at least claim to do so). These are worse then the old timers. These know that they are having an obvious color mismatch in their clothes but they believe that this way they are making out a point. "I don’t care. Piss off!". Then there are these walking billboards. So strange how software has ruined lives of us meager mortals. A pair of jeans costs 3 mother fuckin grand; For a torn mother fuckin pair! And they are willing to pay whopping amounts just cos it has a oh so cuuoooool "Levis" or a "Lee" tag on it. Reebok shoes, Adidas shirt, Ray ban shades, Nike cap, Tag watch, Puma wrist band you name the brand, they would have worn it. Am sure they wear those weird looking mighty expensive undergarments as well. So much for globalization!

Some of these young software engineers fall into the "self proclaimed intellects" catagory. I feel they think the rule the world. They have these "what they think is wacky" t-shirts with slogans. Pathetic ones. Things like "I work for money, if you want loyalty, buy a dog" or even more nerdy ones such as "Dont blame me, its a hardware problem". They are either the nerds who had a oh so forgetful college life, or they are the real Losers(with the capital L), who don’t know what the hell they are doing on this earth, spending money drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, hanging out at the malls and such.

The best of the lot are the in-between software engineers as I like to call them. Not in-between sexually of course... they are the unfortunate set who are neither the old timers nor the youngsters. They have a style which I term as "The project manager" style. Oh god! Fridays are the worst for the "Project manager" type people. A branded jeans, a full cuffed formal shirt and a well polished formal leather shoes. A disgusting sight! Its either that or a Raymond formal black trouser, a red crocodile collared T and a white, almost brand new sparkling white Nike sneakers... add to it a wel kempt hair(of whatever remaining as most of them have a receding/receded hairline) and a couple of pens in the breast pocket - a circus waiting to kick off.

Women software engineers are fewer in number and hence fewer in type as well. Broadly, they can be classified into

1. The slutty ones (who are about 6 7 percent of the women software engineer population)
2. The truly beautiful/cute ones who you can’t do anything but fall in love with (who are very few.. and far between)
3. The ones who are neither sluts, nor goddesses.
[Rest of the discussion on women has been edited one because the women's bill has been passed and second, the author fears his life as he has been getting threat calls from random women threatening to kill him with utensils. Inconvenience is regretted]

Indian Premier League! A vote of thanks!

IPL has been a wonderful success. "Pat on the back" to Lalit Modi and his team. Kudos too Rajasthan Royals!! Or shall I say "O Hallla boooolllll!!! "

On this memorable occasion, I am obliged to thank a few of them who have made this occasion a grand success. Here we go... Bullet points... Applause!!! Applause!!! Applause!!!

* I firstly would like to thank the IPL governing body for making this event a grand success. Its sad that its over cos every day when I get back home, I have nothing to watch on TV; when I get to work, we have nothing to discuss in coffee/lunch breaks. Just makes life that much more difficult.

* Thanks Tanvir, Marsh, Ghambir, Chawla, Warne, Zaheer, Yousuf, Irfan, Goni, Jayasurya, Watson et all.. amazing performance... Encore!!

* Thank you Vijay Mallya for all the Red Sox chicks... Without them, the whole IPL story would have been a lil less hot. Even you honey, the black one who thought we racially abused you!

* Thank you Shane Warne, for proving that you are never too old to lead and win!!!

* Thanks Rahul Dravid for at least saving grace and playing some good innings. But dude, you are done. Retire before ruining what you have achieved in the past few years.

* The Bangalore Royal Challengers were placed second in the "Fair play award" category. So RC can go with a campaign statement which says "Even if we don’t win, it does not matter. We don’t cheat"

* Thank you Harbajan for involving Symonds' mom in the IPL. I guess that was a well thought strategy. Thank you once again for slapping Srishanth. I guess he deserved it

* Thank you IPL officials for realizing that the world has had enough of Harbhajan

* Thank you Shah Rukh Khan for trying to steal the stardom. Thank god you realized that its cricket and not bollywood. Your time will come too. Like they say, every dog has its day. What say Aamir?

* Thank you Preity for being present every time your team played. Thank you for supporting them, though they were not worth all your efforts.

* Thank you IPL for letting India know that Yuvi can never be a good captain. Thank god for that!

* Thanks once again to Mallya for all the pretty chicks. Katrina was hot irrespective of our loss. So was Ramya... (so funny to see her pant her jeans off after a run around chinnaswami :P)

* Billy: You were at your entertaining best. Way to go!

* Thank god its all over, and no(no would be an understatement... lets say at least not cos of cricket) traffic jams to hassle people

* Thanks Set Max for live coverage of the matches. The hosts were irritating, so were the ads. Please see that at least next time, there are better/different/lesser number of ads/ad breaks (barring the Vodafone ads of course :) )

* Thanks Soheb for playing that one good match. I guess everyone (am sure even you) has had enough of you.

* Yo! Shivamani!! You are good but you suck on the field man. Stick to your drums in your studio. Please

* Last but not the least, the commentary team: Interesting! Different and interesting!! Not good. Just interesting.

Kannadam Kastoori allave!!!!

Chapter II: Bengalooru

Yeno elections anthappa nam bengalooralli... 10 ne taarik anthe... A soole makklu politicians e sarthi aadru ond channagiro government baralappa vidhana saudha dalli... ad yen maadtaaro, nataka madakku time saltailla a boli makkalge... aadru namgalge ad yen vetyasa agatto gottilla bidrappa... a ond dinad raja bittu.... yaar band yen madakke agatte bidi... a traffic nodbittandre anthu nakkan yakappa beku ansbidatte... police avaru dinakka ond ond road na ista bandange one way maadtaare, no entry maadtaare, two way maadtaare, agitaare, fly over antha round keytaare.... nam bangalore police avarastu karab nan makkalu illa..... kett maath aadbaardu paapa... yellaru onde tara iralla... aadru... but most of them... bloDDy lofars....

Alla kanri... monne yen aytu gotta.... zamaana aadmele bike alli beat haakta idde ratri li.... yeno nam bengalooralli, iddiddralli ratrihottu beat hakakke channagiratte... paapa jana yellaru begne mane serbidtaare... road galu khaali hodita iratte... so, yen helta idde andre... ond 12 gante mele agittu... juuiiiiii antha barta idde... RX gottalla... sakast ujjaadta idde... sudden agi a shivananada circle hattra vobba mama nilisda.... full traffic stop maad da... ond hatt nimsha kaysda... yellaru kaadru... ond 100 gaadigalu assemble agittu kanri circle alli... kaadvi kaadvi... yake nilsidaane antha gottaaglilla... election time allva... yaaro vip banda... hoda.... a vip car hogidtakshana nam police mama sink kanri... horte bitta... avan paadge... fone alli maathaadkondu.... yalla kade inda nu gaadigalu hortvu... major traffic jam... imagine madi... ratri hechu kammi ond gante li... adu yaarinda agiddu?? police and politicians... adene democracy for the people by the people of the people antharallapa... seems that the people who really matter are the fucking basturds we elect... alla ri, government avarge rules e illva? a bmtc avaranthu ista bandhange leftu rightu, backu, frontu bartaarappa... bmtc pakkadalli gaadi vodsakke meter off agatte bengalooralli... and police avaru... vobba nu helmet hakalla kanri... naavgalyenaadru helmet tegdre saaku, 300 rupai keytaare soole makkalu... so much for democracy....

Bidrappa.... monne M G road kade nu beat haakde kanri... bike alli idde alla... traffic iddru deal agogatte and hengidru ratri hottu traffic iralla, nam Gandi tatha hengidaaro nodkondbarona antha hode... raktha kanneerin kathe ri nam M G road du.... boli makklu... ardha dalli kuydbittidaare kan ri... yaaraadru bere oorinda bandavarge nam M G road thorsbittre tupik! antha mukhadhmele definet agi ugitaare... Adyen metro baratto naanu nodle beku antha decide maadbitideeni...

Adar mele ad yest cool agi ide antheera nam bengalooru.... A ha!! 35 kelage bande illveneo.... yavttu bevetavanalla kanri naanu... heavvy cool manushya naanu... eega yenadru office bittu horge hode ankoli, nakkan yest bever baratte andre... shiva shiva... Eegenadru airport ge hogbeku andbittre imagine maadkoli.... moore moor ganthe anthe kanrappa allithanka hogakke.... aste aste... snana mado agatya ne illa... sumne koothkondbittre taxi alli mugeethu kathe... hogo asthottge snana yen bidi... hechu kammi kabab roast geast agogteevi a vimana hidiyosthottge....

Namgal naseeb e channagilla bidrappa... adyeno heltaralla... "Jab naseeb hi gaand mara ho tho kudha kya karega" antha... Bangalore Royal Challengers ad yen sundarvagi aadidrappa aa opening match IPL na.... line line agi nilsi shoot maadbeku kanri... nakkan naane channagaadtidneno pa.... gaandu gal thara aadidru.... alli ri.... yaaraadru dravid matte jaffar na opening kalsdtaaryenri... adu T20 alli... adu nakkan 200 mele chase maadbekdaadre... yen test match ketthoyte IPLu.... yaako nandu bhayanaka droha mado scene gal kaanta ide... Calcutta Knight Riders ge shift agona antha ideeni... in ond yerd moor match nodteeni... swalpa channag aadrappa... please kanrappa....

Shaurya - A review!!

"Son, we live in a world that has walls and those walls have to be guarded by men with gun. Who’s going to do it? You Kaffie? ...."

Shaurya is clearly an adaption of the classic Few Good Men, and a pathetic one at that. I just happened to waste a Friday afternoon, skipping work hoping to see an amazing movie. The hopes were pretty high. And why not? They said it was an adaptation of one of the best movies I had ever seen. The star cast just made me all the more curious to check out the movie. Rahul Bose and Kay Kay Memon, arguabally the most talented actors of my time. Javed Jaffery and the hot Minnisha Lamba to add to the excitment. All in all a total disappointment.
Kay Kay does a so so Cl.Jessep but Bose does a miserable Kaffie. The story line, like the original revolves around the killing of one army officer by another. "Code Red" from the original has been turned into a cheap religeous link. Captain Javeed Khan kills his superior officer Cl.Rathod because Rathod talks ill of Islam and the Muslims and tries to kill an innocent 6 year old girl. The aloof Sid(Bose), realizes that he has more to life then to enjoy an outing in Kashmir, thanks to a young journalist who happens to be Sid’s cousin. Just like the original, Sid decides to put Brigadier Pratap(Kay Kay) on the stand. The final court room scene comes out more as a comedy more than anything else. The dialogues lack any sense of maturity. The family touch introducing the victim’s mother and the accused’s wife just makes you cry more. Just what the director intended??
The worst part about the movie is how strikingly similar this one is as compared to the original but how terribly disgusting director Samar Khan has made of totally classic scenes of the original. I can go on and on about how disgusting this copy is, more so because of the kind of fan i am of Few good men. However, it’s worth mentioning that brigadier Pratap is even given a cigar to bring in the character of Cl. Nathen R Jesseup but unfortunately censor board of India does not allow smoking on screen do they? If you don’t light a cigar, why the fuck do you have it in hand? Shag?
Final verdict: A total disaster. If you have not watched Few Good Men already, might as well skip shaurya cos you won’t understand a thing. If you have already watched Few Good Men, please skip this one.

The W700i

The Sony Ericson W700i comes in two colours. A jazzy white with a flashy orange border and keys and a more mellowed down Titanium Gold(as they call it) with chrome keys. Like all Sony phones, this too has a very comfortable and well animated UI unlike the Nokia or the Motorola ones in the same range and a very simple phone to use. The screen is pretty big for its time with amazing clarity. It is a walkman phone, and there are no complaints about the performance of the music on this phone either.

This phone comes with a standard 256 MB memory card. I had it upgraded the memory to 1GB which was the only expenditure I had incurred in the almost 2 years of using my W700i. No complaints what so ever. However there are a couple of places where a few things could be worked on.

I have always been a fan of joystick phones. Its a matter of whether you like it or not. I just happen to be one of the "I like joystick" person. Till about the last few days of my usage, the joystick also performed pretty well as opposed to the reviews I had got about it. The great thing about the joystick on Sony phones is that the joystick performs very well with very well defined movements unlike say a Nokia joystick phone where you always have to HOPE that it functions the way you want it to.

The 2 mega pixel camera on this phone is fantastic. The advantage with this phone in terms of photography is that the camera comes with a zoom facility. Also with the moving camera, the zoom facility holds good and there is no fixed length of the file. The best part of the camera on this phone is the flash which is very very bright which can be doubled as a torch as well. Comes in very handy ;)

The games on this phone are also pretty interesting. "Qudra-pop", a Tetris based game is very well designed and perfect to play when whilst whiling away time in a bus/train journey. My top score on that was 876670 :). The battery backup is pretty good too. It once survived for 4 days straight without giving up. Over all 9 on 10 for battery backup.

Here are My Ratings for the phone:

Looks: 6 on 10 (Sony has made better looking phones. The white one is better looking)
Usability: 8.5 on 10 (For non joystick preferring people, go for the W810i which is almost similar)
User Interface: 9 on 10
Java apps: 7 on 10
Walkman: 9 on 10
Camera: 8 on 10

Overall: 8 on 10

There are a few places where the phone could have done better. Since its a walkman phone, there could have been better controls for music in the hands free. Also the plug and play button is kinda delicate which makes the music play even when unintended. A very good buy for people who are trying to get used to a joystick phone. I had brilliant 2 years and a whole lot of memories with mine.

Pooja

"Why are you angry pooja?" I asked in a very low, squeaky voice. The voice was low and squeaky more because it had been about 15 mins since she had gotten into the car and we had hardly spoken. Suddenly, saying one complete sentence resulted in that low squeaky tone.

"I am not angry" she retorted, not taking her eyes off the road which was flooded with cars and bikes and people.

"Why aren't you even looking at me?"

"Just leave me alone for a while. I don’t feel like talking now"

As I drove on in the thick traffic and the treacherous rain, I glanced at her. Pooja. She looked divine. I could see the spark in her eyes as the blinding headlights from ahead flashed into my car. I could see that her hair was kinda wet as she was trying to wipe away the trickling drops of rain off her cheeks and her neck. The piercing on her nose made her look amazingly hot as opposed to seductively cheap which usually a nose ring does to a woman. The cutest part was her foot wear. It was one of those semi high healed slip-ons with a cute flower on each.

"Kuch khaogi?" I said in my broken Hindi.

"Your hindi sounds pathetic" she said

"I am sorry. Do you want to get something to eat?" I said, sheeply

"Its close to midnight. What do you mean get something to eat?" she replied angrily

"What are you pissed for?" I shouted. I was getting irritated with this kind of behavior. Never before had anyone spoken to me like this.

"Ill be alright. Give me some time... I feel like drinking coffee" she said after a pause

"At this hour? Don’t you want to go home?"

"We will go home if you want to go home. Can we have coffee there?"

"No"

"Ok"

There was another long space of silence inside the car. Just the stereo playing Clapton.

... she puts on her makeup,
and brushes her long long hair
and then she asks me,
do I look alright?
And I say darling,
you look Wonderful tonight...

The silence was too penetrating. The rain had died down and so had the traffic. It was just the cool wind that was gushing into the half rolled windows. I HAD to break the silence. I HAD to say something.

"I know a place where we get coffee at this hour" I said, again in that squeaky voice of mine

"I thought you wanted to go home" she said

".. and I thought you wanted a coffee"

"I would love it" she said with a hint of a smile, her first of that evening

"Its about a couple of hours drive but I am sure you will get coffee there"

"Are you sure? Don’t you want to get home?" she asked

"Its coffee you want, coffee you will get"

I turned around and directed the the car to head towards the coffee shop that was a few miles outside city limits wondering if there would be another innings of silence. It was quiet cold now and we could see the moon on the left corner of the wind shield. As I put the car on overdrive the silence was broken. This time it was the sweet voice of pooja

"Can I borrow a smoke?"

"Sure" I said trying to fish the pack from my jeans pocket

"You drive very fast" she said as she she took a drag , “I like it"

That did it. I don’t seem to remember how the next 2 something hours passed as we headed to the coffee place. It was one of the best conversations I have ever had. She asked me about me, my parents, my work, my friends everything. She wanted to know everything. It really didn’t matter to her that I was either saying half truth or lying entirely. She seemed genuinely interested in knowing about me. After our coffee, we took a small walk on the high way. She held on to my arm as the cool wind blew at us. We smoked a couple of cigarettes. She spoke about her. The caffeine seemed to have woken up a monster in her. She spoke of the moon. She told me a hundred stories of her childhood and how she and her sisters and her brothers used to irritate their mother and how her father would come home drunk and beat the boys and how she ran away from her home with just a bag containing a pair of clothes and a few rotis her mother had made for the trip and how she missed her family. I am not sure but I guess I caught her with a tear in her eye. When I enquired, she just warded it off by saying that it was getting too cold and we better head to the car.

The drive back was even better. There was silence this time too. But this time it was different. She held on to my hand as I drove back. In a while I could see that she was fast asleep, like a baby, her hands tightly clasping mine. She looked adorable. We had almost reached the outskirts of the city and the day seemed to be breaking as well. The moon was long gone. In a few minutes, the sun would be shining bright on this part of earth.

She woke up suddenly as the breaks screeched. I had just avoided banging into a paper boy. "That was close" I thought as my eyes were blood shot with lack of sleep. I put my head out of the window and showered a few abuses. She was in a state of shock. She didn’t find it strange that she was holding on to my hand. I didn’t find it odd too. She found it odd that she was still in the car with me

"Where are we?" she asked sleepily

"We are almost back pooja"

"Oh! My God! Its late. I better be heading back" she said looking at her mobile phone

"Ill drop you back. Where shall I drop you off?" I offered

"Are you sure?" she said slowly but consciously taking her hands away from mine

"Yup sure. Where do you want me to.."

"Near any auto would be fine thank you"

"Are you sure?" I said

"Yes. The first one you can find"

"Fine" I said partly with shock and partly with anger. I thought the evening had gone perfectly fine. Things were just perfect. We had had a great time together. We had talked. And talked. And talked. And talked more. And now, suddenly she wanted to get out of the car and away from me. To this day I don’t know why she did that. I have never met her since. I hardly remember her face now.

"There is an auto" I had said

"Thank you" she said without even looking at me

"Here!" I said pulling out 6 fresh 500 rupee notes out of my wallet, "This is for you. I have already paid your boss."

"I cant take this" she said, this time looking into my eyes. "I didn’t do anything"

"That’s alright. I had a wonderful time" I said smiling.

There was another few seconds of silence. This time it seemed the longest. Then she kissed me gently, got off and closed the door behind her

"I thought this was not in the deal" I shouted as she crossed the almost empty road towards an auto. "No kissing on the lips is the only rule I was supposed to follow. Thats what your boss said"

"Good bye" she said, smiling and waving at me

Kids

There is this popular line which is used by a lot of men in a lot of movies "I like kids. Other people's kids". I am of the opinion that I like kids as long as there is a clear 30 meters distance between me and the kid, or at least there is a solid, sound proof, bullet proof wall between us.

A movie theater is one place where I don’t just hate kids. I DREAD them. I think all my hatred towards kids has its roots in one of the hazaar multiplexes of Bangalore.
There are two kinds of kids and two kinds of people in multiplexes.
One set of kids are the ones who don’t have a fuckin idea what is happening on screen. Either they are too young to know or they are too spoilt to give their brain a chance. They just make noise. Loud noise. Cry. Shout. Pee. Crap. Stink. Spill pop corn. Spill coke. Get lost. Loose their cap. Loose their clothes. Loose their sanity. These kids are the ones who come with useless parents which brings us to the first kind of parents. The useless ones. They have no idea what to do with their kids. They are just blessed with highly irritating kids and very low children management skills. They just let the kids be. They like the millions others around are hoping that the kid bloody shuts up and wishing they had used protection. 1The other set are the intelligent ones. The ones whose parents think are going to make it to NASA when they grow old. Its like a fuckin quiz happening in the theater.

Confused Kid: Daddy what is dyslexia?
Father of the Unfortunate Confused Kid: Its a disease sonny. It a mental disorder
CK: Whats a mental disorder?
FUCK: Some people are born with some problem in their brain ...... (On and on about it)


FUCK: Who’s that? (Pointing to the screen)
CK: KAREENA KAPOOR
FUCK: Very good. And whose that?
CK: Thats Saif... Kareena's boyfriend. He has a divorced wife and a son like me
FUCK: Excellent!! (turning to MUCK) Sonny is a very fast learner. He knows everything


Its time people realize that a movie hall is not a place where kids can have their evening out. They need a play ground with fresh air. More importantly, its high time people realize that movies are not a place where kids can gain knowledge. There is not one useful piece of shit that out movies have to offer kids. So keep them away from movies. Make them useful. Make them loveable.

COCK Roaches

Disclosure: Dear Abhishek, Divya, Sunil, Nitin, and Jayashree, Merin the chick with the wierd name, Kishore and the rest of the gang whose name I have not mentioned: You guys are really great and have been great friends in my life and this is nothing to do with you guys. I hope we can remain friends after you guys read this.

It is said that the most important reason why the world might come to an end is a nuclear holocaust. It is also said that cockroaches are the only species on planet earth who will survive such a disaster. Cockroaches are also known for their survival in regions under any/all climatic conditions and/or any/all vegetation causing almost no harm to the surroundings. Just survive and lead on.

That is what I find similar about you people. Please note that this has nothing to do with your life style. Its just what you are. You seem to come over to any part of the country, any part of the world and survive just as comfortably as the locals. Manage, not just to survive on but to form a very nice and comfortable surroundings for your selves.

The best part about you is that you guys kinda join in with the crowd and make fun of yourselves. I feel your community is not just made fun of, but you guys are loved well and truly by one and all. Your "chai" is as sweet as each and every one of you. And each and every one of you are as funny as any one of you. You seem to pick up every language up pretty well, but with lots of pain. You sound pathetic if you speak any other tongue my friends. Some of you kinda shock me sometimes by giving out a perfectly perfect English. But sorry ladies and gentlemen, you kinda give yourselves away with your pronunciation of a few words. "Uncle", "Welcome" etc are enough dudes, to reveal yoru identity. Its so funny how you say it. So fuckin funny!!

Your language guys! I can go on and on about it. I am sure everyone feels odd and wierd listening to some one else's local tongue. But yours guys, is the ultimate. Of all the two years I managed to survive in your land, most of the time I heard your language and most of the time, my brain would be exploding with laughter. Every word you utter seems to be a swear word in atleast one of the other languages I know. And the amazing script you have that goes with your tongue just makes it all the more funny.

Woah!! The food!! I believe that each and every one of you lives a perfect life, if life is about enjoying 3 proper meals per day. I can imagine eating a hearty meal consisting of meat and non meat once a day. But I really cant fathom how you guys manage to eat so much and so much meat especially for breakfast. I submit to your stomachs. God bless your drainage system.

Another amazing thing about you guys is the profound sexuality you guys portray. Most of you are good looking in some sense of the other. But the kind of dresses you wear, both the men and women are so vulgar. Colorful and vulgar. Especially the men with the hairy thighs showing and all that. Tremendous libido you people portray. The funniest thing i ever heard about you guys was a comment from a friend of mine. Remember, he is semi your types, meaning his mother's parents are from your land. He says and i quote "These people are so confused with their sexuality that every one of them is by-sexual till they reach the age of 26"

There are way too many things that I can make fun of you guys -

Your movies, (I cant beleive that you guys cant beleive that the rest of the world refer to all your movies as Porn)

your hair styles, (HA HA HA HA)

your food habits, (comments blocked due to racial content)

your drinking habits, (Vijay Mallya is not complaining is he?)

your homes, (comments blocked due to racial content)

your clothes, (comments blocked due to adult content)

your women, (comments blocked due to adult content)

your men, (comments blocked due to racial content)

your education system, (comments blocked due to racial content)

your roads,

everything else. I am also sure that you guys will look at this with a decent sense of humor and laugh it out. Its just that its against my conscience to discuss you guys more. If you still think you need to break the shit out of me, please go ahead, find me and kill me.

Absolutely no hard feelings. Nothing is personal :)

Cheers

My take on MTV Roadies:

MTV Roadies is this reality show which has survived the "reality tv" craze which has kinda gone out of hand these days. The reality shows I mean. There are shows for every damn thing man. Its totally crazy. Singing, dancing, stand up comedy, reality love, reality breakups, reality this, reality that and a whole lot of reality crap. Thank god, for the past 3 years, I didn’t have access to a television. But the past week has since my new TV has come in has been loaded with "reality tv" for me. Not because I am kicked about reality shows. Its just that prime time television seems to have nothing else to show us.
I caught myself watching the auditions of the latest edition of MTV Roadies sometime. Nice entertainment after a hard days work would be my first take on the show. Loads of hot chicks, rocking hip cool guys with most of them having a pea for a brain. But the point is, what is the point of the show? What is the point of the auditions they conduct? What the FUCK are the looking for? Character? Attitude? Looks? The kind of things they make the participants do, just the conversations are both demeaning and absolutely non sense. What can you judge a person on any scale per say if you are asking the person to use all the bad words known? Or how the fuck does it matter if one is by-sexual or by-curious? What’s that got to do with a competition which involves dramatic "cheating" and vague physical events? And the people who are involved with the judgment process, what the fuck are they good at in anyway?
Nikhil is pretty acceptable. Thanks dude, for playing second fiddle to that freak friend of yours. And thank you for keeping your comments low. Nam bangaloor hudga maga neenu... hesru ulsiddya... But the other freak is insane. He totally has lost it in life. He seems like a guy who is going thro a domestic problem. His wife seems to be beating him up every morning before he leaves to work. He seems to be so depressed in life that he comes and tries to take every participants case. And dude, your looks... the bald shining head and your goatee, if you think that’s cool, you are sadly mistaken... Infact you are totally SAD!!!! Get a life man. YOU need a psychologist, not the ones on your show you keep advising.
Oh! by the way, I happened to come across a blog written by one of the former "Roadies" as she calls herself. Look at the content. Look at the presentation. If THIS is what it takes to become a freakin Roadie, each one of you can come and kiss my ARSE!!!!

The End of an Era

Era is defined as a period of time marked by distinctive character, events, etc. So I am not too sure if "The end of an Era" is a suitable title for the blog. However, considering my life on a plate, it pretty much is the end of a period marked by distinctive character and events and etc ofcourse.

Sudhir Kumar Srinivasan is heading to the United States. Finally, I must add.

Sudhir Kumar Srinivasan known to people by more popular names. Most people call him Ski. My first memory of a conversation with this psycho was sometime in my first year. I had used some kannada slang to abuse him. He had freaked out. He had promised to get me killed that evening. That didnt happen I must admit. Its been 4 years of enigneering life and 3 years of staying together. I could go on writing paragraph after paragraph about this depressing soul; making it sound like an obituary. As a difference, I am going to put down a few words/phrases in his memory.
1. Gedde/Pappu/Ganda/Uncle/Gaandu/Yadav
2. Drunk menace
3. Spiritually Lost
4. Cheers Macha
5. Basically....
6. YD 125 - The Next Generation bike
7. Looooo
8. Mentalesh
9. Sri Sri Sri Sri....
10. Pal pal dil ke paaas
11. Bet adona??
12. Meow!!!
13. dv/dx
14. Yenne bitte!!!
15. Lo ond puff kodo...
16. CUTTTT agatte maga
17. Natural born sex maniac - Anything that moves; or not
18. underscore underscore
19. NASA (North American Sankathi Association)

All the best dude. Cheers. Take care madi... Love ya